lmao i just saw harry styles love on tour 2022 anygays enjoy chapter 13
-

BEFORE YOU READ:

TO EVERYONE WHO EXPERIENCED A LOSS, I LOVE YOU; IF TALKING ABOUT GRIEVING TRIGGERS YOU IN ANY FORM, PLEASE THINK TWICE READING THIS. DONT DO ANYTHING YOURE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH! ONCE AGAIN, I LOVE YOU AND AS HARRY SAID, YOU CAN LET IT GO AND IT'S ALRIGHT <3333
-

When Louis wakes up the next morning, the bed is empty except for him but after a few seconds, his sleep munched brain notices that the shower next to his bedroom is running.

He can hear loud chatter of the other boys downstairs and a look at his phone confirms that he was asleep till eleven am and the other lads, who probably went to bed way earlier than him, should have been up for a while already.

He sits up and lets himself replay everything that has happened last night. He got know something new about Harry, something only a few other people know, something personal.

He thinks he handled it well, regarding how the rest of the day and night went after that. They went out together, they had fun, the laughed and joked and smiled. They danced at a party, they danced in the empty streets, through the snow, Harry's angelic laughter carrying through the night.

Louis' heart skips a beat, because.

He made Harry smile, he made Harry laugh, he made Harry happy.

He flops back against the sheets and runs two hands over his face, a breathless laugh escaping his lips just as the door to his bathroom opens and Harry walks out.

He's wearing sweatpants.

Only sweatpants.

He stops short when his eyes land on Louis, the hand that was drying his hair with a towel halting but a smile slowly making its way onto his face. "Good morning" he says with his usual deep, gravely voice.

"Morning, beautiful" Louis answers, one half of his face mushed by the pillow. "Why are you only wearing sweatpants?"

"Because I can't take them off, can I?" Harry replies, grinning.

Louis slings one arm over his eyes. "I'm not looking"

He hears Harry chuckle and walk around the room. "It's fine"

Slowly, Louis peaks one eye open, only one, and squints at Harry, who laughs again.

"How gentlemanly of you"

"Yeah, that's how I am" Louis shrugs, grinning. "Shall I give you one of my hoodies next?"

Harry's eyes light up. "Can I choose?"

"Um" Louis makes because it was originally meant as a joke. "Sure"

Harry makes an indignant happy noise and starts walking towards Louis' drawers. He stops short, though, turns around and walks towards Louis' desk chair, which he threw his clothes on a few days ago. He picks up Louis' favourite hoodie, the green Adidas one, and holds it up with one arm for Louis to see. "This one?"

"Whatever you want" Louis smiles and sits up, leaning on his hands behind his back.

Harry smiles breathtakingly and pulls the hoodie over his head. It's slightly less oversized on him and his still wet hair curls majestically around his ears, meeting the green material.

Louis gets up from the bed and walks over to him. Up close, he sees that it looks absolutely amazing, not only because everything looks amazing on Harry, but because it's the perfect colour for him, contrasts with his eyes in just the right way.

Louis smiles, a little breathless. "You look great"

Harry smiles back. "Are the other lads awake yet?"

They're both silent for a beat, Niall's loud laughter and Liam's, Luke's and Ashton's voices echoing from downstairs. Harry breaks down into quiet laughter as he realises how stupid his question was, but Louis only grins.

"I think they might be, not sure though"

"Very funny" Harry replies sarcastically, walking over to Louis' closet.

He doesn't say anything else and Louis is about to pinch himself to see if this is a dream or if Harry is really wearing his hoodie right now, but he stops short as a hysterical scream sounds from downstairs. Harry halts as well, turning his head back around to look at Louis.

"I think there might be a spider or something" He just shrugs and Harry grins, going through the rack of Louis' other hoodies and sweaters. He pulls a blue vintage nike sweater from its hanger and holds it up as he walks back over to Louis.

"Wear this" He says and holds it next to his face, a wide smile breaking out on his face. "It's your eye colour"

Louis swallows and smiles back weakly, trying not to collapse while he takes his sweater from Harry with a quiet "Thanks."

Harry keeps looking at him, slightly taller. He smiles calmly, his skin glowing from a healthy dose of long sleep and a moisturising shower.
Right.

Louis clears his throat. "Imma shower" He draws out, taking one step backwards but still an arms length from Harry. "Of course, I can keep the door open if you decide to-"

"Don't you dare" Harry laughs, his index finger touching Louis' lips. "Don't say it"

Louis peers down at the finger on his lips and grins.

"Don't lick my finger" Harry says as if he can read his mind, his smile fading and a seriously warning flicker in his eyes. "Louis, don't-"

Louis licks his finger.

"Ew!" Harry exclaims, his hand shooting back to hang at his side and his fake disgusted expression fades into a laugh.

"You've had plenty of time to take your hand away" Louis singsongs and finally turns around to walk towards his bathroom.

"You're an idiot" Harry says behind him, sounding a little breathless and when Louis turns his head again, he finds him shaking his head with a smile.

"I made you smile, though" He grins, winks and shuts the door, leaning against it with the blue hoodie in his clenched hands.

When he's in the shower, he just allows himself to breathe for a bit, leaning his forehead against the cold tiles next to his outstretched arm, water running down his back.

When he walks downstairs into the kitchen, Luke and Harry sit at the kitchen island eating cereal and Ashton and Niall are wrestling Zayn onto the floor. Liam leans against the refrigerator with a cup of tea.

"Why are you annoying me so excessively today?" Zayn huffs out, while Niall pokes his cheek repeatedly and Ashton ties his feet together. "Is it asshole Tuesday or what?"

"It's Wednesday" Louis informs him, walking into the room scratching his elbow.

The empty cereal pack that flies up from the floor misses him and he only chuckles, sitting down next to Harry, who slides and empty bowl over to him. Louis can't even comment on how cute it is that Harry grabbed two bowls for them when he made his own breakfast, because he starts talking first.

"I knew this blue would look good." He says, eyeing Louis up and down. "You should wear this one more often"

Louis smiles down at the drawer he pulls a spoon out of before he quietly asks Liam for the milk.

"Are you speechless?" Ashton laughs and Louis looks up to find him sitting on one of Zayn's legs on the floor, turned around to look up at the three of them. "Are you actually speechless? This has never happened before."

"I'm not" Louis argues, but he doesn't know what else to say, so... maybe.

"Damn, what happened last night?" Niall asks from the floor and Louis catches Harry's smile.

Niall, Ashton and Zayn gasp in sync. "Oh my-"

"No" Louis interrupts them, tone warning as he tilts his head down. "No." He repeats again and Luke tries to muffle his snort into his fist.

He gets up, takes his empty bowl and walks past Louis, pushing him over to his now empty barstool next to Harry's. "Good job, Tomlinson"

"Fuck off" Louis laughs and hip-checks him as their sides brush, sending Luke stumbling on his way to the dishwasher.

After breakfast and a bit cleaning up, they all move outside to start a snowman competition. This time, Niall is ref and he takes his job very seriously, inspects every snowman for what feels like minutes.

Zayn and Luke made a snow-woman, because equality, with leaves as a bra, laughing their asses off like the teenagers they are.

Liam and Ashton made a snow-dog that looks rather impressive, and Harry and Louis are the only ones who took the assignment seriously, making a snowman wearing a dress and a bun.

In the end, Niall declares that Louis and Harry won the competition because they make the cutest team.

At that, Ashton throws a snowball at him, saying that "It's true but still unfair"

It ends in a giant snowball fight, so giant that they even build little fords, walls of snow to hide behind and run from one to another.

Louis sits with his back against the hard snow that is his safety shield, panting heavily from the run he just took across the whole garden and collecting new snow to shove it in Niall's collar as a payback, when Harry joins him. He ducks his head to escape one of Luke's attacks before he crowds down beside Louis.

"You do realise that we don't have teams here, right? You're not safe with me" Louis grins up at him, getting into a crouching position, ready to take off.

Of course, he's not going to throw snow at Harry, he could never. Instead, he shapes his snowball and glances around the rampart once, before he starts to run.

He doesn't come far though, because there's Harry's arm winding around his stomach, pulling him back behind it.

Louis screeches out a laugh as he falls onto his back, snow surrounding him but his clothes are already drenched, so it's fine. Harry falls half on top of him, neither of them probably expected the impact of Louis losing his balance. Louis is about to say something, but Harry puts his hand over his mouth and shakes his head.

"Tomlinson" Ashton's voice cuts through the cold air. "Where are you hidin' lad? I'm gonna find you and then imma make you regret every decision you ever made"

Louis stares up at Harry, and Harry stares back, mouthing "What did you do?"

After he removes his hand again, Louis breathes in deeply. "Might have shoved snow down his pants"

Harry stares at him for a few moments, before bursting out laughing, hiding his face in Louis' chest to not make a sound. Louis just smiles up at the grey sky.

"Well, then I just saved you from, what? Being thrown into your lake?" He whispers eventually, every word coming out of his mouth as a small cloud.

"Probably" Louis agrees, fingers tingling as warmth rushes through him. Harry really saw Ashton coming and grabbed Louis to save him from whatever attack he would've had to endure otherwise?

"I guess that makes us a team then?" Harry smiles and Louis about dies. Us.

He opens his mouth to say something cocky, but hears footsteps scrunching in the snow, approaching them. Quicker than anticipated, he's back on his feet, pulling Harry up with him. He sneaks a quick look around the rampart, hand grasping behind himself to take Harry's.

He watches Ashton sneak around the different white walls, looking manic.
Louis crouches down to collect a bit of snow and reaches his arm out to throw it up into the air. It hits one of the trees and breaks into little pieces, raining down on Ashton, who spins around in circles, trying to find where it came from.

Louis only giggles and grabs Harry's hand tighter, pulling him over to the nearest bush. Ashton doesn't seem to see them, so they go on like that. Hiding behind whatever they can find, nearing the safety of the house slowly.

He's feeling bold and about to make a run for the last couple of metres, when Ashton's voice screams "Tommo"

He saw them. Louis shrieks and yanks Harry forward and presses him against one of the trees. His own body collides with Harry's as he tries to shield them both from Ashton's sight.

"Luke what the fuck are you doing?" Ashton screams. "I just got them, stop distracting me"

"Leave them alone" Luke yells back, voice laced with laughter. "I think they're making out"

Their gazes crash together, Harry stares down at Louis and Louis stares up at Harry, his chest heaving.

"Harry and Louis, I know you can hear me" Ashton yells loudly and a sneaky look around the tree confirms that Luke is wrestling Ashton to the ground. "I'd massively support if you're making out right now, but Louis I swear to god I'll pay you back when I have the chance."

Louis laughs at that, shaking his head and going through his hair with one hand.

"What's happening?" Zayn shouts over to them and they whip their heads around.

Zayn is wearing dry and warm clothes, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, cup of steaming something in one hand and one of Louis' and Harry's cookies in the other. He's leaning against the glass door leading out to the garden.

"What are you doing over there?" Louis whisper-shouts over to him. "I thought you were somewhere by the lake"

"Nah, I didn't want my hair to get all snowy, so I walked back inside when you all were too busy throwing snow at each other like children"

Louis nods, pursing his lips. "You sneaky bastard"

Zayn only shrugs, winking. He glances at where Luke and Ash probably are still on the ground. "I think they're quite distracted, so you two can make a run for it, unless you wanna stand there and drown in your homoerotic staring for a bit longer..." Zayn draw out, chuckling as Louis rolls his eyes and takes Harry's hand again.

He looks around the tree once more, not trusting anyone, before informing Harry that they're clear and finally pulling him out of the hiding spot.

×͜×

Louis rolls around and taps his phone to make the display light up.

Midnight. December 7.

Feeling the lump is his throat grow, Louis closes his eyes and falls back against the cushion.

He feels the warmth of Luke's body behind him, not doing anything against the coldness running through his own veins. Niall insisted that they'd have sleepover, which is idiotic because this whole holiday is basically a giant sleepover, but he wanted them to sleep on mattresses in the living room once. Zayn only agreed, because he knew exactly what day it would be as soon as the clock hit midnight and he didn't want Louis to be alone, probably hoped he would be asleep.

Joke's on him. Louis is not asleep. He tries to, but he can't. Taking a deep, annoyed breath, Louis peels himself out of his blankets, bare foot hitting the cold floor. He needs water.

Water doesn't help. Louis leans against the fridge, the weak moonlight illuminating the kitchen, when a figure slowly walks through he open doorframe. Louis looks up, to see Harry walking towards him, rubbing his eye with a sweater paw.

"Why are you up?" He whispers, stopping right in front of Louis, who almost smiles at how cute he looks with his hair all over the place and his soft, sleep driven eyes.

Louis clears his throat and places the glass of water on the countertop beside himself. "Today something happened, a couple years ago. Today ten years ago, to be exact."

Harry seems to understand just like that, stepping forward and pulling at Louis' hoodie. He pulls Louis into his body, arms softly winding around his shoulders, one hand going through his hair.

"Remember when we were on the footie field?" Louis asks, voice muffled by Harry's sweater. He gets a hum in return, signalising that Harry's heard him. "I said that I might tell you one day"

Harry pulls away slightly looking down at Louis with that damn softness in his eyes that causes waves of comfort to wash over Louis. "You wanna tell me now?"

Louis shrugs and then nods, causing Harry to smile warmly, a barely audible "okay" falling from his lips.

"Can I show you something?" Louis asks quietly, looking at the floor.

"Of course"

"I don't wanna keep you up"

"Don't worry about me, Lou. Just show me"

Louis takes a deep breath and then nods, more of an encouragement to himself as he pushes himself off the refrigerator. Harry laces their fingers together as they leave the kitchen and pad through the hallway. They don't say a word while Harry lets Louis pull him up the stairs.

Louis the first one to speak when they sit on the little safe area on the roof he used to sit on for hours and hours over the years. The air smells like snow and little puffs of fog come out of their noses every time they breathe out.

Louis tears his eyes away from Harry who looks out at the few houses you can see from here, apparently not affected by the cold, or he doesn't show it.

"I lost my mum" he says and looks down at his feet.

Harry turns his head and Louis feels eyes on him, but it doesn't feel pressuring, or invading, just... there.

Harry doesn't say anything, so Louis goes on. "I was seven. Had a rough time, still have, um" He clears his throat and lifts his head, looking straight ahead because he doesn't think he can meet harry's gaze right now without breaking down into tears. "Whenever I couldn't sleep, which was quite often, I'd come up here and look at the stars and find funny names for the constellations. I'd think about things too big for me to understand, too complicated to grasp. It would make me sleepy. I'd basically think about anything and everything." He chuckles lightly, closing his eyes. "And that's what I do on the football field"

Harry says nothing and when Louis turns his head towards him, he finds him looking at the ground with his nose scrunched up. Then, wordlessly, Harry gets to his feet.

Louis stares at the spot Harry was just a few seconds ago while the boy climbs back into the house through the window. His mind is running a dozen miles per second, throwing thoughts around like that Louis now successfully weirded Harry out, or maybe that he's been an asshole all along and Louis just didn't see it.

He furrows his brows as hurt stings through him, so hard that he doesn't hear the creak of the window. Before Louis' mind can go any further, two legs appear at his sides and gentle fingers softly press into his shoulders, making Louis go lax and fall back against Harry's chest with his back. Harry takes a blanket that wasn't there before and wraps it around both of them. Oh. He just went to get a blanket. Okay. It's fine.

When Louis is pretty much rolled up in the blanket like fucking sushi, Harry puts his head on his shoulder from behind, cheek to cheek and his arms wind around Louis' body as extra warmth spending comfort. "Tell me about them"

"What?" Louis breathes out, trying to resist the urge to completely lean into Harry's warm body, but it's not easy.

"Tell me about the constellations and the names. Tell me whatever is going through your head. Don't hold back. Just say everything. I'm listening."

Something explodes in Louis' stomach but he doesn't pay much attention to it, just snuggles a little further into Harry's embrace, the boy tightening his arms around him. Their cheeks touch and Louis feels Harry shiver. "Your face is freezing"

Louis only smiles. "You could kiss it"

He feels Harry's cheek move as a smile spreads on his face. "You never give up, do you?"

"Never" Louis whispers into the night and closes his eyes when he feels Harry's warm lips on his cold cheek. He lingers there for a few seconds, the softest of lips sending tingles through Louis' whole body.

"Better?" Harry asks softly when he pulls away an inch.

Louis is not able to form words for a few seconds, until he lets out a shaky breath. "Yeah"

"Good" Harry says and Louis hears the smile in his voice without looking at him. "Now tell me"

And Louis does. He tells Harry about his made up, sometimes ridiculous names for star constellations, points at them to show Harry what he meant. Harry doesn't laugh at him, only smiles and lets Louis talk in a hushed voice. He listens to Louis when he tells him all about his childhood, his sisters and his dad. His mum. That he was seven when she died suddenly of Leukaemia. How they moved to Doncaster then, how it affected his sisters, his dad.

"When we moved, um" Louis pauses, fiddling with his fingers in his lap.

"What?" Harry breathes out a tiny gray cloud of air.

"It's silly"

"It's okay, you can tell me" Harry insists softly, not demanding, more questioning.

"While we moved right after, you know, I kinda lost this keychain thing in the chaos. It meant a lot to me"

"Why?" Harry asks, and that's what he does the entire time. He asks short questions to let Louis talk, but to show him that he's actually listening to what he says, that he wants to listen to it. It makes Louis feel good.

"As with being the oldest with four younger sisters, it just felt like a big step when my parents said I'd get my own key to the house, I don't know. I felt responsible and grown up, and I told you it's silly" Louis hides his face in his shoulder, and the motion only causes him to curl more into Harry's comforting embrace.

"It's not" Harry says, tightening his arms around him. "I get it"

"Cool." Louis says dumbly and Harry lets out a breathy chuckle. "So my mum got me this keychain, it was too big at first but after I added more and more keys, like for my bike and stuff, I didn't seem so enormous anymore. It always reminded me of that feeling I had when I got my first key. It made me feel like I was carrying some responsibility, you know?"

Harry doesn't say anything this time, just turns his face down into Louis' shoulder.

"And when we moved I lost it somewhere. Not all the keys, just that band, and when I looked for it, I couldn't find it anywhere, and I haven't seen it since."

"What did it look like?"

"It was dark blue, just a piece of satin, basically, with my name embroidered on it. My mum made it herself."

Harry only hums, his hands leaving their sides to intertwine with Louis' at his stomach. "Tell me more stuff. Other stuff. Tell me stuff that happened after you moved here."

And Louis does. He tells him how he met Zayn. How Zayn got him back into footie again after he stopped it because of moving towns and feeling unmotivated for quite literally anything. Some stupid things he did with Zayn to distract himself. How he and his dad decided that they should go to boarding school, how he found the footie field as his new roof place and what new angles of the stars he discovered from there. He even tells him that he hasn't slept an entire night in ten years, leaving out that he in fact did, just yesterday with Harry.

He doesn't want to make this about them, or about Harry. This, right here, is him opening up to Harry and telling him things even Zayn only knows in pieces. He tells Harry everything, tries to do it in chronological order, but sometimes messes up and does little time skips. When he tells Harry about his first boyfriend, Stan, the boy tenses a bit around him, but relaxes again after a few seconds.

When Louis is done, his voice is raspy and he's sleepily leaning back against Harry's chest with his full weight, not holding himself up anymore. Harry's hands intertwine at Louis's stomach and his chest lifts and falls with every breath he takes, leaned back against the roof, both of them looking at the black sky littered with stars.

"I miss her, you know?" Louis says with a shaking voice after a few moments of silence, of just them breathing. He's drifted off the topic of his mum for a while now, Harry successfully distracting him, but now after the silence it washes back over him. Today, ten long years ago, she died. Louis has been alive without her longer than he was with her. "I wish she was by my side, watching over me"

Harry doesn't say anything for a few seconds, but Louis knows he's still awake since his arms move slightly and his cheek moves against Louis' as he swallows. "She is" He eventually says, voice barely audible but enough for Louis to catch the words. "She is."

"When they took her" Louis says, voice cracking and his eyes filling with tears. He looks down at Harry's hands on his stomach and starts playing with his fingers. He hasn't said this out loud, ever. "I wished it was me instead"

He sniffles and hears Harry takes a deep breath behind him. Then Harry's fingers unwind and touch Louis' shoulders to gently turn him around. Louis doesn't meet his gaze, hasn't cried in front of anyone since, well, since the funeral, probably.

But Harry places his somehow still warm palms on his jaw, thumbs brushing away the tears ever so softly.

Louis hiccups slightly. "Sometimes I just feel like I'm not enough, you know?"

If his walls were crumbling before, they're now just a pile on the floor around Louis. He's putting himself out there, right now, for Harry. Completely defenceless. Tears are spilling like raindrops.

"I feel like I'm not making her proud"

"Hey" Harry whispers, lifting Louis' head and looking him in the eyes. "Louis"

Louis only looks back silently, not saying anything while tear after tear lets loose from his eyes, falls down his cheek and warms his skin in the worst way possible.

"Louis" Harry says again, hands slowly stroking Louis' skin, wiping the tears away. "You are... so, so amazing. You're incredible, okay?"

Louis bites the inside of his cheeks. "You're only saying that because-"

"No" Harry interrupts, voice still a whisper, but firm at the same time. "No, I'm saying that because you are. Because I've never met anyone quite like you. Because you make so many people so happy. Because you made me happy yesterday in a way I haven't been in a really, really long time. You are incredible, that's why I'm saying it. You're incredible for being so incredible after everything that's happened to you, and you were incredible before. What happened to you is a part of you, but you're much more, Lou. I'm not doing this out of pity, any of this. I'm doing this because I like you."

Louis sniffles one last time and then lets out a breathless laugh, looking back at the floor. "I like you too," he whispers, squinting his eyes.

Harry only smiles at him, slowly taking his hands away from Louis' jaw, dropping them by his sides.

"Um" Louis makes, chuckling. He wipes his nose with his hoodie over the back of his hand ungracefully and dives forward to rest his forehead against Harry's shoulder. "Sorry for keeping you up so long, I bet it's like four am right now"

"Don't worry" Harry responds, still smiling. Louis never wants him to stop smiling. Never. "Do you feel better?"

"I'd feel better if you'd kiss my cheek again"

Harry's jaw drops and he shakes his head with a disbelieving laugh escaping his lips. "You're so full of shit"

"Don't curse" Louis pouts, putting a finger on Harry's lips.

"You curse all the time"

"Yeah, I'm two months older than you, I'm allowed to curse. I'll be eighteen in a few days, I-"

He's cut off as Harry leans in and kisses his cheek.

Louis really wants to kiss him, for real. A real kiss. A lips to lips kiss.

But it's late as fuck and his eyes are stinging because he just cried his soul out and they're both too tired to function and he doesn't want to anything any of them will regret. So he doesn't kiss him. Yet.

He just closes his eyes and enjoys feeling the softness of Harry's lips so near his own mouth, but still too far away.
When Harry pulls away again, Louis opens his eyes slowly and smiles at him. "Now I feel better. Way better"

"We should go to sleep" Harry answers, brushing a strand of hair out of Louis' forehead, getting to his feet.

"Okay, yeah"

"But" Harry holds out one hand to help Louis up and pulls him into his side. "I'm absolutely not sleeping on the floor again, Niall can go fuck himself"

"Harry" Louis gasps and sniffles out a laugh. "Language!"

Harry only smiles as they climb back inside through the window.

"How did you know it?" Louis asks when he's pulling off his cold hoodie and slips under the covers in his bed a few minutes later, facing Harry.

"How did I know what?"

"How did you know about my mum? You knew it before"

Harry plays with the little buttons of the duvet. "At the party, what Nick said and how hurt you were by it. That you can't sleep and seek comfort in the sky, I figured that's because you imagine her up there. And that you've kinda never really talked about her while you talk about your dad and your sister often"

Louis, for his own sanity, ignores the confirmation of how much Harry actually listens to him, has listened to him for a while, even though he always used to pretend to be annoyed by Louis' mere presence. "You're really smart, you know that?" He asks instead.

To his surprise, Harry only smirks, tilts his head up and flicks his imaginary long hair over his shoulder. "Scholarship genius"

Louis snorts out a laugh that he hides in the pillow. He opens his mouth with a grin but Harry interrupts him. "If you're going to say that you need another kiss to fall asleep I'm going to sleep in Lottie's room"

Louis laughs a full laugh at that, turning onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. "Nah" he slowly mumbles, grin reducing to a warm smile. "I think you'd need to perform a bit of cpr if you kiss me again"

Harry only chuckles at that, and keeps looking at Louis. "Lets take the boys and do something fun tomorrow"

"Like what?"

"Like shopping, cooking together, stuff like that"

Louis hums, turning his head to look at Harry again. "Sounds good"

"Great"

Louis bites his bottom lip, fighting a smile. "Good night Harry"

"Good night Louis" Harry replies easily, stifling a yawn and looking absolutely fucking adorable doing so. "You're amazing, Lou. You're... you're everything."

When Louis wakes up the next morning, he's suffocating.

Literally.

He pulls his head back and takes a very needed, deep breath. When he opens his eyes, though, he stops short, because just then he sees what exactly he just had his nose buried in.

Harry's curls.

He realises, a tad too late, that his arm is slung over Harry's waist and Harry's back is at his chest and the boy is basically curled into him.

Jesus fucking christ, can god give Louis a break, please?

He thinks about removing his arm and scooting away, but the feeling is just so nice that he can't really bring himself to do that. Not when he feels warm and safe and good, right now. He smiles widely, even though his eyes sting from crying last night.

Normally, when he cries, he feels awful afterwards. Pathetic and stuff. Right now, he feels like a lot of weight is lifted from his shoulders. Everyone always told him that time heals all wounds, and he used to scream at them, why the fuck it took so long then. Why the fuck his wounds weren't healed and why it felt like they were never going to.

Now, though, now he had the right person to listen. He trusted someone and he told that someone how he feels. He said the words out loud that he had thought so many times and got the comfort he never got, because he trusted just the right person. Of course Harry pities him, you'd be an asshole if you wouldn't, but Harry also said that that is not the reason for what he's doing. It makes Louis feel like someday, he might feel better. Like he's actually starting to enter a new stage of grief, maybe a tad too late, but there are no rules for grief and it takes however long it has to take until you're finished mourning. It gives Louis hope, that maybe one day he can feel like he hasn't just lost a piece of his heart.

He doesn't regret opening up to Harry at all.

Smiling, he slowly relaxes again, gently moving forward a bit and unnoticeably tightening his arm around Harry's body.

They lay like that, Louis watching the sunrise through his window, long beams of light crawling over the wooden floor and making the light cream coloured curtains glow, breathing Harry in and unconsciously matching his breathing rhythm.

He house is quiet, it must be early enough that the boys haven't woken up yet, everything seems peaceful and silent and Louis could easily dive into a fake world where this is not his dads home, where Niall, Ashton, Zayn, Liam and Luke are not downstairs on mattresses in the living room, but it's just Louis and Harry and this is their house and their bedroom, no one but them. Maybe somewhere quiet, somewhere peaceful and beautiful. With a dog that is bound to jump onto them soon to wake them up. Maybe some day. Who would know.

After a few minutes that could have been hours, Harry starts to move, his head turning to look down at where Louis' arm is wrapped around him, and he stills.

Louis inwardly panics, and decides that the best option is to just close his eyes and pretend that he's still asleep. Then Harry will wake him up and maybe they'll just ignore that they ended up spooning in their sleep.

Except, Harry doesn't turn around to him. He doesn't wake him up and doesn't move away. Instead, he takes a few seconds, maybe listens to Louis' breathing that he tries to make as even as possible, and sinks back into his touch. He curls even further into Louis' embrace, a small sigh leaving his lips.

Louis is having a crisis. Because now he is pretending to sleep and Harry is also pretending to sleep and someone needs to wake up first and then decide how to handle the situation.

Well, not yet. They can just- lay here a bit longer. Louis can do that. Absolutely.

So that's what he does. He keeps his arm around Harry and tries not to sneeze when Harry's hair tickles his nose and smiles slightly as he hears Harry swallow, a confirmation that they're both still wide awake.

Louis is thinking about how they're both just embarrassing idiots, when the door swings open, Zayn and Luke barging in and stopping short. Louis and Harry shoot up, not pretending to be sleepy anymore. Zayn is holding a phone, probably recording them, his mouth agape and Luke is leaning against the doorframe with a smile on his lips and his hand raising to touch his heart over his chest.

"You guys are so cute"

"And you guys are assholes" Louis shoots back, but can't really hide his smile.

"That is not quite correct" Zayn argues, holding up an index. "I am the way, the Truth and the Life"

Luke, Harry and Louis stare at him, mouths agape.

"Did you just quote Jesus?"