Dedicated To: Nicholas Rainey 02-04-82 ~07-25-12

Okay... I have never written before and this story is very close to my heart. Please don't leave negative comments on this story either. This is my story and none of this is made up. This story is dedicated to my beloved brother Nicholas. Writing and music is my way of coping with his death. It is always hard losing someone and for anyone reading this who has lost someone just know the grieving is normal and can stick with you forever. Your life will be better but you will never be the same.

Introduction

You may have that one day or memory that haunts you. Whether it was long ago or it just happened. It may have been your fault it may have been completely out of your hands. Either way it won't leave your mind. It comes up frequently and you're reminded of this constant horror that keeps coming back. I have never hated someone so much. The world needs to end gun violence.

July 24th, 2012

I woke up from my bed at around 1:30. My mom was at work and my dad was getting ready for work because he always has to be on time. My dad leaves every day at exactly 2:00. I slowly dragged myself down the stairs to grab some cereal and then back up to my bed. My dad stopped me at the stairs all dressed in his ugly brown uniform.

"Aren't you gonna say hello to your father!" he shouted in his sarcastic tone.

I started back down the 2 stairs I had climbed. I made my way to my father and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I sat down next to his desk where he is always on the computer drinking his coffee. My eyes glimpsed down at the yellow and brown symbol on his uniform. I never quite knew what UPS meant but now I would find out.

"Hey dad what does ups mean?"

Well of course he wasn't going to give an 11 year old a real explanation on the union but all he really said was...

"Well honey all you have to know is it is a bunch of angry truck drivers that somehow get along and always work together and never let eachother down. But, i gotta go i'm gonna be late!" he squeezed me tight and kissed my cheek.

I could smell the fresh toothpaste from his mouth and suddenly I darted back up the stairs. I sat in my bed with my cereal and began to dig in then my phone started blowing up with texts from my best friend Jessica. Me and Jess hung out everyday were there for eachother through every hardship.

July 25th, 2012

I woke up early on this Wednesday. This was a surprise it was just a normal day. I would probably just hang out with Jessica like i did everyday that summer. And turns out those were my exact plans. Jess and I never did anything special but, it is the little things that bring the most memories to someone. We always met up at a shortcut directly at the center between our two house. When we met up, we started to walk back to Jesse's house and when we got there we traveled up to her room. We sat there on her bed and pondered what it would be like to live somewhere else instead of New Jersey. I often thought about how different it would be if i lived with my two brothers and their girlfriends in Florida. But it would never happen so, gradually the topic erased from my mind and me and Jesse got bored. It was around 2:30 before we left to go for a walk to the deli down the block. I glanced at my phone before we left as it started to buzz from my dad calling i answered the phone and told him that i was at jess's. He hung up the phone and me and jess were on our way. While we were walking i went to check my instagram and i should've known that my phone had 2 percent. Suddenly my phone went dark and it shut off. Looks like i wasn't going on instagram... Anyways when me and jesse arrived at the store we walked inside and said hello to anna the nice lady at the register that knew us personally from our constant visits to her store. We bought the snacks we wanted and started to walk up the street back to jesse's house. When we were walking i saw a grey car speed up the street and then stopped at jesse's house. It looked like my mom's car but it couldn't be she was at work. My mom then got out of the car and i was so confused. She ran up the steps to Jess's front door and looked inside. Me and jess began to run. When we go to her house out of breath my mom looked like she was in panic. Kathy (Jessica's Mom) came out of the house and they both looked at me with sad faces like something just broke there heart into a million tiny pieces.

"KELLY WHERE WERE YOU I CALLED YOUR PHONE A HUNDRED TIMES AND IT WENT STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL!" My mom shouted

"My phone di--" she cut me off.

"Me and dad need to talk to you get in the car" she spoke.

"Why can't you just talk to me later? Me and Jess were gonna go inside and eat our snacks we bought" I whinned.

"Kelly get in the car we're going home!"

"Ugh I grunted. Can I come back after?"

"If you want" my mom replied.

July 25th 4:00

Me and my mom pulled in the driveway and quickly got out of the car. She walked into the house first as i followed. I walked into the view of my father's head sitting in his hands at his desk. I thought to myself he was supposed to be at work. They both were!! Whats going on? I walked closer to my dad's desk. He lifted his head and he stood from his chair slowly. His eyes were wet. My mother hugged him and they both started crying.

"Please tell me now."

They both turned and looked into my eyes.

"Kelly"

I stared blankly into there eyes having no idea what was going to come out of there mouths.

"....Ur brothers dead."

My heart fell to my stomach as tears flooded my face down to my chest. My dad scooped me in his arm and we all stood in shocking disbelief. My brothers dead. I can never talk to him again. When something like that hits you there's no explanation to describe how to feel. I just lost a brother and my father just lost a son. How do you describe the pain of loosing someone. You don't. In that moment it had come to me somebody had shot my brother for no reason and there's nothing i could say or do to get him back. He was taken from me forever. When my grandma arrived at my house we sat and hugged bawling for about an hour. All you could do was cry we sat there in silence.