tw - mention of rape, sexual assault, drug and alcohol use.

Chiara's POV

"God I am so hungover." Rocco groans, stomping down the stairs and slumping into a free stool at the kitchen island. Dad quickly looks over his shoulder to assess Rocco, before turning his attention back to the bacon and eggs on the stove in front of him.

"Maybe if you drank responsibly, you'd be fine." Dad says with an amused smile on his face, and his attention is then caught by more stomping feet coming down the stairs.

"Is that bacon? Yes fucking please." Bruno says, slipping onto the stool beside me. He's then followed by Enzo, who walks straight to the coffee machine. Bruno's face lights up even more when Dad slides him two pieces of toast, an egg, and a fat stack of bacon on a plate.

"Thank you." Bruno mumbles, quickly putting all the food into the form of a sandwich and stuffing it in his mouth. I scrunch my nose up in disgust and take a much smaller bite out of my own bacon and egg sandwich.

I'm starving, but I also feel like I'm going to throw up. I ended up having to drink the king cup, and it was absolutely foul. Rocco insisted on taking a small sip before I sculled it, and threw up from that one sip. However, spending most of my teenage years in Australia basically trained me for this moment, so I was able to scull the entire thing without even flinching. Or throwing up.

It was absolutely disgusting, I wanted to throw up the second it hit my tongue. But I didn't. The drink wasn't strong alcohol-wise, just the mixture of all the different flavours was gross. And I can still taste it on my tongue, even though I brushed my teeth for 5 minutes last night and have devoured multiple pieces of gum.

"Well, good morning sunshine." Dad says, and then suddenly Tino is standing next to me, looking less than impressed.

"You're dead to me." Tino says, glaring at Rocco. Rocco just laughs, not really taking what Tino says seriously.

"Don't get mad at me, you're the one who listened to an 18-year-old. You should know better at your wise age." Rocco scoffs and then redirects his attention to the bacon and egg sandwich in front of him. He somehow got a chocolate muffin too, I want a chocolate muffin.

"Hey, don't eat your sister's food. Come get your own." Dad says, leaning over and smacking Tino's arms with a spatula. It's too late, he's already taken a fat chunk out of my sandwich. It's not like I was going to finish it anyway, but now his mouth has been near it, I won't be touching it again.

"She won't finish it," Tino tells Dad, and then shifts his attention to me, "Feeling a little sick this morning, Chiara?" Tino asks with a cocky smile on his face. I just narrow my eyes at him, but both of our attention shifts to Dad when he lets out a gasp.

"Not you as well." Dad says, sounding more impressed than mad, "You're a bad influence, Agostino, do better." Dad finishes, and then quickly turns around. And he turned around quickly to hide the growing smile on his face. He doesn't care that I was drinking, because I told him I was drinking earlier. He's just trying to make Tino feel bad.

"How bad was Carlo? How long do I need to let him sleep?" Dad asks, turning back around and putting a plate of bacon and eggs in front of Tino, and then throwing a toasted bagel with it.

"He'll be fine. He passed out first, and I carried him up from the couch. The lanky fucker's limbs are getting harder to carry, pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my back." Tino says, stretching his back with a frown on his face. Dad just rolls his eyes whilst Rocco snorts, and our attention moves to stomping feet coming down the stairs.

Carlo wordlessly slides into the other spare seat next to me, and I don't get the opportunity to properly look at his face as he's already hunched over the bench, looking ready to fall back asleep. Dad just stands on the other side of the bench, looking at him with amusement all over his face. No one utters a word as Dad grabs a plate of food, electrolyte water, normal water, and two pain relief pills.

"Here you go, eat up and drink up pomodorini." Dad says, gently placing everything in front of Carlo. Carlo wordlessly lifts his head and gives Dad a death glare, and Dad has to hide his amusement.

(little tomato)

"Really? Do you really have to use the nickname?" Carlo says, his glare on Dad not wavering. He does however reach out and start eating the bacon and egg sandwich Dad has made him. Dad doesn't even bother to hide his amusement anymore, a wide grin coming onto his face.

"Don't you like it? My cute baby pomodorini." Dad says, reaching out to squish Carlo's cheeks before he's swatted away.

"No, I don't really appreciate being called a little tomato. You don't use anyone else's nickname, so there's no need to use mine." Carlo says, swiftly finishing off the first half of his sandwich. And his statement is wrong, Dad calls me by my nickname, fragolina, and I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one with a strange nickname.

"Maybe I should start doing it more often. You and Chiara were both bright red when you were born, so your nicknames are after red foods. My little strawberry and tomato." Dad says, a proud sparkle shining in his eyes. He then shifts his attention to Rocco.

"And my Tino over here was a fat ass baby, so he's my patatino, little potato. Which kind of fits, with his nickname being Tino and it ending in Tino, you know?" Dad says with a pout on his face and then looks to Tino.

"Rocco here was a pain in my ass since the start, so he's a monello, an urchin. At times, I still think it fits him, not much has really changed in that regard." Dad starts, and Rocco throws a grape at him in retaliation.

"Bruno was always full of energy, so he's cucciolo, like a puppy. Enzo was the opposite, so he's peluche, my teddy bear. And when Gi was a few days old, your Nonna dressed him in an entire blue outfit, and he looked horrible. So he's puffo, a smurf." Dad says, a nostalgic look on his face, but our attention turns to the stairs when more feet come down them.

"There he is, puffo, maybe I will go back to calling you all by your nicknames." Dad says, and Gi looks like he's about to throw up. I'm not sure if it's because he's insanely hungover, or because of the nickname Dad gave him many, many years ago.

"Let's not, you can keep Tino's though. I enjoy you calling him a little potato. Do it in your next big meeting with the board too, really show everyone how grown up the patatino is." Gi says, slightly flinching when he stands in the sunlight.

"Eat up my puffo, don't want you to be hungover all day." Dad says, shoving a plate of food into Gi's hands with a smirk on his face. Gi just glares in response, places the plate on the bench, and starts stuffing his face.

(smurf)

"Why don't you guys go hang out by the beach until 12? Tino and I have an emergency work Zoom call we have to partake in, and I don't think it's something you guys really want to be around for." Dad says, starting to scrub the dishes.

"Yeah, okay. Maybe the sun will evaporate all the leftover alcohol from my body." Bruno sighs, stretching his arms over his head. Everyone in the room kind of pauses, and looks at Bruno with a weird look on their face.

"Bruno, science doesn't work like that." Gi says slowly.

"Ok, I know that. I'm not a complete idiot."

⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕

"Chiara!" Bruno catches my attention from where I'm sitting on the beach putting sunscreen on Carlo's back. I can't really tell from this far away, but I know Bruno is one of the three blonde heads floating in the ocean. And the only other people here are Carlo and myself, so he has to be out there.

"Yeah?" I call back, capping the lid on the sunscreen and wiping my greasy hands on my legs. Carlo wordlessly rolls onto his back and slides his sunglasses back onto his face, he's probably about to go back to sleep.

"Do you want to go do a water run? I think we've run out." Bruno says, now running closer to me and making himself obvious. He doesn't really help his own case when she shakes his hair out like an actual dog all over Carlo and me. But he's lucky I don't completely hate him, and am still nice enough to consider his request.

"Yeah, I want to grab some watermelon anyway. I'll get a few bottles whilst I'm in there." I mutter, reaching my hand out to Bruno so he can help me up. He does, and I immediately head off in the direction of the house, well the direction I think the house is.

I've done shit all today. I don't know what time it is, but we've all been out on the beach since the end of breakfast. Gi didn't feel like being near the sun, so he invited himself to Dad and Tino's meeting they had, whilst we younger 5 just hung out by the beach. Carlo had been sleeping for most of the time, and I'd be waking him up to reapply sunscreen every now and then.

"Dad, we can't do it." I hear Gi kind of yell, his voice floating through the opened back doors. I don't think that they know I can hear them, I don't think they know I'm here at all. Is it bad that I'm technically eavesdropping?

"It wasn't up for discussion, I'm going to tell her. It's her right to know, Carlo knows, everyone knows, and she deserves to know too. If you have an issue with it, you don't need to be a part of the conversation." Dad says calmly, and I pause right outside the door, so they can't see me. I don't really feel that guilty now that I know they're talking about me.

"No, Dad you can't. She's not ready, just let her settle in a little bit more. We cannot tell her now." Gi says, his voice calming down a little bit. I can feel my stomach about to growl, so I walk straight in, finding this less embarrassing than them hearing my stomach gurgle from outside the door.

"Can't tell me what?" I'm faking this confidence, I want to shrivel up inside because they were quite clearly having a heated conversation and I've just walked in on it. However, Dad's expression completely shifts when he sees me walk into the room.

"Fragolina, what brings you up to the house? Everything okay down there?" Dad says, keeping his expression light. Gi still looks mad, whilst Tino looks like he could not give two shits, and would rather be asleep. He does slightly narrow his gaze at me.

"Um, I just came to grab myself some watermelon and also get water for everyone." I say slowly, trying to gauge how everyone in the room is feeling.

"How about you go grab yourself that watermelon, and take a seat at the table. Gi will go get your brothers and they can get their own water, they're big boys, they can manage. Does that sound okay?" Dad says with a small smile on his face. And the way he phrases it doesn't exactly make it sound like it's up for discussion, so I just walk into the kitchen.

I grab the watermelon, finding some already cut up into cubes in the fridge, and make my way back to the table with my bowl of watermelon and a fork. I'm not too sure whether I'll be brave enough to stomach the food, but it'll be a good distraction for whatever the fuck is about to happen.

"Oo, watermelon. Thanks." Carlo says, sliding into the seat beside me and taking the watermelon from in front of me. Well, never mind, I don't have anything to distract me from whatever is going on.

"Wait, you're actually doing it now?" Rocco says, pausing in the doorway. Gi manages to slide in behind him and takes the seat on the other side of me. Bruno and Enzo came in at some stage earlier, but they're sitting on the couch by the window, not anywhere near the table. But close enough to listen.

"Yeah, I am. You got an issue with it?" Dad says, looking at Rocco dead on. Rocco just rolls his eyes and slides into the seat next to Carlo. Tino looks like he's about to start laughing from the other side of the table.

"I don't recall saying anything." Rocco shrugs when everyone at the table knows he probably does have an issue with it. He's just choosing not to voice his opinions, Dad looks somewhat angry today. The angriest I've probably ever seen him.

"That's what I thought." Dad says, taking a deep breath before turning his attention to me.

"Chiara, honey, what do you know about Tino and myself's work." He says, and I scrunch my nose in confusion. I know Tino went to law school, but I can't remember if he's a practising lawyer. I do, however, know...

"Don't you have a business that owns a bunch of stuff? Hotels and whatever?" I say, the statement coming out more like a question because I really don't know. I saw the fancy buildings though, Gi showed me them when he picked me up from the airport way back when.

"Yeah, yeah that's true. I'm the CEO of a massive business that owns hotels, casinos, and restaurants and invests in other businesses. Tino dabbles in his lawyer stuff, but also works with me and will take over soon." Dad says, before sharing a weary look with Tino.

"Do you know anything else about it?" He says carefully like he's too scared to press too hard.

"Uh, no. Am I missing something?" I say, and I think Bruno starts choking on air? I'm not too sure, but Tino grabs an apple from the fruit bowl on the table and throws it at the twins, and the choking stops. Dad clears his throat awkwardly and gives me his entire attention.

"The business we run, it's completely legitimate. But it's also somewhat of a cover for another business we run. Have you ever heard of a Mafia?" Dad says gently, looking at me cautiously. Is that the thing they talk about in books? It's always mentioned when some innocent poor girl is suddenly signed off in an arranged marriage to some big bad mafioso.

"Yeah, it's a crime thing, right?" I say softly, slowly trying to process all the information that's being thrown at me.

"Yeah, yeah it is. I was born in Italy, and your Nonno was part of the Italian Mafia over there with his brothers. And when I was 7 we moved over here to build on the American Branch of the Italian Mafia. Naturally, your Nonno was the leader of that, the boss. And when he retired, I took over." Dad begins slowly, pausing to gauge my reaction to all of it. When he doesn't detect anything major, he continues.

"I run it now, I'm what they call the Don, the boss. I make sure everything runs smoothly, your Zio's you met the other day, and most of your cousins all play a role within it too. Tino will take over for me one day, and Gi plays a medical role when it's needed. And eventually, your brothers will decide if they want a place within it or not. And we make around half of our money through it." Dad says, and I feel the room stiffen, clearly awaiting my reaction.

"So you practically run a criminal organisation, whilst also a normal business. Both of which bring in a large amount of money, and paid for this private island?" I say slowly, processing the facts as I state them.

"Yeah, I suppose what you're saying is correct," Dad says slowly nodding your head. Suddenly my leg starts bouncing uncontrollably under the table, and I feel slightly nauseous.

"Oh ok." I say, pausing to suck in a deep breath, "I'm going to head up to my room, have a shower, and probably have a nap too. Just let me know when dinner's ready, yeah?" I say, slowly pushing my chair out and standing up.

"Of course, let me know if you need anything, okay?" Dad says softly. I don't have the guts to open my mouth right now, so I nod before heading off to my room. And the second I step into my room, I close the door behind me and try to suck in a deep breath.

"They're the fucking mafia, Rosalia. I can just tell them to wait, we have to pay up, and they want her."

The whole idea of a mafia isn't just familiar to me because of silly little romance books I have an unhealthy attachment to. It's something I'm a little too familiar with, and not consensually familiar with. And it kind of makes me feel extremely sick just thinking that my family, the people I had slowly started warming up to, could potentially be involved with the same thing that happened to me.

Just as the world starts spinning a little extra, a knock on the door pulls me out of it, and Carlo's unusually solemn face appears in my doorway.

"You okay with being alone at the moment?" He asks softly, sliding into my room and closing the door behind him. My throat feels like it's been swollen shut, so I just nod in response. I don't trust any part of my body right now, my legs could give way the next second and I won't be that surprised.

"Okay. Well, if you have any questions, you can ask me. I don't know that much about it all, but I can try to answer them, especially if you don't feel comfortable asking any of them." He says, swaying on his feet slightly. He looks slightly embarrassed at all of this, and I'm not completely sure why. But I also don't have the guts to ask him at the moment.

"I will, thank you." I say with a small smile on my face, and Carlo looks at me, and studies me for a second. He's probably trying to figure out if I'm lying or not, but he hasn't known me for long enough to know my tells. So he slowly nods and slips back out of the room.

Sucking in a deep breath, I head off to the shower, hoping it'll somewhat help to clear my head.

⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕

I had a fat-ass flashback. It knocked me out of nowhere, at first I was washing my hair in the shower, and the next second I was lying on some dingy mattress in a festy room with Russian accents surrounding me. It was the worst one I've had in a hot minute, and I'm still pretty shaken up from it. My hand hasn't stopped shaking since I washed the last of the conditioner out of my hair.

"I've got your dinner." Carlo says softly, walking into my room with a fat piece of lasagna on a plate. And there's no way I'll be finishing that entire piece, but the thought is nice.

"Thank you." I say softly, reaching out and taking the plate out of his hands. He stands there awkwardly, clearly building up the courage to ask me a question, but I beat him to it.

"You want to watch a movie with me?" I get all shakey after flashbacks, and today is no different. I know that there are no Russians here to get me. I know there's a slim chance that my brothers are going to treat me like the Russians did. However, the presence of someone will help erase any lingering fears my brain can't seem to shake.

"Yeah, yeah of course I do. Can I get in?" He says, gesturing to the bed. After I sent him a quick nod, he hopped in bed and Avengers was on the TV. A good movie to take my mind off things.

"Natasha's hot." Carlo mumbles, helping himself to my lasagne whilst watching the movie with wide eyes. They only widen further when the camera focuses on Natasha again. Although I can't say I disagree with him, she's perfect. I'd marry her if I could.

"Yeah, yeah she is." I mumble with a small smile on my face, the conversation briefly takes my mind off earlier. But within seconds, my mind is falling back down the rabbit hole of what ifs, and imaginative scenarios of what my family does for work. It's not a pretty hole, and it's starting to make my breathing a little more rapid.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say softly, not moving my head to look at Carlo. I keep my gaze right on the TV, not interested in it moving anywhere else. I trust Carlo. And I trust he'd tell me the truth.

"Yeah, of course you can." Carlo says softly, and I take a sharp breath.

"What kind of business do they do with the mafia? Like, I don't know how to explain it, how do they get the actual money?" I ask, still keeping my focus on the TV in front of me. Chris Evans is now on the screen, and it's not a sight I'm exactly mad at. I'll be more than happy to keep my focus on the TV.

"I think it's mainly drug and weapon trafficking. Nothing much worse than that. I don't really get involved in it yet, I'm still figuring out whether I want to have a role in it after I finish with all my studying." He shrugs, and I slowly nod my head.

"You don't have to join?" I ask, still not moving my attention from the screen. It shocks me when he says that because in the books I've read on it, the mafia is some blood legacy thing you have to live up to.

"Dad and his brother were forced into it straight after they finished school. Dad didn't like it, and when he had a cult amount of children he realised there was no point in forcing us to do it. We have to graduate high school, go to college or get an internship for at least two years after graduation, and then Dad has the talk about what we want to do. It's a big thing to commit to, so he wants us to live a little before we make it." Carlo explains, sounding a little breathless when he finishes.

"Oh." I say, not really feeling the need to say much more.

"Yeah, it's actually not that bad. I like how he's made the change, puts a lot less pressure on us." Carlo says, and I can feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. I still can't find the courage to look at him now.

"Do they do stuff with like, sex trafficking?" I ask softly, and I feel Carlo stiffen from beside me.

"No, absolutely not. I can say that with certainty." Carlo says, his tone firm. It makes the pressure on my chest lighten a little bit, but not a lot. Because it's weird, to come to terms with the fact that your family are basically a bunch of criminals. What if they get caught one day? Do they just leave, and do I get orphaned again?

"What makes you ask that?" Carlo asks softly, and this time it's my turn for my muscles to stiffen, and my throat to slightly close.

"Just wondering." My voice is ten thousand times higher than it usually is, and that's how Carlo can tell something is up. But I still don't move my gaze from the TV screen in front of me, now Chris Hemsworth is on it and I'm very happy to see his shirtless self.

"Did Mum have any ties to the mafia after she left?" Carlo asks, and he's hit the bullseye. Turns out he knows me better than I thought he did.

"I'm not sure. I'm actually quite tired, can you stay the night in here?" I say, wordless rolling over on my side away from him.

I don't really listen to his response, because I'm too busy trying not to let the sobs fall from my thought and the tears leave my eyes. Which is a lot harder than it sounds. But eventually something starts working in my body, and I'm able to fall into some sort of sleep.

*Flashback starting* tw - mention of rape

"No Mama! Please don't! I'll just work some extra shifts." I cried, praying that the nickname would do the trick. She was always nicer when I used it, surely it would work today.

"No excuses Chiara, you have to do it." Mum slurred. She was as high as a kite and to top it all off, she was also drunk. She wasn't capable of making any sound decisions, she was just worried about paying for her next fix. And this stupidly expensive house we don't need, we could do quite fine with an average one.

"Please mum, I can't do this anymore." I started to cry even harder. I was exhausted. Not only did she expect me to maintain exceptional grades, but she also wanted to sell me off and destroy my life even more. Just John was enough, and the things these people did were usually worse than him.

"Oh for fuck sakes Chiara! Can't you just do something for this fucking family for once? Stop being such a fucking disappointment!" Mum screamed, and I froze up. She hit my weak spot. She knows I hate being called a disappointment. Who can blame me, everyone wants to impress their parents, I was no different.

But it's also a fat fucking joke, was a disappointment because I didn't want to be raped, what a fucking joke. But then again, if I didn't do this then she'd probably sell herself and that's not something I want her to do.

Suddenly, I heard John walking in with a bunch of other men. I couldn't recognise their faces, but I knew for a fact they all had a stupid fucking smirk on their face. One of the men walked up to me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of their car. I heard the other men making arrangements with Mum and John.

It was John. I blamed that filthy fucker for destroying my life, and my Mum's. He got her hooked on the stupid drugs. He's the one who forces her to treat me like shit. He's the one truly organising these arrangements.

I started to scream and wiggle against his hold, praying that somehow this would work and I'd be able to make a run for it. It'd never happen, but the hope of it happening kept me going.

"Quiet down, we don't want anyone ruining our fun night ahead of us." The guy whispered into my ear, before throwing me into the back of a van. I curled myself up into a ball in the corner of the van and started silently sobbing.

After what had felt like years, one of the other men opened up the back door and came into the boot, shutting the door behind him.

"Now sugar, I was planning on waiting until we get to the apartment for us to have our fun. But from what I've heard you've been a bad girl, so why do we start here?" He walked over to me with a sadistic smirk on his face. I started crying even harder, begging him not to.

"Chiara!" I heard someone yell. Mum told them my name, she usually doesn't do that but it's a whole new low for her. The men usually just had their gross nicknames for me.

"Chiara wake up!" The voice said again. Wake up? But I'm already awake? Suddenly everything around me went all fuzzy.

*Flashback over* tw - over

I don't want to open my eyes. Because I know damn well, now that I've been pulled out of it, that at least one family member witnessed whatever the fuck I was doing. And that itself is embarrassing enough to want to crawl back into a hole and never leave again.

"What the actual fuck just happened."

a/n

hi

thoughts?

see u next time

lots of love
tilly x