"need me, until you've had your fun, use me when you get lonely, we all get lonely, you're not the only one" - We All Get Lonely / The Wrecks

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-Violet-

I woke up to the faint sound of my phone ringing somewhere on the floor.  I lifted my head up, immediately cringing at the stiffness in my neck. Right, I spent the entire night sleeping on a couch.

I tried to sit up all the way, and was met with groans from Luke, half-asleep next to me. His arms were still wrapped around my waist, "Just let it ring."

I yawned, laughing a little, "Good morning to you too. It's been a while since I've woken up next to anyone who wasn't Sydney."

A small smile formed on Luke's face, "I don't know if I should feel honored, or maybe a little jealous of Sydney."

Finally, the phone stopped ringing. Right away, though, it lit up again. I started to get worried, "Oh, they're calling again? Okay, this might actually be important."

I pulled myself away from Luke completely, bending over to pick up my phone from the floor. I saw my supervisor's name on the screen, and panic started to set in. I answered it, trying to stay calm, "Hello?"

The voice on the other end was anything but calm, "You're late. The emergency meeting started fifteen minutes ago. Get here, now."

Before I could say anything else, the call was ended. I took a deep breath, and then let the panic officially begin. I quickly grabbed my clothes off of the floor, "Okay, shit, this is bad. You need to go, like now."

I couldn't believe I had forgotten. I had gotten an email from my supervisor yesterday about an emergency meeting we were supposed to have today at the office. I had even put it in my calendar, and somehow managed to forget. 

Luke sat up slowly, confusion on his face, "Why, what's going on?

I ignored his question, running down the hall to my own bedroom. I threw on the first clothes I could find that looked somewhat put together, and ran a brush through my hair. I caught a close-up of myself in the mirror and frowned, desperately trying to rub off the smudged mascara from the night before.

I made my way back out into the living room, hands full of everything I needed for the meeting. Luke was still sitting on the couch. I groaned, "I'm serious, you need to leave."

He stood up finally, "Do I at least get an explanation? I'd like to know if I did something wrong, if that's why you're kicking me out."

I rolled my eyes, feeling a headache setting in. I pressed my fingers to my temples, "No. I mean yes, but no, not really. It's not your fault. I forgot about a meeting for my internship, I'm super late, and I have to leave, now."

When Luke still didn't move from his spot, I started picking up his clothes for him. He still looked confused, "A meeting? On Thanksgiving? That seems a but unnecessary."

I shoved the pile of clothes into his arms, pushing him backwards towards the door, "Well, as it turns out, journalists don't really care about holidays. Thanks for the company, really. We can talk about this later. Bye."

Before Luke could say anything else, I opened the door and nudged him out into the hallway. I slammed the door shut again, leaning up against it with a sigh. After a few short moments I gathered up my things and went out into the hallway myself. Luke was already gone. I tried to clear my mind, shoving my heels onto my feet as I jogged down the hall towards the elevator.

---

By the time I got home, I was so tired I could barely stand. The meeting had turned into hours of last-minute work. It was already dark when I made my way back to the apartment. I threw open the door, expecting to find the apartment as empty as I had left it. Instead, Sydney was on the couch, looking over at me with a grin.

I tried but failed to hide the surprise on my face, "Oh, Syd, you're back already?"

She shrugged, "Yeah, turns out I couldn't stand another night around all of my family."

I nodded slowly, "Right, of course. Is uhm... Is Ashton here too?"

"No, he stayed there," She stood up, motioning to the mess on the floor, "Don't worry, he's not here to see any of this."

I let out a breath of relief. I looked around as well, just now realizing I had never cleaned up the mess from the night before. All of the Uno cards were still spread out across the carpet, and there was an empty wine glass and two empty beer bottles tipped over. I started to clean up a little, "Yeah, sorry about all of this. And why would I care if he saw it?"

Sydney fell back down onto the couch, "We had some time to talk on the ride to our parents' place. I know you told him there was nothing going on between you and Luke. I also know that now that's definitely not true."

I scoffed, "What are you talking about?" I tossed the empty bottles into the recycling, trying to hide my own embarrassment.

Sydney gave me a condescending look, "You're actually going to look me in the eyes and tell me that he wasn't here last night?"

I shook my head, "No, he wasn't. I invited over a friend from work, that's all. I let them sleep on the couch and I was too tired to clean up before my meeting today. That's all there is to it."

"Right, of course, that explanation makes perfect sense," Sydney nodded, "So I'm sure you also have an explanation for these?" She held up a thick black belt and a men's sock.

I bit my lip, trying to find a way to talk myself out of this. Finally, I sighed, "Alright, fine! You were right, Luke was here last night. And yes, something did happen between us. Do you feel vindicated now?"

Sydney smirked, "Actually, yes. I do. I totally told you so! I knew you had feelings for him."

I finally fell onto the couch next to her, "Honestly, Syd, it doesn't even matter. Nothing else is going to happen between us."

She rolled her eyes, "Right, and why should I believe that? You've said that before like a thousand times, and you still ended up sleeping with him. There's no point in trying to fight it anymore."

I shook my head, staring off and out the window, "No, I mean it this time. I've made up my mind. I let myself get wrapped up in Luke for one night and I almost got myself fired from my internship. I knew I didn't have time for a guy in my life, and I was obviously right. Nothing else is going to happen, it just can't."

"You shouldn't punish yourself for one little slip up Vi," Sydney turned to face me, "It was just one mistake. That doesn't mean that you can't find a way to balance things. That doesn't mean that you can't be happy."

I turned back to face her as well, "Luke was the mistake, Syd, don't you get it? I need to focus, and you're not going to change my mind. Besides, I don't need Luke to be happy. I was fine before, and I'll be fine now."

I could tell she was getting ready to say more, so I quickly grabbed the belt and the sock from her hands. I rushed down the hall to my bedroom, shutting the door before Sydney tried to argue anymore.

---

The next day, while I was working at the coffee shop, I felt my phone buzz. I looked down at the screen, slightly confused. It was a text from an unknown number, and all it said was, "Can we talk?"

I let my coworker know I needed a minute, and then stepped into the back, calling the number. After one ring, a familiar voice answered from the other end of the phone, "Before you get freaked out, I'm not stalking you. I still had your number from that business card you dropped."

I nodded to myself, "Oh, Luke. Hey."

"I just wanted to know if I could stop by for a bit, just to talk about the other night. Or we could meet somewhere, if that works better for you."

I sighed, "Well, I'm kind of at work right now, but I'll be on break in like an hour. If you want to meet me here, I'll have like fifteen minutes to chat."

"Sounds good, I'll see you then." I heard the line disconnect.

As much as I wished we could talk in private, I was a little grateful that we were finally having this conversation. I had been putting it off long enough already. I knew that I was having such a hard time with it because I didn't know if it was what I truly wanted. There was a part of me that wanted to forget about my decision altogether, and just see what happened.

I knew, though, that I couldn't do that. I had already worked too hard to start throwing it away now, especially over some boy. I couldn't end up like my mom, and that was what I needed to remember. No matter what I was feeling, I needed to stay on track.

Later, as my break began, I stepped out into the seating area, scanning the room for a head of blonde hair. I finally made eye contact with Luke, sitting at a small table with a to-go cup in front of him. He gave me a small wave.

I sat down across from him, giving him a small smile, "Thank you for meeting me here. And for reaching out, I've been wanting to talk to you too."

Luke grinned, "Well, I guess that's good to hear. I've been thinking a lot about the other night."

"Yeah, I have too."

We both fell into silence. I tried to work out the rest of the conversation in my head, finding a way to say what I needed to without coming off rude. Before I could speak again, Luke reached out a slow hand and grabbed one of mine.

He finally started talking, tentatively, "Listen, Violet. I had a really good time with you. I mean even before, you know, that happened. I liked spending time with you. I think you're really special, Violet, and-"

"Luke, please stop talking. I can't do this. We can't do this." I cut him off, not wanting him to say something that he couldn't take back. 

Luke's mouth fell open slightly, "Oh, uhm... Okay, I guess. Is there a reason? I mean, do I at least get an explanation?"

I pulled my hand away from his, "Yes, I just don't think you'll like hearing it. We never should have let anything happen, it was a mistake. I don't have the time for a guy in my life, and I shouldn't even have bothered trying."

He nodded, a small smirk forming on his face, "Right, of course. I guess I should have seen that coming. I mean, you did tell me that night that we were making a mistake. But you let it happen anyway."

"I thought I could at least try," I frowned, "I got caught up in the moment and I let my guard down. It just wasn't a good idea."

He chuckled, but there was an annoyance behind it, "You know, I just wish maybe you could have had this revelation before you invited me over and strung me along. "

I scoffed, taken aback, "Luke, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. You can't seriously be mad at me about this."

He stood up from his seat, tapping his fingers on the table aimlessly, "You know Violet, you're right. Not about what you just said, because I feel like I do have a right to be mad. But you were right, this was a mistake. We'll never work, because you don't know how to consider anyone's feelings but your own. And I won't subject myself to that."

He started walking away. I reached out and grabbed his wrist, "Luke, can we please just finish this conversation. I'm not saying we can't still be friends."

Luke turned around again, a frown now on his face, "Violet, we were never friends."

He pulled his wrist out of my grasp, hurrying out the door and into the streets before I could say anything else.

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A/N:

idk if it's just because my motivation for schoolwork is officially at a zero or what, but literally all i've been wanting to do is write this story lol. you're welcome for the updates, and i'm sorry to future colby who has to do the work i've been putting off.

i'm getting stressed that the no shame north america tour will be postponed but i'm really hoping it doesn't hahaahha yikes.

anyway, i'll probably be able to update again soon. i only have like a couple assignments left for the semester so i'm just chilling now.

stay safe, stay home

xx colby