"1 train to 23rd Street Station, now arriving."

My eyes twitched open as a squealing sound filled the atmosphere. It was almost deafening to freshly awakened ears. I rubbed my eyes awake and tried to adjust myself to my surroundings.

Train station. Train station. Train station?

I don't remember coming to a train station. What happened while I was out? Or...before? Did we plan a trip? How long was I asleep? The last thing I remember was a party, and then we were at a weird facility with some kind of cult doing awful things to us, and then I-

Oh yeah.

It started coming back to me then. Fragments, but enough to remember, and enough to know where I was and how I got there. I was sick yesterday. Really sick. I can only barely remember it, even now as I write this. I couldn't have told Adam and Ryan, but I had been starting to wonder if I was gonna make it. I couldn't even tell what was wrong with me, I just felt...empty. Not even metaphorically. Just like all life had left my body, and yet...I was still alive. I can't find the words to describe it. Somehow, though, I was still here, and that empty feeling was...mostly gone, anyway.

I sat watching the metallic body of the train flash by on the track, too fast to keep up with. Adam and Ryan shuffled upright on either side of me and joined in watching the train. We sat in silence for a few moments as the train gradually slowed to a stop.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked gingerly.

"Like shit." I scoffed.

"Well, you sound better." He leaned on his hand.

"I think I am, a little. I'm not sure. I don't really...remember much of yesterday."

"...Oh. How convenient." Ryan seemed concerned.

"What is it?"

"It's just...it always seems like something new with you. First, you wouldn't wake up, then you were limp and frail to the point you couldn't walk, and then your stomach, and now you just...don't remember any of that?" He stared into the distance and slumped his shoulders. "Something seems...off...about that. I'm not saying any of it's your fault or you're faking it, but it scares me."

I met the gaze of the floor tiles. "What do you think it is?"

Ryan shook his head.

Adam hesitated before speaking, "Do...do you think it's the serum they gave us?"

"We didn't have any reaction to that, though," Ryan dismissed.

"Who's to say he didn't?"

Oh god.

My stomach knotted. Adam was probably right and I hated that he was. I tried to act like I wasn't bothered, but I don't think I was doing a very good job of it.

"1 train to 23rd Street Station, last call."

"That's us, guys," Adam signaled, getting to his feet.

Ryan and I followed him in the direction of the train. This was it. We were going home. I could see my home again. I was about to step on the train.

"Jack?"

There was a whisper in my ear. I jumped and turned to look behind me. The nearest person was a good four or five feet away, and I doubt they'd be able to make themselves look innocent in that short amount of time. What was happening? I froze in place, unsure of what to make of the situation.

"Jack, come on, the train's leaving," Ryan called from inside the train.

I didn't turn my head. "Yeah...coming..."

I slowly started heading toward the train door and squeezed in next to Adam and Ryan. The train wasn't too busy today, but it had a decent scattering of people throughout the car. I turned to look at my brothers, exchanging thankful expressions and sighing exasperatedly. We sank into our subway seats and prepared for the short trip.

We were going home. We were safe.

****

I don't quite remember what happened next, but I must have fallen asleep on the train. I woke up to the entire train tossing around violently, startling me. I expected there to be some kind of mechanical issue, the train split in half, something attacking us; based on how my week was, I was pretty pessimistic. When I opened my eyes, I saw none of that, at least. Or so I thought. Everything was still and calm, if not for a few moments. I guessed it was my imagination. At least, until the lights overhead began to flicker before shutting off throughout the train.

Shit.

Adam and Ryan were still asleep, and it didn't seem that anyone else on the train had paid much attention to what had happened. I guessed it was just something that happened often enough that no one else worried about it but me. What did I know, I hadn't taken a subway in a few months now, not since before the tour. I tried to readjust myself and go back to sleep.

It didn't feel like more than five minutes before I found myself awake again. I heard the high-pitched squeal of the brakes and could feel the train slowing down. But when I opened my eyes, we hadn't yet stopped. The lights still hadn't come back on.

And the train was completely empty.

I knew I hadn't fallen asleep for too long, and I knew we hadn't stopped anywhere in the past five or so minutes. There was no sensible conclusion I could come to. Only a few seconds earlier, this train had been decently filled. Now, it looked like it had been abandoned for years. I flew to my feet.

"Guys?" I nudged Adam's shoulder, then Ryan's. "Wake up, something's wrong!"

There was no response. I tried to wake them up more aggressively.

"Hello?!" I was nearly pushing them into each other, and yet, they were still asleep. "We have to go! Get up!"

I was trying everything I could to get them to wake up, but their eyes remained tightly shut. That was when something clicked. Something I didn't want to realize or think about. We had learned how to take pulses in health class back in middle school, and I hoped I'd never need to use that skill. Guess I was wrong. I took two fingers and touched them to Ryan's neck, then Adam's.

...There was nothing. Not a beat.

Where there once had been life and energy, vibrancy and spirit, now there was just...

Emptiness.

I felt faint before collapsing to my knees in front of my empty seat. For what felt like years, I just sat on the floor of the aisle. Motionless. Expressionless. I felt numb. So damn numb. But also like my heart was racing and about to burst out of my chest. I couldn't look anywhere but the plasticine seat in front of me. I couldn't look at them. I failed them. And now they're gone.

Forever.

Eventually, my body gave up. It began with sniffles, then broke into full-body sobs.

They're gone. My family. My family is dead. And there's nothing I can do to bring them back. It's all my fault. If I wouldn't have agreed to go to that fucking party we'd all be safe. We'd all be alive for god's sake. Now what? What's next? Who am I anymore? What am I gonna do without them? What am I gonna do...

Adam, Ryan, I'm sorry...

I rested my arms on the seat and buried my head in them. I just stayed there for a while. I had no concept of time anymore. Had I been sitting there for 2 minutes or 2 days? I didn't know. I didn't care to know. If I spent the rest of my existence here, in this train car, grieving over everything...frankly, I'd welcome it. I don't know how much time I'd have left at this point.

Then it hit me. The reason for all of this. What caused them to die. It was them. That evil, crazy man and his followers. That injection had made me feel sick, and we thought that was difficult enough. But it had done this to them. I hadn't realized it until now: it was killing them. Ever so slowly, but ever so surely. My blood began to boil. My skin felt hot. I don't often get visibly angry, but that was one of the few times I was.

No, scratch that, this was beyond anger.

This was rage.

For what they did to my family, for what they've brought upon us, they're going to fucking pay.

It was then that I felt a pull. Not something from within myself, not any kind of urge or a desire. No. This was physical. This was something that I, in the most literal sense, could not control. It felt as though a set of two strong hands had grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me to my feet. But I knew the train was empty, except for myself.

Well, it was now.

I turned to either side and looked for the source of whoever had grabbed me. Yet, just as I suspected, no one was there. Not a soul. Who could it have been?

"Jack?"

The voice again.

I found myself frozen yet again. I had no idea whose voice it was, nor where it was coming from, especially now. Could it be my imagination, playing tricks on me because of all the turmoil I'd been through? Or was someone there, following me? Neither option was preferable.

"Jack..."

The voice was almost ethereal. Calming, soothing...otherworldly. It was no one I recognized, and at the same time, it seemed to sound almost inhuman. In all the times I've replayed it in my head, I've never found the exact words to describe the sound. I don't know if there are any.

I stiffened and took a shaky breath. "...Is...Is someone there?"

No answer. I don't know if I was fully expecting one. I suddenly had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I started to feel like I was back in that...place. That god-forsaken facility. How I was feeling now matched how I felt much of the time then, only now I had the freedom to speak and move without being beaten to a pulp. That much was sort of reassuring. But I knew, somewhere back there, they might still be looking for us. Well, looking for...

Never mind, I think you get it.

I told myself I had to face whatever this was. I was going to do it. I had to. Then, I saw light. Light as bright as the sun reflected on the wall next to me. I didn't know where it could've come from. There was nothing in the subway that could've produced a light that bright. I was about to turn and find the source when someone, or something else, did it for me. The sensation returned. I felt as though someone had pulled me in the direction I needed to go. Like I didn't have a choice but to go this way.

Far down the aisle of the train was a beam of light; it almost looked like a motorcycle headlight, but bigger and brighter by tenfold. I couldn't look straight at it without going nearly blind. What was it? Why was it there? What was it coming from?

That was when I realized something.

It wasn't a light.

It was The Light, the being The General had mentioned. And it was calling out to me.

"Jack?" The Light whispered.

I said nothing in response. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I should follow it. I wasn't sure why, but maybe it would help me find a way out. Where this desire came from, I wasn't sure. The people that had tormented me and given me such irreversible trauma had believed in this thing. I didn't know why I wanted this. But at this point, I had nothing left to lose. Nothing except myself. I began walking through the aisle toward The Light, baby step by baby step. I tried not to lose my balance as the train bounced on the track.

My body lurched forward and I collapsed. It felt like something had kicked my feet out from underneath me. My knees felt scraped.

I pulled myself up to my knees and looked at The Light in the distance. "...Why?"

The Light didn't seem to care.

I used one of the seats to pull myself to my feet again. I was starting to think this was going to be harder than I thought. There was no going back now.

I took another step forward, and my other foot followed without me telling it to. I grasped one of the pole grips to try and stop myself, but I could feel my feet wanting to continue forward. Almost like a restless leg kind of feeling, but amplified. I wanted to turn and run, but I knew that if I did, the consequences would be worse than if I kept going. Plus, behind me, there was no way off the train. The only way out was forward. I started feeling lightheaded even just thinking about taking another step.

I closed my eyes if not for a second, just to clear my head and get a grip on everything that was happening. That was when I felt what seemed like a presence. More than one presence. I questioned myself for a second, I knew there was no one else on the train. Then there was a voice, other than my own and The Light.

"I forgot where I was for a second. You'd think after everything, it'd be drilled into me."

"Adam?"

I blinked my eyes open and tried to find the source of the voice. I saw two mysterious figures a couple of yards from myself. They were sitting on two of the seats.

One of the figures smiled lightly. "The same thing happened to me."

"...Is that...Ry?"

I let go of the pole grip and let my feet carry me to them. If they were alive, I wasn't going to let myself or them go on believing I'd abandoned them here. Not after everything. I needed to know, one way or another. Was this them, or was someone else here with me?

I stumbled into the seat beside the figure that looked like Ryan. "Guys...?!"

Neither one seemed to notice me. They both glanced around the train for a moment.

"How long have you been up...?" The Adam figure's voice spoke tenderly before trailing off, and both figures faded into puffs of nothingness, just as quickly as they had appeared.

It was true, then. They really were gone. I felt tears roll down my face again. My eyes were already red and sore from crying before, but there was no stopping it. I should've figured that seeing them was too good to be true. I should've figured that it was one of The Light's tricks. But somehow I didn't know. Somehow I missed it.

I couldn't keep sitting around and depressing myself here, as tempting as it was. I had to keep moving. Sure, it was what The Light wanted, but it was what I had to do, too. I steadied myself with another pole grip, then braced before taking another step toward the front of the train.

These steps were harder. I felt winded with the tiniest movement. Every few paces, I'd feel a tug on my arm or shoulder or a jab in the back, trying to propel me forward even more. It made it hard to move. It made it hard to breathe. I couldn't make it stop.

A few yards ahead of me, the figures appeared again. This time, they were facing me in the center of the aisle. I tried to stand still and watch them.

"What do we do?" The Ryan figure cried out anxiously, pacing back and forth.

"We don't have a choice," The Adam figure replied sternly, "we have to go on with the plan whether he's right-minded or not."

My eyes widened. When did this happen? When did any of this happen?

"I..." Ryan turned and looked me dead in the eyes. What little of me I could still control froze in place. Did he know I was there?

He turned back to Adam and continued, "Adam, he can't even hold the weight of his own head. That's suicide. We should...we should wait until he's okay."

"Staying here is suicide. If he stays here they're gonna end up killing him and us." Adam ordered.

"We can't take care of him! We don't know what's wrong with him!"

"Would you rather have him die at the hands of these people?!" He gestured to invisible 'people'. "That's our only other option!"

I knew what it was about now. I looked at the floor.

"They aren't gonna take care of him here, Ry. They're gonna leave him to..." Adam's statement was rushed, his voice breaking in the last few words. Both of them avoided each other's gaze before fading away, the same as before.

"I didn't..." I paused, trying to wrap my head around what I just saw.

"I didn't mean to cause you that much pain."

I continued onward, The Light pushing and pulling me in its direction. I stopped trying to fight it, it wasn't worth it. As painful and irritating as it was, fighting it made it harder to push through. Instead, I just let it guide me where it wanted to go and tried to move at its pace.

The Light was closer now, and much brighter because of it. It was to the point that I couldn't look directly at it whatsoever. It was like a second sun had found its way into the train. And now I was walking into it, for God knows why. I kept questioning myself and thought about why I was doing this. There had to be other ways out of this, right? But I kept coming back to 'no'. And now, The Light wasn't going to let me leave.

It was suddenly getting harder and harder to find my footing. Before, it had been impossible not to take a step if I wasn't watching myself. But something had changed, whether it was the proximity or something in The Light's psyche...if it even had one. Now, it was hard to move a muscle without feeling fatigued. Now, the subconscious pushes and pulls were almost helpful and comforting.

Maybe I'll be joining you guys soon, after all...

No.

I can't let myself think like that. If there's anything Ryan and Adam would want, it would be for me to make it out of here alive and to live out their legacy. I need to push through. Even if this was the end, my end, I had to at least have the confidence to go out with a bang. And I knew they'd be my last thought, whether it was now or in fifty years.

I took one more stride before nearly falling into another pole grip. I decided it was probably for the better that I took another break for a minute or two. The Light was draining everything out of me. Just moving a finger or the slightest tilt of my head was exhausting. I needed every breath I could get, as much as I was running out of it.

I realized then that the train had stopped. I hadn't even felt the brakes or noticed how long it had been still. All of my surroundings were quieter than silent. I was tempted to investigate, but at the same time, I was scared to move for more reasons than one. I had no idea what to do.

Then, I heard a noise to my right. It sounded like...people? Like...someplace? I turned to look. There was an open set of doors, and outside them, the platform of 23rd Street Station.

Home.

It seemed too good to be true. I disregarded everything about The Light and how difficult it was to walk and sprinted to the door. There was no fatigue, nothing pushing me or dragging me forward. I had a clear shot to the platform. This was it. This was finally my way out. I was getting off this train. I was going home, and it felt so fucking nice.

...Thunk!

"...What?"

Bang! Thunk!

"What the fuck?!"

I couldn't get out. I couldn't see it, but something was blocking me. I tried to force my way out with everything I could; I even tried running and jumping into it, nothing worked, all I got was a sore shoulder. I pounded my fist into the mystery forcefield.

"Hello?!" I shouted. "Help, please! Help!"

But no one could hear me. I don't even think they could see me. I flinched out of the way as the doors nearly closed on my hands, then watched in dejection as the station passed by and the train moved away from the platform.

I missed my chance.

I felt a tear fall down my cheek just as a force hit me strong in the chest. My entire body was lifted from the floor. I felt nearly weightless if only for a second. I braced for an impact; broken bones, dislocated joints, something like that. But there was nothing. I alarmedly stumbled into the seats behind me before realizing that I wasn't injured. I sat on the floor, The Light clawing for every one of my limbs.

"Stop this!" I called out, tears falling down my face. "Just...stop..."

The Light didn't respond verbally yet again, but there was...something else. A quiet hum, similar to the sound of a fluorescent lightbulb. And same as earlier, time seemed to slow almost to a standstill. Seconds started to feel like hours. How long had I been on this train? An hour? A year?

"Why are you doing this?"

The Light seemed angry that I asked that. The hum grew louder. Time felt like it was dragging by at a snail's pace. I had an idea, but it was rather risky, and it was going to take some strength to pursue it. I prepared myself for the worst, or really any possibility.

Deep breath. In, out. Let's go.

There was only a short distance left between me and the door protecting me from The Light. I got up on my feet and strode toward my destination. I was still being pushed and pulled at, but if I had any chance of getting out of here, I had to ignore it. I tried my best to walk normally and push through the forces trying to oppose me. The Light grew brighter and the hum grew louder the closer I got. Behind me, I felt the presence of the apparitions once again. I couldn't stop to watch them, but I heard their voices as I walked.

"I guess I'll carry him," Adam mumbled decisively.

"What?" Ryan questioned. He seemed shocked. "Why?"

"Because if they're gonna take any of us down, I'd rather it be me," Adam responded. There was some shuffling, then a pause. "Help me get him up?"

"...Adam..."

I understood where both of them were coming from. Adam wanting the two of us to make it even if it means sacrificing himself, and Ryan wanting what's best for all of us. The two ideas aren't too unalike.

Adam sighed. "Ryan, I just don't want them hurting either of you more than they already have."

I found myself trying to hold back tears again.

Ryan hesitated before speaking. "They've hurt you, too, you know."

I failed to stifle a sob. Damn it.

They shouldn't have had to have that discussion. They should be alive now. I shouldn't be the only one here.

There was another long pause before Adam spoke again. "...They could be in here any second, we should get out of here."

There was no other dialogue after that, so I assumed that they were gone. In front of me was the door separating The Light from myself. Once I turned the handle, there was no going back. After this, everything would be different. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I wanted off this train.

I turned the handle and a flash of bright, white light filled the train.

****

The next thing I knew, I was standing on train tracks.

I had no idea how I had gotten there, and there wasn't a single thing around me that I recognized. The train was gone, and it was the dead of night; a full moon provided some light overhead along with a few scattered street lights. Other than the lights, however, the area seemed devoid of civilization. Trees surrounded me in every direction. I didn't hear or see any other living being anywhere. I was alone again. But at the very least, I was off the train, away from The Light.

I started walking. I figured that if there were lights, there had to be a town or some other kind of settlement nearby. Maybe I was wrong, but I wasn't keen to just keep standing and waiting for something to happen. Especially in an unfamiliar forest. Was I anywhere near New York City? Was I even still in New York? Who was to say? At this hour, there was no telling. I tried to just keep my head up and follow the lights, just as I had on the train.

I started to get an aching feeling. What would I tell Mom & Dad? That a messed up, light-worshiping cult killed their eldest sons? It was the truth, but I had no idea how they would handle it, and there was no way they'd believe it. That's the kind of thing you hear about in ancient history, not now. But I didn't want to lie to them. They deserved to know what happened. My brain kept going in circles; I kept going back and forth between settling on telling them or coming up with a lie. I didn't know what to do. I wish I had Ryan or Adam to ask for advice. But that was the whole issue.

Right when I was thick in thought, I saw another beam of light approach me from behind. I was tempted not to turn around. I didn't want to deal with The Light any longer, and this only seemed like it was its second coming. This time, I wouldn't obey. But it kept getting closer and brighter, and there was a different noise from last time, it was almost...

Mechanical.

Putting 2 and 2 together, I turned to see a passenger train quickly approaching on the tracks. Without any kind of rational thought, I leapt off the tracks into the forest.

What I hadn't been able to see while I was walking was that there was a sharp decline on one side of the tracks. Specifically, the side I jumped toward. I jumped rather far, and now I was falling. I didn't know what was waiting for me at the bottom of the hill, but it was more than likely painful. I kept tumbling, through weeds and branches, brush and burs. I didn't know when the agony was going to stop. Was this actually better than getting hit by a train?

Eventually, I stopped rolling next to a rock partway down the hill. I was out of breath, and I hadn't even done anything. I tried to lift my arm to check my damages, but as soon as I moved it a single centimeter, I knew that wasn't going to happen. Pain shot through the entire limb and I winced. I tried my best to contain a scream.

Motherfucker, a broken arm?!

I could move my left arm with enough ease to see I was scratched up something fierce. I performed the same test on my legs as with my arms and nearly screamed again; I guess rolling down a hill can break two limbs in one go.

I felt stranded. I couldn't walk, I had two broken limbs, so much of my body was beat up from the fall and from being slammed around on the train. There was no chance anyone would find me. I was better off just lying here and accepting my fate.

"Hey! Is someone down there?!"

Huh.

"I...Yes! I'm down here! I need help!" I could not have been more fucking lucky.

It was then that I saw it: groups of people. Passengers. They had stopped the train. For me.

"Hold on, sir!"

After a couple of minutes, two men in uniform came charging down the hill. They helped sit me upright, asked me questions, called an ambulance and everyone important to me, and talked with me about my career and what had led up to me being on the tracks...including the events of the past week. I wasn't sure if they would believe me, so I told them a modified, summarized version.

Right before the ambulance arrived, I wanted to ask the men something.

"Hey," I called them over, "I know this is a lot to ask, but...do the names Adam and Ryan Metzger mean anything to you guys? Like, previous passengers or something?"

They exchanged glances as they thought, but I was smart enough to know they were empty glances. They both shook their heads. "Doesn't ring a bell, why? You need to get in touch with them?"

My heart sank. I didn't tell them that part of it. They didn't even know my last name.

"...No...no reason. Thanks anyway."

Around me, swarms of people were frantic. Some were husbands, wives, or spouses, others children, others were workers or medics. But the important thing was, they all had a purpose. They all knew what their route in life was or was likely going to be. Even for the children, they knew they had to finish school at least. But for me? I had no idea what to do anymore. My purpose was gone. Without my brothers, I had nothing. Without them, I was no one.

The ambulance lights flashed in the distance. At least now, it was a good kind of light. A light that would help me rather than harm me.

Now as I write this, I'm realizing how much of our story fits together. How much of it loops back and makes connections. In its time, a lot of it didn't make sense. We were confused and didn't know why things happened or what caused them. But now, I'm starting to understand. I may not like it, or agree with it for that matter, but at the very least

Everything Clicks.