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❝ i WISH i could live through
every MEMORY again, just one
more time before we float off
in the wind ! ❞

here with me, d4vd.

CHEERS AND SHOUTS of joy erupted from all over the neighbourhood. it was almost the new year, which usually meant new resolutions, celebrations and coming into the new year with family and friends.

so if happiness was spread throughout this special occasion, then why did finney feel so empty?

he knew the answer to that.

it had been exactly one year since the incident. one year since he lost two of the most valuable people in his life. the past 365 days each seemed to drag on, holding no emotional and physical value to him anymore.

sure, he still had his family and donna to try cheer him up and distract him from it, but in the end, he's always thinking of the same thing.

being alive everyday was like a blessing and a curse: being alive and living his life for the sake of his best friends who insured it, or a curse to which he was the only one who survived. he could've saved his best friends.

why did only he survive?

that thought haunted him every hour of the past 365 days.

so alas, here he was, standing around his father and sister, along with other relatives he wasn't close with, celebrating the new year. it was odd, having a frown whilst everyone around him had bright wide smiles.

he wasn't aware of him spacing out until he felt a hand shake his shoulder. "finney! finney?" gwen's voice pulled him out of his trance.

he immediately snapped out of his thoughts and turned to her, not realising he put on a fake smile automatically, "yeah?"

gwen sighed, a frown now evident on her face, "i know this year has been hard for all of us, and especially you. but can you just at least try to have fun?"

finney looked away and into the sea of parents and adults having conversations. he was weighing out his options: either listen to gwen, or continue to sulk in the corner for the rest of the night. he preferred the second option, if he was being completely honest. he was tired.

it wasn't the same.

gwen noticed his hesitant behaviour, "hey," she said, catching his attention again, "if you don't want to, i'll cover for you."

finney's face lit up only momentarily, but gwen missed that side of finney more than anything. she knew he was trying his hardest to forget, even letting people call him 'finn', so she wanted to do everything in her power to try and cheer him up slowly but surely, whilst also letting him heal.

"cover for me?" he asked to which his sister nodded. she understood. not many people do, so that's why he appreciates gwen more than anything.

he then left the social room and headed straight for his safe haven: his bedroom. those four walls have held more emotion than ever, and his pillow has caught more tears than dreams.

however, sometimes even his own bedroom haunted him.

the mirror in the corner, which jaelin would always use to try on outfits or fix her hair.

the box of mix tapes robin gave to finney, sitting in his open closet, waiting to be played again.

but the thing that haunted him the most, was the mini photo collage on his closet door. his eyes fixated on the polaroids, and unknowingly, his feet led him to it. the closer he went, the closer he could see the smiles and laughter within them. most consisted of robin, jaelin and himself, but there was a few with gwen too.

his fingertips grazed past them, as he could hear the sounds and voices from each memory, as if they were coming to life right in front of him.

it wasn't until his fingertip came upon a specific photograph that his eyes widened and his breathing hitched. he stared at it for a couple seconds before carefully taking it out of the pin. once he had it in his grasp, he got his jacket from his closet and headed towards his window.

since his window was on the side of the house, he wasn't worried about getting caught.

after all, he'd done this plenty of times.

THE DEAD LEAVES left a slight crunch beneath every step he took. he knew the path well enough to the point where he could go there in his sleep. he didn't care about the cold weather, or the the fact that it was dark outside. the only thing he cared about was the photograph in his hands and his destination.

- which he eventually reached. when his eyes landed on two familiar gravestones, he immediately stopped in his tracks. the sight itself was never something finney thought he would be witnessing. yet, here he was, staring at jaelin and robin's graves.

he took a step forward, seeing the moonlight and streetlights shine ever so slightly, letting finney see the two stones clearly. surrounding them was a bunch of flowers, cards, gifts, and valuables by family members and friends.

HERE LIES:

jaelin covey

1962-1977

may she rest in peace.

HERE LIES:

robin arellano

1962-1977

may he rest in peace.

it took everything in him not to cry in that very moment. he took a deep breath in and out before sitting right in between the two. what was once a rectangle of dirt, was now covered with grass and other plants, showcasing just how long they've been gone. though, finney remembered their funeral like it was yesterday.

he caught sight of two objects in particular, and the dirty blond looked up at the starry sky, closing his eyes with a small smile.

"C'MON, YOU BOTH have to!"

it was december 31st of 1976, and jaelin was chasing finney and robin around finney's house. echoes of laughter could be heard from every inch of the house as the three 15 year olds had their usual bickering just before the new years party.

currently, jaelin was chasing the two boys with a pair of hats in her hands. every year the trio would wear different kinds of hats, whether that be fuzzy ones, glittery ones, you name it. call it tradition, almost.

this year, however, jaelin surprised them with pointy hats that were the most pink, most girliest things ever created by mankind- or, womankind if you will. she got it only for shits and giggles, and to get blackmail photos of the two boys she could use for the rest of the year.

"it's not- not even that..bad!" she tried to convince them, but her interrupted laughter and wide smile said otherwise.

finney and robin were opposite her- they were around the large rectangle table. every time jaelin made a turn, they turned the other way.

"you won't catch me dead in that, jae." robin kept a straight face. the only reason, according to him, why he wouldn't wear it is because it would ruin his outfit and his tough reputation- to which jaelin literally smacked his head upside down for.

one, robin was the biggest soft hearted person on the inside- well, to her anyway. and two, it wasn't like she was glueing it to his head or something.

she'll save that for next year.

"yeah! we'll never wear that." finney agreed from beside him.

but jaelin wouldn't give up so easily. she gave them both smirks before bringing up her two fingers and whistling. the two boys looked at her skeptically before seeing a certain younger girl walk in with the exact same hat held in her hands.

"that's why," she gestured towards gwen who had an equally smug expression on her face, "i called for reinforcements."

both finney and robin looked at each other. "oh shit." finney cursed before the two scattered and went their separate ways.

jaelin went after robin whilst gwen went after finney.

robin was swift with his movements around the house and objects but jaelin was right on his trail, not giving up anytime soon.

whenever robin looked behind him to catch a glimpse of where jaelin was, he would shortly scream and start cussing in spanish, causing jaelin to stumble a bit from laughter.

suddenly, jaelin tripped over and fell. the thud on the floor cause robin to stop and turn around. his eyes winded upon seeing jaelin on the floor, clutching onto her shin in pain.

"shit, jae!" he ran over to her side and propped her head up, seeing her shut her eyes and hiss in pain. "how'd you fall? does it hurt badly?" he asked her, panicked.

a couple seconds went by until her scrunched up face went back to normal. she stopped clutching her shin and grinned, almost rugby tackling him. she knocked his breath out of him as his back hit the floor in defeat.

"well fuck." he sighed, seeing jaelin hold him down with a proud look on her face.

as much as he hated having to wear the hat and getting caught, he loved seeing jaelin's smile right after.

"that was priceless! your look of concern for me was so sweet, honestly, someone give me a fucking oscar." she laughed.

robin playfully rolled his eyes, "yeah yeah, whatever. i was genuinely concerned okay?"

jaelin smiled, "i know."

she then got the hat and put it on robin whilst he was still on the floor, but he was now using his forearm against the floor to lean upwards.

he admired her face of determination as she carefully put and adjusted the hat perfectly on his head. her eyes were filled with accomplishment as she retracted her hands, "there!" she snickered, "you look adorable!"

he shook his head with a small smile before leaning forwards and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, "i could say the same for you."

he laughed when he saw her expression change from one of excitement to utter shock in record time. he got up and smugly walked away, ignoring his own flustered state, "two can play at that game, covey!"

she sat here, still dazed and confused on what just happened. she struggled to form a sentence, let alone words. safe to say she was freaking out.

"aylin?" the voice of gwen snapped her out of it. the younger blake sibling looked at the girl on the floor with furrowed brows.

"you okay? what are you doing on the floor?" gwen took her hand and helped her up- mostly dragged her up.

jaelin quickly shook her thoughts off, "oh, i- uhm, hurt my uh..shin?" she said, but it sounded like more of a question.

gwen just sighed at the older girl's antics and took a hold of her arm, dragging her towards the main room, "well we have to hurry, i got finney but i need an extra person to hold him down and put the hat on."

jaelin only nodded, her hand silently reaching up to her cheek, touching the place where robin kissed it moments ago.

'what the fuck.'

"10..9..8.."

it was the final countdown towards the new year, 1977. families and friends all gathered round in the last 10 seconds of 1976.

the trio were wearing their hats reluctantly, much to jaelin's dismay. she found the whole thing rather funny and amusing, and she was sure others did too.

"7..6..5.."

robin's mother, rinaya, was going around with a polaroid camera, taking pictures of moments and capturing them in time. she walked around, seeing smiles and joy radiating off everyone in the room.

once she caught sight of robin, jaelin, finney, and gwen, she smiled and quickly made her way over to them.

"4..3..2...1!"

she held up her camera just at the moment the countdown hit 0.

"happy new year!"

FINNEY FELT A tear roll down his cheek and land on the photo. fireworks erupted from the sky, creating different colours and patterns, like splashing vibrant colours of paint onto a dark blue canvas.

he looked down on the photo, seeing himself with a big smile and gwen on his back with her hand up as if she was pretending to fly, also a huge smile on her face.

next to them, was robin and jaelin. jaelin had just kissed robin on the cheek whilst robin himself was smiling and had an arm wrapped around her.

he chuckled to himself, almost reliving that entire memory. it was then that he let a couple tears fall.

'it was always around them when i could let my true emotions out. when i could be vulnerable and not feel bad about it.'

unknown to the boy, two people were sat on either side of him. jaelin was leaning her head on his shoulder, her hand on his, giving it a tight squeeze even though he couldn't feel it.

robin wrapped his arm around him and put his hand on finney's forearm. the two ghosts never broke their word: they were always there for him.

finney reached into his pocket to reveal a new hat. the hat they were supposed to wear that year. he got two more out and got up, placing it next to their gravestones.

with one more heavy sigh, he wiped off the tear stains on his cheek.

"happy new year guys.." he whispered.

ׅ𖥔 ۫ iloveblondead speaks ! ⋄ 𓍯

happy new year!!! i hope
2023 treats/ is treating
you all well<3

wanted to make a new years
special bc why not! i missed
writing this book & couldn't
help but write just ONE more
chapter🤭

i wrote this in like 20 mins
so sorry if it's shitty😭😭

i miss all of u & raelin sm?!?
tysm for continuing to read
& support this book. honestly
wish the best for all of you &
hope u enjoyed this solemn
chapter🥲🫶🏼

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