1981

The sky was dark but the streets of Copacabana were lit up, alive and thriving with people. A black car, its windows tinted and tightly rolled up, was laying low close by along a road where women in short skirts littered the street. 

From the back seat, a man looked nervously around, scanning the faces of every woman that passed by and then, convinced that he had possibly found what he was looking for, he wound the window down and poked his head out.

"Excuse me." he called out softly and a woman whipped her head around. He'd quickly ducked back when he didn't recognise her and the man in the front seat cracked up having watched his embarrassed action through the rear view.

He tried not to be seen but it was too late, the woman was fast approaching and the closer she got to the car the more he felt his heart begin to thud.

"Oooh gatinho...will you buy me a drink?" She asked light-heartedly. He bit his lip, forced to reply.

"H-Hello...what's your name?" he asked.

"Emannuella." She said smiling widely which may have been pleasant except some of her teeth appeared to be missing which was a shame considering she was young.

"That's a nice name..." Michael responded awkwardly. "Well I just wanted to ask...um...do you know this girl?" he lifted the creased polaroid on his lap and slowly the girl's expression switched from one of flirtation to one of confusion until it soon portrayed offence.

"No sorry." she said already shaking her head and pulling back from the car.

"Oh." He said but she was already turning away from him and returned to her friend who had been waiting for her, the both of them walking away. "Sorry to have disturbed you..." he muttered defeatedly to himself.

"Boss, we've been out here all night, this is like looking for a needle in a haystack." Samuel said from the drivers seat, Michael sighed.

"I know but...w-what did they say at the store?" he asked and Samuel looked up at him through the rear view.

"They said they've never seen her." Michael chewed his lip as his eyes scanned the people outside. He sighed, on the brink of calling an end to another day of searching.

He placed his hand on the window about to wind it up again when someone else caught his attention. In a blind flash of urgency he sat up and leaned toward the gap in the open window.

"Hello, excuse me?" He called out of the window and a lady diverted off her course toward him flashing him a beautiful smile as she approached.

"Hola!" She said and he couldn't help but smile back. Now this girl really was attractive, and it threw him off a little.

"Hi, how you doin? Wow you're very stunning..." he said through his discomfort, unable to hide the truth resting on the tip of his tongue. He received an odd and blatantly amused look from his driver but he powered on regardless, hoping his flattery would yield a better result.

"Thank you." She giggled in a husky and lustful voice. He leaned back slightly feeling heat climbing up his neck.

"Yeah um...see I was just wandering if you maybe knew who this girl is?" he asked quickly and she actively glanced at the photo peering closely at it. Then just when he thought it might click she shook her head from side to side.

"No sorry, I don't know her." She said. "Is she your girlfriend?" she pried teasingly and he chuckled nervously as a response.

"Oh, no. Just...just somebody that I'm looking for."

"You're American?" she had asked and he'd nodded slow and very hesitantly.

"Mmm...yeah..." he glanced nervously down at the lock in the far corner of the car door and felt slightly more relieved to discover it was indeed firmly locked. She eyed him for a moment and he could feel her analysing him then in a split second she spoke again.

"I don't know her, but maybe Fabien knows her."

"Oh...uh...no that's okay-"

Before he could stop her and she quickly turned to a menacing looking man with a pony tail and thick black shades covering his eyes.

"Fabien!" she yelled loudly out to him and the driver suddenly stiffened as did Michael while they waited for the man to approach. He came up to the door and he and the girl immediately went back and forth in Portuguese in what looked like a somewhat heated discussion. 

Then he leaned in through the window, snatching the three photos out of Michael's hand aggressively and wordlessly. He took a good look through them and then peered piercingly back at Michael, then toward the driver. Michael felt a chill go down his spine.

"American?" he asked, glaring closely between Michael and the driver. Similarly, Michael gazed from the lady to him.

"Yeah..." he said unable to lie now. The man nodded taking a stick out of his mouth and then bent low throwing two of the photos back inside and keeping one for himself. The small polaroid's bounced off the opposing car door and landed somewhere on the ground under the back seat.

He then patted the side of the car. "You should go back to your hotel." He finally said looking off somewhere to his left. "We don't like investigators. We do bad things to them." He finally said and stepped back from the car.

They soon heard the rev of a motor bike behind them, and as Michael glanced through the rear view mirror he saw Fabien approach the cyclist who was parked a short distance behind their car. Fabien began speaking to the stealthy rider through the large helmet that was placed on his head in a secretive and hushed manner and handed him the photo.

"Uh-oh, looks like it's time for us to go." The driver said.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." Michael said worriedly and they pulled off. The cyclist, however, quickly rode up and tailgated them. He followed them a short way, pulling all the way up beside them, bending low and trying to see in through the back-seat window. Michael took a deep breath in and leaned back anxiously. The cyclist then started banging on the window with a rough fist as they neared some traffic lights that had just turned green.

"Stay calm." Sam had advised, peering over his shoulder at the now cursing angry rider himself. As they finally began to pick up speed they heard a loud and long scrape against the body of the black rental car. Samuel cursed just as they pulled off around the corner, leaving the cyclist to turn in a circle.

**

But if this ever changin' world

In which we live in

Makes you give in and cry

Say live and let die

Music blared out of the radio as Andrew's head bobbed comically back and forth.

It may not have been the fact that his eyes were so wide and wild, or even his long brown hair that draped either side of his face like curtains and moved with him, as much as the fact that he was completely naked from head to toe why his performance evoked a tiny smile from Lia as she lay across the hotel bed and watched him. He spun around and sucked smoke in through his cigarette.

"Now I know you must have heard this one." He chattered gleefully in his Australian twang and waved his cigarette between his fingers as if conducting an entire orchestra. Lia giggle again and her eyes scanned his body from head to toe before she slowly shook her head. He rolled his eyes and stopped the record instantly, stabbing his cigarette out.

"Good god, you need to get out more girl." He told her and went through the open door into the kitchen and dining area of the room. She could see him as he bent down low to his brief case next to the sofa. She eyed him peculiarly through the gap until he arose clutching a clanking tin box. "You want to see something cool?" he shook the box playfully. He walked back toward her finally diving onto the bed and took another puff of his cigarette. Lia sat up and got comfortable as he lay beside her and unfastened the box.

When he opened the lid dozens of round badge pins appeared, sliding over each other with each and every movement.

"It's my little treasure chest." He said dipping his hand in then sprinkling the pins back into the box again. Then he shook the box firmly and pushed the tin toward Lia. "Pick any one and I'll tell you a story about them." He said. Lia curiously dipped her hand into the tin and picked out a random round badge. She felt the smooth material of it in her hands before flipping it over to reveal the picture.

"The Rolling Stones, that's easy." He said taking the badge from her. "One day a group of brits decide it might be a great idea to go out and tour West London, spreading their signature sound a little like the Chicago Blues, to the screaming adulation of teenage fans..." he said. Lia glanced at him with a raised brow. "Well, not at first. The screaming fans came later on of course." He said and tossed the badge back into the tin shaking it again. He turned it toward Lia. She again picked up a small circle rubbing her thumb over the printed picture of the duo.

"What are the chances! Daryl Hall & John Oates." he quickly rolled onto his stomach and began to crawl dramatically along the large double bed like a tiger.

"She'll only come out at night! The lean and hungry type...nothing is new I've seen her here before." He began singing as he eyed her seductively. She had come to know of his playful personality over the past few months when he travelled back and forth from Australia. His love of play surpassed only by his deep and often passionately displayed affection for music. "Watching and waiting, she's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door." He finally rolled onto his back and sang at the top of his lungs, pausing for a moment before he sprung up unexpectedly with a clawed hand. "Oh-oh here she comes! Watch out for her she'll chew you up! Oh-oh here she comes! She's a man eater!" he finally finished. "Oh come on, these are classics! Especially that one, I'm going to bring it out here next time and let you listen to it, I bet it'll empower you." He winked and she raised her brow.

"A song about a girl who eats men?" he laughed loudly and freely in that magnetic way. As frank and as joyously as the time when he'd gleefully extrapolated her number from her hand the first time they'd met and he raved about the spiritual connection he felt with her.

She could not deny that it existed. It may not have been love in any normal sense of the word, but their personalities did not conflict and she knew that to experience a fraction of his happiness was to embark on a world more special than her own.

She loved to lay up into the early hours of the morning and listen to his stories about playing the guitar and working with studio artists in Australia. He was living his dream as he had described it, and planned to be doing so into old age.

He reached out and ruffled her now straight hair that was dyed black.

"Of course." He chuckled as he got up leaving her with the box and went back to rummaging in his case again. It amazed Lia to gaze down into glittering array of pins with faces and find so many artists who'd had the same idea when it came to merchandise. She stirred the box with her hand taking many out at once and flicking them over.

Weird names like The Beatles, and Hush and Earth Wind and Fire. It made her think, if she was in a band what might she have called herself?

The Runaway from Rio seemed to be the most creative name she could invent off the top of her head. She furrowed her brows disappointed at herself before dropping the pins back in again and picking another turning the artwork over.

No Jorge Ben anywhere.

She though absently to herself.

Her eyes arose when she saw Andrew lift a straw from his bag and in the distance she saw him bend low to the arm of the sofa and heard the quick sharp intake of breath that he emitted. He paused where he was and she could see the way that he squeezed his nose in that awful way that always made her believe that he'd hurt himself. The way that she'd seen many people do throughout her lifetime.

He stopped there a moment before slowly arising to his feet again flexing his shoulders back and tossing his head from left to right.

He had asked her more than once before to share in his temporary state of nirvana and yet she had maintained enough willpower to refuse, stating that to give herself to that drug would be to give the devil the last remaining piece of her soul. He hadn't pushed it again after that.

Andrew proceeded to get dressed and Lia took it as a cue for her to begin to get ready also. She saw her bra dangling from a chair in the corner of the room and she stretched over to it. She jumped when her heard a loud clatter and the ground was suddenly surrounded by pins.

"Uh-oh." Andrew called through the partition. "I better not come in and see any of my precious pins on the floor." He sang. Lia bit her lip anxiously and quickly descended onto the ground to scoop up his precious collection. Through the partition Andrew swooped in throwing his hands out the side.

"What gives Lee?" he asked her and she felt her panic melt, remembering that he was never physically aggressive with her.

"I am so sorry, it slipped off."

"Oh did it." He said distractedly as he went on to wrap his watch around his arm. "Now where have I heard that before..."

"Andrew!" Lia suddenly shrieked her eyes wide like orbs.

"For Christ sake what is it?" he stepped over to her, his heavy boots thudding on the carpeted ground.

"Where did you get this?" she asked hurrying to her feet again and stepping nearer to him to show him the flat image on the pin. He peered at it.

"That's Off The Wall." He said wagged a knowledgeable finger and her eyes followed him over to the dresser where he pulled more rings onto his fingers, very particular about the order as he went.

"Off the wall..." she echoed his words.

"Yeah, the disco album. That's Michael Jackson." He said and Lia felt her stomach twist, stuffing itself with butterflies. "Please tell me you at least know who the Jackson 5 are?" He asked with real concern now but she proudly nodded and he gave a grand sigh of relief. "Good. Now put them back in the box, I have a performance to practise for." He said and Lia hurried to pack the rest of the pins away, still holding the one she'd found in the palm of her hand while she quickly got dressed.

"Is...he the best in the world?" she had asked and Andrew had side eyed her.

"Who? Michael Jackson? Far from it. My nana and her cat will probably make it to the top of the charts before he does, but I will say one thing, he makes a fabulous disco album." He said finally reaching up to do the chain around his neck.

Lia held the pin tightly in her hand and close to her chest before she turned to look at him again.

"Can...can I keep this one?" she asked and he'd turned to her, his smile falling slightly.

"Look darlin', you know I have a soft spot for you're pushing it now. Put it back." He spoke sternly to her and she grew sad but did as she was told. Then he slowly approached her cupping her chin. "You're a beautiful girl, did you know that?" he asked her and she met his eyes before gradually looking away.

Then without another word she went to retrieve her shoes, pulling them on quickly and then tying her straight hair back with the band on her wrist. When she turned to face him again, he was holding the pin out to her between his fingers. Her eyes instantly lit up.

"Go on, you know I don't just have a soft spot for you because you're well behaved." He rolled his eyes and she ran up taking the pin from him.

"Thank you!" she hugged him and he grew rigid in her arms, probably finding her impromptu display of affection awkward to receive. When she stepped back from him, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a stack of money counting it out.

"Now, will you come back on Thursday?" he asked and she nodded with assurance. "Good. I want to see you again, once more before I leave. I might not be back in Brazil for some time after that, I'm going to be doing a lot of work in Norway, but I should be back in April." He said and finally met her eyes again. "...and by then I hope you'll still be here to meet me when I come back." He finished hopefully and she smiled at him.

He cuffed her chin playfully once again and sighed. "You really are such a beauty Lia. If you had been born anywhere else you'd have been a movie star. Goodbye darling"

They had been his last departing words to her.

When she returned to the hotel on Thursday he was already being wheeled past her into an ambulance, his body encased in a sterile white body bag.

He had taken too much of his beloved drug and it had ended up killing him before he turned 35.

Lia had simply left.

As shocking as his sudden death was, as close as she had grown to him and as much as she had confided in him over the years, nothing was more shocking to her than the fact that she did not feel anything at all once she'd learned of his passing.

Even despite her certainty that she'd never find another client as kind or courteous as him.

**

Every so often the door of her tiny apartment would hammer against its hinges and she would crouch under the table. Looking out at the shadows of feet moving under the door as the light in the hallway bled under, she would always try to decipher who it was that had come knocking.

"Marcia!" was often the name that followed on the air, uttered by one of the women from the block near her home.

If she felt like talking to them she would invite them in and they would paint their nails at her table and tell stories of the men they'd been with much like herself. But if in that moment she preferred to be alone, then she often would leave the lights off and smoke herself into oblivion in bed alone.

Often staring at the barren ceiling. Wishing that she had managed to save and bring with her in her escape years ago her beloved poster of Jorge Ben and the Jackson 5.

Now though, at least, was the small pin hooked through the corner of her pillow. The tiny round image of Michael Jackson's disco album.

She'd been living on the run for years now, at least 2, and as enclosing and claustrophobic as being in hiding was, it was still in some ways much more freedom than she'd ever had, roaming Copacabana alone at age 18.

Still, she lived in a strange post traumatic fear that one day at the door, the ghosts of her old life would be standing there waiting for her. Ready to break her down and drag her back to her old life, kicking and screaming.

Some nights Gonçalo's face still hovered before her own, demanding her money, her baby, her body and then eventually her life. She'd always wake up in a cold sweat, hands trembling and smoke out of her window, looking through the grubby glass onto the trash strewn street below. The odd drug dealer would pass by, meet someone and they'd both leave as though they'd never known each other at all.

In some ways the day she met Andrew was the day her life changed for the better. He'd been the first source of steady income she needed to get her own place and to escape Gonçalo. He had kept her off of the streets and in a nice air conditioned hotel room whilst he was in Brazil.

They probably wandered what happened when she'd just up and disappeared one day and never returned. They probably never expected her to try to run again but she did and this time she succeeded. For 2 whole years she lived as Marcia, with long black straight hair and she took night classes to help get her life straight.

Then when she wasn't with Andrew, she worked a different area of Rio. A section Gonçalo nor his crew had any interest in veering into. They were still firmly trapped inside their fishbowl society, not realising that more lay beyond the usual strip of Copacabana and that they would find her far from there.

Here, she worked in more peace among other women who had their own stories of lack, loss and mistreatment. This was a way for them to sustain, and for Lia it was a way to pay the bills and stay in school and cling onto the dream of graduating one day with a degree in English. After that she might get a job as a translator and finally get her wish to move out of Rio.

Whereas at one point she would have never dared to, these days she dared to imagine a life where she would make enough money to live. Really live. Reclaim her life and be liberated. She never dared to dream that she'd ever see her son again. For who knew where he was this late in life after all these years. She instead decided to forget. Leave him behind along with her former life.

Still, she realised that Copacabana had been a nest of wealthy tourists. It was where she had met Andrew and solicited his help. It had afforded her less time spent with many strangers as opposed to one however now that Andrew was gone, she decided firmly that to go out on the street and work was far better than attempting to go back and possibly be recognised.

She got dressed and left the building of her apartment, walking on autopilot through the night toward the usual spot and saw Adriana and Evora already occupying the space. They waved Lia over frantically when they saw her coming.

"Welcome back. Stay close by." Adriana had said, smoking and turning a shifty eye over her shoulder.

"Why?" Lia asked warily suddenly getting an eery feeling.

"I recognise that car." She replied turning her head back and staring off into the distance. Lia peered over to the small black car perched on the side of the road and nervously inched around turning her back to it hiding her face. "It's been driving around here for the past week, I thought it was gone for good but now it's back."

"Who's inside?" Lia asked nervously.

"We don't know who he is but I don't trust him, every girl I have seen go up to him comes back empty handed. He won't even let them in his car."

"It is very weird that he keeps coming around here." Evora said fretfully.

"Bruna said that he was looking for someone." Adrianna said and Lia felt her body become rigid.

"Looking for who?" she said now on alert. Both Evora and Adrianna shrugged.

"Who cares, I'm not risking my life to find out. The last time a car started hanging around like that a girl got killed." Adrianna said walking with them a short way down the street.

"Marvella..." Evora echoed. Lia swallowed.

"Marvella?" she asked and Evora cast her eyes down shaking her head with an anguished expression.

"It was so sad Marcia." She began. Finally they drew to a stop a safe distance away, out of view of the shady car. "A crazy man from Vigário Geral came looking for her. She said he had beat her up after he picked her up one night and...Marcia I had never seen anything like it." Evora said. Adriana continued staring into empty space, not feeling but most certainly thinking. "He kept coming back saying he wanted to apologise to her, then one day we saw she was talking to him through the car window, and menina we had told her not to go with him! Then just like that." Evora slapped her hands together as if knocking dust from them.

Lia's eyes were wide like orbs as she looked between them. "What happened?" she asked.

"She got in his car and never got out again." Adrianna finally spoke, her piercing gaze caught Lia's and she tapped the ash from her cigarette. Silence lingered among them. Suddenly Adrianna's face broke into a smile when a horn sounded down the street.

"Ah! Papi!" she hurried off in her heels towards a vehicle and began preening. Then a moment later she had stepped inside of the car and driven away with her new favourite tourist that liked to tip her extra.

Evora raised her brows and the two of them remained quiet in the warm night air yet even despite it, Evora still trembled as she looked around.

"I don't like that those things can happen Marcia." She said to Lia. "It is my worst nightmare, to be found dumped in a trashcan like Marvella." She said and Lia saw the tearful glimmer in her eyes which she tried to disguise by looking the opposite way down the street. She had always been emotionally expressive, and it happened to be one of the qualities that drew Lia in, as she herself was often emotionally closed off and didn't exactly know how to feel things very much anymore. Not love or pain. Often times the only thing left for her to feel was fear and even that was so constant she barely noticed when she felt it anymore.

"It won't happen." She had tried to reassure a jittering Evora. "That's why we look out for each other, remember?" Lia asked with a nod. Evora gave a small smile and nodded back.

"Yes." She said and sniffed deeply. Lia looked away as they waited for tourists to come by and soon realised that she could still hear sniffing and that Evora was crying. She did not attempt to comfort her again, knowing that she could not fully assure her if she herself was uncertain.