Today was like any other Saturday, except it wasn't. Right now, I'm staring into the mirror and, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel any self-loathing. Christa had walked over from Zeido's to personally deliver it to me.

She is the first and only person I have told and she told me that it changed nothing for her. I had been siking myself up for days to tell her and she shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal. Of course, maybe it really wasn't that big of a deal. I'm still the same person.

After I told her, she said that she would be fine accepting my deliveries at her house and bringing them over. If I ordered anything even slightly suspicious, my parents would go through it and it wouldn't end well. Christa helped me order the binder that I was currently wearing.

The binder was a pale tan color that only stood slightly out against my skin. It only covered my chest down a bit past my ribs, so it wouldn't be seen if I stretched and my shirt lifted. Ever since Christa brought it over twenty minutes ago, I've been standing in front of the mirror.

Mom had always said that she was jealous of my curvy figure, but I couldn't have been more displeased. I hated my wide hips, large breasts, and hour-glass shape—anything and everything that made me feminine. But none of that mattered right now.

My eyes wouldn't leave my flat chest, flattened by the tan fabric. Tears started spilling out of my eyes as I ran my hands down my chest. There was a barely noticeable dip in the fabric, but I could live with that. I looked so different and yet, still the same me.

"Daike, what are you doing in there?" My mom asks through the door of the bathroom.

I jump in my spot and throw my rose gold sweater over the binder, forgetting that the door was locked. I've never been the best at making up quick excuses and I was an awful liar, so I just yelled the first thing I could think of.

"Drugs! Shi..." My voice lowers after I yell my poor excuse.

Mom's footsteps start to turn distant and I can tell that she went downstairs. She wasn't going to let that go, especially dad when mom told him. After taking one more look in the mirror, I open the door and run downstairs, going into the kitchen where both my parents were.

The table was set with a casserole dish in the middle, but my focus was mostly on my mom. Her eyes had taken me in when I was walking in and were now focused on my chest. I didn't really expect her to notice since the sweater was so baggy...

Dad watched me sit with a raised brow and an amused look on his face. "Drugs, huh?"

I facepalm and stare at my empty plate, suddenly losing my appetite. The scraping of utensils on plates is the only sound that fills the tense silence. Dad seems oblivious to said tension, flipping through a book with an English title. Dad and I were both intrigued about American culture, much to mom's annoyance.

After forcing myself to eat a small helping of the new casserole mom was experimenting with, mom starts throwing questions at me.

"What are you wearing? Did you wrap your chest or something?"

Luckily, dad had already went upstairs to his office, so I wasn't getting bombarded by two parents.

"Hey, are you okay baby?" she asks quietly, probably noticing the anxious way I held myself.

"Mom, I'm trans," I say quietly, lifting my shirt to show the binder. "I-I've been that way for so long and I wanted to tell you because you're my parents. But... I thought you'd hate me."

"Go get your father, now!" Her voice has a hard edge that I've never heard before.

"I'm still me—" "Now!" "Please, mom..." A whimper leaves me just as the tears start.

The look of hatred and disgust was clear on her face and she looked at me like she didn't even know me—like she wasn't my mother. Hearing the commotion, dad comes downstairs and stops in the entrance to the kitchen with a questioning glance towards mom.

Mom catches him up quickly and then he turns to me with the same expression mom had. Anger laces each word as he says, "I used to change your diapers. You are not a boy!"

I flinch away from his voice when it rises to almost a shout. "I'm sorry..."

"Where's my beautiful baby girl?" I turn and look at mom's tear-filled eyes. "No... I'm still me..."

"We didn't raise a son so where did our daughter go?!" he yells.

My father had always been a calm and level-headed person, so I'd never seen this side of him. His face red with anger, teeth set in a sneer, and arms waving around with each shouted word. I could feel my body shaking from the stress of the situation, but I still spoke up.

"Dad, I'm right here."

He just shakes his head and whips his head towards the stairs with an order to go to my room. There was no room for argument and it didn't even seem like they were listening to me at this point. I took one last look at the tears falling down mom's pale cheeks before rushing upstairs and slamming my door behind me.

I hadn't even made it to my bed when the shouting started. Though they were loud, most of what they said was muffled by the thick wood of my bedroom door. Sitting on my bed, I curl up with my knees to my chest and head resting on them. My arms did nothing to shelter me from their loud curses.

I didn't want this... How does this even affect them? All of this for something I couldn't control. It was as much a part of me as Yimashu's mumbling was to her. It couldn't be helped and I would know, I've been trying for years—pushing it away, trying to trick myself, and blatantly ignoring it.

Well, since my parents now know, it won't be long until Monoma and Zeido know. Christa didn't care and I doubt Yima would since she's a lesbian. Maybe I should just call Monoma and tell him before he found out from someone else...

The phone rings a few times before he finally picks up, sounding groggy like he just woke up from a nap. He must have heard my sniffles through the phone because he was instantly more alert and asked, "What's wrong, baby?"

He switches the video on and I do the same, trying to wipe away my tears before he could see them. Even though I was wearing earbuds, I could still hear the distant fighting of my parents.

"Would you hate me if I was trans?"

He looks directly at me through the screen and shakes his head. "Of course not. I'll be right back."

The screen is facing his ceiling so I couldn't see him, but I could hear him mumbling to himself. There was the sound of his bed bouncing, springs making a quiet creaking noise when he sat down, but he still didn't show his face. Maybe he was just trying to take everything in, I told myself.

A voice in the background on his end becomes clearer—a female's voice speaks, "Babe, this is even more reason to break up with that freak..." So he wasn't talking to himself earlier...

Monoma doesn't reply nor does he stop me when I hang up. I stare blankly at my home screen—a picture of my friends and I when we went to the amusement park last year. I barely even notice that I can no longer hear yelling coming from downstairs, my mind still trying to comprehend what I knew had been happening for a while.

I suspected that he was sneaking around, but I never had the courage to confront him on a secret when I was keeping one of my own. Now I guess it really didn't matter, though. I was hoping that he would apologize or have an explanation on Monday, but a small part of me already knew he wouldn't.

And maybe it made me cruel, but I was kind of glad—glad that I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore for not wanting to have sex. He was never forceful or pushy and now I knew why. While he was parading as my sweet boyfriend, he was cheating on me with at least one girl. 

I spent the rest of the night going through my photo gallery and deleting any and all evidence of Monoma and I's relationship. All of the time we spent together—those fond memories—they were all fake... He was fake.

This day started out amazing. Monoma and I had spent the morning on the phone with each other, I'd got to help mom bake, and I got to try on a binder for the first time. Now all of that good was shadowed by the bad. I doubt things will ever go back to the way they were.

Laying in bed, staring at my ceiling, I realized that this was the beginning of the end. And that thought terrified me. There is so much that I have yet to accomplish, but what would be the point if I had no one to support me.

Just as a hero needs a sidekick, I need my parents and friends so I have a support system. I knew that they'd react badly, but they took it to a whole other level. Yelling and looking at me with a hatred that I would never forget.

Finally, sleep found me, but it was restless with me tossing and turning all night. No matter how many times I tried to quiet my mind, it just wouldn't cooperate. Thoughts and doubts and self-hatred twisting my mind into a dark and cruel place.

These thoughts stayed constant until the morning light was shining through my thin curtains. I could hear my parents bustling around downstairs, probably eating and getting ready for church, but I wouldn't be going. After last night, they probably needed a break. As did I.

My phone was vibrating on my nightstand, but I ignore it, turning away from the bright light streaming through my window. Usually, we tried to get together after church, but I just wasn't feeling up for it right now. I didn't want to lose Zeido too, so I'd wait to tell him.

The front door slams shut and I hear gravel crunch under the tires as they drive away. Like me, Zeido was forced to go to church with his parents, so he was probably going to wonder where I was. I wonder what excuse my parents would come up with or if they'd tell them the truth.

I doze throughout the day and only leave my bed to use the bathroom. My phone had vibrated constantly throughout the day, but I refused to look at the messages. It could be Monoma apologizing or making up excuses; it could be a worried Zeido; or even Christa.

Usually, we get back from church in the early evening, but my parents still weren't home at seven pm. I knew what they were doing... They were making up an excuse to be out of the house and avoid me. This would happen anytime we'd get into a petty fight.

My usually happy yellow walls seem to mock me and my gloomy mood, only making me feel even more down. How can anything look so happy while I felt like this? Now fear was setting in and fraying my tired and anxious nerves.

Who knew what Monoma and the girl he was cheating on me with would say. Maybe the girl would start spreading it around in spite. The girl's voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't pinpoint the owner of the voice. I did know that it was someone Monoma has hung around a lot in the past and apparently the present.

Another continuing buzz has me giving in and checking who was calling me. Yimashu... We haven't talked in almost two weeks, so I didn't get the chance to tell her about me yet. Maybe she could give me some advice.

I swipe green and place the phone against my ear, curling back up under the comforter of my warm bed. 

"I've been calling you for the past two hours. Why the hell wouldn't you answer?!" Her voice yells in my ear.

How to start this conversation... I could either start from the very beginning or just tell her about yesterday. I just hope that she wouldn't be upset that I kept it a secret. My silence turned her angry tone into one of worry and concern.

"Hey Dai Dai, you alright?"

I was always talkative and vibrant, so, for me to be silent, something had to be very wrong. My voice and mind just didn't seem to want to form words and sentences to explain my current predicament. 

"Uh huh." Great, real smooth Daike!

It was obvious that I was lying and I heard her inhale like she'd push, but she didn't. Like every time before, she left it be and let me handle it on my own. I know that I'm the one refusing but sometimes—just sometimes—I wish someone would push me farther and make me tell them.

I had so much stuff bottled up and it made me feel like I was about to snap. My sanity was a thick rope that had been reduced to a frayed string that barely held me up. One of these days, my weight wouldn't hold and I'd fall. 

"So... How are things? I've just been studying and doing the usual."

Taking a deep breath, I let it out along with the words I'd wanted to tell her for weeks, "I'm trans and my parents and Monoma found out. It didn't go well."

There was silence on the other end of the phone and I actually had to look at my screen to make sure she hadn't hung up on me. 

"I'm not surprised. You were never a girly girl. So what happened, Dai?"

So I told her everything. By the time I was finished, she was cursing and threatening to fly over here and, as she put it, "kick his cheating ass to the states for a proper beat down". It had made me laugh and improved my mood, which made it even sadder when she had to leave.

"Well, I gotta go. Just know that I love you and so does Zeido, even though he's a giant dufus."

"I love you, too. Sleep well." I hang up and put my phone back on the charger on my nightstand. 

It's dark outside and the silhouette of the car still isn't back yet. This is the longest they'd been gone without warning and the longest I'd been alone in general. I was an introvert, but I still had a few people I enjoyed keeping company with and was hardly left without at least one of them by my side.

Tomorrow, I would just act like my normal self and hopefully, that would make me seem less suspicious. Stress and anxiety would do nothing but keep me from getting a good night's sleep. We had one more week to study before the finals and entrance exams.

Focusing on school was my best bet and might even turn my parents' attention elsewhere. I just need to get through the night and then I could go to school. School would be a breeze and no one would know a thing about what had happened tonight.

Here's to hoping!