It's funny how the one thing that you grew up loving, thinking about constantly, the one thing you used to look forward to can swiftly become the one thing you want to avoid
I want to go, I want to be with my friends, have the summer we'll never forget before we all get too busy for each other
But I know going means that I'll have to spend the entire 3 months with him
And right now that's the last thing I want to stomach

"Cars already to go and your stuff is on it too!" Michelle said slumping down on the sofa next to me
After listening to me um and I about it for weeks, Michelle took it upon herself to pack my bags (With my guidance) and put them into her car in the hope it would be enough to drag me along

"We need to get your out of this slump Riles, it isn't healthy" She said shaking my leg making me sigh looking down at my hands

She doesn't know, none of the gang know..
I was stupid to think that this would be a good idea. The moment he mentioned keeping it a secret I should have known that something would have gone wrong, this was doomed from the beginning
But there always something about him that pulled me in, made me vulnerable for him. He could knock down all of my walls without flinching
And the scary thing is.. I think he might still have that sort of pull against me

"The boys are probably already there come one Rileyyyy" She pleaded
"Don't leave me alone with the boys all summer please" she said making me roll my eyes
"We've known the boys since you we were in nappies Michelle, I'm sure a summer alone with them wouldn't change anything" I said but she glared
"Regardless, let's go" She said pulling me off of the sofa
"I don't know I just-" I said but she shook her head

"If you could give me a solid reason why you can't go, I'll drop it" She suggested
I could list a ton
I don't want to spend the summer with my Ex
I don't want to be in the house where all of our relationship was hidden
I don't want to see him
I don't want to be near him
I don't want him to break my heart again

"I can't" I muttered knowing I couldn't tell her any of that
"Then let's get this show on the road!" She cheered pulling me out of the house and practically pushing me into the car

--

The closer we got to the cabin the faster my heart was having to work to keep my breathing normally
I can remember the last time I was here, I think I can easily say that it was the happiest I'd ever been
But that soon came crashing down the moment he dropped me home
It'll all came to an end and I didn't see it coming

"Dang it Riley, I told you they would beat us there" Michelle groaned as we pulled up to all 4 boys sat dotted around the front porch of the cabin
Why they weren't inside is beyond me
I guess we're facing our demons sooner rather then later

As soon as we had pulled onto the gravel, all of their attention had shifted to us. Most of them greeting us with smiles
The moment my eyes locked onto his, the smile I expected to see was surely missing
He looked broken, just as broken as I was.. Is it wrong to be slightly happy about that...

"What time do you ladies call this!" Hunter called the moment we got out of the car
"It took Riley a little more persuasion then usual" Michelle groaned taking a seat next to Hunter while I sat next to West on the wall opposite them
"you didn't want to come Riles?" Eldon asked
"Not that I didn't want to, I just wasn't feeling up to it I guess" I shrugged before feeling West arm wrap around my shoulder pulling me into a side hug
"Well we are all glad you are here" He said

I wish that was true more then anything
But I could name someone who would wish I wasn't..

"Are we ready for the best summer yet?" Michelle gleamed making me roll my eyes
"All year you have been playing it like this is going to be our last summer here M" I reminded her
"It might be, considering I had to drag you" She said
"Nah it won't, we'll come home from college every year and come here. I thought the deal was that one day we'd start a summer tradition and bring our kids and families here" Hunter suggested making me nod towards Michelle she smiled instantly

"That sounds like the best plan" She sighed contently sitting back into the bench with Hunter's arm placed around the back of the bench

It didn't take long for everyone to drift off to their own conversation, my gaze drifting to all of them but the moment I look at him he's already looking at me with the same look of regret he had the moment I slammed his car door shut
The same ounce of worry that we can't come back from this
I don't think we can, I wish we could

"Any major life updates?" Michelle asked kicking her feet up onto the bench pulling them close to herself
"James got a girlf-" Eldon started before James elbowed him into the ribs
"Shut up" He warned
"Oh Jamesyyy you got a girlfriend?" Michelle beamed walking over to him jumping up and down in front of him like a toddler looking to be picked up

"not up, they broke up what just over a month or so ago?" West asked making Michelle shoot me a look before looking back at James
"But we managed to screenshots he posted before he deleted them" Hunter laughed taking out his phone handing it to Michelle who came and sat next to me showing me photos I can't help but remember instantly

"The idiot posted those while he was drinking after their break up. Giving us the perfect ammo to use against him later" Hunter said making me look over to James who's expression was nothing short of at breaking point
"Guys quit it" West said as Michelle handed Hunter back to phone walking over to James instantly giving him a hug that he didn't return
"I'm sorry James" I heard Michelle whisper but James gaze was locked on mine

"Trust me Michelle, you wouldn't be saying that or hugging me if you knew that happened" he sighed