I don't know this guy! I don't particularly want to either. What's with this stereotype? Do I ​ look ​ like I need a man?! 

Let me tell you what really happened, Your Honor. This all got entirely out of hand. There I was at the Ball, peacefully mingling and ladder-­climbing like any girl ought to at such a gathering of the powers that be. Yes, I am Princess, but is that the extent of my potential? Hardly! My innocent smile and bubbly laugh gets me higher in society than a thousand job interviews. Call me modest, but soon, I shall dominate the world as you and I know it. Don't laugh! Do you have any ​ idea ​ how many connections I have? Of course not. I'm so busy, I don't even dance at these shindigs! 

 At least until that shrimp came along. "Prince Charming"? Puh­-LEEZE. More like Prince of the Mice! My ​ butler ​ is stronger than him. I was minding my own business, sealing alliances, just about to become next in line for ruler of the world...and this idiot asks me to dance. A well-­placed backhand was the first thought that came to mind, but I had to save face. People never accept rulers who aren't initially peaceful! So I let him dance with me, figuring it would be three minutes max interruption of my negotiating. Oh, never. As if it's ever that easy with these blasted Princes. He kept dancing and dancing, completely ignoring my wishes, saying he loved me, and blah blah blah. It was all I could do to make up some nonsense about a Fairy Godmother and run away! 

Totally embarrassed me in front of my future underlings. Horrifying. I suppose I lost a shoe along the way, but that was the least of my concerns. I have thousands of those annoying slippers! I certainly wasn't expecting him to find it, pick it up, and decide to begin a kingdom-­wide hunt for me with it! What was I to do, sit there in my finery like some duck on the water? Never! Obviously the course of action was to disguise myself as some servant girl, with my maids becoming my "step-family," and only go out and about on errands for them. 

 Of course, after some time I realized this stupid Prince wasn't stopping his idiot mission, so I called my maids together and planned the perfect getaway. The best, I tell you! I may not have a Fairy Godmother, but that doesn't mean I can't work magic in a pinch, Your Honor. We were just about to leave — literally on the doorstep! — when the ninny you see here was getting off his horse, shoving shoes on us all, and whisking me away when the shoe fit. Abduction, I tell you! Not once did he ask my consent! Besides, there has to be an edict somewhere against forcing shoes on ladies' feet, especially if the shoe is too small. But most of all, Your Honor, I'm suing him for damage of my reputation. I was peacefully going about my world domination scheme, and doing so in such a wonderfully ladylike fashion, when he barged in and ​ ruined ​ it! 

Now I have to start all over, somewhere else, somewhere far away where they won't know me as "that girl who lost her shoe, ran away with her Fairy Godmother, and let some shrimpy dude take her away from her home and servants." Your Honor, do you have any IDEA how long it will take to live this down?!

END OF STATEMENT.