Chapter 20

It's been a couple days now, since Becky had her last encounter with Nop. She hadn't heard from him after that. The first 3 days she was happy about it. But on the 4th day, she began to worry.

In just 2 days Becky and Nop would get married. But Becky called it off, she let everyone, that was gonna attend the wedding, know that it got cancelled.

She got a lot off questions asked about it, but she just kinda avoided giving them a whole answer. The truth wasn't pretty, she didn't wanna be the bad guy in everyone 's life.

She decided that she would visit her apartment today. She needed her clothes and she needed to check up on Nop. They needed to talk this through. She couldn't just pack her stuff and leave. It was far more complicated than that.

When she was about to enter her apartment, nerves settled into her stomach. She hesitated to insert her key.
Why? For many reasons...

She took a deep breath and entered. The apartment was chilly and kinda abandoned. There were beer bottles and dirty plates everywhere. The smell that intruded her nostrils was disgusting.

That's when she heard some light snoring coming from their bedroom. He's still sleeping, probably because of his hangover.

Suddenly she felt guitly... Was this because of her that he drank himself asleep? Was it because of her that he needed alcohol to feel beter? Probably stupid questions, she knew the answer to them. It was because of her.

He was happy before all of this happend. And she took away that happiness by breaking his heart in the worst possible way, by cheating.

How could she ever have done this... She didn't wanna do this. It was not something she intended on doing, it just happend. Her feelings were more stubborn then her head was. This time her heart really won.

Her heart belonged to Freen, it always did and it always will. That was clear now.

After their break-up, 7 years ago, Becky closed of her heart for a very long time. In that time, it was to painful to let anyone back in. She didn't have any space in her heart beside the sadness of losing her soulmate.

She grieved, eventhough Freen never died. But to her, she actually did at the end. Freen wasn't her Freen anymore due to the depression. It took a toll on her too, almost swallowing them both.

When Freen's parents died, she truly hit a low point in her life. Becky was there to catch her and help her through the worst moments.

But Becky being there, didn't bring her parents back. Freen suddenly lost two of the most important people in her life, without having the chance to say goodbye. She never really got over it during that time.

Is it even possible to get over something like that? She guessed not, it was more of getting to learn how to live with the void. But Freen never got passed the void. It swallowed her until it fully consumed her.

It was hell, seeing her lover slowly deteriorate. While she couldn't do anything about it. She tried, but she just couldn't do it alone. Her darkness was contagious and effected Becky too. That's when she decided it was time to make a change after one and half year off this.

She blamed herself for not being able to heal her girlfriend. She felt like she was never enough for Freen to get better. It was all to painful. She needed to leave, for herself and for Freen.

They were soulmates that met at the wrong time. But they have another chance now and Becky took it with both hands, both feet and everything in between. She won't ever let go of her soulmate again, even when time would get hard. She promised.

Her thoughts were brought back to reality when she knocked over a bottle on the floor. The sound reverberated through the apartment.

'Shit...' she whispered to herself. The snoring stopped, he woke up. Becky rolled her eyes at herself. What was she doing here? Gosh, she wanted to disappear.

It would be rude to leave right now, so she sat herself in the kitchen at the counter, waiting for him to show up.

Just like she imagined, he strolled in the kitchen looking like a truck ran over him. He looked bad, he looked broken. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

'Hi... I euh, I came by to see how you're doing. I hadn't heard from you in a couple days.' She began the conversation. He looked at her with a dead express on his face.

'You can leave now... I'm fine.' He stated. He passed her to make himself a hot coffee. It was quiet for some time. Becky didn't know what she should say.

'I do wanna know something though. The person that you decided to cheat on me with, was it that Freen person? When you dressed up for your dinner.' Becky was stunned to hear her name fall out of his mouth. She felt anger sider inside of her stomach, having an uneasy feeling. But she pushed it all aside and answered his question. He had remembered the night they went out together.

'Yes...' she simply said. He looked at her like she was crazy. He got back to his coffee and strolled out of the kitchen, but not before sarcastically whispering 'that's just perfect.'

Becky rolled her eyes at the comment. Ofcourse he would say something like that. Becky dating a woman was something new for Nop, because he didn't know her past.

'Is this like some kinda phase you're going through? Is it because you're scared of getting married?' He ignorantly asked. She wanted to scream at him, but she held back.

'No Nop, it is not. She's someone I've dated even before we met. I've known her for a long time. I've always been this way, it's not a phase.' She tried to explain to him. She saw him thinking for a while.

'So what about us? Our wedding? Our future?' There it was, the tough questions. Becky feared them the most, but they needed to discuss them.

'I'm sorry... I don't think I can marry you. I know this it really fucking hard to hear right now, but I love her. I'm in love with her. I can't go on with this wedding, with you.' He was silent. He looked like Becky just slapped the shit out off him. And in a way she did.

'I'm truly sorry about the way it all turned out. This wasn't something that I intended to do. But it happened and I can't turn back time. The damage is already done.' Becky stated firmly. A tear escaped Nop's eye and slowly rolled down his cheek.

'Did you ever love me?' He asked with a lump in his throat. He was scared to hear what she would say, but he wanted to know.

'Ofcourse I did... I still love you. I love you for everything that you are. You're still one of my best friends.' Becky paused a second. What she was about to confess, was gonna hit him like a train.

'But if I'm truly honest, I'm just not sure if I was ever in love with you. I felt completely save with you, you were my safe haven. I think I got being safe and comfortable, confused with what it really felt like falling in love. At the time being safe and comfortable was enough for me, but it suddenly changed when I encountered Freen again by accident.' She paused again, letting her words sink in.

'I'm sorry that my heart changed. It changed and I can't go back to what it first was. I can't ignore my feelings, even if I tried.' Becky finished. This was all she had to say about it. She hoped that Nop understood what she just said.

'I need some space from you, from this whole situation.' He said after a while. Becky understood why he needed the space. She would totally respect it.

'Ofcourse, I understand. You can tell me whenever you want to continue talking. We still need to discuss some things. But that's for later.' He just stared at her. Becky felt it was time for her to go.

She quickly got some fresh clothes in a bag and left their apartment. There was some weight lifted off of her shoulders, just a little bit.

It did hurt her, seeing him like this. She really did feel guilty about it. When Freen held her and kissed her on her forehead. It was the first time she felt her heart beat again since Nop had stopped it. Because, that is what he did. It maybe cliché to say it, but fuck, her heart didn't beat for him. When she went to see Freen again for the second time, she felt so guilty. When Freen touched her body in the way Nop never did, with her gentle caresses that told her that she understood. She didn't even have to explain anything.

But Nop was someone important for her, so hurting him hurt her too. She promised to herself that she would be there for him whenever he needed her. That's the least she owned him.

Falling in love with someone else is not something simple. Her feelings were complicated, but one thing she knew for sure and that was her love for Freen.

Eventhough the last 2 weeks were an emotional rollercoaster, she was glad that she chose her heart over her brain. She finally felt back alive, like she woke up from a dream.

After leaving the apartment, she texted Freen to let her know that she was off to her shop for work. She would be back in the afternoon. Freen herself had to get some work done too.

Becky smiled, just knowing she would get home later and her first love would be waiting for her. She felt butterflies erupt in her stomach. Her phone interrupted her moment, a text message came in.

- I'm coming over to your shop. Yuk x

Shit... Her best friend was gonna be here in 15 minutes and she still had to mentally prepare to tell her everything that had happened. But she was sure that Yuki would support her. She already met Freen on the beach party.

She also needed to tease her some more with Tee. Not only Becky, but Yuki had some tea to spill. She was gonna interrogated the shit out off her bestie.

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Writer note: prepare yourself for next chapter, you will need it

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