Trigger topic - Suicide

Darkness descended throughout the city of Yokohama embracing it in an unsettling shadow. Filling every gap of light above depriving everyone of liberty. Rain fired like bullets piercing the layer of spring. Weather could be portrayed in various ways to people, but to Chuuya it was a sign that he was alive. When the rain touched his eyelids blinding him of his sight, it reminded him of the day he joined the port mafia.

Flashback 

It was late spring. Homeless and abandoned by all things living. Sleeping outside wasn't the worst, it was the weather.Most of the time it would just downpour; causing the littlest of things problems.Under a bridge was home. Clothing would be drenched every morning due to being moved during the night from taking other people's sleeping spots.Sometimes rising to an aching body, not remembering what had happened.

Intractable memories were projecting images like a cinema giving him the reminder that he had forgotten of being drugged and violated multiple times last night.The images would start in his dreams eventually chasing him into a nightmare.When he woke up, he would impetuously roll away because that was the only thing he was good at.Returning to the same cycle of running and then tripping. 

" Is this what I get for the choices I have made ?". 

"God, forgive me for everything." He normally wasn't a believer in God but this was the only chance to believe in hope. This hope people are always talking about.

Chuuya got out alive but with scars, he could never forget. Rolling was put on hold.Something good had come out of this.The mafia had saved his life and made him want something to live for. Maybe not in a moral way, But it was better than before. He had put his full faith into God, begging him to be rescued and this time he had heard his prayers.Happiness was something he could feel this time without feeling guilty. Especially now that Dazai was gone.

" Dazai". Chuuya was perplexed as to why that forbidden name fell out his mouth. 

" Why am I thinking about that bandage-wasting device". Continuing to be besieged by his thoughts as he thought deeper about Dazai. 

" Fuck that; I need a drink." Chuuya got up from his desk while tripping over his legs trying to run away from the commotion the thoughts about Dazai caused.He grabbed his hat and jacket; storming out the front door in a fit of pique.

Stars shined silver. Twinkling away, whispering compliments at the sky. The rain had finally cleared up. Park benches stained with the aftermath of the rain.He reached the bar, it took him an extra 20 minutes due to a number of puddles, trying not to get his new boots wet.

  " Dazai, why am I thinking about him again". The angry hatrack wore an irritated expression; he stormed into the lively bar demanding a red wine. 

"Can I have a red wine please ". He requested.

 Chuuya loved bars, the bustling atmosphere loosened him especially when he had a hard day at work.He figured that if appeared irritated and pissed off all the time then people wouldn't bother him. But today wasn't the case, a group of middle-aged men continually glared his way. Making the redhead feel anxious.

" Excuse me, could you stop gawking at me please, I know that I am a beautiful sight but could you stop".  Chuuya announced. 

The group of men chuckled and whispered something amongst themselves. So Chuuya chose to eavesdrop on their conversation. They said something along the lines of " Play with him".He understood what it meant, in the past, he had regularly been played by Dazai so what was different about this. 

The men took Chuuya's response as an invitation to come over and talk to him." I am sorry, you just look so inviting; are you sure that you're a man". The tall coal-haired man snickers. The redhead's jaw dropped.

Chuuya knew that was feminine-looking, but this guy was just .... fucking around. Chuuya was growing restless, so why not fuck around too."Of course. Do you want me to show you? ". Chuuya erotically whispered in the awestruck man's ear provoking him to flinch back.The men following him shatter the bar's ambience with laughter, one of them dropping to the ground.

"What". The redhead stares unamused. 

The tall coal-haired man shifted to Chuuya saturated with anger and violence." That is fucking disgusting, stay away from me you freak". He forced Chuuya to the ground, knocking his glass of ruby wine out of his hand and shattering to the ground. 

Chuuya could hear gagging noises behind him, ringing through his ears. The word " freak" startled the redhead, he had never had this reaction from someone before.

Freak was one of many insults that he had been called. The redhead was a lot tougher now, this wasn't the past anymore. He wanted to quit focusing on the past and maybe this was the right time to let go.

His knuckles cracked, Chuuya marched up to the person that had called him a freak. Smashing his glass of wine on his head, causing the man to stumble face first, producing a crack as it hit the bar counter. 

" Get on your knees and beg for mercy". Chuuya callously shouts. Recurring cracks could be heard as the angry hat rack just repeatedly booted the weak man.

" You still awake, are you mocking me". 

More kicks and blood splatters later, the man slipped in and out of consciousness due to the head trauma Chuuya had prompted. Feeling proud of himself, Chuuya strolled out of the bar grinning at the men that had caused all the trouble.He was small but very powerful.

Sirens screamed in the background.The wind howled as it grabbed Chuuya with its claws, holding him tight until the police arrived. He stumbling along the streets swaying side to side just wanting to go to sleep.

" How much fucking further ".

 Little did he know that he was going the wrong way, the direction of Dazai's old apartment. Blood trickled down his ghostly arms, continuing its path along his wrist, finally reaching his middle finger. 

" Fuck". He realised the blood that had stained his $60 shirt not to mention the glass shard protruding out of his wounded hand. But he simply didn't care. Instead of trying to clean his injured hand he took a lengthy sip of wine; sighing in the process. 

Thoughts about Dazai came circling again. " Ah just fuck off ". Smashing the bottle against the ground.

Chuuya's mind flashes back on something. Something lost and forgotten about, never to be reminisced about. Chuuya had remembered a kiss, he and Dazai shared a while ago.About 4 years to be precise.Dazai was the one kissed him first. If Chuuya had pulled away and slapped him then this memory would have been abandoned ages ago but the fact he didn't, it would linger longer; a lot longer. 

Tears began to form in his sapphire eyes. Dripping one by one, like the tears were trying to savour the pain to make it last longer.

"Dazai Dazai, Dazai where are you". Chuuya said while wiping his tears. 

" DDDDDDDDDDD-AAAAAAAA-AAZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIII !!!!". Chuuya shouted at the top of his voice. 

"I need you".

 Dazai's P.O.V

Dazai was still looking for Chuuya for the past two days.Searching in alleys, fields; anywhere a person could go. He knew he was going around in circles looking for the hatrack, but he didn't want to give up just yet. Dazai went in Chuuya's favourite bar. Usually, the slug would be here, lounging around, drunk.

 Looking around the bar stools, he inspected each chair, seeing if he could smell a sign of Chuuya's perfume, Chanel no 5. Dazai noticed the atmosphere seems awkward. He moved up to the bartender asks him if he had seen an aggressive, small redhead. Dazai knew the bartender personally so he knew he could ask him about anything.

" Oh him, yes I had to kick him out of the bar for starting a fight". The bartender replied trying to keep some distance between him and Dazai.

" What! When what time was this". Dazai looked deeply into the bartender's eyes.The bartender sighed " Erm - about 30 minutes ago, he headed south of the bar, it seemed that he was heading toward the park". Dazai's eyes lit up, trying not to cry with happiness. He was gonna find Chuuya. A small thank you could be heard before he headed towards the door of the bar.

At least another 30 mins were spent looking for the hat rack. It had been an hour since Chuuya was last seen ." Where could that hatrack be ". Dazai thought to himself.

" DDDDDDDDDDD-AAAAAAAA-AAZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIII !!!!". He heard his name echoing in the distance, at first he thought it was some woman he had abandoned before looking for Chuuya. 

As he continued looking for Chuuya, he froze to looking up at the sky " Why does that sound like Chuuya's voice ". It happened another 2 times before he had fully made up his mind that it was Chuuya's voice. 

Dazai ran towards the direction it was coming from.It led him into a park full of trees and benches. Inspecting each bench, looking for the littlest of evidence that Chuuya had been there. If only he had a sniff dog that could track his horrible taste in perfume.Most of the time the park was full of drunks, throwing up in the tiered topiary, sleeping on the moss-covered benches - a drunkard's paradise, a perfect place to find Chuuya.

Dazai came to the last bench and on it was an angry, small redhead unconscious. " Chuuyaaa ~ ♥ wake up sleeping beauty." Dazai began jabbing the man's pale cheeks. 

" Huh usually, he would have woken up by now". He muttered confused before noticing a smashed wine bottle.

He tried moving his hat. No movement. Taking his shoes off. Still nothing.

" How much did you drink Chuuya? ".

An idea popped into Dazai mind, not suicide this time but instead, he was thinking about taking Chuuya to his apartment.

" Well, he is not awake to say no". Dazai said to himself. 

The bandage freak picked up the chibi carrying him on his back. Chuuya wrapped his arms around Dazai's throat nearly asphyxiating, stripping him of oxygen "Chu-uya, I act-ually do-n't wann-a d-ie th-is t-ime so ple-ase sto-p". Chuuya eventually let go causing Dazai to fall to his knees. He breathed heavily, trying to breathe a lot more oxygen just in case it happened again.Dazai struggled. Chuuya wasn't even heavy. He was just happy that he had found the hat rack. Not to mention half dead due to the problem before.

After falling of Dazai's back hundreds of times and more choking, they finally made it to the apartment. He decided he will never be carrying Chuuya on his back ever again.Dazai collapsed on the couch while staring at the hatrack's sleeping face.He could stare at him for hours, sleep or wake. Of course, Chuuya wouldn't let him, but dreaming can't hurt. 

The bandaged man walked over to the sleeping body and picked him up bridal style. " Hey Chibi, I always wanted to do this, maybe in the future?".Dazai whispered into the ginger's ears. Chuuya was sensitive when it came to his ear which resulted in a slap across Dazai's face.

Dazai was conscious over Chuuya, checking many times to see if he is still breathing.

He listened to Chuuya's breathing, and all he could smell was alcohol." Ah, so you have been drinking, I could actually do with some myself ". Dazai muttered to himself.

Cleaning up the drunk man which came with more slaps and strangles. Dazai enjoyed it.

"If I have to be in pain to be closer to you Chuuya, I would happily endure it ". Dazai smiled. 

He cleaned up the drunk man, changing him from his wine infused clothing.By the time Dazai was done it was nearly midnight. Chuuya still hadn't woken up.The bandage freak began to remember the image he had of Chuuya's betrayal between the Port Mafia.

" I saw your death Chuuya, it wasn't pretty." I was hoping that we would commit double suicide together".

" Anyway, I have to change all this somehow, but we will get through this together". Dazai gripped Chuuya hand hard, never wanting to let go. 

Nearly falling over, the tall man got up from where he was kneeling to get the bed ready for Chuuya.

 He unrolled the covers from the bed, placing the sleeping redhead on the cloud like a pillow. Place his hair side by side, meeting equal length on each side.Dazai wrapped Chuuya's hair around his finger.Causing it to tangle and knot in clumps.

"Oops, I guess he will have to brush it out in the morning or even cut out". 

He moves away from the red head's side and looks for somewhere to sleep. Finding an oversized leather chair in the corner of the bedroom.He took a seat in the leather chair, and with a creak, Dazai draped his sandy trench coat over the back of the chair. The bandage freak huffed as he delicately rested his hand on his face, analysing each and every curve of Chuuya's face.Eyes were growing heavy as Dazai fell into a deep slumber.

Midnight had struck.The clock tower chimed obnoxiously, waking up the birds that had just finally settled their children to sleep.Chuuya twisted and turned in the bed sheets, legs dangling over the edge of the bed.

 Chuuya's P.O.V

" Dazai where are you ". Chuuya shouted echoing through the apartment.

The redhead looked at the clock which displayed 15:00. They were gonna be late. Water could be heard running.

" What the fuck are you doing bandage-wasting device". Chuuya spat as he spotted water running under the bathroom door. He walked up to the bathroom door twisting the door handle.

" Dazai, let me in ". No answer. "LET ME THE FUCK IN ". Chuuya started kicking at the door, panicking at the fact that Dazai might have hurt himself.

" Please Dazai, open the door ". 

More and more water hit the bathroom floor. He didn't care about getting his clothes wet, he just wanted to get to Dazai in time.

" Okay, Dazai hangs in there, one more big hit then I am in".Chuuya said while tears were streaming. He looked up at the ceiling praying that Dazai is fine. 

" When I get in there I hope this it's just some evil prank to make me worry about you. Chuuya laughed while clutching on to hope.

BANG !!!. He kicked the door causing it to slam against the wall. The redhead screamed. " No ! Dazai ". 

Dazai's face was in the water, floating with no movement. No legs or arm movement.Chuuya tried to drag him out the water, hitting the floor with a slam.

 Pills were scatted all over the bathroom, blood dripping from the sink. His wrist had been slashed running all the way his arm.Red lines along the beautiful canvas called Dazai, Chuuya couldn't look but he did anyway. He wanted to throw up but he had to worry about Dazai first.

Blood dripped all of Chuuya's clothes, dying his shirt red.The shirt was beyond saving and so was Dazai.The thought of that paralysed Chuuya knowing he couldn't do anything that just sitting cradling Dazai's lifeless body. 

" Don't go, I can't do this on my own ".Chuuya said repeating each word over and over again until he couldn't talk anymore due to tears.All he could do was stare at Dazai's inanimate face. All colour had been drained from him including his personality.

" Don't leave, I need you so much". Chuuya hugged Dazai light body in his arms, snuggling his head in Dazai neck.

There was no warmth, just the water dripping off Dazai's body.There was a knock at the door but Chuuya didn't want to leave Dazai to get it. 

The bathroom door opened.It was the paramedics he had called before. " Are you Chuuya Nakahara ". He glanced at the paramedics with teary eyes. 

" Yes, I am". Chuuya responded with a soft tone while looking at Dazai face. 

" I am so sorry for your loss but we need to check him, is that okay ?". The female paramedic stated. He stared at them with big eyes. Chuuya knew he had to give them Dazai.

"Dazai, I love you so much".He kissed Dazai on the forehead, letting last for linger a while.The redhead started to crying as Dazai didn't react at all to his kiss. If he was alive Dazai would tease him about it till he died. But this time he wouldn't. 

Chuuya gave the body to the female paramedic.She checks his pulse and heartbeat.She looked at the male paramedic and nodded.Chuuya knew what this meant. Dazai was officially pronounced dead.

Name: Dazai Osamu

Age: 22

Estimated time of death: 15:15 pm

Cause: Suicide

Pronounced dead at 15:45 pm

The male paramedic picked up lifeless Dazai's carrying it towards the bathroom door. " Are you gonna be alright Chuuya?" .The female paramedic said with a worried expression. 

" I will be fine, don't worry about me".The redhead said with a small smile.

 One of the paramedics took Dazai's body, while the other one went up to Chuuya and hugged him. She took her leave, waving back at Chuuya. They left. Chuuya didn't know what to do. 

"Dazai, you left me again". He dropped to the ground and curled into a ball

DAZZZZZZZAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!

The redhead wakes up, Dripping with sweat, hysterically screaming " DAZZZZZZZAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!". 

Dazai immediately woke up from his deep slumber "Chibi what is wrong ". 

Chuuya stopped screaming. " What the fuck Shitty Dazai, why are you in my apartment".He spat noticing his hair was in knots.

"This is actually my apartment plus you were drunk and unconscious ". Chuuya interrupted  "But that doesn't mean take me to your apartment asshole".

"But Chuuyaaa, I couldn't just leave you there". Dazai spoke while inspecting the sweat running down Chuuya face." Chuuyaaa, did you have a sexy dream about me because you were screaming my name ". Dazai smirked while crawling up to Chuuya face.

" You're too close bastard".Pushing Dazai away. 

" I had a dream about you, unfortunately, in which you successful killed yourself in". Chuuya said while wearing a joker's smile. 

" and Chuuya was you crying in that dream". Chuuya smile dropped immediately, going back to his usual angry expression. 

"What of course not why would I, I hate you asshole ". The bandaged freak knew this wasn't true." Chuuya I need to talk to you about something really important". Dazai stated in a serious tone. " What is it mackerel."

Mackerel explained his "vision" about to Chuuya about him. Chuuya wasn't happy about it. " Why the fuck would I betray the Mafia that would be asking for a death wish, I am not you Dazai ". "Chuuya I need you to come with me, leave the mafia now, I will protect you". Dazai didn't want to let him know that he had seen Chuuya's death because that would make him paranoid. The Hatrack had enough talk from Dazai whether or not to trust him, he ran straight to the bathroom door without looking back.

" Chuuya where are you". Dazai said with a confused look. The bathroom door slammed.

 Dazai ran toward the bathroom door, trying to lockpick the door but it didn't work because Chuuya was sat in front of it.

" CHUUYA ! open this door now please".

" Why would I listen to you".

" Chuuya please don't do anything stupid".

" Stupid haha, you wanting me to leave the mafia is stupid." Chuuya didn't want to listen to any bullshit, he covered his ears like a child refusing to listen to anything they didn't want to listen.

" Chuuya, I am gonna be really honest, will you? .I saw you die by Mori's hands, so if you don't leave now, you might die sometime in the future. It could be next week, next year or even in 10 years so please listen to me".

Chuuya opened the bathroom door a little bit. Dazai walked in inspecting everything from the shampoo bottles to every strand of hair Chuuya has.

" Chuuya, what did you do ".  Dazai said while inspecting Chuuya arms." You're just being paranoid shitty Dazai, I am stronger that". Chuuya said reassuring Dazai.The bandage freak suddenly hugged Chuuya, he didn't want let him go ever again." Get off me asshole".Chuuya began thrashing around, so Dazai clung on harder.

He was scared of the future more about the redheads more than his own. He never worried about the redhead in the past. But this time was different. " So will you leave the mafia, of course, I will help you". Dazai wore a friendly smile while Chuuya wore an angry expression

" Remember you left me, so you have no right to tell me what is best for me ".

☞Notes ☜

I just realised I posted the wrong chapter oops. So here is the actual chapter I was meant to post.