I didn't think I'd find camping fun, but Dylan made sure I didn't have the opportunity to think otherwise with all the activities he planned. The day of his birthday I woke up sprawled on my back with Nathaniel's arm slung across my chest while he slept peacefully on his belly, his head buried in my neck. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love waking up in his arms, feeling safe and warm. He stirred beside me restlessly and I rubbed his arm that was wrapped around me soothingly lulling him back to sleep. I didn't know how long I lied there awake, cocooned in his scent while I went down memory lane of every moment we shared together, the good, the bad, everything. I wondered what he would've done if I never came back. Would he have moved on? Started a family of his own, a family we were supposed to have together? Or would he have stayed single forever mourning the loss of me? I doubted it. Forever was a hell of a long time, even for Nathaniel. Eventually, he would've moved on, I was almost certain of it.

Then I thought about Ezra, how I was ready to move on with him, ready to leave Nathaniel in the past where I thought he belonged. But now, lying here with him, it felt right, like this was where I was meant to be all along and it made me wonder if I was ever going to be truly happy with Ezra or if I was just content on pretending for the sake of my sanity. And then I thought about the miscarriage, the last secret in my arsenal. I had finally made up my mind that I was going to tell him as soon as this trip was over. It was time. I dragged this on for way too long and I was tired of keeping it from him. Regardless of everything, he deserved to know and all I could do was hope he'd take it well. I had four years to mourn the death of our baby and come to terms with it and frankly, four years still wasn't enough; my nights were still haunted with nightmares of blood and loss. This was going to be new for him and I had no idea how he would react and that was what scared me. I inhaled and exhaled slowly trying to control my breathing.

Everything was going to be okay.

That night on his balcony he told me we'd get through everything together and I truly hoped he meant that because the bomb I was getting ready to drop on him was either going to prove that we could weather any storm, bringing us closer together or prove that maybe we were better apart. I didn't want to think about the latter, I didn't even want to think about the entire situation. All I wanted to do was focus on giving Dylan the best birthday ever and forget about all the depressing shit running through my head. I sighed and snuggled closer into Nathaniel's embrace and he tightened his arm around me. I didn't even realize I had fallen back asleep until I felt someone breathing heavily on my cheek, someone that wasn't Nathaniel because I still felt him breathing against my neck. My eyes popped open and I saw Dylan's ugly ass hovering over my face with the biggest grin etched across his lips.

"It's my birthday," he whispered.

"Jesus christ Dylan," I hissed. "What the fuck?"

He ignored me and slid under the covers with us throwing his arm around me which actually just ended up on top of Nathaniel's since I was already tucked under his arm. "I can't believe you're actually here to celebrate with me instead of on FaceTime."

He was right; this was the first time I was actually here in person to celebrate his birthday since I left. The past years we'd just stay on FaceTime all day while he unwrapped the gifts I shipped out for him, so being here was a big deal for both of us. I turned to face my friend and smiled, both of their arms still draped around me. "Happy birthday Dylan; I love you endlessly."

"I love you more, dumpling."

"Why is Dylan in bed with us?" Nathaniel's deep voice suddenly rumbled from behind me. His nose skimmed down my shoulder blade.

"Because she's wishing me happy birthday unlike you."

"Happy birthday Dylan; now get out; you're going to have her all day; this is my time."

"Is he always this grumpy when he wakes up?" Dylan whispered as if Nathaniel couldn't hear him.

I giggled. "Yup."

"Ethan's waiting on me anyway," Dylan mumbled, sliding off the mattress. "But I need you two lovebirds up in thirty minutes; we have a lot to do today people."

As soon as he left, Nathaniel sighed and nuzzled his head in my neck. My back was still pressed against his chest. "Good morning," he murmured.

"Good morning."

"How'd you sleep?" He slipped his hand under my shirt to cup my breast. I had no idea why he found comfort in simply having my boob sitting in the palm of his hand nor did I care to ask.

"Great, until you started snoring in my ear," I lied.

He chuckled and squeezed my breast. "I was not snoring."

"I'm sure everyone else heard you so I have a lot of witnesses."

"You think they'd remember after they hear you moaning my name?" He asked softly.

I laughed. "Why would I moan your na—" I cut my sentence off when I felt Nathaniel slip his fingers in my panties, cupping my pussy.

I gasped and gripped his hand to stop him from moving but at the same time flipped on my back and spread my legs wider to give him better access.

He bit my earlobe. "How long do you think you'll be able to stay quiet amore?" He whispered, rubbing my clit slowly.

"Forever," I lied, biting back a moan when he began dragging his fingers through my wet folds.

"Is that so?" He sounded amused, eager to prove me wrong. Ever so slowly, he slid his finger into my pussy that clamped around it immediately.

I cupped my hands over my mouth when he slid a second finger inside, his name on the tip of my tongue. And when he started pumping in and out of me, my eyes damn near rolled in the back of my head. I had always been noisy as fuck when it came to anything sexual especially with the sexy ass man lying beside me so I had no idea why I even thought to challenge him knowing I was doomed to fail from the beginning.

"Tell me to stop before the world hears you baby," Nathaniel murmured, his lips ghosting across my cheek.

A muffled moan escaped the back of my throat, passing through my hands clamped around my mouth just from hearing the endearment slip from his tongue along with the combination of pleasure his fingers were bringing me. I was seconds away from giving up when Dylan's voice interrupted the moment.

"I hope you guys aren't in there sleeping again," he said tapping on the tent. "I need you both out here in fifteen minutes."

Nathaniel, being the asshole he was didn't stop finger fucking me even with Dylan standing right outside. Panicked, I gripped Nathaniel's wrist, stopping him from thrusting deeper into me before I really did scream his name for my best friend to hear, and knowing Dylan, he would definitely use that against me every chance he got.

"We're up Dylan," I managed to squeak out.

"If you two knuckles heads aren't out here soon, I'm coming in," he warned.

"Yup, got it."

Twenty minutes later and orgasmless, we were both dressed and sitting on our double lawn chair in front of the fire pit eating breakfast before Dylan came back to harass us, or worse, catch us with Nathaniel's fingers buried deep inside me. After we all ate, Dylan went over everything he planned for the day which included a series of activities and at the end of the day we'd sing happy birthday and eat cake.

Fishing. That was what we started the day off doing. Something I found out I was completely terrible at. Nathaniel, on the other hand, was a natural, of course. He had already caught three fish while I was still trying to figure out how to use the fishing pole correctly. Across from us in another boat was Dylan snapping endless pictures of my futile attempts, with Ethan chuckling beside him. At one point, their boat almost tipped over from how hard Dylan and Ethan were laughing when I thought I caught a fish only for it to end up being a plastic soda can ring that was likely snagged on a rock which gave the illusion that it was a fish giving me difficulty. I even caught Nathaniel chuckling softly beside me when I angrily tossed the plastic ring into our boat.

"Let me help you," he murmured, sliding behind me. He showed me how to properly put the bait on the hook and how to use the fishing pole correctly. After waiting patiently for, I didn't even know how long, something finally started tugging on the line. Eyes wide, I glanced up at Nathaniel beside me unsure what to do next and he calmly guided me through the next steps of reeling the fish in until the line was out of the water with a small fish flopping on the end of the hook.

A huge smile spread across my face; at the same time scattered applause erupted around me and when I looked up, I saw all of Dylan's friends smiling and cheering supportively making me smile even harder as I waved to them.

Nathaniel kissed my cheek when I turned to face him again. "Good job."

"Thanks, Creed."

Afterward, Jordan put all the fish everyone caught in a cooler so he could cook them later; then, we all gathered around to play Uno at the picnic bench while music played from the portable speakers Dylan brought. The first game we played was intense and somehow, Nathaniel and I ended up being the last two players. Thankfully, luck was on my side for once and I ended up beating Nathaniel who stood absolutely no chance against my cards. The next game, only the girls played and that time, Tati and Hannah were the last two standing. After going back and forth, changing colors, skipping, drawing two, etc., Hannah finally won. The boys played the last and final game which was the most intense match we'd watched so far. It took forever for the first person to uno out, which was Gabe, then ten long minutes later, Ethan followed. The game dragged on like that until Nathaniel lost the first round which I was almost positive he lost on purpose against Dylan. I was hovering over his shoulder the entire time and saw that he had a draw four he could've used against Dylan when he yelled uno, but instead, Nathaniel used a regular number card which happened to be the same color as Dylan's last card. Easy uno out.

"You lost on purpose didn't you?" I asked as we walked away from the picnic table where the boys were starting the second round.

Nathaniel shrugged, a smirk ghosting his lips. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Sure you don't."

We ended up back in our tent where Nathaniel placed a spare blanket on top of our mattress so we could lie down without worrying about dirtying the comforters we slept under at night with the clothes we'd been lounging around in all day. Lying down face to face, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"Have you ever wondered what our life would've been like if I never left?" I whispered, reaching up and trailing my fingers across his face.

Sighing heavily, his eyes fluttered shut. "Every day."

"Tell me."

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, only breathing heavily most likely enjoying the way I touched him, running my fingers through his thick locs, tracing his sharp jawline, and soft lips. I missed being able to touch him like this whenever I wantedso every chance I got, I did.

"We would've gotten married," he stated matter-of-factly like there was no other option for me, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. "Mrs. Anastazi Creed has a nice ring to it." He smiled sadly and I traced his lips with my thumb again.

"It does," I whispered, my heart aching at what we could've been. "What else?"

"We would've gotten a house together, somewhere close to our private beach."

Our private beach. The beach he took me to on our first date all those years ago where we painted together. Tears pricked my eyes at the memories from that night, especially when I realized I must've been pregnant then; I just didn't know it yet.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked up at him, uncertainty swimming in my eyes. "What about having kids?" I finally asked the question I'd been wondering for so long. To this day I still had no idea if he even wanted to be a father, if he would've been excited or terrified to find out I was pregnant and that we were going to have a baby. I held my breath, waiting for him to answer.

Nathaniel cupped my cheek and smiled again, his entire face lighting up like a Christmas tree. "I want nothing more than for you to be the mother of our children, for me to be a father, one we both deserved. And to be able to be that for our kids would be a fucking dream come true."

A sob I couldn't stop escaped the back of my throat. That was the moment my heart broke and healed at the same time. He would've been thrilled to find out I was pregnant. And for some reason, that made me feel even worse for keeping the miscarriage a secret for so long. Nathaniel Creed wanted to be a father; he was going to be a father and that was something he not only deserved to know but needed to know.

"Hey," he spoke softly caressing my cheek. "If that's not something you would've wanted I would've been happy getting a puppy instead."

He thought I was getting emotional because I didn't want kids and he was willing to give up his dream of becoming a father to go along with whatever I wanted and that broke my heart even more knowing he'd sacrifice that just to make me happy.

I shook my head, fisting his shirt. "Of course, I would've wanted kids with you," I practically choked out. "And a puppy."

He brushed his nose against mine. "Good."

I opened my mouth, about to confess that I had something to tell him but was interrupted for the second time today by someone tapping on our tent.

"Games over lovebirds, I won in case you were wondering," Dylan said; I could only imagine the huge smile on his face. "Now, it's time to go swimming, let's go."

Neither of us said anything; we were both too busy gazing deep into each other's eyes. Him trying to read every unspoken word I desperately wanted to tell him.

"We should go," I finally whispered.

"You have something to tell me." It wasn't a question; it was simply an observation. He was always good at picking up on things I didn't voice. A part of me was surprised he didn't already figure out about the miscarriage through my actions, especially that night he found me curled in the shower, but I guess I was keeping it a secret better than I thought even though it felt like the truth was written on my forehead, free for him to read at any given moment.

"It can wait." What was a few more hours compared to the four years it'd already been a secret?

Reluctantly, I pried my fingers off his shirt and got up, changing into a bathing suit I had brought. Nathaniel did the same thing looking sexy as ever in just his swim trunks; his inked-up chest and arms free for the world to see.

"Don't look at me like that," he warned lowly, unzipping the tent, waiting for me to step out.

"Like what?" I smirked, threading my hand through his as we walked over to the group huddled around a huge tree with a long rope attached to it.

"Like you're seconds away from ripping my trunks off and riding me," he murmured in my ear, squeezing my hand.

Laughing, I squeezed his hand back and mumbled, "No comment."

We got to the tree just in time to see Dylan run up to the rope screaming, "Geeeronimoooo," at the top of his lungs as he grabbed it, letting it swing him out to the water before he let go, falling with a loud splash.

"That was fucking epic!" Dylan exclaimed, shaking the water out of his hair as he approached us, dripping wet. "You need to try it."

"Oh, I plan to," I wiggled my eyebrows attempting to take a step forward to stand in line behind Tati who was waiting for Lina to go but Nathaniel's grip on my hand tightened. "Nathaniel," I muttered his name, sighing. I'd never met someone as overprotective as him. "Don't be a party pooper."

His eyes narrowed. "I'm being logical."

"Don't be that either."

He clenched his jaw, contemplating his options as if he had any. I was going to swing into that lake whether he liked it or not. "Be careful."

"This is harmless Nathaniel; I'll be fine," I told him after he released my hand.

When it was my turn, I gave the brooding man a quick wink before running up and grabbing the rope, swinging straight into the water with an excited scream on my lips. The water was cold at the moment of impact, but as I swam up to the surface, my body adjusted to the temperature. Dylan cheered for me on the sideline while Nathaniel stood beside him watching me like a hawk; his body tensed as if was prepared to jump into the water and save me at any given moment.

"See, harmless," I told me as he draped a towel Dylan gave him around my shoulders.

"Mhm," was all I got out of him.

He pulled me against him after we walked up to the tree to watch the rest of the group jump, my wet chest pressed against his. I shivered into his warm embrace thankful for his body heat. "If I ever have a heart attack, it'll be your fault," he mumbled, running his hands up and down my back and shoulders to warm me up.

"Then I apologize in advance," I giggled into his neck, closing my eyes and inhaling his delicious scent.

I was so wrapped up in everything Nathaniel, his scent, his warmth, the sound of his heart beating against my ear I almost didn't hear Dylan asking me if I wanted to go again. Instinctively Nathaniel's arms tightened around me. At this point, I was almost certain it was just his body's natural reaction to the thought of letting me go like he did four years ago. Thankfully, it only took one look for him to let me go, taking the towel from around my shoulders.

"I'll be careful Creed," I assured him, hoping it would make him feel slightly better as I stretched up, kissing him on the cheek.

I ran up to the rope and splashed in the lake, only this time as I was walking out, my foot fully pressed down on something sharp in the water, and if I didn't quickly spin around and cup my mouth to muffle the inevitable scream that slipped out while turning my back against Nathaniel who was waiting on the side like last time, I would've screamed out in pain startling the entire group. Biting my lip with enough force to break the skin, I inhaled and exhaled deeply through my nostrils, trying my hardest to will the searing, burning pain radiating through my right foot away before I approached Nathaniel. I could always play it off like it wasn't a big deal but I needed to get my shit together if I wanted to sound even remotely believable. I let out one last shaky breath then turned around again. I watched the way Nathaniel's eyes suspiciously squinted at me, his gaze flickering from my head all the way down to my feet which were still in the water. I took one step.

One.

That was all he needed to see to know something was wrong before he came sloshing his way over to where I stood.

"What happened?" He asked, scanning every inch of my body.

"I think I cut my foot on a rock." I winced, keeping pressure off of it. "I don't think it's bad though."

Lies. It felt like my entire foot was being amputated. But like Dylan pointed out, this was the first time I was here in person for his birthday and I didn't want to ruin it by having to go to the hospital before the day was even over. I also knew if the cut was as worse as the pain was, I wouldn't hear the end of it with Nathaniel. He scooped me up in his arms before I could pointless protest and sat me down on our lawn chair.

"Um, why am I looking at a trail of blood?" Dylan asked loudly at the exact moment I looked down to watch Nathaniel cradle my bloodied foot in his hand to assess the damage.

It was bad. I knew this not because the pain was excruciating but because of the look on Nathaniel's face when he looked at the bottom of my foot and all the blood gushing out of the wound onto his hand. So much for trying to play it cool. He snatched the towel from his shoulder and wrapped it around my foot to stop the bleeding then looked over his shoulder at Dylan who was still gawking at the trail of blood I had created.

"Get me a fucking first aid kit," He snapped then turned his attention back to me. The man's eyes blazed with so much anger I winced already aware of the scolding I was getting ready to receive but surprisingly, he didn't say anything, which was so much worse. I knew his anger wasn't necessarily directed at me per se, more so at my blatant nonchalant attitude and the way I constantly tried to pretend I was okay when in reality I wasn't.

Dylan rushed over to us with the first aid kit tossing bandages in Nathaniel's bloodied hand to wrap around my foot. "Oh my god, Stazi, what the fuck happened?" He asked frantically, looking up at me for answers but I was no longer paying attention to him.

I was too focused on the blood dripping down Nathaniel's hand from my foot, looking at the towel that was now tossed aside soaked in blood. My eyes ping-ponging between his hands and the towel.

So much blood.

So much fucking blood.

I gripped both armrests with so much force my knuckles started aching. I tried my hardest to stay in the present, stay where Nathaniel was currently wrapping my foot up and shouting at Dylan to get another towel and a change of clothes for me but like always, my mind focused on the blood. My nightmares suddenly flashed through my head blinding me, taking me back to the night that would haunt me until the day I died.

Blood.

All I saw was blood everywhere—

No.

I refused to go back there. I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to ten then inhaled. After counting to ten again, I exhaled and my eyes fluttered open to find Nathaniel watching me with so much fucking concern etched across his face.

"I'm taking you to the hospital now." There was no room for negotiation so I nodded and then turned to Dylan.

"Sorry if this ruined your birthday."

Dylan scrunched his nose, pulling a shirt over my head then dragging sweatpants up my legs with the help of Nathaniel. "Fuck my birthday; you're back; that's my gift; now, please let this man take you to the hospital before he pops an aneurysm."

If I had the energy to laugh, I would've. Instead, I reached out and squeezed Dylan's hand then let Nathaniel scoop me up in his arms again, a fresh towel dangling from my foot as he practically sprinted to his car.

--