"Hi," I greet my dad as I get into the passenger seat of his Buick.

"Hey, kid." He sets his phone down, putting his hands onto the wheel. "How was school today?"

"It was good. Has Mom flown in yet?" It's Friday, which means that today is the dreaded day. Stress grapples my shoulders, though I try not to let it get to me.

Dad cleaned the house for me when I finally built up the nerve to tell him about her approaching arrival, which is a great relief, but I can't help the impending doom that is nestled in my hollow chest.

He shakes his head. "No, not–"

"Mom's coming today?" Lucas asks from the backseat.

I turn around, my eyebrows raising when I see Ezra sitting beside him. "Oh, hi."

Ezra grins. "Hey."

"Yes," I redirect my attention back to Lucas. "So that means Ezra can't come over for a little bit. Not until everyone is settled in." I probably sound controlling, but the less people at the house when Mom is in town, the better.

"That's not your decision to make," my brother retorts.

We have this argument all the time. When I try to reduce stress in any way that affects him, he goes mad.

"I don't mind," Ezra says to him, innocence shining bright in his eyes. "I can survive at my house for a little bit."

I blow out a breath of relief, but of course, Lucas has to ruin it. "No. Indi doesn't get to dictate whether or not you come."

The car starts moving as Dad gets onto the road.

"I'm not trying to dictate anything," I try to keep my tone calm, but that's next to impossible.

"Yes you are," Lucas snaps back. "You always do this. Just because Mom and Dad fighting messed you up in the head, doesn't mean you have to project that onto me."

Ezra's eyes widen before he turns his attention to his phone.

My lips remain slightly open and Dad opens his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. "I'm just saying that it would be easier," my voice is shaky as I speak. Just because Mom and Dad fighting messed you up in the head– "We don't need a repeat of last year."

It was my birthday. I had Lihn over and Lucas had a friend from the baseball team at the house as well. Mom showed up without warning, causing multiple arguments to erupt. Between me and her, her and dad, me and Lucas, Lihn and Lucas...Pretty much every which way, there was a quarrel. Dad didn't kick her out until she grabbed a bottle of wine and slammed it onto the ground.

"That's not going to happen again," Lucas says, a new defensive tone in his voice. "She just gets mad easily. It's honestly your fault for provoking her."

I haven't cried in months and I'm not necessarily a sensitive person, yet I have to turn back around because of the way his words cause my eyes to sting with fresh tears. Even if I said something mildly frustrating to Mom, it doesn't justify her screaming or getting violent. Nothing she's done to me or anyone else in the family is justifiable.

"Stop fighting," Dad intervenes, sounding tired.

"Tell Indi she doesn't have a say over other people, first."

"For your information, I don't have to tell her anything." And then he looks at me. "But he is right. Ezra is mature enough to handle whatever he sees, and trustworthy enough to not say anything about it."

"Fine." I go with one word, even though it's not exactly pleasant that he's taking Lucas's side. My chest tightens and I have to look out the window to stop myself from crying.

Deep breaths, Indi. Everything is okay.

All I have to do is keep Mom calm. And keep the house clean. And keep her away from the dog because she hates animals. And keep her away from Dad because they can't be in a room longer than thirty minutes. And do all the homework I got today. And study. And–

My vision blurs, so I slam my eyes shut. Just a few more minutes and then we'll be home.

My phone buzzes in the pocket of my jeans, and I take it out to see what it is.

Ezra Clancy: Don't worry, I wasn't planning on staying for too long. That trigonometry homework is going to take me all night

As waves of relief crash through me, I can't help the smile that forms on my lips.

Me: Lucas is right, I can't control you. You can stay if you want, but it'd be better if not.

Me: But I hope you know, that if there was anyone I'd want while my mom is around, it would be you

After sending my idea of a risky text, I silence my phone, sliding it into my tote bag. This is going to be a long afternoon.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I'm not sure why, but my brother's words stick with me into the afternoon.

Just because Mom and Dad fighting messed you up in the head, doesn't mean you have to project that onto me.

It's honestly your fault for provoking her.

I'm starting to wonder if it really was my fault.

I keep trying to recall just what caused that argument last year, but all I can see is the emotions of everyone. The anger in my mom's eyes when she stood up with that wine bottle. The fear on Linh's face even after Mom left. The shock that my dad remained in all week.

He was reluctant to let her come back, but after some persuading, she finally revisited just before the summer started. She was...fine, I guess, but I haven't seen her since. I can only hope things will be fine this time around too.

I've tried to do my schoolwork in order to distract myself, but that hasn't played out as planned. Well, it was working. Until after dinner and I got off track.

In my defense, I was thinking about Ezra and then got reminded of his dietary habits. I've watched at least ten YouTube videos. The first one was about general disordered eating, but a comment mentioned orthorexia. A quick search that defined it as an obsession with eating foods considered healthy, led me down this rabbit hole.

I know I should be concerned about school and the fact that my mom could show up at any minute, but I keep replaying one of the first videos I watched. It demonstrated a day in the life of someone with orthorexia. Needless to say, it broke my heart to imagine Ezra going through what the person in that video did. The self-esteem issues, the extremely restrictive diet, the guilt and shame, the purging.

When the video showed the person throwing up after eating 'too much', that's how they described the action. Purging. It reminded me of the night just two weeks ago when I heard Ezra throwing up. Now I'm queasy over the memory for a whole other reason.

My phone rings, pulling me out of my head.

The contact name reads Paloma-ma and I dreadfully answer the call.

"Hey, Mom."

"Indi, my baby!" Fake excitement coats her raspy voice. "Come open the door for me, please. I have full hands."

I subconsciously bite down on my teeth. "Be right there." After hanging up, I allow one deep, steadying breath before leaving my bedroom.

My heart beats unnecessarily fast as I make my way downstairs. I even feel a little bit lightheaded, but I push away the feeling once I'm on the main level.

Lucas is in the living room, playing Fortnite with a headset on. "Bro! On me!" He yells into the mic. "There are like sixteen guys on top of me. Where are you?"

My eyebrows furrow at the rather interesting wording, but it's another thing I ignore when I open the door.

The woman on the other side is supposed to be my mother, but she's closer to a stranger. The only recognizable trait is the face that she shares with my brother. Everything is identical to him, right down to the blonde, wavy hair.

She has two bags in her hands. Both are plain beige. "Will you grab these?"

She shoves the bags into my hands and pushes past me into the house before I get the chance to even say hello back to her.

I turn around and watch as she walks to the couch, kissing Lucas on the top of the head. He's always been her obvious favorite, but I typically don't let that get to me.

Being liked by Paloma Hart is not something to gloat about.

After locking the front door, I sit on the couch, setting the bags beside me.

"I've gotta go," Lucas says into the mic. "We'll play later, though." Once he shuts off the video game console, Mom sits besides him.

"How have you guys been?" She's asking both of us, but she doesn't look at me.

"I've been good," my brother answers. "Got a new girlfriend."

Her eyebrows shoot up and she nudges his shoulder. "Look at my little boy, all grown up. I always knew you were going to be a heartbreaker. How's baseball?"

"I've been getting scouted." My brother's face takes up a look of triumph.

"Already?" Her palpable excitement dims when she turns to me. "And how is college going for you, Indi?"

"I'm in high school, Mom."

She bats her eyelashes a few times before nodding. "Of course I knew that! I mean, how is working towards it so far?"

I blow out a long sigh, trying to plaster on a smile. "It's fine." If you don't take into account the rapid decline in my mental health that I'm trying to ignore. "I have A's in all my classes, so..."

"Ay! That's my daughter."

I want to laugh at her audacity for referring to me as her daughter. I am someone she gave birth to almost two decades ago and someone she finds pleasure in stressing out. That is how deep our relationship runs.

"Alright, kids," Mom says. "Where is your father?"

Every joint and muscle in my body stiffens.

"Kitchen," my brother replies.

She nods and plants one last kiss on the crown of his head before walking into the kitchen.

Silence hangs in the living room, but that's not what I'm paying attention to. I'm craning my neck, trying to get a view of my parents just in case I need to play my typical role of mediator.

"Indi," my brother's voice breaks through the still air.

"Yes?" I reply.

His words go through one ear and right out the other. It can't be nearly as significant as what could happen if an argument breaks out.

The air returns to its silence and I remember to say something. "Mhm," I mumble even though I have no idea what he's just said.

"Indi!" Lucas exclaims, getting my attention.

My eyes snap to his. "What?" I bite the word out, but feel regret for it almost instantly. "I'm sorry. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he replies. "I just wanted to say sorry for earlier."

Just because Mom and Dad fighting messed you up in the head, doesn't mean you have to project that onto me.

"The argument? That was no big deal," I lie.

He swallows, looking at me with pity in his brown eyes. "I shouldn't have said that earlier, really. Especially with Ezra there."

I bite down on my teeth again, remembering that there was a spectator during that car ride, but it's not that bad, is it? Not if it was someone like Ezra.

"Kills me to say this," he prefaces, "but you're a good sister and shouldn't have had to hear half of the things you did growing up."

My brother's words are like a thousand cuts when he's angry, but his apologies always seem to make up for it.

"Thank you," I reply softly. "It's–"

"You got a dog?!" Mom yells from the kitchen. "I thought we talked about where animals should be when I'm here. You know I can't stand how dirty they are."

All the warmth in my body flies out as my heart starts banging on my ribcage.

I don't hear exactly what my dad says, but there is some sign of a reply.

"I. Don't. Care." They couldn't even last ten minutes. "Between this and the locks being switched, I'm starting to think you don't even want me around the children."

"You don't say!" my dad sarcastically replies.

I jump off the couch, my steps are quick towards the kitchen.

Mom looks over at me, rolling her eyes. "Go away, Indi. This isn't your argument."

"Do not talk to my daughter like that." Anger seeps through every inch of my dad's demeanor. "You have one last chance."

"Or what?" Mom crosses her arms.

"Dad!" I intervene, getting him to look at me. "Do you want to see some of my new drawings?"

He stares at me for a moment, his chest heaving up and down with angry breaths, until, the marks of frustration slowly leave his face. "Sure."

My dad walks towards me. As we leave the kitchen together, my mom shouts, "This conversation isn't over!"

We both ignore her.

Once we're upstairs, Dad puts a hand on my shoulder. "Give me the word and I'll kick her out."

I let out a small laugh to cover up my anxiety. "Thanks, but no. Lucas is excited to see her." And as much as I want to be selfish, that's just not fair.

"Okay, let's see this art."

A real grin forms on my face and I lead him into my room. "Okay, but I've had some art block recently so...just, don't judge."

I sit on the swivel-chair at my desk, Dad sits on my bed just beside me.

My drawing tablet is on one of the shelves on the other side of me. I place it on my desk and power it on.

Except, as it's turning on, my phone starts ringing with a new call.

My dad and I both look at the screen. The second I read Ezra Clancy, I know it's too late.

I look over at Dad's knowing grin and open my mouth to deny it, but he stands up. "Don't worry, Indi, I approve."

That should frustrate me–seeing as Ezra and I aren't even together–but it doesn't. For some odd reason, it relieves me.

"I love you," Dad says before leaving.

"Love you!" I wait until he's completely gone before answering the call. "Clancy?"

I hear him blow out a breath. "Indigo. Are you busy right now?"

"Um..." I look at the computer in front of me. The YouTube video I was watching–one about orthorexia nervosa–is still pulled up on the desktop. "Not really, no."

"Can I come over?"

My eyebrows crinkle. "You know you don't have to actually ask, right? You can hang out with Lucas if you want."

"Can I come over to see you, though?"

My breathing stops completely. "Wh–" My voice comes out weak and I have to clear my throat before asking, "Why?"

"Is it okay?"

I'm silent for a long moment. Dad is likely going to bed for the night soon, so there's a good chance no arguments will break out if he comes over. "Yeah, sure. But we'll have to sneak you in. My brother would kill me if he thought I was stealing one of his friends."

Ezra's deep chuckles go through my ears and sink into my bloodstream. Even over the phone, I love that sound. "Okay," he says. "Wait for me by the gate." Then, he hangs up.

I throw a pair of slippers over my fuzzy socks and check my reflection in the mirror. My hair is pinned back with a claw clip, all my makeup is washed off, and I'm in pj's–a white tank-top and Hello Kitty pajama pants. Not a beautiful sight, per se, but Ezra doesn't seem to care for the picturesque.

As I'm about to leave my room, his black zip-up jacket–which is hanging over my desk chair–catches my eye.

It's probably cold out. I should wear it.

Without thinking much about it, I slide the jacket over my bare arms and zip it up to the halfway point before finally leaving the room.

My steps are next to silent as I make my way downstairs, and even quieter as I step into the backyard.

I walk around to the front of the house.

To my surprise, Ezra is already waiting inside the fenced area, his hoodie-clad body is visible thanks to the lights peeking through my house's windows. And there's something in his hands.

The closer I get, the more clear the something becomes.

In one hand, a bouquet of flowers. In the other, what appears to be a grocery bag.

"What's that?" I whisper, once I'm just a few feet away.

"The only thing that used to cheer up my mom when she was upset was when Dad and I would buy her favorite things. Flowers–" He holds up the bouquet. "–and food." He holds up the hand that's holding the bag. "I thought I would at least try to help after causing that argument earlier."

All I can do is stare at him for a long moment. My gaze darts between both of his eyes, then both of his hands. It's not clicking.

"These are for me?" I ask, settling on just his eyes. His warm eyes filled with something sweet. Something I wish was reserved for only me.

And there goes the intrusive thoughts again.

He nods, giving me a sheepish smile. "I got the snacks I've seen you buy before. And the flowers were just a wildcard. I hope you–"

I close the distance between us, throwing my arms around his torso. He stumbles back before hugging me back.

"Thank you," I whisper, trying to hold back my tears.

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Don't try to downplay this." Once I realize I'm delighting in his warmth a little too much, I pull back from the hug before grabbing onto his bicep. "Okay, come on."

As I pull him with me into the backyard, I pretend I don't feel the pulse in his arm or the way it's going much faster than it probably should.

When we get to the backdoor, I turn to face him. "They're in the living room."

He nods and I drop his arm before reaching up to put the hood of his sweatshirt over his head. We look like amateur bank-robbers.

I slowly open the door, grimacing when it quietly creaks. My brother and mom are still on the couch, but thankfully they're facing away.

Honey gets up from where he's laying near the dining table. I don't feel the same contempt at the sight of him that I did just last month. In fact, a small part of me looks at him with affection.

And I don't mind when the golden retriever follows us upstairs.

Ezra gets the memo to keep his steps soft as we make our way into my room. Just before we enter, though, he turns around to look at Honey. "Sorry, little bro," he whispers to the dog. "I'd let you in, but your foster sister has this weird distaste towards dogs."

"I do not," I say. "In fact, Honey, come join us."

Ezra looks at me with raised eyebrows. "Did you finally have the character development that we've discussed?"

I open my bedroom door. "Find out for yourself."

We walk in together and even though he's seen my room before, this feels oddly intimate. I kick off my slippers as Ezra closes the door.

"You can just sit on the bed," I say as I turn around to face him.

"Do you wanna take these first?" He holds up the gifts that are still in his hands.

"Oh, sure." When I grab the bouquet that has many different types of flowers in them, our fingers brush, electrifying my body in an unignorable way. The same thing happens when I grab the bag. I turn around and walk towards my desk before I can let it get to my head. "Thanks again."

"Of course, Indigo." There's something so sincere about the way he says it.

I lay the flowers on the surface of my desk and look in the bag, stunned to see that he got all my favorites. A bottle of Dr. Pepper, a bag of Funyuns, and a box of Milk Duds.

I grab the bottle of soda and set the bag down on my desk chair before turning around. My heart twists at the sight in front of me.

Ezra is sitting on my bed with his feet dangling off the edge. Honey is laying just beside him with his head propped in Ezra's lap as they both look at me.

Look at that. The only two things in this world that bring me peace, cuddling up.

I step out of my slippers before sitting right beside Honey. My fingers lazily run through his soft, golden coat, but I feel Ezra's eyes on me again.

I look up to meet his gaze, only for his grin to become my own. "What?"

"You really did have that character development."

My eyes roll and I push his shoulder, earning me a couple of those soft chuckles. "You make me sound evil."

"Well..." He looks back down at Honey.

My jaw drops, but I can't stop the laughter that leaves me. He didn't even say anything funny, but...I don't know.

I really don't know.

He meets my gaze again, his grin looking a little different. His eyebrows are crinkled ever-so-slightly and his eyes shine in a way I've seen just a few times. I'm not sure how to describe it. Maybe if I allowed myself to be delusional, I'd say there's a hint of yearning in there.

I clear my throat. "How does a movie sound?"

He looks almost disappointed–about what, I'm not sure–before he washes that look away. "Maybe we'll be able to pay attention this time."

Smiling, I grab the TV remote off of my desk.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Unfortunately, the romantic thoughts I keep having in relation to Ezra don't go away. Choosing to watch To All The Boys I've Loved Before with him hasn't exactly helped either.

Since I've seen the movie around ten times–which might be an underestimate–I know when the hot tub scene is coming up.

That's why I stand up when it's approaching. "I'm going to go get some water," I tell Ezra. "Stay here and don't pause the movie." If he does pause it and I have to sit through that scene with him when I come back, it's going to be awkward.

"Will you please bring me some too?" he asks.

"Yup."

Honey follows as I leave the room and shut the door behind me. It can't be later than eleven, but I still make sure to be quiet as I make my way down the stairs.

Lucas and my mom are no longer in the living room. He's probably in his bedroom playing some video game on his PC, and she's probably in one of the guest rooms on the phone with her fifth husband.

I fill two cups with ice and water before taking a sip from the one with more ice.

Honey stands beside my feet and I decide to pet him in order to stall. I'm not sure how long the scene will last, but the longer I wait down here the better.

Honey has the softest coat of fur I think I've ever felt. It worries me how I'm sort of becoming attached to him when we have a maximum of four months left.

And with that, melancholia carves out a hole in my chest, leaving me with a hollow feeling.

After a deep breath, I straighten up and grab both of the cups before heading back up stairs.

But when I approach my room, I realize that not only is the door open, two people are inside talking.

One of the voices belongs to Ezra.

And one of them belongs to my brother.

Oh no. What do I do? I'd like to avoid another argument with my brother, but then again, I don't want him attacking Ezra.

Since when did I start caring about him?

Who cares? Bracing myself, I walk into my room, trying to assess the situation as quickly as possible.

Ezra is standing in front of my desk. His hood is now down and he averts his gaze towards me when I step inside. Lucas is standing near the entry, his shoulders much tenser than usual. He turns around slowly when he realizes Ezra is no longer looking at him.

"Look," I say when my brother meets my eyes. "It's not what it looks like."

"Really? 'Cause it looks like my best friend is in your room watching romance movies with you after you said he couldn't come over."

My eyes dart to the TV where the movie is paused on the worst freeze frame possible. Lara Jean making out with Peter Kavinsky in a hot tub. The exact scene that I wanted to avoid.

I slowly nod before shrugging. "Okay...so maybe it is what it looks like."

A muscle in my brother's jaw ticks. "Really? You are such a little–"

"Don't finish that sentence, Myles," Ezra cuts him off. "It was my idea. Not hers."

Lucas looks absolutely livid when he turns back to his friend, but I don't have it in me to care. Not when Ezra just defended me like that.

That was...

Honestly, so hot.

My standards must be non-existent if that's all it takes for hearts to form in my eyes.

"Are you serious, man?" Lucas snaps. "Out of all the girls you could have, you chose my sister?"

I feel my heart sink into my stomach. Out of all the girls... I don't even compare.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ezra doesn't deny what my brother is implying.

"If you're really that desperate, go find some other girl to lead on. Preferably not one under the same roof as me."

Ezra takes a step forward and it feels like my heart is about to burst out of my ribcage from how hard it's beating right now. There's too much verbal fighting going on, I do not need a physical fight to break out. Especially not in my room.

"Excuse me?" Ezra's voice is cold as ice

"That's enough," I say, setting down the cups in my hand on the TV stand before turning to my brother. "This is the reason why he came in the first place. You are stressing me out and he just wanted to be there for me."

My brother turns to me and I swear I see his eye twitch. "Oh, so this is my fault?"

"Um, yeah, kind of."

He lets out a breathy, humorless laugh before holding his hands up in surrender. "Fine. Have fun with the STDs you contract when he–"

"Get out of my room," I cut him off, rage pulsing in my veins.

He's frozen in place for a moment. Then he flashes an angry tight-lipped grin before turning around and leaving, just as I asked. He slams the door behind him.

I turn to face Ezra, expelling a deep sigh.

The anger written on his face...it does weird things to me. Things that anger should not be doing. My stomach feels like it turns over and a swarm of butterflies invades my heart.

"I'm sorry," Ezra says, taking a step towards me. "He shouldn't have said all that about you."

A grin pulls at my lips. "You're apologizing on behalf of someone else?"

He just shrugs. "It's not the apology you deserve, but it's this or walk into your brother's room and beat the life out of him for talking about you like that."

I let out a shocked laugh at his wording, but something about his tone tells me that he's not fully joking.

His eyes glance down to my mouth for the quickest of seconds. It's almost unnoticeable.

"You should probably go home," I say. It'd be nice if he was here all night, but I doubt that that is a good idea.

He pinches his eyebrows together. "Are you sure?"

I reluctantly nod, but the gentleness in how he addresses me makes my knees a little weak. "It's getting late and you guys have a game in the morning."

His eyebrows slightly raise as if he's just now remembering. "Right." Silence fills the air before he says, "Goodnight, Indigo."

"Night, Clancy."

It feels like my body becomes cold with each step he takes towards the door.

As he reaches for the knob, I stop him. "Wait!"

He turns around, surprise written in his eyes. "Is everything okay?"

I cross the room in a quick few steps before locking him in a hug.

"Thank you," I say.

It's silent for a long moment before he finally wraps his arms around me too and asks, "For what?"

"The flowers, the snacks, defending me," I say. "Your existence? Just knowing you're there...it helps me out a lot."

He pulls back from the hug first.

My heart soars through the roof when his palms lightly rest on the sides of my neck. I freeze up like I always do whenever our skin makes contact. And this is only so much more intimate.

"The feeling flows both ways, Indi."

And if that wasn't bad enough, he plants the softest of kisses on my forehead before dropping his hands.

I-

"Goodnight. For real this time." He smiles before leaving the room, softly shutting the door behind him.

My hands are trembling and my heart won't calm down–figuratively and literally. Am I about to faint right now?

There isn't a thought in my brain for a moment. It's just me and my shaky hands and loud heart.

Until reality washes over me and I throw myself onto my bed.

Once I shove my face into a pillow, I scream. Literally scream. I'm glad my windows are closed, because I'm sure I would look insane to anyone who could see me.

But I would feel bad for them. Because they don't know what it's like to have their forehead kissed by Ezra Clancy.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I'm not sure how much time passes before I get a text. However, I am aware that I'm still riding on that high.

Don't finish that sentence, Myles

It's not the apology you deserve, but it's this or walk into your brother's room and beat him to death for talking about you like that.

The feeling flows both ways, Indi.

His. Lips. On. My. Forehead.

I do my best to clear my head of the memories as I pick up my phone. Only for it to be the exact guy I'm freaking out over.

Ezra Clancy: By the way, I fully expect to finish that movie with you when we get the chance. We were finally getting to the good stuff

A full-fledged smile forms on my lips.

Me: Looking forward to it

Ezra Clancy: Me too

Ezra Clancy: Get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning.