Caira

"Please don't be late this time."

My voice echoed into the phone speaker, yet no response came. Jimin had already hung up. I knew law school wasn't easy, but Jimin had promised to come. His family missed him. I missed him.

The adoption count was up to five. Billy, Carl, Gage, Rena, and me. Mom and dad refused to stop adopting, but at least they had the decency to adopt Rena when she was older. She was twelve, which was my age when they had adopted me. She could take care of herself well enough. That gave me time to handle Gage and his nonstop stomach issues no doctor had a proper solution for.

My head hurt more than it had before; however, I knew it was because of the arcade. The flashing lights and swarms of people made me nauseous, maybe more nauseous than Gage had ever been.

The arcade was huge and had black carpeted floors with sprinkles of pink, neon green, and blue all around. It was like a party got thrown on the floor. Along with that, there were countless beeping machines and kids running around with snot all over their faces. Parents rushed after them, but there was no use.

The air was filled with laughter, chatter, and coins hitting metal. Scratching noises frazzled my mind, and my vision wobbled more than my body did. Rena, who was aware of my condition, kept me steady. She had been my rock ever since she had been adopted. For someone so young, she knew more than most. My ex-classmates had less emotional maturity than her, and they had been high schoolers.

"Where's Jiminie?" Billy asked in a whine. Carl asked the same, and Gage was focusing on not being sick.

I gathered the kids and brought them to the corner, which was less crowded and also had Jimin's favorite games. "He'll be here soon, don't worry."

Pac-Man was there, and it was one of Jimin's favorites. Growing up, Jimin had taken me to the arcade and taught me how to play it. I ended up scoring higher than him, though part of me believed that was because he had let me win. He had a habit of doing that then calling me his superhero.

I taught Billy and Carl how to play Pac-Man while Rena kept an eye out for her older brother. He was supposed to meet us in the back, but he wasn't there yet. He had five minutes until he would be considered late.

Five minutes passed.

Ten.

Fifteen.

Twenty.

Thirty.

The forty minute mark neared, but before it could hit, I saw fluffy black hair and puppy eyes followed by a black turtleneck, matching trousers, and dress shoes. He had dangly cross earrings and glossy lips along with rings and a silver chain necklace.

He wasn't wearing his watch.

"Yo," he said as he approached. "What'd I miss?"

Screams rested on the back of my tongue, and I kept them there. Jimin didn't need to be berated in front of his siblings, though I would have a word with him later for being late... again.

Rena answered on my behalf. "Pac-Man."

Jimin tucked Rena's red hair behind her ears and pecked the top of her head. "I bet you're beating your brothers, aren't you?"

"No, I was waiting to beat you."

"That's my girl."

Jimin and Rena took turns playing Pac-Man, and much to my surprise, Jimin was trying. He got a high score, but Rena defeated him. He called for a rematch, and once again, Rena beat him. By the end of it, he had his tongue poked against his cheek and his jaw clenched.

"I have to use the bathroom," he said, not saying a word to Rena as he stormed away.

Her frown ached my heart, and I knelt to put my hands on her shoulders. "Hey, he's had a tough day, okay?"

That wasn't a lie. He was in his final year of college and twenty-two years old. I didn't know what that was like; it wasn't like I was allowed to go to school.

In the distance, I saw a unicorn arcade game, and I smiled at it. It had rainbow lights and little girls playing it. I wasn't sure what type of game it was, but I was sure I would have loved it as a kid. Then, my smile fell, replaced with sunken cheeks and baggy eyes.

Where had my childhood gone?

✧✧✧

Jimin didn't come back for three hours.

He ditched us after losing to Rena twice in a row. I had gotten all the kids in the car and ready to go home, but I had gone back inside to search for Jimin one last time. It was night, so the arcade had cleared out. The crowds were replaced by a few kids with mountains of tickets in their hands.

My stomach was nauseous, but not from the few stragglers. I had been on my feet too long that day. Dizziness sank into my skin and cause goosebumps to trickle down my arms. My blinking slowed, and my feet twisted as they took more steps. I had to hold onto the machines to stay afloat.

Jimin was there. He came over with his brows knitted together. Right away, his hand went to my shoulder. His hand was bruised. As always.

"Hey, hey," he whispered. "What's wrong, kiddo? Are you okay?"

Of course Jimin didn't know. It wasn't like he was around enough to learn of my condition.

I brushed his hand away. "I'm fine."

"What about the kids? Are you guys still playing-"

"No, Jimin, we're not," I interrupted in a snap. "One day, was that so hard to ask? We've seen you maybe five times in the past two years, and when you finally show up, you're almost an hour late and you leave after ten minutes. I even made them play your favorite games. I thought maybe that'd convince you to spend time with us. Do you hate us that much?"

"No, of course not. I love you more than anything, but it's hard sometimes-"

"Sometimes?! I'm so sorry the five times you've seen us has been hard."

Jimin backed up and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, CC, but I'm miserable. I'm in a school I hate studying a subject I hate. I just want to dance, but no, mom and dad would disown me if I actually followed my damn dreams."

"I'm sorry your life isn't going the way you planned, but mine isn't either. I'm not even allowed to go to school. I'm not allowed to have friends or go outside. I exist for the kids, that's it. Mom and dad adopted me so I could raise their future kids, did you know that?"

He kept quiet.

"I'm nothing to them. I'm just their nanny. While I do all the work, they get the praise from the community for having so many kids, but the only thing they have is alcohol poisoning!"

I kicked the machine next to me and slammed my back up against it. Tears tumbled from my eyes, and Jimin went to wipe them away, but I shoved my hand against his chest to keep him away.

"I've accepted my role as their real mom. I'm not asking you to help me raise them, Jimin, I'm asking you to show up every once in a while. They love you, but you're never here," I said in an exasperated tone, my breath heavy and my mind numbing up more by the second.

Jimin's lower lip quivered. "I love you guys more than life itself."

"Just because you love us doesn't mean we feel loved!"

My shout reverberated across the arcade. It was as if the single yell silenced all the beeping machines and laughing children. A few stares came our way, but after Jimin and I remained quiet for several seconds, life resumed and the beeps and laughs came back.

Jimin sniffled and took my hand. That time, I let him.

"CC, I'm so sorry. I've been mad at mom and dad for... everything, and I've been taking it out on you and the kids. I'm sorry. That isn't fair to you."

"Your apology's a little late," I said, chuckling. There was no humor in it. "But that's typical Jimin, right?"

He didn't answer, not that I was expecting him to. I dropped my hand from his and stared in the other direction. The walls were black like the floors and fuzzy to prevent injury if someone crashed into them. Part of me wanted to charge into it to test that, but I kept my feet still.

"Do you remember my thirteenth birthday?" I asked, not bothering to bring my eyes back to his.

"That was one of the best days of my life. I've never seen you smile like that before."

My head ended up on the machine next to me as the memories flowed. "I'm a simple girl: give me a unicorn and I'm happy."

"They don't exist, kid."

"Shush."

He laughed, and I ended up laughing too. Squeaky sounds came from him, and it was as therapeutic as it was heartbreaking. Jimin was behind me, yet so far away. His laugh sounded foreign despite how I had grown up hearing it.

His hand squeezed my shoulder, and that brought my attention to him. His button nose and puppy eyes awaited me. The softness in his gaze didn't change my mood.

"What happened to that Jimin?" I whispered, and hung his head at that. "You never broke a promise before, and now you broke two."

His brows connected. "Two?"

"You promised me you'd show up today, but you were barely here." Then, I grabbed his left wrist. The one without the watch. "Where is it?"

He sighed. "Shit, CC, I..."

"You promised," I said, and a whimper sounded off inside me despite how hard I tried to shove it down. For a moment, I wasn't nineteen. I was twelve, back when mom and dad had first adopted me. I was the twelve-year-old peeking up at Jimin and wondering if he'd hurt me like the kids in the orphanage had.

He dropped his voice to a mutter. "I lost it."

I released his wrist and staggered back. It was one thing if he no longer wanted to wear it, or someone special in his life, like the girl he had been dating for years, bought him a new watch. I could handle any other reason, even if he yelled at me. Losing it, though? I had jumped through flaming hoops to get him that, not to mention all the money I had used to buy it had been earned illegally. I had put myself at risk to give him a good birthday, and he lost it. He lost what I had broke my back to get.

"I've been looking for it nonstop-"

I held up my hand to cut him off, and for a beat, no words came out of my open mouth. "I love you, but I can't keep doing this. Don't bother reaching out unless you're actually going to show up."

I stormed off and abandoned Jimin in the arcade. The outside air welcomed me as I went to the parking lot. The SUV was waiting for me; however, before I arrived, a dizzy spell captured me. All the stress from the day toppled my mind. My migraine became pounding and intrusive to my general thoughts. Vomit threatened to spill out of my parched lips.

The gravel ground met my figure. I collapsed in front of the SUV. Heaves wrenched their way out of my shriveled up lungs. Rena came rushing out after me, and I sat up when she did. I would be fine, but it'd take time to get back on my feet.

"Are you okay?" Rena asked in her familiar squeaky voice.

I stumbled my way to a standing position and leaned on her for support. The answer was a loud, screeching no, but the words never appeared. They were lost in the void. The same void the old Jimin was in.

I plastered a smile on my face and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."