I lay awake wondering, why it is we live the way that we do. Why must I decorate my house? And kiss my lover on the mouth? Why do the birds sing even when I'm hidden in the darkness wrapped in my own cotton blend straight jacket? Why the sun shines so warm and brightly for the people around me yet I am entangled in an endless sea of dark clouds, dulling the hearth I wish to feel. The macabre that surrounds the life I'm struggling to keep a grip of. When does the madness end? Never he tells me, not when it's stuck inside your vessel. My soul, that's stuck inside this flesh wishes to break free. Forgiveness is what i want, for the torture, the infliction of destruction on a useless corpse. The pain that was so easily thrown just to take another kind of pain away. It was so easy to break the physique that was wanted by  the eyes of those that had one agenda in mind.  The tears that stream down a fake facade of happiness have become too frequent to be harrowing. Free the soul that is melancholy at best. The soul, that prays to a god that hears the cries. Is the dismal reality going to become ebullient? Or must I continue through this hell by faith alone?  No one hears me, I'm drowning in the sorrow of my youth. A time where I should be at my most cheerful and teeming with anticipation for what my elder years will bring. But I'm trapped in a cloche of infertility, no flowers can grow in a soil of pessimistic acidity.  I want the warmth to come back, I feel it ascending from me. I shout, but I am left alone. Left with the unrelentless cold that the shadow of sadness brings, I feel a presence grow unto me. Gathering the scattered pieces of my now broken soul. Lifting my body to the sky, feeling some kind of sunshine near my nearly frostbit corpse. The coldness finally leaves the shattered bones of the bane existence. Pleasant coziness runs through my veins, allowing me to lift up my head and finally take a bite of sustenance. I am content. Everything will be okay. I am alive and well. I can make it through this. Hours go by and the feelings fade. Please don't leave, how can i make you stay? But before I can even speak, the craving for nourishment flees. For just a moment, I was ready to start again. But for now, I am unable to stop this desire of death.