once again, I'm spending my Friday night watching a bunch of sweaty boys chase after a ball. usually I wouldn't be complaining but it's cold out and I just want to go home and watch Friends since I have none.

the only good thing I get out of this is Skittles and hot chocolate.

something told me to go check BlazingPug's Twitter. I feel like I should have notifications on for him but then I just feel hella creepy. the only time it's acceptable to use the notifications is for band members and YouTubers.

@BlazingPug: Football game set in stone!

@BlazingPug: Fuck this shit, I'm out!

@BlazingPug: Math is so damn hard, just like my dick.

my thumb hovers over the button to turn on notifications and I click it, closing out of the app before I could think twice about it.

"god fucking dammit!" my friend Oliver screams. he sits back down, pouting.

"why do you care so much? it's literally just a game." I don't know why I always ask this; I get the same answer every time.

"why do you care about me caring?"

"because it's annoying."

I rest my head in my hand and close my eyes. I'd like to fall asleep but it's so loud and still so bright that it's nearly impossible.

"you're annoying,"

"but you love me,"

"that's gay, bro."

after that, I just stay quiet. it's nice to know that after I come out, he won't accept me so I might as well start distancing myself now.

"listen, I'm tired and I'm just gonna go home."

"alright, text me tonight." he says like he cares. he doesn't.

@itschase: football sucks

when I get home, I immediately change into my pajamas and lie in bed with my dog. instead of watching Friends, which is what I originally planned, I just lie there.

I think the worst part about depression is that you don't really feel anything.

I'm not sad or happy or anywhere in between. I'm just here; living and quietly bleeding.

I don't know when sleep overtook me, but when it did, I didn't dream. it didn't really bother me because I've gotten used to it over time. maybe it was the lack of creativity or the fact that I can't stay asleep for over an hour without waking up.

somewhere around 3 AM, I hear my phone beep.

@BlazingPug: @itschase You swallow.

I'm not sure why, but that made me cry. I burst out into tears with Gus in my arms and I don't even know why.

it's not like I was offended by the tweet. if anything, I thought it was funny.

after a while, I'm able to calm myself and fall asleep with tear-stained cheeks.

—-

tell us what you think :)

-alyssa and lizzy