"God I'm so blue, know we're through, but I still fucking love you babe"

quokkaking:
hey lix?

sunshinelix:
hey jisung
what's up?

quokkaking:
I'm sorry.

sunshinelix:
What are you sorry for? :(

quokkaking:
I just can't seem to get over Minho...and I feel like I'm burdening you seungmin and jeongin constantly. I'm sure it annoys you to hear me say how much I miss and still love him. I don't want you guys to leave me from how annoying I am... I'm so sorry I'm still feeling like this :(
I feel like I'm at my lowest point now and I am so tired of feeling like this
I'll talk to Hyunjin if it will make you feel better.
Ik you're just trying to help me, maybe it will

sunshinelix:
Jisungie,
Firstly, ignore the thought of Hyunjin. I'm not forcing you to talk to him if you don't want to
Secondly, we don't find you annoying or a burden at ALL
we don't want you to feel guilty for still having feelings for Minho
Seungmin, jeongin, and I were telling you to get over Minho because we care about you, not because we found you annoying

quokkaking:
are you sure lix?
I can't help but feel so irritating with my problems :/

sunshinelix:
yes I'm positive!
Jisung when was the last time you were truly happy?

quokkaking:
what do you mean

sunshinelix:
just what I sai
*said
When was the last time you felt true happiness without the underlying sadness of Minho consuming you?

quokkaking:
...
i don't know
i honestly couldn't tell you

sunshinelix:
exactly
seungmin, jeongin, and I have seen that you haven't felt really happy in almost 5 months
this break up has you so negatively impacted and as much as I know it hurts you, it hurts us to see you like this

quokkaking:
has it really been that bad?|
has it really be|
has it real|
has i|
I didn't realize.
well I mean of course I knew how bad it hurt me.
but I didn't know it was so bad that my happiness was completely gone.

sunshinelix:
yeah sung
it pains us to see you like this
we miss when Jisung was happy

quokkaking:
I miss when I was happy too

sunshinelix:
we haven't seen you happy in almost 5 months, and that's way too long of a time to be sad

quokkaking:
you know lix
I still can't understand why we broke up
And really that's one of the reasons I feel so hung up over him
there's no form of closure I can cling onto

sunshinelix:
what reasons do you have in your head?

quokkaking:
every time I try to figure it out I can't help but wonder what I did wrong?
our relationship felt perfect and if I did something wrong, god I really wish I could've fixed it

sunshinelix:
your relationship with Minho looked perfect to all of us, I really don't think you did anything wrong

quokkaking:
how can I put these thoughts to rest?

sunshinelix:
I know this might not be a good enough answer
and god Jisung
I really wish I could give you the answer you want
but
I think the way to put them to rest is accepting what happened
You may not know the answer to your constant questions but you can accept that it happened
try to become at peace with it instead of letting the war in your head play out

quokkaking:
god idek how I can look at Chan and Minho either and feel at peace knowing he has what I couldn't keep.

sunshinelix:
ugh yk what FUCK chan
and FUCK minho for not realizing what he had with you was entirely amazing
seriously if you weren't my best friend, I would want you so bad
like I'd be down horrendously for u
and I'm sure any other gay man you come across would realize your worth before that dumb bitch mango would

quokkaking:
mANGO-
lix stfu I shouldn't be laughing over this

sunshinelix:
🥭🥭🥭
yes u absolutely should cause it's fucking funny
but anyways
ofc it's painful to see that dumb ramen noodles lookin ass mf with minho
and it's going to be painful to see minho happy without you
but who says you can't be happy without him??
you might not have the answers you want, but you can be happy without him and be at peace with the situation
you can accept it for what it is and you can learn to be happy again

quokkaking:
I think you're right lix
I have to learn to be at peace with it
thank you for talking to me about this

sunshinelix:
of course Jisung
You're my best friend
I'd do anything for you

quokkaking:
god you always have to ruin the mood with a fucking meme

sunshinelix:
it's a love meme you ass wipe
be grateful you unloving bitch

quokkaking:

sunshinelix:

Jisung you-
you're-
you're also a-
nvm

quokkaking:
that's what I thought 💓

Jisung shut off his phone with a small grin on his face. He was content with the conversation he had with Felix. After having that talk with his best friend, Jisung felt a slight relaxation settle in.

Jisung flopped back onto his bed and stared at his ceiling. Memories of him and Minho had been flashing before his eyes the past few hours, such as their first date, how he would always make him feel better after bad days, and especially their first "I love you."

It's almost like everything had been flooding back to Jisung in the span of seconds. It's as if the memories playing back were as fresh as day. Jisung closed his eyes and let his mind run free.

Of course Jisung also could see the signs in front of him, physically and mentally. His friends were trying to convince him to move on and the red lights and stop signs were begging to be heard. Jisung can imagine the red glow over his memories with his ex lover.

Jisung was tired of the constant streams flowing down his face and the discomforting burning in his chest. He wanted to feel laughter and happy tears. He wanted to look forward to school again. He wanted to feel content with his life. He wanted to feel happiness.

Minho is graduating in a few weeks.

A few weeks until he's no longer in school.

A few weeks left of seeing him pass me in the halls.

A few weeks until he's gone.

Jisung felt the tightness in his chest loosen. It's almost like he could feel the light at the end of the tunnel coming towards him. He could sense his happy ending growing near. He could finally be free of the shackles of his past after Minho walks across the stage with his diploma.

Jisung could finally move on.

~~~

A/N: the last few chapters of this book are among us~