'Let me die or better yet kill me now', with each beat of my heart this mantra pounded my brain. I knew I needed to move. I did not know where I was, who I was with, or were Atsadi was. It was that last thought that gave me the energy to push open my eyes and take in my surroundings. I was in a room of some sort, with a fire burning close by-- from the smell and popping sound the wood was fresh and not seasoned. Moving my head to the right I saw a wall turning to the left was the fire and no one. This lack of supervision gave me the courage to attempt a rollover and sit up. Big mistake, HUGE. The entire world flipped over and collapsed onto me, at least that is how my body felt. Sitting as still as possible I let the world settle and brought up my head to again scope things out. Alright, this was better. The world was in its right place and I didn't feel as if I wanted to puke my feet up. Now that I had mastered sitting it was time to stand. On the count of 3 -- 1,2... "Whoa there", I don't know who is there but they caught me before the floor did. "You shouldn't be out of bed yet, you need a lot more rest to regain your strength. You had nasty trouble." that voice was familiar and so calming. Most of me wanted to trust it and but that rebellious bit screamed 'NO, where are you? Are you just going to lay here while Atsadi is out there worried about you?'

"Atsadi. Where Atsadi", I mumbled hoping the female would hear.

"I told them to tell me when you woke", like an answered prayer he was there.

Tears streamed down my face as I held his hand for dear life. "I am sorry. All I seem to do is mess up and worry you." I said as his warmth stole into my frozen hands.

"Hush my cub. You gave this old cat a scare, he will be watching you extra careful from now on. Get some sleep I will be here when you return from the land of healing." My mentor said in a gentle voice reserved for small children or the dying.

"Promise", I asked scared to let him go.

"Do you remember what I told you", he responded.

I nodded my head to the hatred of my body and mind.

"Then you know the answer my cub. Heal now we will talk soon."

With that my wolf and I left the world of pain behind and dwelt in the land of darkness and fluffy clouds. Time has no meaning in the healing world, I can remember being moved, rubbed, liquid running down my throat, and voices speaking in various languages. Some I understood but others I did not understand but for some reason really wanted to. Then as if my race was run, the sun hit my face and my eyes opened. The pain was different now, no longer sharp and pointed. It had become dull and dragging. Trying to raise my arm was like trying to lifting a horse, trying to lift my head felt like lifting two horses. How would I move with all this weight on me? "Ah, so you decided to return to us. Good good."

I knew that voice she had been with me in the healing world. Rilling my head in her direction and cracking an eye I looked her in the face, "Fawn? Fawn on the Meadow?" My voice cracking with disuse.

Her smile lit up the lodge, "I was afraid you would forget me."

"How could I, you saved me", my throat screamed at me to shut up. " And it looks like ya has done it again." Looking up at her from the sleeping mat, I wanted to jump up and give her a big hug but right now I had greater issues. "Huh Fawn, a little help here."

"Oh, what do you need?" She asks in a tone only a healer has.

"I need to find a bush." If my situation wasn't embarrassing enough.

"Just go I'll clean you when you're done." She says as if this is an everyday occurrence. Then it dawns on me, it has been.

With tears on my face, I turn my head, do the deed, and tell her I was done.

"Oh Grey Wolf, you have nothing to be ashamed of. This is a natural part of life and you have been in the healing world for many days." She cleans me quickly and then helps me sit up.

Here I sit on my sleeping mat surrounded by sacks of grains and other supplies as if I were a babe who needed the support to stay upright. I wanted to be indignant but couldn't for, in fact, I needed all the support I could get. Nothing felt right, my arms did not have the strength to lift themselves nor did my legs. It was all I could do to keep myself leaned up against the sacks around me. Into this mental and physical evaluation came the Cold Wolf Pack and Atsadi.

"We needed to assure ourselves that you were going to be fine before we left," Guba says squatting down to be on my level.

"Do you need anything", Dmitiry asks "A drink or some food"?

At the mention of food, my stomach makes itself known.

"That is dah," Sergey says with a laugh.

"Yer leavin'", I know the answer but still ask, my voice soft and bullfrog-like.

"Dah, we are late and will be scolded but we needed to see you up," Sergey says with solemn eyes.

"Please be safe on your journey. May the Goddess guide you and keep you on your way." I tell them. My heart breaks to see them go, they have been good to me.

Bowing as they exit, leaving me with Atsadi.

"How bad is it", he will tell me the truth without any honey on it.

"You have slept for several weeks the spring thaw has begun and you are behind on your training. Soon I will need to return to Blood Wolf and update Alpha. What is it you want me to tell him?"

As I said he put no honey on his words. "Get me up, help me move." I was so weak that my legs would not hold my weight. "Do they have a spring?" I knew he knew what I was talking about.

"I will check", he says moving to set me back on my mat. The door had not settled back into place before Fawn entered.

"What do you want a hot spring for", she did not seem upset just inquisitive.

"Back home we use them for healing. The body can move without weight on the legs let it move without hurting." I tell her thinking about when Alastar fell down that mountain and hit every tree on his way down.

"I know just the one", she said moving to lift me. Before he could Atsadi was there cradling me in his arms. Frowning at him, "This way". With that, we left the lodge and I closed my eyes against the harsh sunlight.

Before I knew it we had entered a cave and I could feel the moisture and warmth. Atsadi did not stop but walked fully clothed into the water. Then he leaned down and let me float in his arms. After a little while, he guided me to the shore and sat me on a ledge, "Kick your legs".

I had been wrapped up in the warm water and the lack of pain, so when the scent of fire kissed roasted rabbit hit my nose I was shocked. I had forgotten I was hungry. My middle let out a roar that would have scared the tribe had they been around to hear it, Atsadi laughed. "AH, methinks you need to tame that monster", he grinned as he reached for the platter to break me off a bite. After blowing on it to cool it down he feeds me a small bite.

"MMMMMM, more", I want it all NOW. Instead, he gives me a cup of water and only allows me a sip.

"You have been only on liquids for a long time. You need to go slow or you will be sick."

I know he is right but I'm so hungry. He allows me a few more bites and I drink my cup dry. The platter is taken away with food still on it, I want to argue but the day is catching up with me. "Thank you, my arms and legs are better."

"Tomorrow you will be better and every day after you will gain," he says picking me up and moving me to the side of the pool to dry us off and change into dry clothes before we head back to the lodge. The sun was gone and the moon but a sliver in the sky. The stars dancing to their own rhythm. Again I thank the Goddess for her protection and to protect those whom I love and care for.

Atsadi was correct as usual. Each day brought new gains and new challenges. I learned to walk, jog, then run. I learned to make a basket, bow, and arrows, then skin a buck. I learned how to speak the tongue of the tribe. The biggest and most surprising thing I learned was who and what the tribe was. While my life had been surrounded by wolf shifters and my mentor was a cat shifter I had never given much thought to any other types of shifters or any other type of being. Turns out this tribe was a mix up of all types of beings, a sort of safe house for those who need a home. There were several witches, a few Fey, a troll, and others that I had yet to meet. Otetiani was a Warlock and over 500 years old, he had come to this 'new world' long ago to find a safe place for his tribe. He was tired of running from the humans who hated and hunted anything that they could not have or control. But now they were invading his home. A War of Independence had kept their attention away from the West but that war had recently ended and they would soon be marching Westward, decisions would have to be made but for now, it was time for me to be trained as an Alpha.