15x 20 spoilers, I promise this is different than my one-shot It's Not Heaven Without You, despite the title

This was two ideas from after 15x19, then 15x20 came out and changed the plan a bit, and then the ideas merged into one lol.  This is inspired in part by the song "Everything I Did to Get to You" by Ben Platt (as seen by the lyrics quoted in the chapter).  I have the song linked for anyone who wants to listen to it :) ( in case the top of chapter link doesn't work)

Dean looked around at the green mountains and clear blue sky, looking to Bobby who sat beside him in a rocking chair.  "Cas helped do all this? Jack really brought him back?"  He didn't want to get his hopes up since he'd already lost the angel once, but this would be just what he wanted-- it was Heaven after all.

"Sure he did, boy," Bobby laughed, "You didn't really think God would leave his father behind, did you?"

"I guess so," Dean chuckled, taking a swig of the beer Bobby had handed him, "Is he here...or did he go back to Earth with Jack?"

"Go and find out for yourself, ya idjit," Bobby said, gesturing to the Impala.  Dean smiled widely, thanking Bobby again and promising to come back soon before heading to his precious Baby.  As soon as his hands touched the wheel, it was like he just knew where to go, a compass in his heart pointing him to Cas.  As he drove, he thought about what he'd say, finally tired of lying to Cas, and himself.

I'll admit the fact that I
Settled for somebody
Just to fight the lonely (yeah)
Put myself out on the line
And tried to change the old me
Changin' almost broke me
Been the life of the party
Done the worst I can do
Chasin' love
That was pointless
'Til it pointed me to get to you

For years he had been hiding these feelings for Cas, other men before then, but more so after they met the angel.  He had tried to drown out his feelings with alcohol and women, but nothing seemed to fit quite right.  He thought maybe he could find it with Lisa, but even that didn't last.  

All the hearts I ever held
Just held me back
I've been bruised and burned
But somehow I'm intact
All the times I thought
I've might have reached the end
I'd do it all again
Everything I did to get to you (everything, everything)
Everything I did to get to you (everything, everything)

Dean thought about all he and Cas had been through together.  Cas had said Dean changed him from the moment he raised him from perdition, but Dean couldn't help but feel like Cas had changed him too.  They had survived the apocalypse, made it through purgatory, fought side by side, fought each other, and faced some of the greatest challenges either of them would ever know.  And yet, they had never drifted apart, even when they were fighting or mourning the loss of the other, they had never given up hope.  Never given up on their relationship.

On the road to where we are
I think I might've lost me
Somewhere in the city
But you saw me from the start
You see the world that I see
And you don't try to fix me

He rounded a turn in the Impala, pulling into grove hidden among the trees.  There was a stream running through this part of the forest, and wildflowers covered most of the ground.  It was beautiful, but despite it all Dean's eyes were drawn instantly to the trench coat adorned man in the middle of the clearing.  Dean took a deep breath before cutting the engine.

Cas turned at the noise, a smile breaking over his face as he saw the Hunter, with a brief flicker of sadness knowing that Sam was all alone on Earth.  The two approached each other, Dean engulfing Cas in a hug, tears welling in his eyes.  

"Hello, Dean," Cas said, looking into Dean's eyes once their hug ended.

"Cas, I don't even know where to start," Dean began, "After what you said last time I saw you-"

"I know it was a lot to drop on you," Cas said with a small smile, "And I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable? Are you crazy Cas? I was just upset I didn't get a chance to respond! I was afraid I was never gonna see you again, and that I wasn't gonna be able to tell you that you changed me too.  That I wasn't gonna be able to tell you that I'm done running from my feelings, and that I didn't want to be stuck in a world without you.  I love you too Cas, even if I never showed it before, or made it seem like I didn't, I really do love you in the same way."

By now both of them had tears running down their faces, "Telling you how I felt, it really did make me happy, but hearing those words back is more happiness than I thought I'd ever have, more than I ever deserved," Cas said before adding, "I love you, Dean."

Dean smirked, "Of course you deserve happiness Cas, this is our Heaven, you helped build it for us, and our family and friends."

At this Cas' whole face broke into a grin, before he gasped in surprise as Dean pushed his lips to Cas' in a fierce kiss.  He threaded his fingers through Dean's hair, kissing him back and knowing that he and Dean were going to be very happy here, together.

All the hearts I ever held
Just held me back
I've been bruised and burned
But somehow I'm intact
All the times I thought
I've might have reached the end
I'd do it all again

Dean pressed his forehead to Castiel's, "This is everything I did to get to you."