I tossed and turned all night long no matter what I did. I just couldn't get comfortable when we got back from our drive. Ronan was calm and casual he didn't seem like he was rushing away but it just feels off

While we were apart, I dreamed of our reunion. I played out scenario after scenario in my head. The real thing turned out to be more incredible than any of the ideas I thought up.

Even the wildest stretches of my imagination couldn't conjure up a scenario where he scoured history books to find passages to show the goodness of humanity. I never could have imagined that he would spend a month and a half building a car from the ground up just because he knew I missed driving.

As far as apologies are concerned, he kind of crushed it.

Now I forgive him but we didn't fall into each other's arms the way that my daydreams made me believe we would.

Standing under the warm spray of the shower I roll my stiff neck. It's almost time to meet him in the vehicle bay.

My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited and nervous butterflies flutter in my stomach with excitement at the thought of being alone with him at the thought of going on the adventure with him but there's also this underlying fear that it will be awkward that it won't be him and I.

With my backpack and the small bag that was delivered to my room, I make my way down the quiet hallways.

As I step outside I am surprised to be met with busyness and people. The car has already been loaded with supplies and parked in front of the steps of the capitol building.

I don't see Ronan anywhere so I walk down to the bottom of the steps and sit on the last one.

Quiet mumbled chatter draws my attention to the area behind the car. When I look up I recognize the woman that challenged me standing with a man that I don't recognize. They're trying to be inconspicuous but I notice the way their eyes flit in my direction.

When she starts to walk towards me I sit up straight feeling nervous about the altercation that is probably about to take place.

"Medic," she nods her head, tipping it down. "After speaking with the Commander I have come to realize the error of my ways. I apologize for the way I spoke to you and for assuming in a situation where my opinion was unnecessary and uninformed."

"Oh," I am sure she can see my shock. This is not what I was expecting at all. "Thank you."

She nods her head and turns to walk away just as Ronan sits on the step beside me. I notice her eyes, the way they drop down to the ground in front of him.

"Ready?" His hand inches toward mine, resting on the ground as close as he can be without actually touching me.

"Yes."

He doesn't say anything, he just touches his pinky to mine for the most fleeting second before standing and holding his hand out to me.

He barks final orders at the group as we leave, each of them nodding at his list of demands.

I slide into the driver seat double checking the foot pedals to make sure I am stepping on the brake as I press the button to bring the engine to life.

When Ronan has settled into his seat I press the car into Drive and we officially start our journey.

The route is displayed on the screen in the center of the console.

"This is so weird," I giggle, adjusting the wheel to keep the car following the course.

"I believe humans had this technology after you were asleep."

"Really?" I can't even imagine it. "How did you know that cars had radios?"

"Santi."

The car veers slightly left before I jerk the wheel to bring us back on course.

"What?"

"He works in the vehicle bay."

"Right, I know that. He helps with maintenance on the airbridge."

"He saw me working every day. Eventually, he approached me and we spoke about the car. He mentioned the radio."

I'm shocked. He never mentioned it!

"I asked him to allow me the time to complete the project without speaking to you about it." It's like he can read my mind.

"How many songs are there?" I haven't noticed any repeating yet. Not that I would notice, I've only recognized a handful of the songs or artists.

"There are just over five hundred files."

I drive until lunch. When we stop to eat and stretch, he pulls out a small metal container filled with sliced fruit. An An'eo lunchbox.

We've been mostly silent, listening to music while the wind blows through our hair.

"Unless you object, I should drive the remainder of todays journey. We will be coming to water that might be difficult to navigate."

"I have no objections."

It feels like we've reverted back to the beginning, reset. The comfort and ease we had has been replaced with the awkwardness of two strangers traveling together.

The next five hours pass slowly. We discuss my job, the scenery, and the northern city. He explains how he built the car, the vile of Ulaar that powers it and how he made wheels that cover all terrain.

It's interesting but I want him to stop the car, yank me over into his lap and kiss me.

But he doesn't.

When we stop for the night, he pulls out a thin mat, unfolding it into a large sheet. When he spreads it over the ground, he gestures for me to lie down.

"Would you like to bathe?"

"How?" I look around. There is no lake or water anywhere that I can see.

"I can set up a shower if you would like."

Staring up at him, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. Of course, he's not going to elaborate, they never do.

"Sure, if it's not too much trouble, a shower would be great." A shower sounds nice but I'm mostly interested in seeing how he pulls this off.

He pulls a silver pole out of the trunk. Extending it in his hands, it pulls until it is as long as he is. One end has a spike and he screws a small round piece of metal to the other end. Pointing the spike to the ground, he raises it up and slams it down with so much force that most of it disappears into the ground.

He then pulls out another silver pole with a dome on the end. He screws it into the first pole and extends it until the dome stands just above his head.

"Come," he holds his hand out to me. "Push this button and the water will come."

From start to finish construction of this outdoor shower took him about fifty seconds.

"Thank you," I try to smile so that he can't tell that I'm panicking. Am I expected to strip down naked and shower out in the open? I know he's seen me, he's seen... everything. Things are different now.

Standing naked in front of him feels too vulnerable.

Hesitating, I turn around to face away from him. If I don't shower he'll know I'm freaking out.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly kick off my shoes. I know I'm undressing in slow motion as I pull my shirt up over my head before slipping my pants down. The grass is cold beneath my feet as I press the button. The water starts slowly, trickling out before the water pressure improves. It's slightly colder than I would like but it's warmer than I was expecting it to be.

Pinching my eyes closed, I try to pretend I'm alone. I don't have the guts to check to see if he's looking.

"Nicole," his voice from right beside me makes me yelp.

"What?" I clutch my chest.

Even as the sun sets and the purplish sky gets darker, I can see that his pupils are blown out. His eyes are laser-focused on mine.

He holds out a handful of iridescent balls. They look like pearls.

"What is it?"

"Soap," he clears his throat.

"Oh, ok, thank you," I step forward, when our hands touch it's like a static electric shock. His chest rises and falls rapidly with each breath.

The little pearls are squishy. When I squeeze one between my fingers it bursts open in my hand.

I wash as quickly as humanly possible. I need to put clothes on. Aside from the fact that he's watching me, it's freezing.

The tiny towel he gave me unfolds to be much larger than I was expecting. The An'eo really nailed travel size and portability.

When I'm dressed, I still feel jittery but I sit down on the edge of the mat.

"Better?" He pulls himself up.

"Yes, thank you, I needed th-" the words die in my throat as he drops his pants.

"I will bathe quickly before we sleep."

"Mmhm, yeah, great."

The temperature of my cheeks has spiked by about a thousand degrees. I've seen him naked so many times. That's more of a problem than a comfort. His body is so...goosebumps roll across my skin at the sight of him.

Dripping wet skin stretched over hard, chiseled muscles.

So.many.muscles.

Pulling my blanket up around my shoulders, I focus on the little puffs of white that linger in the air as I breathe.

I hardly notice when he comes to lie on the mat beside me. I've been so focused on not watching him that I've zoned out.

"Come," he holds his arms open. Scrambling without a second of hesitation, I curl into his warm body. "You are cold," his hand rubs quickly up and down over my arm.

"Are we going to freeze out here?"

"Our bed is heated," he speaks and the mat almost instantly warms beneath us.

The exhaustion of the day and the warmth of his body zap the consciousness right out of me. In what felt like a blink, the sun is rising and Ronan is pulling away from me.

Day two of driving passed in a strange sort of haze. Everything is almost the same as yesterday, only the view has changed. We drive in almost total silence, hour after hour passing with the music and nothing else.

When we stop for the night, we eat, we set up camp, and we shower.

My frustration is like a mosquito bite. I'm trying to ignore it but the more I try to pretend it's not there, the itchier it feels. Rolling so that my back is to him, I force my eyes closed.

When my eyes blink open in the early morning light, I can feel him behind me. Biting into my lip to keep from screaming, I pull my eyes closed again.

I was having the best dream. It was more like a memory from before everything fell apart. It's not that he's being cold he's just holding himself back from me. I want him to suffocate me in his affection. I want his hands on me constantly. I want him to make me feel the way he used to, like he wants me like I want him.

When he groans behind me, I freeze. The sound is so low and rumbling, I feel it in my stomach.

He moves, the mat shifting as he presses his body against mine.

"Nicole," his deep, tired voice makes me shiver.

When he rubs against me, long and hard as a rock, I whimper. I tried to hold it but it slipped out.

"What were you dreaming of?" He grinds himself against me.

"You."

"What about me?" His fingers bite into my hip as he sucks in a sharp breath.

"Do you remember when you came home from the northern city, it was after the accident when you had to leave, right after..." I'm fumbling around trying to find the words.

"I remember."

"It was late when you returned. Middle of the night late and raining."

He hums and shifts forward again.

"You picked me up and carried me out to the terrace..."

An obscene sound claws its way out of his throat. His composure is cracking. I can feel it in my chest like it was mine.

"You peeled my clothes off in the rain and fucked me, do you remember?"

His hand slides down, rubbing against my skin as he slips into my pants. When his fingers brush over the wetness there, he chokes.

"Ronan, please," I whisper in An'eoc.

I hoped this would elicit a reaction. It did. Just not the one I was expecting.

A tortured roar vibrates in the low light. He rolls away from me and stands up so quickly that by the time I am able to turn around, he has already walked away.

"Ronan!" I jump up and run after him, the cold, wet grass sending a chill through my body. The cold air is no match for the bitter cold I feel in my chest. "Why are you running from me? Are you mad at me?" I don't understand this back and forth. He asked me to come on this trip with him. We've kissed. His distance doesn't make sense.

"I am not." He runs his hands through his hair.

"Could have fooled me! Explain this, please. Every time we get close, you pull away. Why?"

"There are things that you do not know. Things that would change your mind. I am trying to do what is best for you." He growls through clenched teeth.

"Just tell me what I don't know. Problem solved. Why ask me to come with you if you're going to keep me at a distance the whole time?"

"I fear my own selfishness will overtake my logical mind. If I have you..." He takes a step forward. "If I hold you, if I taste you," our bodies shudder in unison. "I will not be able to do what is right."

"You're not making sense."

"Everything will make sense."

"When?"

"Eventually."

Frustrated and rejected, I turn on my heels and go back to the mat. Why did he build the car and write the passages? Why fix everything only to be distant?

Packing my belongings, I slide into the passenger's seat, waiting for him.

Not even the music can ease the uncomfortable tension between us.

A song starts to play through the speakers that I know. I hum along with the lyrics. I don't feel lighter or less irritated but the song helps.

When it ends, he starts it again.

I quirk my brow, but sing along.

"I like this one," he whispers quietly.

"Me too, it's called Right Down the Line. My mom would have liked this song. It came out just after she died." I don't know why I'm telling him this. I guess I'm just grasping for anything. Hoping to bring him back to me.

He hums but doesn't respond.

So much for that.

The hours and miles slowly pass. When we stop for the night, I'm exhausted from the emotional weight on my shoulders.

He turns toward me but I get out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I need to put some distance between us.

"Nicole!" I hear his door slam but I don't stop.

Curse his long legs. He covers the distance I put between us in no time. Grabbing my arm, he pulls me back.

"If you had the choice, would you choose me?" The look on his face is like a knife twisting in my heart. It's mostly vulnerability, fear, and hope but there is something else there, too. Something hidden.

"Why are you asking me this?" I fucking hate hypotheticals. "We are here, right now. We're connected by more than mere attraction. All of the little, inconsequential things that had to happen to bring us both here... this is more than a lucky coincidence. I- I love you."

Booming thunder cracks in the sky above us as soon as the forbidden words leave my lips. I meant them, I meant them with every fiber of my being but I didn't mean to say them.

Lighting sparks across the sky as he reaches me. The light flashes, illuminating his face.

When he grabs me and lifts me up, pulling my thighs around his waist. I'm flooded with relief and apprehension. He's holding me but is he going to pull away again?

"What have you done to me?" His voice is gravelly. Before I can answer he slams his mouth against mine.

"Finally," I smile against his lips.

Another loud clap of thunder rolls above us and just like that, a downpour unlike any that I've ever seen, rains down on us.

By the time he's walked us back to the car, we're soaked to the skin. Heavy drops of rain splash against us but I don't care. Ronan doesn't seem to notice the rain at all as he sets me down on the hood of the car.

"I would choose you on any planet, in any universe, no matter the cost," he tugs the hem of his shirt up.

I run my hands over his chest. There is no turning back this time.

While he watches me, I pull my shirt over my head, letting the water-heavy material fall to the ground. His eyes are piercing into my skin. The rain is freezing but I'm burning up. I need him, not just physically. I need the wide open, vulnerable state that he brings me to. I need to feel the inseparable closeness that I've never felt with anyone but him. I'm never more alive than when his consciousness joins mine, when I see through his eyes.

"Put your hands on me."

--

⚡Unlock Early Access to Book 2 and Book 3 on Patreon plus read 19 other books in my library!

Visit patreon.com/MyrandaRae or click the link on my profile!