WARNING:

DEATH/DYING TALK
Buck does not die in this fic. I cannot handle major character death as a person. So it will never happen in one of my fics. However, there will be references to the extent of his injuries and the fact that he could have died. There is also some talk at the very end that may be triggering regarding him thinking he would have been better off dying. It is short in this chapter.

Please do not read if these types of things may trigger you. I am here for you <3

Waking up disoriented and in pain was frightening for anyone, even Buck who had seen the inside of a hospital room way too many times in the last year.

His brain felt fuzzy and there was a really annoying beeping sound that just wouldn't stop. His eyes were closed and felt too heavy to even open. Worst of all,he couldn't tell why everything hurt.

Then, all at once, memories came rushing back to him— the tsunami, blood dripping down his arm, Christopher.

He forced his eyes open in a panic, not sure where he was or how long he'd been unconscious.

Ignoring all of his pain, he shoved himself into a sitting position looking around frantically and trying to get his bearings, barely registering that he was in the hospital. He needed to get back out there— needed to find Christopher. He looked around his empty hospital room, trying to ignore how his chest clenched when he realized that no one was there— not even Maddie. He was alone. But he swallowed those emotions down. There was a tsunami. Of course the team wasn't here, they were out there— actually saving lives, unlike him. He tugged off the oxygen mask, before ripping the sensors off his chest all at once, hoping the sting would pull his mind away at least a little.

The machines in the room blared loudly as he tried to wrestle himself out of bed, but before he could even swing his legs over a nurse was there, pushing him back down into bed and speaking slowly to him.

"Mr. Buckley, you are in the hospital. Please try not to move too much, you just had surgery. If you keep trying to get out of bed, then I will have to sedate you."

"Christopher," he rasped, eyes filling with tears. "I have to go find him. He's out there still."

Realization dawned on her face as her eyes softened. "Mr. Buckley, your son is fine. I just saw him ten minutes ago. He was going to get jello."

Buck blinked at her, confusion welling in his chest. "You saw... Christopher? Going to get jello?"

She smiled at him gently, but didn't let up her grasp on his shoulders. "He's safe. I promise. He's got brown hair right? And cerebral palsy?"

He nodded his head, but still tried to sit up in bed. If his head wasn't so sluggish and his body didn't hurt so bad, then the smaller woman wouldn't have been able to hold him down, but at the moment she was definitely enough to at least stifle his attempt to move. "I need to see him. Please I need to go see him."

"We are paging him to come up now, Mr. Buckley. Please lay back down. You're going to tear your stitches."

Buck barely heard her, his mind was swimming— was Chris hurt? Would Chris even want to see him? Would Eddie let him see Chris?— why did everything hurt so badly?

He groaned and his vision swam slightly, but his attention snapped up when his hospital door banged open revealing a slightly frazzled looking Eddie cradling Christopher in his arms.

Buck stared at Eddie silently, still not calm enough for the nurse to let him go.

"Mr. Diaz, your husband is awake, as you can see, but we will have to sedate him if he doesn't stop fighting me." The nurse stated wearily, hold loosening ever so slightly at the sight of the other man.

"Evan," Eddie said softly, his eyes boring demanding holes into Buck's body. "Relax. Now." Buck went limp at the quiet command, eyes following Eddie as he moved closer, not even registering the nurse releasing him or the quiet sigh she let out as she reattached all of the sensors into their proper positions or her refitting the oxygen mask over his face.

He didn't look away until Eddie slid Chris gently down onto the bed on Buck's good side.When Chris curled gently into his side, he couldn't help but break their gaze to watch the boy breathe.

The heat from Chris' body and the relief that he was actually okay made succumbing to the exhaustion easier. He fought it for as long as he could, wanting to stay awake to watch Chris sleep, but when his eyes started to close Eddie ran a hand over his cheek lightly. "Go to sleep now. We'll be here when you wake up." As sleep took him, he could have sworn he felt Eddie's lips brush against his head.

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The next time Buck woke up was a lot easier. It was less like coming up out of the water and more like waking from a dream.

He could hear low voices, just making out the sounds of Bobby and Hen even if he couldn't hear their words, but for a few minutes he just lied there with his eyes closed relishing in the fact that his family was actually here. They hadn't left him alone, even though he deserved it for losing Chris, whose small body was warm against his side a constant reminder that he was alive— that they were both alive.

He leaned down towards Chris, whose head was pillowed against his shoulder, rubbing his head in the boy's hair, sighing. He was so glad that he was safe, that someone out there had saved this little boy even if he couldn't.

A hand curled around his ankle, startling him slightly making his eyes snap open. He blinked several times to focus, taking a moment to realize he was staring at Bobby.

"Hey, kiddo," Bobby murmured, mindful of the sleeping child, but also for Chim and Maddie who were curled around each other, sleeping in a chair beside his bed, and Eddie who was on Buck's other side, slumped over. His head was pillowed on Buck's thigh warm breath ghosting against Buck's skin even through the blanket.

"Hey," he managed to rasp out, throat dry and sore from both screaming, and if he had to guess, a tube down his throat at some point as well. "How long?"

He could see that Eddie was still in his uniform, unbuttoned and wrinkled, but the others had at least changed.

Bobby sighed softly. "Two days since the wave. You had surgery yesterday at about three in the morning, it's just after eight in the morning now. The first time you woke up was at around five a.m."

Buck winced slightly. That was a long time to be unconscious. "Bad?" he whispered, afraid to know the damage.

"We almost lost you," Bobby murmured, hand tightening slightly on Buck's ankle. "You lost a lot of blood and had to be airlifted here."

Buck let his head fall back into the pillows, turning those words over in his head. Going back to the job didn't seem like as big of a deal compared to a tsunami, but damn did he want to work again, and it just felt like the world was against him.

The door opened softly, revealing Hen and a nurse. She had probably slipped out when Bobby realized he was awake. "Hey, Buckaroo. Welcome back." She smiled at him, carefully walking around Eddie to press a kiss to his forehead.

He smiled softly. "I couldn't leave my family, now could I?"

She laughed wetly at him.

He let the nurse check his I.V., switch his mask for a nasal cannula, and ask him some questions before turning back to Hen and Bobby.

"Have you guys gone home yet? You worked at least a twelve hour shift and all of you look exhausted."

They grimaced and exchanged glances, which Buck figured meant they hadn't.

"We went back to the firehouse to shower, change, and bring back the engine. Maddie and Eddie stayed here, though. Chris refused to leave until you were awake. He was screaming and crying when he woke up and you were asleep attached to machines. Maddie wanted to be able to talk to all the doctors and nurses, but she was afraid you'd wake up alone." Buck winced— he had woken up alone.

Buck stared down at Chris' sleep slack face, grateful that he was at least resting, but when he stared down at Eddie, he could tell that the man needed a shower and a bed. Badly.

"You guys should go home, sleep and be with your families. I'm awake now and I feel okay— sore and tired, but I'm alive." He could see the reluctance in both of them, but refused to take no for an answer. "I want to rest some and I won't if I'm worried about you guys being exhausted. Will you wake Maddie?"

Hen gently shook Maddie, whose head snapped up so fast he could barely follow it. "Evan..." she whispered, tears already streaming down her face.

"Hey, Mads," he smiled gently, but he was sure that his bruised face didn't help with the fear and anxiety swimming in her face. "I'm okay now, promise. You know me, I can't get through a disaster without some good hospital food." She laughed, before untangling herself from Chimney.

Buck barely flinched when her hair curtained over his face and she sobbed softly into his hair.

When she pulled back and his vision was no longer obscured, he was surprised to see that Eddie and Chris were still sound asleep, which only furthered his belief that they needed to get out of this hospital as well.

"Maddie, go home. Get some sleep. Take a shower. I'm not going anywhere." She looked down at Eddie and Chris, before nodding and allowing Chimney and Hen to lead her from the room. Bobby just squeezed his ankle one last time before following after them.

Buck watched Eddie sleep for a long time, wishing that his hand wasn't clasped tightly in Eddie's, so that he could run his fingers through Eddie's hair.

"Eddie," he whispered, tightening his grip in Eddie's hand.

Eddie snapped up, eyes frantically searching for danger— first with Chris, then meeting Buck's eyes and sighing in relief. "Gracias a Dios puedo ver esos ojos otra vez."

Before Buck could respond though Chris twisting in Buck's arms. "Bucky!"

His voice was a little hoarse, but overall he didn't look too bad as Buck scanned his little grinning face. "Hey, buddy," he murmured softly, pulling Chris a little tighter to his better side.

Eddie ran a gentle hand over Chris' hair and just watched them silently, but Buck could see the weariness in his face.

"Alright, Superman," Buck said, shifting himself and Chris into a sitting position, carefully holding back a groan from the pain. "I'm awake now, so I think it's time for you and your dad to go sleep in a real bed."

The protests were immediate and surprisingly came from both Diaz men.

"But, Buck—"

"Evan, we're fine here—"

Buck laughed as much as he could with his injuries. "Nope, not taking no for an answer on this one. Not even with those pouty eyes from the both of you. Go home and get some real sleep, and eat something that doesn't come from this cafeteria." He eyed Eddie sternly. "Call Isabel or Aunt Pepa to come get you, though, because no offense Eddie, but I think you look worse than me."

"That's not hard, Buckley. You're just so pretty." Eddie chuckled before stepping outside to call someone to get them.

He was leaving Buck alone with Chris, again, as though he hadn't just lost his son and almost got him killed. Buck wanted to scream at Eddie, demand he take Chris with him and never leave them alone together again, but he kept quiet instead, heart clenching at the thought that this might be the last time he was allowed to hold Chris in his arms— maybe Eddie was only allowing it because Chris was upset and hurt.

Chris seemed to understand that Buck wanted him close, so he wrapped his tiny arms around Buck's neck carefully, mindful of the wires and Buck's injuries. "I'm ha- happy you're awake, Bucky."

Buck hummed, leaning his head down against the top of Chris' just breathing him in. If this was the last time, then he wanted to remember it perfectly.

And that's how Eddie found them a few minutes later, just wrapped around each other, quiet tears streaming down Buck's cheeks and a content smile on Chris' once again sleeping face.

But unfortunately for Buck, it was time for them to go. Eddie smiled apologetically and squeezed his hand three times before slipping Chris out of his arms.

"We'll come see you soon," he promised, sounding so sincere it hurt.

But Buck shook his head. "Get him situated first. He needs new crutches and he probably needs to see at least a few doctors, and maybe a therapist. It was traumatic, Eddie. Make sure he's okay. I'm in the hospital and nothing bad is going to happen to me here, and I'm sure Maddie will come and bug all of the nurses as soon as she's slept."

Eddie looked like he wanted to protest, but in the end, he just didn't have the energy, so he nodded and squeezed Buck's hand one more time before slipping out the door, leaving Buck alone once again. The silence sounded like waves crashing in his ears.

But he didn't deserve to be anywhere near that child, not after what happened. He deserved to be alone. Part of him wished he had just not woken up at all. What good was he to anyone if he couldn't save the people he loved?

Notes:

Thank you to my lovely beta, bisexualbucks!! I would never be able to survive this without you. You are utter perfection.

The spanish line Eddie says is:

Gracias a Dios puedo ver estos ojos otra vez : Thank God I get to see those eyes again.

This was translated by google translated and read by several spanish speakers. I am not a spanish speaker. So if there is something wrong feel free to let me know kindly please.

This is beta read, however I add things because I'm an asshole, so my mistakes are my own. They are my fault.

Please please please let me know what you think.