─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

fade: chapter thirty-five

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

           FLORENCE MAKES HER WAY TO Ben who is sat slumped down on the flooring of the Death Star, steadying his breathing. He looks up to meet her gaze as he notices her approaching. "She's gone," he says, voice breaking. He looks out at the sea for some sort of comfort, but it doesn't offer him much. This place is horrible. He feels horrible.

         Florence nods, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. "I know. I felt it," she points to her upper abdomen, kneeling beside him. He looks at her, eyes laden with tears. "As I felt your pain. We are connected, Ben. I don't understand how it works but I felt it. Right here," she extends her hand and gently brushes her fingers over the hole in his shirt.

         She can still feel it, a banging in that one same spot but she chooses to ignore it; it is at least bearable now. She slumps down beside him, exhaling a long breath. "I'm so tired," she says in a whisper. More than anything, she just wants this to be over so they can finally rest.

          Ben hums in response, silent for a moment before he turns to her. "We're gonna end this war, Florence." It is a promise, one that she has been waiting for him to make.

          There is something so utterly relieving about him saying it. Comforting. He has changed — she can see it in his eyes. There is no underlying darkness behind layers of infatuation. Just love. She lays her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. He is soaking wet from the waves but it doesn't matter to her. "I love you," she whispers, tiredness woven in her words; but she is sincere. She has, perhaps, never loved him quite as much as she loves him just now.

          Ben runs his hands down his face, a soft groan escaping his lips. He has so many regrets, so many reasons to be hated by her and yet she is here, head softly placed on his shoulder. It's been too long since he felt her touch, he had almost forgotten how comforting it is to him. It makes him feel so many things at once; he is all messed up in the head from it. But in the best way possible, always. She brings out the best in him and she has been doing that to him since the moment they met. It was conflicting, mostly, but now he appreciates it more than he ever had. "I'm sorry for everything."

          "It's okay," Florence promises, sitting up properly. She looks at him, desperate for him to understand her the way she has always wanted him to. He has always been a deeply flawed man, and yet she loves him and has loved him for a long time. She knows he has never understood her but maybe now he will. "I have always been on your side. Even when I left, I wasn't abandoning you or my mission to get you to where you are right now. I would never give up on you because, Ben, you are a part of me. We are tied together that way, connected in a sense much deeper than just love."

           His lips curl into a smile as he cups her face, gently caressing her cheek with his thumbs. "You've always seen the best in me and I- I've been... I've been so stupid. You deserve so much better."

           "I stayed by your side through everything because I knew this moment would come, because I have always known there was good in you. I know you, Ben," she embraces his hold, leaning into his hand as she places a soft kiss on his palm. "I always have."

         Florence means every word of what she says. She fell in love with him because she saw the good in him — Ben under Kylo Ren's helmet. She has always both appreciated and hated the complexity of his character. The tenderness and the loving side of him she always, always loved. Then there was Kylo Ren who she hated to the best of her extents. It was impossible to truly hate him because she knew he was so fractured, and that underneath was the man she loves.

           She knows he is flawed, she knows that she is as well. Two broken people fit well together in that sense, he makes her feel complete just as she does for him. Perhaps that it was love is. To her, at least. Two broken people trying to heal each other; her definition of love. And god, does she love him. There has never been a more relieving moment so far in her life, than now. She gets to hold him again, kiss him again, knowing that all is well and for the first time, he is truly on her side.

He kisses her, urgently, passionately, hungrily as if he has waited a long time for it — which of course, he has. Florence pulls back only when she has to, hands placed firmly on his jawline, they sit with their foreheads against each other's.

"You are forgiven, Ben," she lets tears stream down her face as he holds him. "You're with us now, the good guys. Where you've always belonged."

Maybe it is true. Maybe it has been his place since day one, his mother being the general and his father being the scoundrel turned hero she fell in love with. They always fought for the good guys, they were the good guys. The literal definition of heroes. Ben could have been so much more than he is, making his parents proud. But he chose a path that led him elsewhere. He chose wrong. Now both of his parents are dead and he knows they were disappointed with him. It will remain his greatest regret until the day he stops breathing. "Doubt anyone would ever forgive me."

"Well, I do. That should be enough for you, because I love you. More than anything," she is so overwhelmed with feelings, overjoyed that he is finally here with her. Completely with her. Not just in his words and actions, but in his heart and soul. He belongs to her and her only.

"I love you so much," ben places a delicate kiss on her lips. "I don't deserve you," he smiles against her lips. Even though he means it, he's so happy that she's there, keeping to every promise she's made him. Every time she told him she loved him, it has never been more apparent to him than it is now. He has also never felt so undeserving of it. She is so likable, so kind and good-spirited. He thinks is the opposite of all that.

He's mostly just upset over the fact that she is still here. She should be with her friends, with the resistance. She shouldn't choose him over any of that — but she did. He knows he does not deserve it, which is why he cherishes it so much.

Florence chuckles sadly, tilting her head. She knows her new friends would agree with his statement. "No, maybe you don't. But I don't care. I don't really care what you think because I love loving you. This is real." Holding her hand up, she does as he did for her once. He places his palm against hers, allowing her to intertwine their fingers. "We are real."

"I've killed so many people. People who trusted me. You've seen the real me..." he trails off, still clinging onto his past. It doesn't make sense to him why she would accept that.

"So have I," she reminds him. "I've killed a lot of people. I know you're gonna try and argue that it was on the behalf of the first order but I still did it. I could've pulled the trigger on myself any of those times, ended my own misery but I didn't. I obeyed every order that was given to me. I reached a point where I didn't even hesitate. All of it... it still haunts me to this day. Every night is plagued with these horrible dreams, memories. I can't forget what I've done."

"Florence..."

She shakes her head, interrupting him. "Let me finish. You- you make it so much easier for me to live with it. I've never forgiven myself for all of that and I don't think I ever will, but when I'm with you... you love me regardless. You remind me of all of the good in me and you love me for exactly who I am, Ben. I feel the exact same way about you."

It is genuinely so touching to him, to see her be so confident in not only herself but in their relationship, in him and his feelings for her. She knows her worth, she knows they love each other and she is sure of everything she feels for him as he feels for her.

A silent beat passes before Florence speaks up again. "Kez is dead. It was my fault. It was, so don't try and tell me it wasn't. Now, Hux, right?" It is just a feeling, but one she feels is true.

Ben nods in confirmation. He suspected it too, and knowing she feels certain he is, he can know for sure. He was never a fan of Hux, he tolerated him at best, but mostly the two lived to piss each other off. It was sport to them, constantly stepping on each other's toes. But he knows Florence liked him. He was the one who saw her first, after all. Hux saw her in a crowd of thousands and picked her, of course she liked him. Hux was a mentor to her, one who made her blood boil way too often but she has always been good at loving people who make her angry. Ben can see the sadness in her, ever motion shaky and lip quivering slightly. She doesn't even try to hide it, which she shouldn't. "He was never a good liar."

She lets out a sad, desperate snort-like chuckle. That is true, indeed, she is a fantastic liar when she needs to be. Hux, not so much. "He helped me escape, twice, and now he is also dead. People around me are dying, Ben."

"Florence," he tilts her chin up to force her to look at him. "Kez and Hux both chose to help you. Kez chose to befriend you just as Hux chose to help you escape. Their deaths are not purely your fault."

"But why?" She asks in a broken whisper. "Now I'm the one left having to deal with the guilt over their deaths amongst everything else I have to worry about. It's not fair, people I love die all the time. I can't lose you too. I can't." She clings onto him desperately, her fingertips coming through his hair on the side of his head.

"You won't," he promises, placing a delicate kiss on her forehead, lips lingering against her skin for a moment. "I promise."

Florence shuts her eyes, letting tears stream down her face. Ben holds her against his chest, gently patting the back of her head. "It will be alright, Florence. I swear it. Things will end up just the way we want them to. I know they will."

         Ben stands up and takes a few steps closer to the edge of the platform. He takes the lightsaber from the hilt on his hip, taking a good look at it, twisting and turning it around in his grip — remembering all the horrible things he has done with it. It signifies so much he hates about himself that he doesn't even hesitate, he just chucks it away, throwing it as far as he can into the oceans of Kef Bir. When he turns around to look at Florence, there isn't a single ounce of regret in him.

          She closes the distance between them, connecting their lips once more. He wraps his arms around her, holding her tightly as to promise they will get out of this together. The way they have always meant to.

          "How the hell do we get off of here?" Florence asks in a mumble, tiredness woven into her words.

       It's a much valid question, one they haven't spent any thought considering. Ben looks up at the wreckage, their only way out is in there. "There's gotta be old ships on this thing."

           "Oh yeah," she yawns. "I guess so."

          "Yeah actually, we have to go," Ben looks something behind her, eyes growing wide. "There's a wave coming."

          Despite her tiredness, Florence has no intentions of becoming soaking wet so she slips her hand in his as they start making their way back inside the wreckage to locate a ship, quickly to get out of the way of that gigantic wave coming at them.

Ben extends her hand to Florence, pulling her up into the structure and away form the outside. "You good?" He asks her, eyes filled with a worry she has not seen in him before.

          "Yeah," she smiles assuringly. "Come on," they venture further into the wreck. It is extremely eerie being there; it's dark and abandoned, the old metal structure creaking spookily due to the winds and waves. Florence would never have the balls to sneak around in there by herself.

         In the corridors, heaps of old stormtrooper helmets have just been left there for thirty years, the age having worn them down a bit. That, if anything, looks truly terrifying to her. They're just laying there, as if abandoned in those final minutes before the place exploded thirty years ago, she wonders if they were worn by soldiers who took them of in those final moments or if they just ended up there somehow.

         After carefully navigating over ledges and slanted, unstable floors that threaten to break under their weight, Ben and Florence can spot the opening of an old hangar.

         There's a steep before they can get anywhere though, a part where the floor has broken and left a large gap you have to jump over to get to the ancient looking TIE-fighters. Ben makes the jump without hesitation, landing steadily on the other side. Florence takes a moment, looking down at the drop she'd be jumping over with a bit more worry than he had just expressed.

          "Come on," ben holds his hand out. "I've got you."

          She looks at him, then down for just s okie second before before she makes the jump and lands securely on the other side in his arms. "Thank you," she grins. He doesn't let go of her as they walk into the hangar, holding her hand as if his life depended on it.

          Inside the hangar there are a handful of old TIE-fighters still just sat there waiting to be used, but only a couple look like they're still intact, functioning. The rest have been torn to shreds, missing wings and broken windows making them unusable. Florence looks around her at the size of this entire things, just this hangar is gigantic even though it's in poor condition. It's terribly hard to imagine what this entire space station was like, how big it truly was when it was still intact.

"Ben," her voice echoes through the hangar. Walking a couple feet ahead of her in search of a ship they could use, he turns around at the mention of his name. She has stopped in her tracks, eyes lost in thought.

         "What?"

         "Your shirt," she nods toward him. "It's ruined."

         "Oh yeah," he looks down at the hole in the tunic he always wear, underneath, skin completely healed. "It's just a small hole, don't worry."

          She nods, yet she doesn't seem to have changed her mind. Ben looks at her, eyes narrowed. "Take it off," she whispers. "I'm not asking," she arches a brow, taking a step closer to him. She's not particularly intimidating, but no man would say no to such an offer.

          Ben lets out a small laugh, gladly pulling the black tunic off over his head. Florence can not wait any longer than that, the moment it is off she connects their lips again, showering him with hungry kisses.

He helps her get out of her dress, letting it fall to the floor, revealing only her underwear. His eyes sweep her body for just a second, taken aback by how much he has truly missed every part of her. She steps out of the bundle of fabric, pulling the long sleeved t-shirt he wears underneath his tunic off, both laughing as his head gets stuck in the shirt, caught in between kissing her and trying to get it off simultaneously.

          Perhaps they shouldn't be wasting time, but they still have at the very least fifteen hours left. Poe and Finn are on their way back to Ajan Kloss, Rey is off to god knows where but not to Exegol, Florence is sure of it. There is no rushing anything right now, it feels as they have all the time in the world.

         Ben is gentle and caring with her body, relishing in the moment rather than rushing to get it over with. It is different this time, after being apart for so long, there is so much love in each movement it feels utterly overwhelming and wonderful.

Perhaps it is the time apart that has made them this way, but they cannot take their eyes off one another. Florence is almost scared he might disappear if she lets go of him, hands tightly wrapped around him as he makes love to her. Everything else in the world pales in comparison to this moment, every prior time they have shared and every other joyous moment in her life. The realization that he genuinely, truly does love her hits her like a ton of bricks.

She had been confident in it before but she can see it now, truly. In his eyes, in the way he looks at her. It is different to before, before he was reined back by the fear of being found out, in fear of loving her because it went against the rules. Now, Ben Solo is free. He is free to do whatever he wants and he wants nothing more than to love her. He does so without any hesitation.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
[ words 3140 ]

That's about as steamy as it gets
here guys I'm sorry if you were expecting
more but idk it's just not my thing to write detailed sex scenes lmaoo <3

Side note: Florence is like barely
two months pregnant so no, ben does not
notice it. there is a small bump as we have established earlier, but her weight is hardly on his mind lmao.

might update tomorrow if you
guys are up for it! Meant to update
yesterday but got caught up in schoolwork
and didn't feel quite ready to post this
yet! Let me know if you wanna wait
or if you want it so soon🥰