A first kiss for anyone, at any age, (whether they age or not) is awkward. Humans may have discovered a fondness for the practice, but that's quite literally not what mouths are for. It statistically will always lead to heartbreak one way or another and also spreads bacteria. Despite all this, Aziraphale was surprised at how easily one could get the hang of an otherwise disgusting practice in the name of closeness to loved ones. What had felt foreign and fiddly quickly turned to gratifying and exciting. When Crowley had pulled him back into his arms, it felt like coming home more than crossing the doorway to his shop ever had before.

Crowley's lips tasted like candied copper, and the electricity they generated made Aziraphale wonder if this was what children felt when they stuck their tongues to a 9V battery. It was intoxicating, and he couldn't imagine ever stopping. However, the kiss was changing, like he was attempting to stake a claim and was becoming more desperate. It grew harder to ignore, and Aziraphale reluctantly broke the kiss again. This time Crowley let go completely, and began pacing around the room. He should have known this wasn't going to be easy to hide himself from his angel. He probably knew him better than he knew himself. The thought led to a low growl coming from the back of his throat.

"Angel, look I'm just... I'm just a little overwhelmed, we've been moving in a lot of directions today. And I believe you, so we can just-"

"No, you don't."

Aziraphale's interruption was met with dead silence. Where Crowley probably should have been thinking of a reassuring response, all he could consider was the last time he had even attempted to lie to him, let alone had the lie worked. It had been years since he tried to really deceive him in any way. Truthfully, it had been decades since he had behaved like much of a demon.

"And I don't blame you. Y- Yes. We did move fast," he raised and lowered himself on his toes, and began folding his fingers in his palms. "But, Crowley, this has a... Also been a long time coming."

Another long pause.

"Well, well, hasn't it?"

Crowley was now trying to think of the last time he tried to express an emotion one could mistake for tender. He was a primeval being; he had seen stars when they were hypotheses; he gave sin to humanity; he questioned God and paid the ultimate sacrifice for it. If humans believed they had inherit trust issues, they had demons to thank for it. But any demon, even a demon in name only, couldn't explain the first thing about being emotionally vulnerable.

Behind every touch he exchanged that day with his angel, Crowley had a burning flood eating away at his insides. He had Heaven's would-be right hand puppet close enough to kill, not to mention the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, he thought. And yet he was the vulnerable one. He no longer felt anything was permanent. At any moment, Metatron could send an army of angels to collect Aziraphale. And as much as Crowley would like to believe he could fight them all off, deep down he knew he would be no match. These are the people that do the smiting where you stand after all. But worse, he didn't know if at any moment Aziraphale was going to change his mind about this.

Crowley wasn't sure how long he had been trailed off in thought, but by the time he looked back up, he saw tears in Aziraphale's steely eyes. It was clearly too long. But he wasn't upset that Crowley paused, he was upset that the reason he paused was because of him. And he felt selfish to think they could move past this so quickly.

"Crowley, I... Think Metatron did something to me. I can't exactly explain what, but... When he was explaining how things could be if we were to go to Heaven with him, everything he was saying suddenly made perfect sense... And the idea of leaving you behind if you didn't agree to come... To sacrifice... This... For the greater good... It just suddenly felt like my duty. As- As an angel. Like I was finally given an opportunity to do what I always wanted to."

Aziraphale paused, wondering if Crowley was going to interrupt him at some point. He considered it, but so far it sounded like a version of the same reasoning he had given him before, and the reminder was too fresh. Aziraphale took a deep breath.

"Metatron told me they were preparing for the-'' he looked around, and when he spoke again, his voice lowered, "the second coming." It wasn't unreasonable to believe their conversations would be listened-in on after what happened, but little did either of them know, when Metatron had dismissed the visibility of their miracle, he had made them virtually invisible to anyone but him. And Her, of course.

"You were right, Crowley. I'm... I'm truly, truly sorry for what happened, but your words... Everything was foggy, but when he told me that, your voice was all I could hear. I didn't want to- I didn't want any of it anymore. It's like-"

"He was controlling you. Like he put something in the coffee he gave you to get you on his side."

Aziraphale was a little surprised by how little Crowley seemed surprised, and it was written on his face.

"He was acting strange, angel. He made such a commotion when he gave you that coffee and after you didn't go in the elevator... I- I don't know what he did, and I don't know why, but I'm sure he did something."

"Oh..." Aziraphale wasn't sure how he felt. He thought Crowley hadn't known his suspicions, and that would have been the source of the trouble. "So... If you think that, too, then why...?" He wasn't even sure how to finish the question.

"You said it yourself. I don't think you're still being controlled now and you still believe it was your duty to do it. To run off to Heaven, after all we know that they've done. After everything you and I have watched them do to the humans, to their own angels! How could you-" He stopped himself. Getting angry and pointing fingers wasn't going to make either of them feel better. He took a stabilizing inhale before continuing.

"I may not know what that old bastard was up to, but I doubt he could have gotten you to follow him if a part of you didn't want to."

The words lingered, adding to the thick tension forming in the air.

"If you weren't told what it was that Heaven had in store, you would have gone on, blissfully ignorant. Blindly following the people who see humans as dime a dozen pawns even if they die. Again."

"Crowley... They- The humans, they need the angels to watch over them, to guide-"

"When was the last time you remember Heaven doing anything for the humans that didn't come with strings? You are not this ignorant, angel. We've been here before, countless times. We know what Heaven and Hell are truly like. Why would you-"

Crowley was finding it more difficult to hold back tears. On a different day, this would likely have come out only as rage, but this time every bit of frustration the conversation was giving the demon was threatening to come out through facial liquids, which was adding to his brewing fury. He gave up the rant, not wanting to appear even more assailable.

"Crowley. I... I fucked up. I let my unresolved longing to better the system sweep me away. But I... If I ever am able to make any kind of change, it's going to be with you at my side... I want you at my side, no matter what we end up doing. And I love... This bookshop too much to just leave it behind."

Aziraphale wasn't sure if he could bring himself to finish, but somehow looking at Crowley's rusted gold eyes always gave him strength, even though he was probably never aware of it.

"And I love you too much to leave you behind, Crowley."

He didn't outwardly react, but stood there like a statue, afraid if he did move it would betray his insides which felt like they were finally succumbing to the flood and making him liquify. Aziraphale knew if he had an issue with what he said, though, he would have said something. He smiled to himself.

"Crowley. May we please start over? Try this again, properly?"

He broke eye contact, and his voice was slightly strained as he said, "Angel, we can't just-"

"Please. Just... Let me go first this time." Aziraphale smiled more visibly, clearly pleased with the changes in Crowley's demeanor. Where he thought he was being stoic, the demon's breathing had become uneven and he no longer could look his angel in the eye at all, not with his cheeks almost the same color as his hair.

"What Lord Beelzebub and Gabriel did... I want that too. They had the courage to do something you and I never did. But... We can. We've practically already started. I think we were both just... Too afraid to realize it could be more. But I believe it can... I believe we... We can be... Us."

"Oh, come on," Crowley's poker face dropped in the blink of an eye, relieved if anything, to have an outlet to place the burst of emotion that was attempting to consume him. "You can't just go and steal my line."

Aziraphale grinned, having gotten the reaction he was hoping for. The demon gave a small yap of exasperation and started to pace again.

"I'm sorry. What can I say, it stuck with me. Alright, alright... Come here... Please." Aziraphale reached out to Crowley, not wanting to rush him but hoping he'd accept. After a few more seconds of pacing, he walked closer, and their fingers interlocked.

"We have a lot we need to figure out. For ourselves, for our future, and for humanity, really. And Crowley, I am so, so sorry for what I did. I wasn't considering you... But... for right now, can you just do something for me? Can you... Can you trust me once again?"

Crowley knew deep down that despite rarely discussing it, Aziraphale understood he had trusted him in his own way all this time. He wouldn't always have admitted it, but before this happened, he believed his angel would be the last person who could hurt him. And yes, of course this changed everything. But what happened shouldn't warrant him to now disregard the millennia of good will and dedication they had built with each other. In his heart, Crowley knew that. The rest of his body however, including his mind, still seemed unable to provide any kind of reaction or response.

Thankfully, Aziraphale knew Crowley well enough to know what this look meant, and he still knew Crowley would voice any protests if he had them. Since he didn't, the angel decided to proceed, not rushing a single movement, and giving every opportunity for Crowley to stop him should he choose. One of his hands had let go, and moved it up and to the side of his face, his ring finger touching the demon's ear, and he nearly leaned into the touch instinctively. Aziraphale then moved his face closer, keeping eye contact for any sign of refusal. As he still found none, soon he placed his lips against Crowley's. This kiss was another new experience for them both. They were pleased to find it was consistently getting easier to do, and this time was soft, and loving.

The fallen angel didn't feel the need to keep it together anymore. He supposed you could call it the demon in him that wasn't stupid enough to waste this. For the first time in his existence, Crowley felt like he was right where he was supposed to be, despite all of his apprehensions. Those had been there his entire existence causing him harm or leading to someone else causing it, and Aziraphale was always the reason he kept sane, though he just never realized that part was happening. He didn't realize what he had been missing was the arms reach away his best friend always was. His place in the universe was wherever this angel was.

It was also becoming clear that this wasn't going to be resolved today. How could it? Crowley was realizing that he had to forgive Aziraphale. Forgiveness isn't about the other person anyway, and he had already come to terms with the fact that he would put up with almost anything if it meant he didn't hurt Aziraphale. But if he could keep him close, maybe he could help the angel see Heaven for what they really are.

So in that moment, Crowley, Lord of the Untrusting, chose to trust his best friend once again. Even though he didn't really trust it to last, he chose to believe whatever Aziraphale told him. Until this mess had happened, the demon never had any reason to doubt anything Aziraphale said. They always told each other the truth eventually. And in his way, Aziraphale had been telling the truth this whole time, even if it was clouded. If nothing else, he could trust the angel to be upfront with any heart breaking desires he may possess.

Aziraphale was still nervous despite how natural their interaction was. While in the past, he had read more... Unsavory books in his time, it was of course only very late at night and alone, in the basement, and he made sure Crowley wasn't even in the city on those nights for fear he may somehow hear his thoughts. But no book could have prepared him for this. His body was doing things that, in the countless years he had been with the thing, he never knew even existed. It was the kind of chills he had when hearing an orchestra perform a symphony in person, but down to his very cells.

With the acceptance of his angel's words, Crowley finally let a little of that flood spill out of him and into the embrace. The kiss gradually moved from docile to intense. He began to walk Aziraphale backwards in the direction of the back room without breaking the kiss. Crowley was careful to avoid the piles of books, and eventually they found their way to a wall, which the angel was pressed against.

Everything was warm, and Aziraphale noticed his lips were prickling, no doubt becoming swollen from the new amount of work they're experiencing. He felt Crowley's lips move and almost moaned in protest, but stopped the sound just before it escaped. He had moved his lips down across his jaw to his neck to continue his kiss. This time there was no hope of self control. Aziraphale gasped louder than either of them had expected, and the sound was so foreign to Crowley's ear he hesitated for fear he was doing something unwanted. To his comfort, he felt one steady hand move across his back, and another move through his hair. The angel put his face against Crowley's neck in response. Partly to feel more of his skin, and partly to hide the crimson that just flushed his cheeks.

Crowley continued. Everything he knew about what to do in this situation he learned from movies, but quickly noticed how easy it was to follow instincts after you got the hang of it. Kissing a human's neck always seemed even more pointless than mushing their mouths together, but the more locations he tried putting his lips on Aziraphale, the more he understood. The sound he had made alone was enough to create a sharp pang in his lower abdomen. He kept kissing his neck while his hands moved up his angel's sides. Now that he was here, he couldn't imagine how he spent thousands of years next to this man without doing this.

Aziraphale was breathing heavily, lost in a similar train of thought as Crowley. Millennia of being so close to him and yet never having done this before was practically criminal. He felt aware of himself in a way he hadn't been before, like every place the fallen angel touched was new. He had no idea where he got the courage, on a different day he may even feel a little bashful at his brazenness that followed, but the reserved and composed gentleman he normally was seemed to be slowly leaving his mind entirely. Aziraphale glided his hands across Crowley's body to his jacket opening, and began removing it from his person.

Recognizing what he was doing, Crowley indulged his desire and instantly turned the jacket corporeal, letting it shrug to the floor. He put his hands back on his angel, going down his chest, where he felt his heart racing fast. He smiled against his skin, and let out a soft breathy chuckle, the hot air from which subsequently made Aziraphale shudder.

"C- Crowley, I-"

"I love you too, angel."

His breathing hitched before pulling Crowley's head away from his neck and kissing him passionately. It was met with him pressing his body more firmly against Aziraphale, and they both reveled in the torrid affair. Crowley started to remove his angel's jacket, quickly kissing his shoulder as he did before returning to his lips. Aziraphale's hands were exploring, overwhelmed and yet wishing he could feel everywhere at once.

After what seemed like possibly hours or longer, their kiss eventually tapered off, but they stayed close enough to breathe each other's air, the only sound being each other's hearts thrumming. Crowley slowly reached down to hold Aziraphale's hand, raising it to his lips and he softly kissed each digit. When he concluded with the pinky, he whispered, "When I thought I lost you, it felt like I was lost, too."

"And I will spend the rest of our eternity trying to be sure you never feel that way again."

Crowley looked back up into his angel's eyes, and Aziraphale was a little awe-struck, as he often was seeing his snake-like orbs. But this time in particular they were rippling, like pools of liquid amber. It took everything inside the angel to take his attention away from them and focus on his words.

"Nothing lasts forever."

Aziraphale knew he couldn't just take that back, but he also wasn't sure if he believed that entirely. He considered what to say, and took a deep breath.

"I... I would very much like it if you proved me wrong, my dear boy."

The smile Crowley gave was genuine, but sadness still remained. He knew it down to his atoms that he loved Aziraphale. He probably always had since he first saw him, even though love hadn't technically existed yet. But love had always been the source of his abuse in the past. His love got him cast out and tortured. It led him to put himself out there only to watch the love of his life nearly leave him behind. And he'd never force his angel to stay, but he was determined to get him to understand what Heaven was really like before they do to him what they did to Gabriel, or worse. And he will, but not right then. The most important thing that either of them could do right then was just this: being present with each other.

Crowley lifted his hands to hold Aziraphale's face and kissed him deeply, the angel slightly melting at the acceptance of his proposal. He put his hands on his waist and returned the kiss eagerly. And when their lips parted, the red on his cheeks made the demon smile again. When he spoke, his voice was low with a rough lilt.

"Let's go upstairs, angel."

Aziraphale let out a shaky breath and nodded, smiling. He reached up to hold Crowley's hands still on his face and admired the view. He kissed the angel one more time before releasing him from against the wall, and taking him by the hand as they headed towards the stairs.