The Doctor and Martha are on their lonesome when the Alchemist gets separated from them, trying to avoid being incinerated by the Judoon. What's going to change in this episode?

Find out! Enjoy "Smith, Morrow, and Jones!" :) I think my friend Maddythewriter has waited long enough!

***

"What can happen on an average beautiful day? You never know. Celebrate seasonal changes. It's hot for brothers. On a beautiful shiny day - "

The song was immediately interrupted by a ringing phone, and internally, Martha Jones groaned. She paused her music and checked the Caller ID, then groaned again and put on her best smile before answering. "You're up early! What's happening?"

"It's a nightmare!" Tish immediately babbled. "Because Dad won't listen, and I'm telling you, Mum is going mental! Swear to God, Martha, this is epic! You've got to get in there and stop him!"

"How do I do that?"

"Tell him he can't bring her!"

Martha was about to respond when her phone beeped at her. She checked the Caller ID and sighed. "Hold on, that's Leo," she said. "I'll call you back."

"Martha, if Mum and Dad start to kick off, tell them I don't even want a party!" Leo complained. "I didn't even ask for one! They can always give me the money instead."

"Yeah, but why do I have to tell them?" Martha countered. "Why can't you?" Her phone beeped once again, and she barely restrained herself from groaning. "Hold on, that's Mum. I'll call you back."

"I don't mind your father making a fool of himself in private, but this is Leo's 21st!" Francine insisted. "Everyone is going to be there, and the entire family is going to look ridiculous!"

"Mum, it's a party," Martha sighed. "I can't stop Dad from bringing his girlfriend." Her phone beeped a final time, and this time, she really did groan. "Hold on, that's Dad. I'll call you back."

"Martha?" Clive asked. "Now, tell your mother, Leo is my son, and I'm paying for half that party. I'm entitled to bring who I like."

"I know," Martha tried to sort everything out, "but think what it's going to look like for Mum if you're standing there with Annalise."

"What's wrong with Annalise?"

"Is that Martha?" a bubbly female voice asked into the phone. "Say hi! Hi, Martha! Hi!"

Martha ground her teeth and said in the happiest tone she could produce at the moment, "Hi, Annalise."

"Big kiss, lots of love, see you at the party, babe! Now, take me shopping, big boy."

Martha quickly ended the call, then stumbled when someone ran into her. "Oi!"

"Sorry!" the man in question shouted an apology, turning from where he was running. She blinked at his bizarre outfit - a tight pinstripe suit with Converse - and barely heard him apologize again before he ran off for a fruit stand.

Martha was still staring after him when she heard another female voice, this one much more pleasant than Annalise's. "I'm sorry about him," an American voice apologized, and Martha turned to see a blonde girl had somehow appeared right behind her without Martha even noticing. "He's a bit rude."

"It's all right," Martha managed to say, craning her neck to see if she could see where he'd gone. "You know him?"

"Something like that," the blonde smirked. "Did you see where he headed off to?"

"Er . . . " Martha pointed. "The fruit stands, I think?"

"Of course," the girl grumbled. "Always the bananas. Thank you," she added before shouting at the top of her lungs, "BOZO!"

Martha couldn't help herself but laugh as the blonde took off running, and she saw the man in pinstripes turn to look. His eyes widened, and he took off again, and she barreled after him. She was still laughing as she headed to her job at the Royal Hope Hospital.

***

The Alchemist was humming to herself as she waited by the coffee maker, still wrinkling her nose at the smell of the hospital in general. Since she had discovered she had a very . . . very sensitive nose, she was realizing how much her sense of smell gave her awareness of her surroundings. Therefore, she was able to smell her coffee as it finished brewing, knew about the surgery going on about three doors down, could smell the cafeteria as the cooks made breakfast for those just coming in.

She could also smell the ozone surrounding the entire hospital. And coffee, sanitation, food, and ozone was not a good combination.

So she took her cup of coffee and headed for the staircase, wincing when she received an electric shock from the railing. She eyed it warily before taking the stairs two at a time to return to the Doctor.

***

"Now, then," Mr. Stoker, the hospital consultant, said as he pulled away the curtain from one bed. "Mr. Smith, a very good morning to you. How are you today?"

Martha gawked as the Doctor, the man in the bed - the same man she'd seen in the street! - looked up, grinned, and said, "Oh, not so bad. Still a bit, you know . . . blah. But I had Alice, so I was good."

Mr. Stoker nodded and turned to his students. "John Smith, admitted yesterday by his lovely fiancée Alison Morrow - " The Doctor coughed suddenly, and Mr. Stoker's smile froze on his face. "She's right behind us, isn't she?"

"Oh, yes," the Doctor grinned widely. "Morning, Alice!"

"Morning!" the same blonde from the street greeted cheerfully, walking around the group of students, giving Mr. Stoker a warning look before leaning over to kiss the Doctor on the head. "I didn't miss much, did I?"

"Not at all," Mr. Stoker stuttered, trying to get back on track. Apparently, there was something about the woman that scared him to death, even as she sat down in a comfy chair and went about her coffee. "Anyway, John Smith, admitted by his fiancée Alison Morrow with severe abdominal pains. Jones, why don't you see what you can find? Amaze me."

Martha nodded and stepped forward, taking off her stethoscope. "That wasn't very clever, running around outside, was it?"

Both the Doctor and the Alchemist looked at each other. "Sorry?" the Doctor asked curiously.

"On Chancellor Street this morning?" she prompted. "You ran into me and went straight for the fruit stands, and she stopped to apologize and ask where you went."

"You and your bananas," the Alchemist grumbled.

The Doctor shook his head. "What did we do that for?"

"I know why she did," Martha nodded at the Alchemist. "You, though? I don't know. You just did."

"Not me," the Doctor shook his head again. "I was here in bed. Ask the nurses."

"And I stayed the entire night," the Alchemist nodded. "Never even shut my eyes."

Someone whistled, sounding impressed. Martha looked at her with new respect. She didn't even look tired one bit! "Well, that's weird," she looked between them. "'Cause they looked like you. Have you got a brother? A sister?"

The Alchemist's eyes darkened. "Not anymore," she shook her head.

"Just us," the Doctor nodded, lifting the Alchemist's hand and kissing her knuckles.

Martha smiled at the two of them, before jumping when Mr. Stoker cleared his throat, either impatient or uncomfortable. Possibly both. "As time passes, and I grow ever more infirm and weary, Miss Jones."

"Sorry," Martha shook her head. "Right." She checked one side of the Doctor's chest, then moved to the other side.

At once, her eyes widened in astonishment, and she looked up at the Doctor, wondering if she was hearing things. She knew it wasn't a trick when he gave her a wink and a grin. "Having trouble finding the heart?" the Alchemist asked with a knowing smile, a twinkle in her eyes that Martha was sure was amusement.

"Er . . . " Martha stuttered. "I don't know. Stomach cramps?"

"That is a symptom, not a diagnosis," Mr. Stoker admonished, and Martha winced, the Alchemist raising a hand to cover her mouth like she was choking, but she quite visibly was not. "And you rather failed basic techniques by not consulting first with the patient's chart."

He picked it up, but quickly dropped it when he touched the metal clip. "That happened to me this morning," Martha frowned.

"I had the same thing on the door handle," Oliver Morgenstern nodded.

"And me, on the lift," Julia Swales put in.

"That's only to be expected," Mr. Stoker told them, the Doctor and the Alchemist suddenly paying much more attention, the Alchemist looking up from her coffee, the Doctor from where he had been absently studying the Alchemist's hand. "There's a thunderstorm moving in, and lightning is a form of static electricity, as was first proven by . . . anyone?"

"Benjamin Franklin!" the Alchemist put in just as the Doctor started to open his mouth.

"Correct," Mr. Stoker nodded.

"My mate, Ben!" the Doctor grinned. "That was a day and a half! You were just fine, but I got rope burns off that kite . . . and then I got soaked."

"Quite - " Mr. Stoker began hesitantly.

"And then I got electrocuted!" the Doctor grinned gleefully.

"I told you not to do that!" the Alchemist admonished. "Mickey and Rose thought it was the best thing ever, though. I swear, you're still daft!"

"OI! Then what about - !"

"Moving on!" Mr. Stoker said loudly as the Doctor and the Alchemist went at it, arguing about something along the lines of Satellite Five and a Game Station. "I think perhaps a visit from psychiatric . . . for both of them. And next, we have - "

Martha risked looking back at the two, catching them give her grins before going back to their argument. Martha giggled and hurried to catch up with the rest of the medical students, wondering just who they were.

***

"No, listen, I've worked out a plan," Martha told Tish later as she figured out her coffee. Someone else had tinkered with the coffee maker . . . and then she remembered Alison Morrow had had a cup of coffee when they'd seen her. Had she messed around? "We tell Annalise that the buffet tonight is one hundred percent carbohydrate, and she won't turn up!"

"I wish you'd take this seriously!" Tish huffed. "That's our inheritance she's spending, on fake tan! Tell you what, I'm not that far away. I'll drop by for a sandwich, and we can draw up a battle plan."

"In this weather?" Martha snorted, shaking her head, looking out at the raging storm. "I'm not going out. It's pouring down."

"It's not raining here," Tish remarked before she paused. "That's weird. It's raining right on top of you. I can see it, but it's dry where I am."

"Well, you just got lucky."

"No, but it's like in cartoons. You know, when a man's got a cloud over his head?"

"Yeah, but listen, I'll tell you what we'll do," Martha began before she paused, staring out the door. Alison Morrow's sugar brown eyes met hers for all of half a second before the blonde was gone. How did she do that? "We tell Dad and Annalise to get there early, about seven thirty, and we tell Leo get there at the same time so we can do all that birthday stuff. We tell Mum to get there for about eight thirty, nine, and that gives me time to have a word with Annalise, and - " She paused when Julia tugged on her arm. "What?"

"The rain," the medical student said.

"It's only rain," Martha rolled her eyes.

"Martha, have you seen the rain?" Tish asked.

"Why's everyone fussing about rain?" Martha complained.

"It's going up!" Julia insisted.

"The rain is going up," Tish said at the same time.

***

The Doctor was reclining in his bed when the Alchemist returned, looking disappointed. "Nothing!" she announced, plopping down in her chair with a huff. "Everything is clear. I have no idea what's going on . . . except the rain going up."

The Doctor perked up. "What?!"

The hospital suddenly rocked all over the place, and the Alchemist yelped, jumping up to hang onto a cabinet nearby. The Doctor wasn't so lucky; he toppled out of his hospital bed to the floor, wincing when he hit the ground hard. "Ow," he grumbled.

The hospital settled, and the Alchemist peeked out from behind the curtain, looking out the window. Her jaw dropped, and she slowly turned to look at the Doctor. "Get dressed," she said quietly. "We're on the moon."

"What?!"

***

"All right now, everyone, back to bed," Martha ordered as she entered one of the wards. "We've got an emergency, but we'll sort it out. Don't worry." She went over to the window, barely missing the Alchemist pull the curtain back all the way, silently watching Martha. "It's real," Martha whispered, looking out the window. "It's really real. Hold on."

"Don't!" Julia stopped Martha when she went to open the window. "We'll lose all the air!"

"But they're not exactly air tight," Martha pointed out. "If the air was going to get sucked out, it would have happened straight away, but it didn't. So how come?"

"Good point," the Alchemist finally spoke up.

"Brilliant, in fact," the Doctor added, finally pulling the curtain away, dressed now in a blue suit with red Converse. "What was your name?"

Martha blinked. "Martha."

"And it was Jones, right?" the Alchemist asked.

When Martha nodded, the Doctor smiled and rocked on his heels. "Well, then, Martha Jones, the question is . . . how are we still breathing?"

"We can't be," Julia said before Martha could even open her mouth.

"Obviously we are, so don't waste my time!" the Doctor snapped.

"Rude!" the Alchemist hissed, going over to comfort the girl.

"Not ginger," the Doctor countered before looking at Martha. "Martha, what have we got? Is there a balcony on this floor, or a verandah, or . . . ?"

"By the patients' lounge, yeah," Martha nodded.

"Fancy going out?"

Martha looked over at the Alchemist, who made a hand motion like she was shooing them away while she talked to Julia in a soft tone. "OK," she nodded.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "We might die."

"We might not," she countered.

The Doctor grinned. "Good. Come on." He looked over at the Alchemist. "Alice?"

"I'll stay here," the Alchemist answered. "Not much good without my blaster."

"Wrong!" the Doctor said in a sing-song voice as he strutted off, Martha hurrying to catch up to him.

The Alchemist just shook her head and rolled her eyes at Julia. "Men."

That got a small smile out of the terrified woman.

***

The Doctor and Martha stepped out onto the balcony, taking a deep breath. "We've got air," Martha breathed in surprise. "How does that work?"

"Just be glad it does," the Doctor warned as they walked over to the railing.

"I've got a party tonight," Martha thought out loud. "It's my brother's 21st. My mother's going to be really, really - "

Her voice cracked at the end. The Doctor turned to her, seeing she was taking a few shaky breaths. "You OK?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Martha nodded.

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

"Want to go back in?" the Doctor asked, looking back at the doors. Why was the Alchemist so much better at this than he was?

"No way!" Martha shook her head quickly. "I mean, we could die any minute, but all the same . . . it's beautiful."

"Do you think?" the Doctor smiled, turning to look out at Earth.

"How many people want to go to the moon?" Martha continued excitedly. "And here we are."

"Standing in the Earthlight," the Doctor confirmed.

"What do you think happened?"

The Doctor turned to consider her. The Alchemist needed someone else on the TARDIS, Donna was right in that regard. Maybe Martha would do? "What do you think?" he challenged.

Perhaps Martha heard it in his voice. If she did, she didn't show it. "Extraterrestrial," she answered. "It's got to be. I don't know, a few years ago, that would have sounded mad, but these days? That spaceship flying into Big Ben, Christmas, those Cybermen things." Martha brooke off. "I had a cousin, Adeola. She worked at Canary Wharf. She never came home."

The Doctor cringed, recalling Addy, the black woman that had been taken over by the Cybermen. She'd been the one he'd disrupted the Cybermen link to. "I'm sorry," he apologized truthfully.

"Yeah," Martha mumbled.

"I was there, in the battle," he recalled. "So was Alice. She was there, too."

Martha straightened. "I promise you, Mr. Smith, we will find a way out. If we can travel to the moon, then we can travel back. There's got to be a way."

"It's not Smith," the Doctor shook his head. "That's not my real name."

"Who are you, then?" Martha frowned at him.

"I'm the Doctor," he answered.

Martha snickered. "Me, too, if I can pass my exams. What is it, then, Doctor Smith?"

"Just the Doctor."

"How do you mean, just the Doctor?"

"Just the Doctor."

Martha stared at him, then snorted. "What, people call you the Doctor?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "And my fiancée's the Alchemist, not Alison Morrow."

"As smart as she is, I believe that," Martha considered. "But I'm not calling you the Doctor. As far as I'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."

"Well, I'd better make a start, then," the Doctor smirked. Challenge accepted, Miss Jones. "Let's have a look. There must be some sort of . . . " He picked up a stone and threw it out at the moon; somewhere out in the air, the stone just bounced back. "Forcefield," he nodded. "Keeping the air in."

"But if that's like a bubble sealing us in, that means this is the only air we've got," Martha realized. "What happens when it runs out?"

"How many people in this hospital?" the Doctor asked.

"I don't know," Martha shrugged. "A thousand?"

"One thousand people," the Doctor said darkly. "Suffocating."

Martha blanched. "Why would anyone do that?"

"Heads up," the Doctor nodded to the moon. "Ask them yourself."

They watched as three columnar spaceships, massive in size, landed on the moon, and dispersed lines of marching beings onto the moon. "Aliens," Martha said blankly. "That's aliens. Real, proper aliens."

"Judoon," the Doctor corrected.

***

"Judoon inbound!"

The Alchemist looked up when she heard the Doctor's voice in her head, and she squeezed Julia's arm. "I need you to do something for me, all right?" she asked softly, and Julia nodded, taking a few deep breaths. "I need you to find any oxygen you can in this place, in a tank, or anywhere else. We're breathing right now. I don't know how long it will last, but I'd rather not find out. Do you think you can do that? Keep finding oxygen?" Again, Julia nodded. "Good girl," the Alchemist smiled, squeezing her shoulder. "Let's go."

***

The Doctor and Martha peered through the foliage on the level above, watching the rhino Judoons catalogue everyone. "Oh, look down there!" the Doctor grinned. "You've got a little shop! I like a little shop."

"Never mind that," Martha hissed. "What are Judoon?"

"They're like police," the Doctor answered. "Well, police for hire. They're more like interplanetary thugs."

"And they brought us to the moon?"

"Neutral territory," he nodded. "According to galactic law, they've got no jurisdiction over the Earth, and they isolated it. That rain, lightning? That was them using an H2O scoop."

"What are you on about, galactic law?" Martha scowled. "Where'd you get that from? If they're police, are we under arrest? Are we trespassing on the moon or something?"

"No, but I like that," the Doctor grinned. "Good thinking." Maybe she would do well on the TARDIS. "No, I wish it were that simple. They're making a catalogue. That means they're after something nonhuman . . . which is very bad news for Alice and me."

"Why?" Martha asked. The Doctor gave her a look, and Martha's jaw fell open. "Oh, you're kidding me. Don't be ridiculous! Stop looking at me like that!"

"Come on, then," the Doctor tugged her off.

***

The Alchemist and Julia headed to the outpatients department, when the carrying voice of a Judoon wafted up the stairs. " . . . six, floor two. Identify humans and find the transgressor. Find it."

The Alchemist cursed in Gallifreyan, then looked up at the ceiling. "Find the oxygen," she told Julia before jumping high up onto the ceiling. She gripped the edge of a doorway with her fingertips, and with her other hand, she messed with opening up the air vent. She looked around, then shook her head. No time to run back and get her blaster. She tried the screws one more time -

Tendrils of gold mist seeped out of her skin and around the vent, making the screws pop out. The Alchemist nearly fell, she was so startled. For a second, she looked at her hand, stunned beyond disbelief. Finally, she heard the Judoon tromp up the stairs, and she scrambled into the vent. She fumbled to pull the vent back up, covering her trail, when the Judoon marched in. "Prepare to be catalogued," the one in the lead ordered.

"Do what they say," Morgenstern told everyone as a terrified Julia let herself be scanned. "All they want is to shine this light thing. It's all right. They're not going to hurt us. Just listen to them!"

A man smashed a jug over the Judoon's head, and it turned. "Witness the crime. Charge, physical assault. Plea, guilty. Sentence, execution."

The Alchemist's eyes widened, and she quickly pushed the vent cover out. She whistled and sent the gold of the Vortex down. The Judoon immediately looked up at her. "Hi, boys," she said sweetly.

One of the Judoon raised a cataloguer to her, and it turned red. "Nonhuman," it announced, and all lasers turned to her. "Execute the nonhuman!"

"Here we go," the Alchemist grumbled before pointing to Julia. "Oxygen!" she reminded her before scrambling backwards at an awkward crawl as best as she could before the lasers hit her.

***

"They suddenly turned away, but they're on the third floor," Martha told the Doctor as she joined him in the office. "What's that thing?"

"Sonic screwdriver," the Doctor answered before blinking and turning to her. "What do you mean, they turned away?"

"They just stopped cataloguing," Martha shrugged. "And when will you answer me properly?"

"No, really, it is," the Doctor promised, raising his sonic screwdriver. "It's a screwdriver, and it's sonic. Look!" He used it on the computer, and it turned on, logged in.

"What else have you got, a laser spanner?" Martha rolled her eyes.

"I did, but Alice tossed it into a supernova," the Doctor recalled. "Never understood why she did - oh, this computer!" he complained loudly, smacking the top of it. "The Judoon must have locked it down. Judoon platoon upon the moon," he tried out. "Because we were just traveling past, I swear, we were just wandering. We weren't looking for trouble, honestly, I wasn't, but Alice noticed these plasma coils around the hospital. That lightning, that's a plasma coil," he explained, not noticing Martha's confused looks. "Been building up for two days now, so I checked in. I thought something was going on inside. It turns out the plasma coils were the Judoon above."

"But what were they looking for?" Martha asked.

"Something that looks human, but isn't," the Doctor nodded.

"Like you, apparently."

"Like me, but not me," the Doctor nodded before blanching. "Oh, Alice!"

"I'm fine, Kasterborous," the Alchemist quickly assured him. "Someone's alive because I gave the Judoon the slip."

He sighed in relief, then Martha asked, "Haven't they got a photo?"

"Well, might be a shape changer," the Doctor pointed out.

"Whatever it is, can't you just leave the Judoon to find it?"

"They've already found Alice, so they won't leave until they find her," the Doctor shook his head. "And since they have, they may declare the hospital guilty of harboring a fugitive. Then they'll sentence it to execution."

Martha blanched. "All of us?!"

"Oh, yes," the Doctor nodded, "but I'm determined to keep our faces, at least for a while. So, if we can find this thing first . . . oh!" he shouted, and Martha jumped, startled. "You see, they're thick! Judoon are thick! They are completely thick! They wiped the records!" He groaned. "Oh, that's clever."

"What are we looking for?" Martha asked, cracking her knuckles, ready to help.

"I don't know," the Doctor admitted. "Say, any patient admitted in the past week with unusual symptoms?" He went back to the computer. "Maybe there's a backup . . . "

"Just keep working," Martha said. "I'll go ask Mr. Stoker. He might know."

***

"Execute the nonhuman!"

The Alchemist popped out of the vents in the orthopedic ward, dropping down. "Hi," she smiled tensely at everyone before running to the cupboard by the Doctor's bed. She smiled, taking her blaster from where she had put it, then checked the power cell. "Lock and load," she smirked, taking the safety off, before running to a computer nearby. She went to work typing on it, then smiled. "Backup enabled," she smirked.

***

The Doctor blinked when the computer suddenly flared. "Oh, good girl!" he grinned, then ran out the door after Martha. He nearly ran into her. "Alice restored the backup," he began.

"I found her," Martha panted.

The Doctor perked up. "You found Alice?"

One of the doors broke down, and two men in motorcycle suits stepped into the hall. "Run!" the Doctor shouted, grabbing her wrist, and they charged down the stairs.

The Alchemist poked her head around the corner, then waved them off. "Other way!" she shouted before taking off again, lasers firing after her as the Judoon tried to catch her.

The Doctor was quick to take his Bonded's advice, pulling Martha up to the next level. He ran into radiology and sonicked the door shut. "When I say now, press the button!" he ordered Martha as she went behind the screen.

Martha stared blankly at all of the buttons in front of her. "But I don't know which one!"

"Then find out!" the Doctor huffed, fiddling with the x-ray machine.

He vaguely saw Martha flip through a manual, then one of the men knocked the door off its hinges. "Big and yellow!" the Alchemist shouted faintly before she was cut off.

"Big and yellow, now!" the Doctor shouted to Martha.

Her eyes brightened, and she slammed her hand down on the button of choice. The Doctor grimaced as radiation blasted out of the machine, then the man went down. Martha shut down the machine just as the covering of an air vent fell off. The Alchemist poked her head out, looking down. "I can't believe that was actually right," she grinned.

"What did it do?" Martha asked as she stepped out from around the screen.

"Er . . . it should have increased the radiation by five thousand percent. He's dead either way," the Alchemist nodded to the motorcycle man, then looked down at the floor and cleared her throat. "Er . . . help?"

The Doctor quickly pulled a chair over and jumped on top of it, giving the Alchemist one of his hands. She put the other one on his shoulder and winced, wriggling around in the vent. Finally, she fell out at an awkward angle, the Doctor catching her easily. "That's one way to get around," he quipped, looking through the vent.

Martha, however, was still staring at the Doctor. "But isn't that going to kill you?"

"Nah!" the Doctor shook his head as the Alchemist worked on fixing the cover. "It's only roentgen radiation. We used to play with roentgen bricks in the nursery."

"It's safe for you to come out, by the way," the Alchemist added to Martha. "There's nothing left of it."

"Because I absorbed it all," the Doctor added. "All I need to do is expel it. If I concentrate, I can shake the radiation out of my body and into one spot. It's in my . . . left shoe. Here we go, here we go." He started jumping up and down, his face twisted in an insane look of concentration that the Alchemist was trying - and failing - to keep a straight face. "Easy does it . . . out, out, out, out, out, out, out - ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah! It is, it is, it is, it is hot! Hold on!" He did a lot more jumping around, before pulling off his left shoe and dumping it in the trash bin. "Done!"

The Alchemist burst out laughing, giggling madly, while Martha stared at the Doctor, stunned. "You're completely mad!" she sputtered.

"You're right," the Alchemist nodded, barely speaking through giggles. "One shoe is completely daft."

"That's right," the Doctor grinned, taking off his other shoe and dumping it as well. "Barefoot on the moon!"

"So, what is that thing?" Martha asked as the Alchemist went to inspect. "And where's it from, the planet Zovirax?"

"If it is, I'm eating my blaster," the Alchemist snorted, looking around. "This is a Slab."

"Basic slave drones," the Doctor told Martha.

"And solid leather all the way through," the Alchemist added, thumping it on the back.

"But it was that woman, Miss Finnegan," Martha explained. "It was working for her, just like a servant."

The Doctor made a whining noise, and the Alchemist turned to see he had pulled his fried sonic screwdriver out of the x-ray machine. "My sonic screwdriver!" his eyes widened.

"She was one of the patients, but - "

"Oh, no," the Alchemist sighed, shaking her head.

"My sonic screwdriver!"

"She had a straw like some kind of vampire!"

"I think we should listen - "

"I loved my sonic screwdriver!"

Martha finally lost it. "DOCTOR!"

"Sorry!" he shouted, tossing it over his shoulder . . . landing it in the garbage bin accurately. He grinned at her. "You called me Doctor!"

"Anyway?" Martha hissed. "Miss Finnegan is the alien. She was drinking Mr. Stoker's blood."

"She was drinking it?" the Alchemist asked, then paced, thinking. "Funny time for a snack . . . she'd need to hide . . . "

"In plain sight!" the Doctor grinned. "That's it!"

"Yes!" the Alchemist squealed. "Internal shape-changer! She didn't drink it!"

"She assimilated it!" the Doctor nodded rapidly.

Martha cleared her throat, feeling like she'd only heard the one part of the conversation . . . the part when they finished. "What?"

"If she can assimilate Mr. Stoker's blood, mimic the biology, she'll register as human," the Doctor explained. "We've got to find her and show the Judoon. Come on!"

***

The Alchemist threw out an arm, and the Doctor nearly ran into her as she shoved them behind a water dispenser. The Alchemist scowled at the other Slab walking down the corridor. "Why do they travel in pairs?" the Alchemist whined. "I don't like it when they're in pairs."

"And I hate pears," the Doctor said as an afterthought.

"Not that kind, dearie."

"Well, then why are you two in a pair?" Martha pointed out.

The Alchemist looked at her. "What?"

"You said you hate pairs," she shrugged. "You two are one."

The two Time Lords looked at each other before the Doctor cleared his throat. "Humans. We're stuck on the moon, running out of air with the Judoon and a bloodsucking criminal, and we're discussing personal questions. Come on."

"I like that," Martha huffed as they walked on. "Humans. I'm still not convinced you're an alien."

The Time Lords turned the corner, and the Doctor and the Alchemist got scanned in the eyes. "Nonhuman!" both Judoon accused.

Martha's jaw dropped. "Oh, my God, you really are!"

"And again!" the Doctor groaned, turning tail.

"Here we go!" the Alchemist whooped, taking off after them.

The Alchemist hurried over to Julia, who was giving an oxygen mask to someone on the floor. "They've done this floor," the Doctor nodded to the marks on their hands. "Come on," he told Martha. "The Judoon are logical, and just a little bit thick. They won't go back to check a floor they've checked already."

"If we're lucky," the Alchemist pointed out as she walked over. "Checked with Swales, there's not enough oxygen for everyone here. They're running out."

"How are you feeling?" the Doctor asked Martha. "Are you all right?"

"I'm running on adrenaline," she smiled.

"Welcome to our world," the Alchemist smirked.

"What about the Judoon?" Martha asked.

"Huge lungs reserves," the Alchemist rolled her eyes. "They won't feel a thing." She looked around. "Where's Mr. Stoker's office?"

"It's this way," Martha nodded, heading to another room.

When inside, the Alchemist hurried over to Mr. Stoker, who was as white as a sheet, and she started scanning him with her blaster. "She's gone," Martha looked around. "She was here!"

"Oh, my God, she drained him dry," the Alchemist blanched. "That's it. She's a Plasmavore."

"What's she doing on Earth?" Martha asked.

"Hiding," the Doctor guessed. "On the run. Like Ronald Biggs in Rio de Janeiro. What's she doing now?" he wondered, looking around. "She's still not safe. The Judoon could execute us all." He turned tail. "Come on."

Martha opened her mouth, but the Alchemist leaned over and slid Mr. Stoker's eyes shut. She shut her mouth and nodded to the Alchemist thankfully before following the Doctor.

"A Plasmavore surrounded by police," the Alchemist mused thoughtfully. "What would I . . . do . . . " She paused, seeing the MRI sign, before turning to the Doctor, whose eyes were widening. "No."

"Oh, yes," he nodded. "She's as clever as you."

"No one's as clever as me," she retorted.

"My point exactly."

"Find the nonhumans!" Judoon voices shouted. "Execute!"

"OK," the Doctor rubbed his hands together. "One, can you hold them up?"

"What have I been doing?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Right," he winced. "B - hang on, two. Martha, stay with her."

"Gotcha," she nodded.

"And three - " He grabbed the Alchemist and gave her a hard kiss before running off.

"Don't do anything stupid!" was the last thing he heard from the Alchemist before he hurried to MRI.

When he entered, he found flashing lights going everywhere. He looked over at the MRI scanner, noting the energy waving all around it, then looked over to see Miss Finnegan in the control booth.

He took a deep breath, then started doing what he did best. Babble. "Have you seen them?" he demanded, staggering in, looking wide-eyed, and hid a satisfied look when Miss Finnegan looked up, startled. "There are these . . . things! These great big space rhino things! I mean, rhinos from space! And we're on the moon! Great big space rhinos with guns on the moon! And I only came in for my bunions, look!" he pulled up one of his feet. "I mean, all fixed now. Perfectly good treatment. The nurses were lovely. I said to my wife, I said I'd recommend this place to anyone, but then we end up on the moon!" He paused. "And did I mention the rhinos?"

"Hold him," Miss Finnegan ordered, and the remaining Slab grabbed the Doctor from behind.

***

"Watch," the Alchemist winked at Martha before holding up her watch and fastening it on her wrist as the Judoon approached.

"Find the nonhuman," the Judoon ordered. "Execute."

"Now, listen, I know who you're looking for," Martha began as she was scanned and declared human. "She's this woman. She calls herself Florence - "

"Human," the Judoon decided, scanning the Alchemist, but before it pulled away, she unfastened her watch. "Nonhuman." And on again. "Human!"

The Alchemist was pushed up against the wall, Martha shrieking and bounding away as the Time Lady got scanner after scanner pushed in her face. "Authorize full scan. What are you? What are you?"

***

"Er . . . " The Doctor nodded to the machine. "That . . . that big, er, machine thing. Is it supposed to be making that noise?"

"You wouldn't understand," Miss Finnegan shook her head.

"But, isn't that a magnetic resonance imaging thing? Like, a ginormous sort of magnet?" Miss Finnegan looked at him suspiciously, and he shruged. "I did magnetics GCSE. Well, I failed. My wife passed every class she had with flying colors."

"The magnetic setting is now increased to fifty thousand Tesla," Miss Finnegan nodded.

"Ooo . . . that's a bit strong, isn't it?"

"It'll send out a magnetic pulse that'll fry the brain stems of every living thing within two hundred and fifty thousand miles. Except for me, safe in this room."

"But, er, hold on, hold on," the Doctor shook his head. "I did geography GCSE. I passed that one. Doesn't that distance include the Earth?"

"Only the side facing the moon," Miss Finnegan smiled. "The other half will survive. Call it my little gift."

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me, I'm a little out of my depth, I've spent the past fifteen years working as a postman . . . hence the bunions," he nodded to his feet. "Why would you do that?"

"With everyone dead, the Judoon ships will be mine to make my escape," Miss Finnegan shrugged.

She really bought his human act! "No, that's weird," the Doctor stared at her. "You're talking like you're some sort of an alien."

"Quite so," she nodded.

He gawked. "No!"

"Oh, yes," she smiled sweetly.

"You're joshing me!"

"I am not."

"I'm talking to an alien?" he asked excitedly. "In hospital? What, has the place got an ET department?" he looked around.

"It's the perfect hiding place," Miss Finnegan shrugged. "Blood banks downstairs for a midnight feast, and all this equipment ready to arm myself with should the police come looking."

"So, those rhinos . . . they're looking for you?"

"Yes," she nodded. "But I'm hidden."

"Right . . . " Time to milk it for all this was worth. "Maybe that's why they're increasing their scans," he dropped.

Right away, Miss Finnegan looked at him. "They're doing what?"

"Big chief rhino boy, he said . . . " He pretended to think. "No sign of a nonhuman, we must increase our scans up to . . . setting two?"

Miss Finnegan looked down. "Then I must assimilate again."

"What does that mean?"

"I must appear to be human," she said.

"Well, you're welcome to come home and meet the wife," the Doctor offered. "She'd be honored. We can have cake?"

"That is one thing I cannot do," the Alchemist said.

"Do what?"

"Bake."

"Why should I have cake?" Miss Finnegan smiled. "I've got my little straw."

"Oh, that's nice," the Doctor nodded, trying to buy time as Miss Finnegan pulled out said straw from her bag. "Milkshake? I like banana."

"You're quite the funny man," Miss Finnegan remarked. "And yet, I think, laughing on purpose at the darkness. I think it's time you found some peace. Steady him!"

The Doctor blinked when the Slab forced him to his knees and turned his head. "What are you doing?" he sputtered.

"I'm afraid this is going to hurt," Miss Finnegan apologized. "But if it's any consolation, the dead don't tend to remember."

***

The Alchemist screamed suddenly, stumbling away from the Judoon, clapping a hand to her neck. "Alchemist?" Martha asked worriedly, trying to pull her hand away so she could see what was wrong. "What is it?"

" . . . Doctor," she wheezed, running off towards the MRI room, drawing her blaster as she went. Martha scrambled after her, so naturally, so did the Judoon.

She burst into the room, aiming her blaster, and Miss Finnegan's eyes widened. One shot of her blaster, and Miss Finnegan was blown away from the Doctor. The Slab turned to her, but one more shot, and the Slab stumbled. "Now, wee what you've done?" Miss Finnegan stuttered as the Doctor sank to the ground, coughing and choking, the Alchemist running over to check the bloody wound in his neck. "You've scared the poor man into shock!"

"Scan him," the Judoon ordered, and scanners went on both Time Lords. "Confirmation. Nonhuman."

"Yes, fine, we're not humans!" the Doctor growled. "Haven't you determined that enough already?"

Miss Finnegan blinked, looking over at him. "But . . . what?"

"Yeah," the Doctor smirked at her. "Nonhuman."

"Which means . . . " The Alchemist pointed a Judoon scanner. "Guess who else is?"

"Nonhuman," the Judoon confirmed what showed up.

"Oh, but it's a mistake, surely," Miss Finnegan sputtered, even as the Alchemist helped the Doctor stand. "I'm human! I'm as human as they come!"

"Confirm," the Judoon said. "Plasmavore, charged with the crime of murdering the child princess of Patrival Regency Nine."

"Well, she deserved it!" Miss Finnegan protested. "Those pink cheeks and those blonde curls - " The Alchemist quickly curled her hair around her hand - " - and that simpering voice! She was begging for the bite of a Plasmavore!"

"Then you confess?" the Judoon asked.

"Confess?" she sneered. "Slab, stop them!"

The Judoon vaporized the Slab before it could move. "Verdict, guilty. Sentence, execution."

Miss Finnegan ran behind the screen, and Martha couldn't see anything after that. One second, the Time Lords were standing right beside her. The next, the Doctor was stumbling towards her, and Miss Finnegan was scrambling for the plug for the MRI machine. It was a catfight, but it was obvious Miss Finnegan was a mouse compared to how furiously the Alchemist was pulling her away. Finally, the Alchemist grabbed Miss Finnegan's throat in a vice-like grip and held her out. The Judoon fired, and the Plasmavore was incinerated.

The Doctor quickly went behind the screen to work on resetting the MRI machine to normal, and the Alchemist brushed her hands off, walking up to the Judoon. "Case closed," she said simply. "Withdraw, soldier."

The Judoon clamped their hands and pressed them to their chest, before turning tail and marching out. "And now we wait for the rain," the Doctor smiled.

***

Martha later sat huddled in the back of an ambulance, watching the Alchemist talk to one of the paramedics. The woman pointed back to Martha, then the paramedic nodded and headed over to her.

The Alchemist jogged off, but she was soon blocked by Tish as she ran up. "Martha!" her little sister gasped. "Oh, God! I thought you were dead! What happened? It was so weird, because the police wouldn't say. They didn't have a clue, and I tried phoning! Mum's on her way, but she can't get through. They've closed off all the roads."

Martha tried to crane her neck around her sister, but she caught the tail end of a white denim jacket and a long tan coat before the duo disappeared around the corner. "There's thousands of people trying to get in," Tish continued. "The whole city is coming to a halt! And Dad phoned, because it's on the news, and everything. He was crying. Oh, what a mess," she sighed, hugging Martha as the sound of wheezing engines grew louder. "What happened? I mean, really, what happened? Where were you?"

***

"I am not staying in there to be insulted!" Annalise ranted as she stormed out of the tavern, Clive running out behind her.

"She didn't mean it, sweetheart," he tried, the Alchemist wincing as she heard everything from where she was ducked behind a menu, seeing Martha hurry past, pause to give her a second look, before dismissing her and hurrying out. "She was just saying you look healthy!"

"No, I did not," Francine huffed as the rest of the Joneses arrived outside. "I said orange."

"Clive, that woman is disrespecting me," Annalise accused. "She's never liked me!"

"Oh, I can't think why," Francine said sarcastically, "after you stole my husband!"

"I was seduced!" Annalise shrieked as the Alchemist took her coffee to go and left a generous tip on the table, heading for the door. "I'm entirely innocent! Tell her, babe!"

"And then she has a go at Martha," Francine snapped, and the Alchemist instantly paid more attention. "Practically accused her of making the whole thing up!"

"Mum, I don't mind," Martha tried to say. "Just leave it."

"Oh, I've been to the moon!" Annalise shrilled. "As if! They were drugged! It said so on the news!"

"Since when did you watch the news?" Francine shouted. "You can't handle Quiz Mania!"

BANG!

The entire family started as the door to the tavern banged open. "Believe it or not, people were having a decent night before you lot started acting as if the apocalypse started," the Alchemist said in a soft and deadly voice, stopping by Martha and giving Francine and Annalise a glare that made them both swallow and falter. "It's the news. How many times do they lie?" She didn't wait for an answer. "If you're going to let the family fall apart, then fine. Not my problem. But do it somewhere else, preferably away from civilization, where it won't become anyone else's problem." When no one left, she raised an eyebrow. "You're still here?"

Annalise took the opening and ran off, heels clicking. Clive ran after her, which led to the rest of the Joneses going as well until Martha was left with the Alchemist. "Wow," Martha said, stunned. "That is the first time anyone's broken in."

"Why does that not surprise me?" the Alchemist sighed, turning to her. "Come on, Martha. I want to show you something."

Martha followed the blonde down an alley to see the Doctor leaning against a blue police box. "I went to the moon today," she said.

"We were there," the Doctor nodded.

"And it was a bit more peaceful than down here," the Alchemist added.

Martha cleared her throat. "You never even told me who you are."

"The Doctor," the Doctor repeated, then put an arm around the Alchemist as she leaned against him. "This is the Alchemist."

"What sort of species? It's not every day I get to ask that."

"We're Time Lords."

Martha snorted loudly. "Right . . . not pompous at all, then."

"Well, you know," the Alchemist shrugged, then jabbed the Doctor in the side.

He cleared his throat, straightening. "Well . . . we just thought, since you saved our lives and I've got a brand new sonic screwdriver which needs road testing - "

"You're welcome," the Alchemist said mildly, taking a sip of her coffee while winking at Martha.

He gave her a look, which she returned innocently. He sighed, turning back to Martha. "Might you fancy a trip?"

"What, into space?" Martha blinked.

"Well," the Doctor drawled.

"It doesn't have to be," the Alchemist shrugged.

"But I can't," Martha shook her head, looking behind her. "I've got exams, I've got things to do, I have to go into town first thing and pay the rent, I've got my family going mad - "

"If it helps, we can travel in time as well," the Doctor interrupted.

Martha cut off, staring at him. "Get out of here!"

"We can," the Alchemist smiled.

"Come on, now," she protested, "that's going too far!"

"We'll prove it," the Doctor promised, going into the TARDIS.

"Hold this," the Alchemist told Martha, handing her her coffee, then ran in as well.

The TARDIS dematerialized, and stunned, Martha waved her hand in the space it had been. It rematerialized, and the Doctor was pushed out, sputtering, as the Alchemist gave him a look, holding up a banana. "You owe me two quid," she warned, giving him the banana before holding out her hand to Martha. "I'll take my coffee back now."

"Told you," the Doctor added.

"No, but . . . " Martha stared at the banana as the Doctor took a bite, handing the Alchemist her coffee back. "That was this morning! Did you - ?" The Doctor spread his hands in a helpless gesture, and the Alchemist winked. "Oh, my God, you can travel in time! But, hold on . . . if you could see me this morning, why didn't you tell me not to go in to work?"

"Crossing into established events is strictly forbidden," the Doctor explained. "Except for cheap tricks."

"It cost me two quid!" the Alchemist scowled.

"I'll pay you back!"

"You didn't pay R - !" The Alchemist abruptly cut off, her eyes widening before she cleared her throat and turned away.

Martha took pity on her and stepped up to the police box. "And that's your spaceship?"

"It's called - " the Doctor began.

"She," the Alchemist mumbled.

The Doctor nodded. "She's called the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space."

"Your spaceship's made of wood," Martha mused, running her hand over the surface. "There's not much room." She turned and smirked. "We'd be a bit . . . intimate." And she'd rather not make the Time Lords uncomfortable. She was uncomfortable with that idea.

But the Doctor just smiled and nudged the door open. "Take a look."

Martha stepped inside, and her eyes widened when saw the inside. "No, no, no," she denied, running out and circling the TARDIS, seeing the Alchemist smile. "But . . . it's just a box! But it's huge!"

"Humongous," the Alchemist agreed with a smile, sitting on the railing just inside the door.

"How does it do that?" Martha babbled, running up to the top of the grating, the Doctor smirking from where he stood. "It's wood! It's like a box with that room just rammed in! It's bigger on the inside!"

The Doctor mouthed the words with her, finally making the Alchemist laugh. "Is it?" he asked in mock surprise, shutting the door. "I hadn't noticed. Alice, did you notice?"

"Never," she giggled.

He winked at her, tossing his coat over the railing and running up to the console. "Right, then! Let's get going."

"But is there a crew?" Martha asked as the Alchemist went up, doing more with one hand than what the Doctor did with both. "Like, a navigator and stuff? Where is everyone?"

"Just us," the Alchemist answered.

"All on your own?"

"Well . . . " The Doctor's eyes flickered up to the Alchemist, seeing her go tight-lipped. "Sometimes, we have guests. I mean, some friends, traveling alongside. We had . . . " He sighed. "There was recently, a friend of ours. Rose, her name was. Rose."

"My sister," the Alchemist said shortly.

"Anyway!" he emphasized, going on.

Either Martha didn't get the memo, or she didn't care. "Where is she now?"

"With her family," the Doctor glared. "Happy. She's fine. Not that you're replacing her."

Martha quickly raised her hands up. "Never said I was."

"Just one trip to say thanks," he insisted. "You get one trip, then back home. We'd rather be on our own."

Martha eyed him. "Even though you wear a tight suit . . . "

"Oi!" the Alchemist exclaimed, but Martha winked at the Doctor. He smiled, understanding she was trying to make his Bonded feel better. "That's my - !"

"And then travel all the way across the universe just to ask me on a date," Martha continued.

"Stop it!" the Alchemist grumbled, but she was smiling now.

"For the record, I'm not remotely interested," Martha promised her with a smile. "I only go for humans."

"Thank you," the Alchemist mumbled.

"Well, then," the Doctor grinned as Martha laughed. "Close down the gravitic anomalizer . . . "

"Helmic regulator fired up," the Alchemist reported.

"And finally . . . the hand brake." The Doctor rested his hand on it and looked at Martha. "Ready?"

"No," she answered.

"Off we go!" the Doctor cheered, flipping the brake.

Martha scrambled for a decent grip as the TARDIS shook. "Blimey! It's a bit bumpy!"

"Welcome aboard, Miss Jones!" the Alchemist laughed.

"It's my pleasure, Miss Morrow!"

***

And now the Alchemist is officially back!

Whew! I have to tell you, it is rough getting back into the first week of school. One day is a walk in the park, which was today, when I finished this in study hall, and the other is just a pain in the arse, which is tomorrow, and I still have about four things for physics left to finish.

Can I get the Doctor to be my tutor? Or the Alchemist? :P

Anyway, we should be back in the swing of things by now! We'll see when "The Curse of the Black Spot" gets updated, but it is definitely J's turn next!