[21] Chapter Twenty-One

The Downward Spiral

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"There's a saying, a quote by Bukowski that my mom used to say to me all the time: 'Humanity, you never had it to begin with'. She kept telling me that no one is ever truly innocent, that humanity is not born within you but more like taught." 

"Do you think that Matt didn't have humanity to begin with?"

Clara fumbled with her finger in her lap while sitting Indian Style. "I think he had it at one point but lost it when he began to kill people."

"How does that make you feel, Clara?" Morell asked, crossing her arms while leaning against her desk. After Scott and Clara were shot, Matt had revealed that he was turning into the Kanima because he was breaking the rules and nature was trying to balance things out. That night, the Argents bombarded them with a mission to kill Derek. That night led to Melissa finding out her son was a werewolf and Matt drowning in a lake near by.

"I think Matt was a sociopath who felt no remorse for killing all those innocent people. I don't feel bad for him; he took away people's lives and also orphaned a newborn baby." Clara shrugged, feeling disgusted by sound of his name. "He didn't care."

"Do feel sorry for the nine year old him who almost drowned?"

"I feel bad that he had to go through that traumatizing experience when he was a kid but that gives him no excuse to go off on his little killing spree." Clara replied harshly.

Morell folded her fingers together, biting her lip. "How about we moved on from the topic of Matt? I wanted to schedule you an appointment in the beginning of the year but Tate denied the request. How about we talk about parents?"

Clara was silent for a moment, never having the courage or will strength to have a discussion about her parents, especially since Tate revealed the big secret of their death. "Um, I mean, they were my parents. My mom and I weren't close, she was always strict and out of touch with everything. But my dad, I was close to. He was loving, care-free, and understanding. I loved them both even though my mom and I would often have our arguments."

"And your brother?"

For some reason, the werewolf chuckled when memories of her older brother slipped into her mind. "He was a troublemaker and mischievous yet was a great person. Had the looks, the brains, the charm; the perfect son. He was my best friend."

Morell frowned. "How did he die?"

"I was fourteen and Ian was suppose to pick me up from soccer practice. While driving, a drunk driver hit him and during the collision, his car caught on fire. His body was never found but he was presumed dead." Her lips quivered as she spoke, finding the topic hard to talk about.

The Lennon Family, before Ian's death, was almost perfect. They loved each other with all their hearts but just because they were werewolves, doesn't mean they weren't normal. They ate dinner together, had family nights, went to Clara's soccer games and cheered her on. Everything fell apart for the family once Ian was killed in that car crash.

"How about your friends? Have you spoken to them recently?" She cocked her head to the side, looking of interest.

"Um, not really. Scott has his own problems and Allison is dealing with her mother's death." Clara found herself silent, avoiding Morell's eyes. "I only spoke to Stiles once."

"What was the conversation about?" Morell asked, noticing the double sentence behind that answer about Stiles.

Clara looked up at her finally, silent yet her eyes filled with emotions. She remembered her conversation with Stiles, she remembered it clearly:

Clara busted into her room, angry tears streaming down her cheeks. It was the middle of the night, almost morning. It was literally two hours from Matt holding them hostage in the station and the Argents showing up. But now, the night was over and no one was there to stop Clara's downward spiral. All the memories of her parent's death, the guilt, her hallucination about Ian and all the harsh words given to her was coming back in a rush. Derek cheating and Tate lying, everything was coming back.

In an angry and unstoppable rage, Clara grabbed her table and broke it, yelling in rage. She whipped the books and papers off of the shelves hanging on the wall. The werewolf went over to her bedroom wall and began to rip the frame pictures away, hearing the glass shatter onto the floor.

"Clara!"

Someone grabbed her and spun her around. It was Stiles. She didn't know whether he just showed up for no reason or if he followed her to her house. Clara didn't care. Tears welled in her eyes. "I killed them." She croaked in a weak voice as Stiles watched in confusion.

"The hunters ripped them apart and I found them in pieces. It's all because me." Clara cried, remembering the horrible nightmare that occurred when she found her parent's dead corpses. "It's been months since it happen but I..." She stopped, her voice rising as she placed a hand on her chest. "I don't feel better! I don't feel any different! I don't feel peace!"

"You lost your family, Clara." Stiles said to her in a surprisingly calm voice. "It's gonna take time for you to move on-"

" I can't move on, Stiles!" Clara shook her head, a waterfall of tears flowing down her olive skin. "I don't want to live like this, Stiles. With the guilt, with the pain. I hate it!"

Stiles looked a the girl, never realizing until now how broken she was. How the painful reminder of her part in her parent's death was always with her. It was now when he realized how everything in her life was falling apart. He watched as her face confronted in pain. "If I wasn't born then my parents would be alive. Derek broke my heart, both him and Tate betrayed my trust. I've hurt people and I'm the reason my parents are dead....I don't deserve to be loved.

Clara stepped forward, her tearful eyes locked onto Stiles. "Everything has changed Stiles and not just for me."

Stiles sucked in his breath; he knew exactly what she was talking about and it made him nervous straight to his core. If you were to ask Stiles if he had feeling for Clara weeks ago, he would deny it with every fiber in his body. But now, he looked at this broken and vulnerable girl, and he realizes that his feelings run deep.

Clara liked Stiles, it was easier to admit it now. He was there for her back then and he's there for her now. Her feelings were undecided since she didn't know how far they ran but they were still there, a constant in her heart. 

She now stood in front of him with almost pleading and helpless eyes looking at him. "I saw the way you looked at me before, when I was with Derek, and I see the way you look at me now." When Clara was with Derek, Stiles had no romantic interest in here. None what so ever. But ever since she showed up on his porch, hugging him so tightly that she was afraid he would let go, the feelings for the werewolf came out of nowhere.

The lips of the crying werewolf pursed as a long stream of water went down her face. "I was a girl, now I'm a monster." She looked back up at him. "Things are different now."

Sympathy, pitiful and hopeless sympathy, filled Stiles eyes. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to help her. Clara sniffled, her crying finally stopping. "You can't tell me they aren't."

As the two stood in front of each other, the two friends knew nothing between them would be the same. Nothing would fit into place when it came to their friendship. Stiles saw it and he watched it happen; the light, that fierce gleam, left her eyes and he knew she was long gone.

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Clara found herself towards the side of the boy's lockeroom. It was championship game tonight and it meant everything to Beacon Hills High School since it's the only thing the school actually achieved in. The lockeroom was swarmed with players, all cheering each other on and pumping themselves up for the game. 

She froze once Stiles noticed she was in here. Hesitantly, Clara walked towards him and smiled softly, almost awkwardly. "Hi."

"Hey." Stiles replied until there was nothing left by silence between the two. It wasn't until Stiles gained the courage to speak up. "What are you doing here?"

Her eyebrows rose up. "It's the championship game, I've come here to cheer you and Scott on."

"Oh, well I don't really play." He scratched the back of his head.

Clara shrugged. "Doesn't matter, I'm still here to support you."

She looked over to the side and saw Melissa standing next to her. From what Scott told Clara, Melissa hasn't even been able to face Scott since that night in the station. No surprise really. Although Melissa didn't speak to her, she smiled kindly.

"Good morning!" Coach loudly said through his little mircophone. Both Melissa and Clara stared confusingly at him as the rest of the lacrosse players crowded around. Good morning? It was like 8 O'clock at night. Why would he say good morning? "In less than an hour, aircraft from here will be joining others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind."

"What?" Ms. McCall said out-loud, sharing confused looks with Clara.

"Mankind - that word should have new meaning for all of us today." Coach Finstoke spoke the speech like he was a proud patriot just about to go into battle.

Clara rolled her eyes before tapping Stiles on the shoulder. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Stiles let out a huff. "He does this every year..."

"Seriously?" Melissa exclaimed, raising her eyebrows. 

"We are fighting for our right to live."

As the team cheered, the female werewolf narrowed her eyes, searching through her head to see where she had heard those words before. "Wait, it that?"

"Yeah, it's the speech from Independence Day." Stiles answered, expressionless since he's heard this speech since the beginning of freshman year.

"But as the day the world declared in one voice - "

Stiles leaned over to the two women. "It's coach's favorite movie."

Ms. McCall shrugged and pursed her lips together. "He doesn't know any sports speeches?"

"I don't think he cares." Stiles proclaimed, shrugging his shoulders.

"Today we celebrate our Independence Day!" Coach cheered as everyone else joined along. But all the excited cheering died down once Gerard walked over behind Coach. Clara felt Melissa tense up beside her. "Well spoken, coach. I might have chosen something with a little more historical value, but there's no denying your passion. And while I haven't been here long, there's no denying my pride in having a winning team for this school. I know you'll all be brilliant tonight, even with only one co - captain leading you. Now, I'm your principal, but I'm also a fan. So don't think I'll be content to watch you merely beat this team. Get out there and murder them."

"You heard the man! Asses on the field!" The entire lacrosse team cheered, their adrenaline and enthusiasm consuming everyone as they all rushed out of the lockeroom and out towards the field. Melissa and Clara shared some looks before the two walked out of the room and went to find some seats on the bench.

Such a sad and emotional chapter :( Poor Clara and poor Stiles

Y'all starting to ship Stara?

~ ~ ~ ~ Monrox (Katie)