🦋tamaki's POV🦋

a few days have passed since my walk around town with (y/n), and since then, i couldn't get my mind off of her. my train of thought would always end up going back to that day and how (y/n)'s scarf, warm hand, and most of all, bright smile had taken effect on me. i've never felt this way about anyone before, and i've never been so calm and nervous around another person at the same time in my life.

though it got to a point where i started bottling up my emotions. i always avoided my feelings for (y/n) and kept pushing them down. i knew i could never have a chance with her, and that she'd never accept the feelings of an anxious and awkward hero like me. compared to her, i was nobody. she was bright, energetic and kind like mirio; while i was... me. (y/n) was better off with a guy like togata. i tried to ignore that fact for so long, but the self-doubts were still there. i always knew she could do so much better than me, but my feelings for (y/n) never withered no matter how hard i tried to deny them.

whenever i attempted swallowing up my feelings, i ended up getting even more fixated and attached to her; i was stuck like glue. there was just something about (y/n) that i simply didn't want to let go of. my whole world changed when i met her, and i knew i couldn't keep my emotions to myself for much longer or else i'd drown in my own thoughts, and knew i'd never forgive myself if (y/n) ever were to find someone before i told her how i truly felt.

the day i decided to confess my feelings for (y/n), i woke up promptly. i didn't have work until later that morning, and (y/n) would always come to hers as early as possible. once i arrived at her hero agency, i waited impatiently inside her office, idling as i paced back and forth in the room. but she never came. it seemed as though (y/n) wasn't going to show up, and when i felt her coworkers' eyes on me, recognizing me, i felt even more sick than i already was.

one of them entered her office and told me (y/n) was coming in late, so i waited even more. though my anxiety was starting to eat me whole from the inside out, and i even had to sit down on the couch because my quivering legs felt too numb for me to stand. eventually, an hour after i came in, (y/n) wound up in her office carrying her stuff as if she was in a hurry. and when she noticed i was in there, (y/n) was visibly delighted i came to visit her.

"tamaki! it's been a while!" she greeted, "what brings you here in my office? you've never come here this early before."

i quickly stood up from the couch when (y/n) came in and i followed her movements as she placed her things down neatly on top of her desk. after she finished, (y/n) directed all of her attention on me, and as i
was about to speak, i stared into her twinkling eyes, and i suddenly froze in place. the words i wanted to say to her couldn't come out because my trembling lips and anxiety prevented me from talking. i had rehearsed every single line i was going to say to (y/n) that same night so this very exact thing wouldn't happen, but i ended up messing everything up like i always do instead.

"i-i, uh... (y/n), um... i-i wanted- i-i came here because- y-you're..."

i saw everyone outside looking at us through the glass door of the office, huddling closer to see and hear our conversation. (y/n)'s coworkers' eyes were glued to me specifically, and my confidence rapidly decreased with every new pair of eyes that stared at me. i was so nervous i thought i was going to throw up, and as i kept stumbling in my own sentences, even more coworkers recognized me. they took pictures and called over more people as i tried to confess my feelings. moments like these is where i hated being suneater, and just wanted to be the invisible and awkward kid everyone used to ignore in school.

"(y/n)... i-i'm here because, well... i-i wanted to..."

"what's wrong, tamaki? what are you trying to say?"

every word that escaped from my lips ended up being incomprehensible mumbles, and it got so bad i had to bite my lower lip in order to stop myself from humiliating myself in front of (y/n) even more. i lowered my head, staring down at my feet, clenching my fists tightly. and before i let (y/n) say anything, i ended up bursting out of her office. i kept going even when i heard her voice calling my name. my body couldn't handle any more stress, so even if i tried to stop it, it wouldn't let me go back there.

her sorrowful eyes when i couldn't express myself replayed over and over again in my head. i knew (y/n) pitied my nervous self, but i didn't blame her. i'd pity myself, too, if someone like me couldn't talk like a normal person would. she probably thought i was pathetic, as well, if she didn't already. i had embarrassed myself in front of (y/n), and i felt like i couldn't face her again.

i just wanted to crawl into my bed and cry. i tried holding my tears when i ran as i made my way to my apartment building. once there, i threw my feeble body onto the sheets, hiding under the covers. i felt so horrible and humiliated i even had to postpone today's mission, saying i'd be late, because my feelings were drowning me entirely. i was an emotional mess, and i had ruined my chances of ever being by (y/n)'s side forever.