playlist;

R!N/gemie - call of silence

hiruyoki sawano/laco - zero eclipse

hiruyoki sawano - eye water

yutaka yamada - glassy sky

hiruyoki sawano - 進撃vn-pf20130524巨人

IT didn't really make sense to her.

Sasha was buried next to the other brave soldiers that had lost their lives in battle. It was raining. Today was Mikasa, Jean and Connie's turn to visit her grave, Armin was yet again talking to Annie in the underground and Levi had become somewhat of a guardian for Zeke. His hands were itching to cut him up.

On the other side, Emilia was waiting to talk to Eren. He was imprisoned for insubordination as he acted without instruction or consent from the higher-ups and infiltrated Marley on his own. She thought this was utter bullshit, it wasn't like he couldn't escape especially with the new Warhammer powers. He's letting them lock him up just for the sake of it. It was confusing, really.

"Fight. Fight."

"You're still mumbling this stuff to yourself even now that you're locked up?" Eren's eyes widened at the sound of her voice. It felt so familiar but so distant at the same time. Was she real? Maybe he was hallucinating.

She didn't care about the rest of the world, but her mother was carelessly kind-hearted.

With his hair pulled back in a bun, he stood in front of the sink shirtless. He could see her reflection in the mirror as ethereal as ever: her eyes tired, plump lips in a frown and a messy braid. It felt like glue stuck his feet to the floor, he couldn't bring himself to turn around.

"I'm sorry."

He never bid her goodbye when he infiltrated Marley. There was no warning, no heads-up, he just left when the Survey Corps were in Marley and they had no choice but to leave. Emilia wasn't able to accompany them on the trip as she had duties to attend to as a captain, so when Hanji and the others arrived home without Eren she was heartbroken to say the least. She knew she couldn't blame any of them, they didn't know what he was planning. And even when she knew him better than his closest friends, she wouldn't dare say that she understood him. Sometimes he acted like a stranger, as if he was scared to touch her, feel her and show her his true feelings. He trusted her and told her all his plans, but it still was insufficient.

Emilia's face morphed into one of disappointment. She didn't wish him to reciprocate her feelings if he didn't, she respected and admired him enough to understand that he is too preoccupied with saving the world to think about a stupid crush. (But she wasn't that dense to not pick up the hints he dropped.) She just wanted him to feel comfortable enough with her to show some— any vulnerability, he hid his emotions and blocked everyone else out from the world he lived in. She wanted to feel special, to be the one to finally comprehend his thoughts and break through the barrier he put up.

It was quite ironic. For most part of his life he fought to break free from the walls the King had placed them in. As a kid he wanted to join the Survey Corps and explore the world, see the ocean, feel the freedom and be relieved of the oppression of the titans. Now he caged himself in walls he built, not letting anyone in, worried that someone might know about his true intensions. For what reason, she couldn't fathom at all.

"It doesn't really matter anymore." He wanted to say that it did matter, her feelings mattered to him, she mattered to him more than anything else in the world. More than the world itself.

He didn't.

She hated trouble, anything that required her to put effort.

"There isn't any other way. I'm sorry."

All he could do is apologise. Since the beginning, everything he's done is feel guilt for his lack of strength. He couldn't win against Annie without help, he couldn't win against Reiner without help and Armin almost died so Eren could win against Bertholdt. He has always been weak, he was never special. But it was all going to change now because for once that he had the power to protect those dearest to him, he wasn't going to give up, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

"I know." Silence ensued.

Eren could only stare at her from the mirror, she was leaning against the cell bars with closed eyes. She looked so frail, nothing alike the Emilia he remembered. When they met in the Cadet Corps he couldn't stand her. She showed no interest for anything, she was closed off and didn't care for teamwork on the battlefield. She never put any effort into her training and yet always ended up with a score higher than him. It was unfair.

He recalled the times he lashed out at her for not being worried, not caring, because who wasn't scared for humanity's existence? Not once did she resent him for all the trouble he's caused, all the stable duty Levi assigned them because of him. It's like she understood the real dilemmas behind his anger without the need of words, all it took was one look. Maybe that is what attracted him to her so much, she was his emotional support. She spent nights during which she could've slept, listening to him ramble on about the cruelness of this world. On no occasion did she complain about time being wasted. He learned from her that not everything had to be expressed through rage, to not use his hatred as a fuel to live on. "Make choices that when you look back at your life with your grandchildren, you can say without hesitation, you don't regret them," he remembers her saying.

When times were hard, she was always the one to step up without uncertainty. Responsible and reliable, with an unbreakable composure and seemingly no exploitable weaknesses. She was so strong in his eyes.

The woman he was looking at now however was made of porcelain, one touch could break her. They made eye contact through the mirror and he couldn't find that unwavering strength in her eyes anymore. All he could do is apologise.

And she stupidly promised her mother she was going to save the world.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

⇊

The rest of the world was preparing an attack on Paradis Island because the deaths of many International Ambassadors were at Eren's hands. Everyone knew it was coming but no one knew it was coming so quickly.

"Hey. Did that look like Eren to you guys? Not me. That wasn't Eren. If he's made his mind to side with his half-brother over us..."

Connie was standing in front of the window as Jean, Mikasa and Armin sat on the sofas. Emilia stood against the bookshelf with her arms crossed.

"If he has, then what?" Mikasa has always been defensive about Eren even when he was in the wrong. She obviously felt more than brotherly love for him, it annoyed Emilia.

"We've gotta be prepared to cut him down if necessar—"

"I won't let you!"

"Huh? Are you siding with them too, Mikasa?" She thought that protecting him no matter what was going to make Eren love her back. So naive.

"I just don't think it'll come down to that. Eren cares about us more than anyone. You guys should know that. Maybe that's why he's so hostile to anyone who's not us. He cares too much."

She loved Eren because he could make her goal come true.

"That's not it. No matter how strong you were, the old him tried to keep you off the front lines. But he made Armin destroy the port and pulled you into the fight. All of us too. The ones he called important." Jean was right. He was manipulating their trust in him to take one more step towards his objective. ("You're important to me, more than anyone. So...I want you to live long lives.")

"I think that's because he trusts us. If we hadn't gone, he couldn't have done it."

"And Sasha wouldn't have died. Mikasa...When Sasha died, what did Eren do? Did he cry? Did he regret his actions? He laughed. What part of it was funny to him? What part of Sasha dying? Explain it to me, Mikasa. Why was Eren laughing? You know everything about him right?"

"Connie, it's enough. You can shut up about Sasha." Emilia was tired of hearing these people spout nonsense. They didn't understand Eren, they could never understand him. They were too simpleminded.

"What the fuck did you say? Who the fuck are you to say this to me Emilia? You have never cared for anyone!"

He had outgrown her by a lot, when they were in the Cadet Corps she was ten centimetres taller than him. He was now 180cm and she had remained 168 cm. It would have been quite an intimidating experience to be picked up by the collar by him if it were anyone else but Emilia. Their noses were almost touching as his wrathful face sneered at her.

"Who are you to say this to me Connie? Do you know me?" She showed no intention of struggling out of his grip. Her eyes bore into his.

Connie was taken aback like he always has by her. Why wasn't she scared? Why wasn't she agitated? Now that he recalled, he has never seen her a tad bit frightened. She was always composed and never lost her cool, even in desperate situations. When 90% of the Survey Corps were wiped out and Armin was dying she didn't cry, she didn't show any emotion. She calmed everyone and instructed them to wait for Levi who had the injection; Bertholdt was going to be eaten. She always thought of the best solutions but unlike Armin, she reached them without panicking. It felt like she was the second Erwin.

Her eyes looked lifeless, even more so than Eren's.

He had the means and the resolve to help her because she wasn't strong enough to do it alone.

"Connie! Put her down! Now's not the time to turn on each other!" Jean was by her side, trying to break them up. Her eyes never left his even as he let go of her, now he was the one getting scared.

"We'll talk to Eren. Just me, Mikasa and him. We'll find out his goal."

"There's no point in any of that anymore Armin. Don't you get it? I thought at least you weren't like the rest of these simpletons." Armin turned to Emilia who was adjusting her shirt collar.

"Now that the military has titan serum, we've got other options. The option of turning someone we trust into a titan, who would then inherit Eren's Founding Titan."

"You can't do that, not anymore." With those last words, she left the four in the room to contemplate her words.

She won't be strong enough to change things in this world, but he is.

⇊

"Armin, what does she mean by that?"

"I think...she means it's too late to stop him now."