We lost.

The defeat was bone crushing as I held my head high, lips pressed in a firm line as I stared at the third year across from me. I did not expect us to win, but the defeat was something to hold onto. I've learned what I could from that game, I second guessed myself plenty of times, including my own pitcher by the 6th inning.

The moment the second year shut us up, and sent the ball crashing into the outfield net, my confidence dwindled by the second, and that's where I faltered.

I went in too high strong.

"You did great 'Jun.. no ones expected to be great automatically. You held them off by all means, and you were diligently keeping an eye on the batters each time up at bat." Haruichi came up to my side and effortlessly pulled my head out of my ass by listing off the good I did in the match today. "Your too hard on yourself, and I think if you went with the flow, youll be a great catcher." He guided me down the path, closest to the opposite field where the first years would be finish up running laps.

Haruichi was right, and from the high strong look on his face, it gave me the confidence to go by things naturally.
Except I might reign in my squealing in the dugout. recalling my own cheers from the sidelines made my face bloom a bright red. Embarrassing.. but my teammates were cheering, fists raised high, and faces flushed from the over excretion. How could I give that up?

I smiled in that moment, determined to rouse the batter out of their worries alongside my fellow first years.

I dutifully got to running, watching my step as I followed behind Haruichi, whom seemed preoccupied by his own thoughts. I tried to reach forward to get his attention, and yet I yielded, picking up maybe my intervention wasn't exactly needed at the moment.

He looked extremely focused on nothing but the path laid out in front of him, and that scared me. The shine in his eyes, the sheer will that was coming off the pink haired baseman in waves startled me to the core. I shook away the nerves with an undignified pout, and pinched my cheek to keep looking ahead at my own path.

That's what I did, I looked ahead to a brighter future!

_

"Sawamura, can you catch for me?"
"What happened to Furuya?"
"Well, he hasn't exactly— look, his calling is brutish.. and frankly, it's hard being around him."
"Brutish? So mines not? What does that mean anyways?" I turned on my heel, staring up at my senior as I wiped away at the excess sweat with a warm towel. I know Furuya can be a little standoffish, but he wasn't unapproachable. And brutish, I didn't know what he meant by that. "He's like, very demanding? He's very straight forward with what he wants.."

Straight forward? Demanding? What?
"How do you mean? I don't understand."

"It's not that hard— were you always this dense?"
"Oye!" I seethed, pursing my lips as I folded my arms over my chest. "If your gonna go sayin' mean things, maybe I just won't catch for you.." I frowned, I truly didn't understand why catching with Furuya was a problem. I've never spoken to any upperclassman or first years about this issue.
Did they just not get along?

"Come— I'm sorry, but listen, please?" I made a move to grab my things so I could get to my run, since I just finished with Kariba's pitching. Maybe listening wouldn't hurt. "Ok, go for it."

"You have Furuya in your class right?" I gave a curt nod, taking a seat beside my bag perched on the bench. The third year got closer and continued. "What's he like?"

"Oh, very standoffish, but it's not hard talking to him. He won't talk to me very often, seeing as I'm his opponent." I scowled when I remembered his petty remark earlier, and the worse than normal side-eye glances and the ignoring in class. "On the field.. I understand but I don't, he's assertive in his game calling, and they can be tough, but he's not mean. I don't think? If that's what you meant?" I finished off, letting my forearms rest atop my knees.

The third year didn't look good, his face was red, and his form was shaking. Did I say something wrong?

"Agh! I swear it's like talking to two different walls! Frankly, yes, he is pretty brutal when it comes to gamecalling and he expects his pitchers to know everything." I blinked slowly, absorbing the information. His words upset me, to think Furuya was that harsh to his pitcher. Pitchers needed to be treated like cactuses,—in my eyes anyways.

Meaning, You don't have to treat them delicately, but it's recommended your choice of word or attitude in game didn't affect them mentally. "Your right, that's wrong, and I hope Katoaka sees that."

"Hm, are you saying that as his arch nemesis, or as a catcher concerned for his pitchers?" The mere sight of messing with the pitcher, formed a knot in my stomach and the tension must've reached my face because the senior looked startled when I lifted my head. "Sawamura?"

"I'm saying that as a Catcher."

I ended up missing my run, and taking a bath early to finish going over scorebooks I had asked for from my seniors.

The taste in my mouth didn't sit well, and in the end, I couldn't sleep.

_

"Takashima, Boss, you wanted to see me?"
So late in the evening, and I just decided to go to the vending machine for drinks. My mood was still sour from two days ago. The conversation was running through my system, and a sweet beverage sounded appealing to me to brighten my spirits.

That's When I was called by a second year. They told me I needed to stop by Kataoka's office. I froze and assumed the worst. It definitely dampened my mood, not that it was fairing well anyways, at the moment. The cold drink still sat between my thumb and fingers, numbing my palm as I stood there patiently waiting.

"This is about Furuya," I sucked in a breath, trying to recall ever ratting out Furuya about his game-calling. "Oh.." I mumbled, trying to maintain a calm facade but if they said anything else resembling the looks on their faces, I might as well get on my knees and apologize for whatever I did.

"We've seen his progress, and yours. From the looks of things, you've shown a great deal compared to Furuya." I tried not to looked excited, shocked or indifferent, but the tightening in my chest felt harder and harder to ignore, I just wanted to breath.
"This isnt favoritism, this is about getting the team to Koshien. We can't have a catcher unable to perform his duties in selfish means."

But isn't taking good players, to make it to Koshien selfish? No, no.. that's baseball. That's how the world works. You work, businesses profit.
I didn't stop the frown making its way on my face, and I managed to slouch when I realized there was nothing to worry about.

"Compared to our third year catcher, and second year catchers, I believe you've shown promise. They aren't official catchers, since they've been working outfield, and I know you know what you need to work on as a catcher, so I want you to catch in the practice games, against the three powerhouses coming to Seidou for a home game. I need you to gain experience before the tournament ensues." Katoaka rose up from his black leather seat, to lean over the desk poised under his hands.
Nothing said between them in the office was a joking matter, in fact it was the most crucial decision I had to make, and a big offer from the coach.

This was his chance, Furuya opened that door, and I'm going through it. I can achieve greatness— but not by my own hands!

"Alright.." but my gut still clenched with guilt, "have you counseled Furuya, to get him to change?"

"Yes, Takashima has spoken to him," Katoaka side glanced over his shoulder at the assistant coach standing quietly by his side. "He has taken her advice, but hasn't acted on it."

That put my mind at ease, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I bowed, hoping to excuse myself. Katoaka waved me off but Takashima offered to walk me out.

"How do you feel?" Once we were behind closed doors, she tilted her head as she asked the most daunting question, I was afraid to hear.
"I feel.. how terrible this may sound, but relieved. I truly believed I wouldn't get a chance, since Furuya seems to outshine me in every form."

"That's not entirely true, Sawamura. You are a good catcher, Katoaka was keeping a close eye on you after all, but you didn't hear it from me." Takashima fixes her stance, and gestured we get down the stairs. "This will be beneficial to the catcher as well, it's still something he'll learn and reflect on. He'll see what he did wrong, while he's working on that, you'll be getting stronger." Takashima whipped around, a broad smile on her face as she inches closer.

"You can be scary when you want to be.." I whispered out loud, and she leant back to let out lungfuls of air. Her cackling sounded everlasting, and I couldn't help but look up and start. This was the first time I've seen just a wide smile and airy aura around her, except the time she approached me..

Is that what she meant?

"You'll do just fine, Sawamura Eijun." She opened the glass door for me to exit, and I almost dropped the can in my hand after holding it for so long. By this point, I wasn't even in the mood for a sweet beverage— but my throat felt unbearably dry.

"I almost died of a heart attack.."

_
The moment I got back to my room, I worked on my homework, since I officially didn't have some small voice in the back of my head telling me to shut the lights off. Officially, things were great, except they weren't.

Furuya was potentially off the roaster for the spring tournament, and he would hate me the moment he found out. Things were panning out well on my end, but Furuya's?

I know I needed to stop feeling guilty, after all there was nothing I could do unless encourage him to change, but I didn't want to do that.

The moment I did that, my chances would be stolen from me. I want to do the right thing, and yet—

"Furuya, can I talk to you?" I pulled Furuya over during class and he sat there, like he was thinking associating with me would become a bad omen.
"Come on! it'll do you some good!"

"Alright." Short and sweet, like usual. His overall attitude seemed the same, so maybe he was getting back on his feet.

I pulled us far away from the classroom as possible, and he asked if it was ok to walk and talk. I nodded, insinuating he just listen.

"Boss called me in yesterday night, and he told me about my chances making first string, as starter." I chanced a look over my shoulder but he still wore a look of indifference, following right behind me. "I wanted to give you a piece of advice.. pitchers aren't a tool, their a person. As much fun as it is, controlling the field, you cannot monopolize the pitcher with force and sheer will.

"You'll never make it if you do, so work on changing your attitude." I warned lowly, and the fire in me bloomed when I recalled the seniors words, and my own plagued thoughts.

I swiveled on my heel, looking him dead in the eyes when he officially stopped in his tracks. Staring at me with wide, beady eyes. "Don't make me regret this.." I huffed, lifting my brows as the tension in my face released.

I was finally able to say it.

I walked away when he didn't say anything in response and left him in the naked hall for his own good.

This may cost me the starter, and Im not ready to be selfish on the field just yet, over the diamond. I'm not like a pitcher, yes The diamond is precious to me, but I want that to be worth standing on that field.

"I'll just do better than him." I smirked, now jogging to my classroom. I didn't want to be late.

_

I got no word from the coach or Takashima as the upcoming practice game approached. In just a couple of days it'll begin. I presumed I may still be starting catcher.
I really didn't want to get my hopes up, since it's been a few days, and Furuya could recover in that short amount of time. maybe not, everyone's mental capacity is different. Plus, there was a might, when he wanted me as starter.

"Sawamura, coach wants you."
There it was, Jun sauntered up barely sweating as if he hadn't been running for an hour, pointing in the direction of the coaches office. "Thanks!" I forced a smile on my face, bounding off in the direction of his office.

I arrived with an heartbeat off center, and lips parted trying to suck in lungfuls of air.
I entered the building, and made my way up the staircase until I was face first in front of the coaches door.

I feel sick.

I entered the office with a slow tentative step as I peeked past the door frame.
"Boss?"
"I told you to stop calling me boss,"
"Sorry boss," I didn't realize what I said until he was scowling at me, papers at hand as he shuffled through them.

"You called me."
"I did," he urged me to come closer, and so I did. I stood there a few meters from his desk, keeping my arms glued to my sides.

"I heard what you did for Furuya,"
There it was, I was doomed, and my chances were foiled the moment I spoke to furuya, even saying hi was a danger in my book. "There are players working their asses off trying to get a starter position, or on first string, why sacrifice your chances?"

"I.. I didn't want to succeed knowing I let furuya suffer through his own turmoil. I know being selfish is prioritized on the field, but he came first in the matter, and unfortunately, I'm not sorry." I bowed my head for speaking out of line, and stood up straight as I forced myself to stare above his head.

"Good, you'll be playing in the practice matches, as starting catcher."

"What—,"
"Be prepared."
"Ye— yes!" I bowed and ran out of the office as quickly as I could and tried not to trip over my feet going down the staircase in excitement.

"Congrats!"
"Congrats Ei!"
Both Takashima and Haruichi were at the double doors, clapping when I ran out in a blur.

"Congratulations, Sawamura Eijun, you earned it." Takashima smiled and ushered Haruichi to take it away while she made her way up to Katoakas office.

"That's great news Eijun! I knew You could make it to first string!"

And I did.

The moment was simultaneously the most exciting and nerve racking for me, standing in line with third, second and first years expecting a number on their back the moment they arrived. The tension was thick, and the heavy weight of carrying the two scared the living day lights out of me. I couldn't take this lightly.

When I was called up, I nearly head butted the coach's chest. I'm pretty sure Takashima threatened me afterward.

I carried that number two with me all the way to the dorms, and the managers were already prepared to sow on the numbers for the guys. Luckily I was beside Haruichi when he left with the number 18 in his hands, neatly waiting to be stitched on the back of his uniform.

"You did it—," he started,
"We did it." I finished.

_

Wow!
I'm loving it, no words.. honestly.
I hope it was what you were expecting.

I officially feel one hundred percent confident in Sawamuras personality now!
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You know what comes next right? Keke!
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