Chapter 13

Eternal Blessing

Adam looks at me so intensely that I have to lower my eyes. Bad idea! My cheeks get all red at the sight of him naked again. A thrill of excitement goes through my body and I hungrily eat the sight of him. I let my finger slide along his torso and I love how I make his breath hitch. The shift made his skin dry and I am writing a tail on him with my wet fingers.

“How can you be a spirit?” he says astonished. “You smell just as you should. You taste just like you should. You are still a wolf, Kate.”

I frown back at my oblivious mate. I just poured out my dearest secret to him and he’s trying to deny the truth. The pain hurts like needles and I pinch his nipple lightly between my fingers.

“I am not a wolf, but a Wolf Spirit,” I add strongly. “Don’t be ridiculous. I wouldn’t lie about this. Did I not show you the source of my Spirit earlier? Yes, I am born as a Wolf and you may still call me a wolf. I am however unable to shift since I promised that part of myself away. Do you think I did the wrong thing by choosing to save my life like this? Did I make the wrong choice by making myself immortal?”

“Immortal?” he repeats my last word dumbfounded.

“Do you think I am crazy?” I ask scared when I realize what I just told him sounds far from realistic.

I wait a few horrid seconds before he shuts his eyes. The tension between is so strong that I almost can touch it. I slowly wrap my arms around his hot body and let my mouth rest on his cheek.

“Blinding is what you are,” he answers shakily. “Wolf or Wolf Spirit, I accept them both. You’re mine, Kate. Don’t forget that.” He opens his eyes slowly and looks at me with a sharp expression. He grabs my wrist and put it above his heart. “This is yours.”

He then let his lips crash against mine and the kiss he sweeps me away with is more passionate than the others we shared. I instantly forget about how cold I am with the drenched dress on. I moan loudly when he presses my body to his so I feel how hard he is.

Adam is consumed by heat and I don’t want him to stop. This is the most natural thing in the world and I eagerly let him slide my damp dress off me. I am letting him dominate me with his tongue and hands. He’s lighting a fire within me that slowly brings down the walls around my guarded heart.

I already forgot the reason why I didn’t want him to see me body and every thought of being ugly disappears under the hot trail of kisses that he covers every bit of my skin with as he lay me down onto the mossy ground.

The Wolf Spirits are blessing us and there is nothing more right than what we are doing now. It feels like I’m going to burst out of happiness. I never imagined a strong feeling like this before. I thought my heart would be cursed to numbness for the rest of eternity. I’m glad that I am able to feel more than just a small echo of my real feelings.

Adam is making me feel. Adam is healing my scarred heart. My Adam.

I suddenly want to give him as much as he is giving me. I extend my soul into his and start kissing him the way my body longs to show him my love. He moans loudly on pleasure at my feverish touch and soon we’re both shaking with a need so strong that we can’t wait anymore. He penetrates me deeply and I cry out when I feel the unexpected pain. It doesn’t take away any of the lust I feel, even if it shadows my senses for a few seconds.

Suddenly the whole world around me feels brighter, clearer and more beautiful. Adam reaches down to plant an affectionate kiss on my lips and I look at him astounded. His eyes shines of wonder and pride of being my mate and a loving smile grows on his lips before the huge wave of lust crashes over us again and urges us to continue our mating. The pain lingers on for a little while, but my mate is so gentle that it soon vanishes into a slight soreness.

Pleasure takes over me and I bite into his delicious shoulder in a need to taste his body. We both lose our sanity and the thought of gentleness is forgotten.

Then suddenly a huge tide wave brings us up and I scream his name loudly into the forest as the most amazing feeling washes over me continuously. The rest of the world disappears around me and I want to stay here forever. We crash onto the ground again, panting, with our sweaty limbs entwined.

Warmness spreads through my core into my stomach and an image hits me before I have a chance to recollect. The warmness takes over my whole body and I watch delightful at the little smiling boy inside my head that looks like Adam. Or does he look like me?

I gently put my hand on my belly as if to protect what we just created. What can be more beautiful than a child conceived out of love?

“Wow,” Adam finally says when we have calmed down and I snuggle closer to him.

“It’s the Wolf Spirits who decide when the first time is perfect,” I whisper respectfully at the thought of all Spirits around us. “We are perfect together, Adam.”

“You are perfect, Kate. Are you hurt?”

“I have never felt better,” I answer him and a small smile grows on my lips. “You’ve given me the most precious of gifts.”

I feel blissful but most of all I feel brave. I know what I must do now to be able to move on from my past nightmares. I must face them. I am strong enough to face them with Adam’s love.

I feel so very tired, but it is a good tiredness. I drift into slumber knowing Adam is holding my heart. Why else would the strong walls have crumbled?

-

I wake up in Adam’s bed. He’s not anywhere to be seen and the world outside the window is filled with morning sunlight. The warm cover covers my naked body and I wonder if he really carried me back all the way like this. I must have been really exhausted if I didn’t wake up.

I feel good now. Better than good, actually.

The soul of mine and Adam’s child is tied in my womb and this new primitive feeling washes over me. I am a mother. The Wolf Spirits blessed us with a new beginning. This boy will help me build up my life. He’s my new hope.

I think of the rest of my family and jump out of bed at the thought of Mary. There is so much work with the herbs that needs to be done.

I take a quick shower and dress myself in a green tunic that Adam must have retrieved from my parent’s house. I can’t think like a child anymore. It is not fair to any of them. I need to bring my things here and mark this house as mine. Adam promised me the garden and there is so much I need to learn about herbs.

Excitement fills me and I walk over to my parent’s house with light feet. Mary is working in the Ninjan gardens and the rest of the family is at their works too. I clear a table in the garden and start working on the herbs. A kitchen is not a place for medicine. It’s nice to focus on the small flowers and I crush them carefully and fill them into a dark glass can.

The Wolf Spirits are singing around me and I see a few glimpses of them when they are brave enough to display themselves openly in the village. I wave to them in reward and nothing seems to cloud my happiness.

Adam is holding my heart and no bad thoughts can seep through his fingers and poison me. I trust him to keep me clean from it. A mate really can create magic.

I work hour after hour without break and I shake in exhaustion when Tom and Father come home from their business.

“Kate!” Tom waves franticly at me and I decide to quit my work for today.

“Will you carry this inside?” I ask him and point at the glass can.

“Sure will,” he says and picks up the can easily while Father gives me a hug.

“How is my little baby doing today?” he wonders and I smile up to him. It feels weird to smile but I can’t stop the bubbliness inside of me. “That good?”

I nod eagerly and dance into the house after my brother. The new light inside of me makes everything seem so much brighter, so much more pleasant than the grey world I surrounded myself with. Father brings his arm around my waist and I borrow his strength to keep myself upright. I feel out of breath after those dance moves.

“What do you want for dinner?” Tom asks me and opens the fridge to scan the shelves for something appetizing.

The smile fades on my face when I realize what time it is. Mother will soon be home from work and I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I haven’t fed my baby today. My good mood spirals down and I feel caged in the panicked emotions that fills me.

Jupiter’s calming presence surrounds me and I find enough energy to answer Tom without him suspecting anything different about me.

“Anything but fish. I’m deadly tired of fish,” I tell him. I doubt I’ll ever be able to eat fish again.

Dad pats my shoulder reassuringly. “Only eat what you like, Kate. It’s your freedom to choose.”

I take a seat by the table, sad to see my good mood gone. I was stuck in a bubble and it burst so easily. At least I got a glimpse of paradise. Maybe one day I can see the world like that without falling back into the blackness.

I’m exhausted from all hours in the garden and retreat to Mary’s bedroom. I can’t call it my room anymore. I open the door and see my sister asleep on the bed. Dark rings are surrounding her eyes and her heart is resting peacefully in her chest. I climb up next to her and put my ear close to her heart so I can listen to the beats.

The blood pumps perfectly, but I can sense how tired her heart is becoming. Tears fall from my eyes and I cry silently as I snuggle down close to my sister. Jupiter takes the other side and I play with a strand of her blonde beautiful hair. We are two ripped souls sharing the same essence. We weren’t supposed to end like this. I wish us back to a time when everything made sense, but still then Mary’s heart would have poisoned that dream from us.

It’s so painful. Nothing can change where Mary is headed. My son will grow up watching the other soul of me vanish in front of his eyes. I don’t want to let her go. I should be the one with a broken heart.

My sobbing wakes Mary up and I wipe away my tears when she shakes the sleepiness out of herself.

“Kate, what happened?” she asks me hoarsely.

Her blue eyes shine of an innocence I never will be able to master. She has seen a lot of pain, but she didn’t live in the madness like I did. Yes, she is taught how to kill, but she always knew the truth behind her actions. My truth was always twisted and turned into being something I just imagined. John Moore is so cruel. He ruined everything for me. I turned mad as well.

“What if I wake up on the Island and realize that I am just imagining all this?”

“Chase those bad thoughts away!” Mary says hastily. “You are home. We will not let anyone touch you again. Do you hear me? John will get his punishment.”

“Yes, he will,” I mumble. “They all will.”

They probably already are. John is a good doctor. A lot of Islands depend on him and now they have to choose a new one. There are several who can take his place, but no one they trusted as much as they trusted John. He was their friend, their neighbour. Many of them were there when he grew up. I can feel sorry for their sake, but not for him.

“I get tired so quickly these days,” Mary says sadly. “My doctor… can he help me?”

I’m surprised at her request, but I guess she needed time to think things over. I can’t hold the truth from her if she wants to know. It is her body, her life. We can pretend like the trouble doesn’t exist, but it will not help us one tiny bit.

“He can’t help you,” I tell her gently. “He can only confirm what we already know.”

“Then we wait,” she says weakly. “I’ll see the doctor after the trial. Are you sure you won’t come? I want you to come.” Her begging eyes are irresistible.

“I changed my mind,” I tell her confidently with my newfound hope. “I will be there during the trial.”

Let everyone see how sick he made me. I will show the judge.

“Thank you,” my sister whispers relived that she won’t have to face her fears alone.

She doesn’t have to. I will be there for her. All she needs to do is ask. We don’t have that many years to share after all. Focusing on her fears will help me get my mind off my own.

“I will always be here for you,” I ensure her. “But I decided to move in with Adam. He is my mate and where he lives will also be my home.” Guilt grows inside of me. If life turned out how it was supposed to be, then we would have been together for many years before this day. “Is that alright for you?”

She laughs quietly. “Of course. Who am I to stand in the way of your love? We kept your bed as a hope for the day you would return. You did return. That is the only thing we ever wanted.”

“You can throw the bed out,” I tell her with a small smile. I will bring my things with me and you can do something nice in that corner instead of seeing the memory of a time where I was lost.”

“That sounds like an idea,” she agrees. “You can always sleep with me if you feel like coming home.”

I take a strand of her hair and play with it. She takes one of mine too and put it next to hers.

“Black doesn’t look so bad,” she says kindly. “It will grow out, Kate.”

“Yes, I guess time isn’t important anymore.”

I crawl out of bed and open the door just as Mother is about to knock on it. She looks tired, but I would also be tired if I spent last night crying. She scans us both and the tension in her body disappears when she sees that we are okay. She gives me another inspection and tilts her head to the side.

“You seem different today,” she says clearly and put her palm on my forehead.

“Fine,” I surrender because I don’t want to wake up the sleeping dragon inside of her. “Adam and I will get married.”

I escape her grip and walk down to the kitchen where dinner is waiting for us.

“You never ate your cookie,” Mother says silently and I turn around surprised.

She’s right, I didn’t. Actually, I didn’t eat anything at all. I walk up to Mother and give her a hug. She stands stiff like always and I whisper a sorry in her ear. Coming home has turned my life upside down. My routines are being changed. My spirit feels stronger though.

A flash goes off and I look up to see a grinning Tom with a camera in his hand.

“This is going into the photo album!” he cheers.

I don’t cheer with him, because I get panic when I see the food on the table. They have made sausages with pasta and I feel sick at the mere sight of it. The smell isn’t so bad, not nearly as bad as seeing it. I close my eyes and wobble at the spot.

“Kate!” Mother exclaims worried and grabs me roughly. “Are you alright?”

“Don’t force me to eat it,” I sob hysterically. “I can’t eat it, I won’t eat it!” I shake my head violently just to get the sight out of my head. I feel like throwing up even if I didn’t taste it yet.

They are talking to me, but I can’t hear them. I put my hands over my ears as the whole world seems to be screaming to me at the same time. I just want to throw myself down onto the floor and heave everything out of me; blood, bones and organs until only an empty shell of skin is left.

Mother drags me out of the house into the cool air in the forest. I open my eyes after a little while when my heart is calming down. I still feel ill, but the hysteria is gone. The hysteria I fought so hard to control on Rosalea.

“I need help,” I beg to my upset Mother and she doesn’t know what to do. But then a light grows inside her mind and she gets up onto her feet quickly. “Wait here, honey.”

I wait while she hurries back to the house and I close my eyes, hoping for the ground to swallow me whole. A hand grabs mine and I look up into Jupiter’s sad eyes.

“I am always right here for you, Kate,” he says tenderly. “You are doing really well. Don’t let this put you down. Promise me.”

“I will not let this put me down,” I say shakily. “I let my guard down. I let everything down. For a moment I let myself think that I was okay. It will not happen that fast, will it?”

He doesn’t have to say anything more. He’s already calmed me down. I let my mind leave my body and I fly deep into the forest to join the Wolf Spirits. They are beautiful and it is mind-resting and thrilling to open up my consciousness to them.

I leave all my bad thoughts for them to care for so I don’t have to deal with it. I pour out all my loneliness, silent tears and insecurity. They replace the feelings with the love of my family, safety and a promise of a home. I can root here.

I blink furiously when my mind returns back to my body and I let my hand touch the dirt in the ground. I can root here. I am already rooted here. I look up at Mother who is walking back to me proudly with a big glass of milk and a whole tray of cookies.

She holds the glass of milk and watches me patiently when my new awakened hunger forces me to eat the cookies savagely. Crunches are falling to the ground but I don’t care. I stuff in the next cookie before the earlier one is eaten and I look like a mess but feel more collected than I ever did. Mother gives me the milk and I drink it fast so it falls down my cheeks in wet strides. I couldn’t care any less.

I lay down onto the ground when I’m finished and I close my eyes, exhausted from the events today.

They have to live with me. Accept me as I am.

They broke me on Rosalea. I know just the thing how to break them back. I am a Ninjan Wolf. It is time for me to toughen up.

-

Adam picks up the last bag and gives me a huge smile. He is almost jumping with happiness and the warmth grows inside of me at the sight. I am making him smile. I am making him this happy, no one else. He is also making me smile. I’m in a wonderful mood.

That bubble of happiness returned to me the moment Adam got into my sight. His quick kiss removed every trace of insanity and I just wanted to jump into his arms and hug him forever.

Mother and Father are looking happy too. They seem to understand that only Adam is able to make me smile and warm up to everyone else. I have a fantastic mate.

Mother is worried for me. They all are. I wish I could tell them not to. It will not be easy to fight my sickness, but I must try my best for the baby’s sake.

I finally pick up the bag with presents I bought on that Island a few days ago. I pull up the tree carved statue of a man and a woman and hand it over to my father who lights up at the sight.

“I saw this and thought of you two during my escape,” I mumble. “I hope you like it. I didn’t know what else to buy.”

“It’s lovely,” Mother says and let a finger slide along the smooth surface. “I’ll put it in my room.”

“Our room,” Father correct her with a grin. “Thank you, darling. Too bad you didn’t buy me one of those daggers Tom got…” He falls quiet instantly when he sees the deadly glare Mother gives him. “Anyway, you’ll always have a home under my roof.”

“Our roof,” Mother says tauntingly and I shake my head in amusement. The Wolf Spirits knew what they did when they matched my parents to be mates.

“Home is where your heart is,” I tell them slowly. “My heart will always be with my family.”

I take Adam’s hand and sparks flares out from his touch in a pleasant way. I have never had a crush before and it feels exciting. Adam excites me. He has that calm inside himself that I always sought on Rosalea. Maybe it was my mate my soul searched for all along.

“Are you ready?” he asks me and I nod.

“I’ll just be on the other side of the village,” I tell my parents, Tom and Mary who are waiting for me to leave.

“I’ll have my own house soon too,” Tom says proudly and Mary pinches his arm lightly.

“You didn’t even ask Leanne out for a date yet!” she blames him annoyed.

“I will!” Tom shouts blushing and scratches his windy hair.

“Why don’t you ask her right away then?” Mary retorts daringly and that shuts my brother up.

Adam and I leave the house while they keep quarrelling. I don’t own many things, just two bags with clothes and the old toys I’ll give to my son. We put the things into Adam’s car and I bravely take a seat on the passenger seat. He drives slowly through the village and it’s not that bad. I’m getting used to cars and I trust Adam to take me home safely. My stomach flutters at the thought of calling his house home.

This will be my new beginning. To think I was at Rosalea a week ago. My life felt hopeless and now I’m home, mated and with every possibility to attain a perfect life. Create life. I even got to bring Jupiter with me to this place.

Mary is not awaiting a long future with my friend, but I hope they will be happy. It’s not my sake to make it work for them. I just hope that she will open up her heart for him.

We arrive at the house and we carry my things inside it. I am doing the right thing. I hug Adam close to my chest and he presses his lips to my forehead.

“Welcome home, Kate,” he whispers with a deep voice and I reach up to seal it with a kiss.