chapter four,
the sauna test

･ ｡ﾟ☆ "what do you think is in there?" dustin asked, as the group sat around the table in the backroom, discussing the possible contents of the warehouse attached the the mall that robin had located. "guns, bombs?"

"chemical weapons?" robin suggested.

"whatever it is, they're armed to the teeth."

"great," steve mumbled sarcastically. "that's great."

"well, i guess we found your russians." lola told dustin, leaning back in her chair.

"the keycard opens the door, but unfortunately, the russian with the keycard also has a massive gun. so whatever's in that room, whatever's in those boxes, they really don't want anybody finding it."

"but there's gotta be a way in, right?"

"well, you know..." steve began, shrugging nonchalantly. "i could just take him out."

"take who out?"

"the russian guard."

"you're gonna take the russian guard out to dinner?" lola grinned with furrowed eyebrows. "look, you're a pretty boy harrington, but i don't exactly think you're his type."

robin and dustin chuckled, and steve shushed them. "no! i'll fight him. knock him out."

lola, robin and dustin shared an incredulous look. "...what?"

"i sneak up behind him, i knock him out, and i take his keycard. it's easy."

"did you not hear the part about the massive gun?"

"yes, dustin, i did. and that's why i would be sneaking!"

"yeah... i love you, but don't be a fucking idiot." lola said. "you've never actually won a fight."

"okay, that was one time..."

"twice, actually." dustin corrected him. "jonathan. year prior?"

"uh, that doesn't count."

"why wouldn't it? because it looks like he beat the shit out of you."

"facts. i was there." lola nodded in agreement. "he got a fat lip, crooked nose, swollen eye, and there was alot of blood..."

"okay, like any of you know shit about fighting-"

"that just might work," robin mumbled from across the table, leaping up from her seat.

"huh?"

she ran out of the back room, leaping over the counter and grabbing the tip jar, emptying the dollar bills into her pockets.

"hey, robin! hey, what- what are you doing?" steve yelled after her.

"i need cash!"

"well, half of that is mine!"

"where are you going, dipshit?" lola yelled.

"to find a way into that room - a safe way. and, in the meantime - sling ice cream, behave, and don't get beat up?" she grinned. "i'll be back in a jiff."

"in a jiff?" the wheeler girl scoffed. "what a geek."

dustin shrugged, licking ice cream off of steve's ice cream scooper.

"oh dude.." steve sighed, snatching it away. "come on, man, not my scooper..."

･ ｡ﾟ☆

robin slammed a set of blueprints onto the table, grinning. "it is fascinating what twenty bucks will get you at the county recorder's office! starcourt mall. the complete blueprints."

"not bad."

"so, this is us, scoops, and this is where we want to get." she pointed out on the map.

"i mean, i don't really see a way in." steve shrugged.

"there's not, if you're talking exclusively about doors." she flicked to the other sheet of blueprints.

"air ducts?"

"exactly. turns out, this secret room needs air just like any old room, and these air ducts lead all the way..." she drew a red line across the map of airducts with the whitebord marker. "here. the vent right here in this room."

after steve had removed the screws from the grate with a screwdriver, he stepped down from the ladder, looking at dustin and frowning. "yeah, i don't know, man. i don't know if you can fit in here. it's like... super tight."

"ha, that's what she said."

"shut up, dingus."

"i'll fit, trust me." the henderson boy assured, climbing up the ladder. "no collar bones, remember?"

"uh, excuse me?" robin frowned in confusion.

"oh, he's... uh, he's got some disease. it's chry... chrydo... um, something like that. yeah, i dunno."

"he's missing bones and stuff." lola explained.

"he can bend like gumbo."

"you mean gumby?" robin corrected.

steve scoffed. "i'm pretty sure it's gumbo."

"and i'm pretty sure you're an idiot." lola smiled sardonically.

"hey, i've had just about enough of your wisecracks today - stop showing off to robin." steve jabbed a finger in her face.

"i'm not showing off!"

"you are too-"

"steve, just shut up and push me!" dustin yelled, the lower half of his body still sticking out from the vent.

"okay, okay- i'll push you!" he grabbed dustin's shoes, trying to shove him further into the vent.

"not my feet, dumbass. push my ass."

"what?"

"touch my butt, i don't care! come on, push harder!"

"-i'm pushing!"

"you're playing with my legs."

"i'm not playing- i have terrible footing!"

lola and robin rolled their eyes at the idiocy of the two boys, shaking their heads in disbelief.

"come on!"

"i'm gonna just shove you, ready? one, two..." he pushed dustin as hard as he could, but the boy still didn't move, squashed into the small space.

"shit, one more time!"

"ahoy, sailors!" erica's obnoxious calls came from in front of the counter, and she slammed her hands repeatedly on the bell. "all hands on deck! ahoy!"

robin huffed, rolled her eyes, and slid open the window. "no more free samples!"

erica ignored her, pressing on the bell again.

an idea popped into robin's head, and she grinned, looking at lola. "are you thinking what i'm thinking, wheeler?"

"i think so."

"-hey, erica! listen!"

after explaining to her how they needed her to
help them out by crawling through the vents, they led the girl into the back room of the ice cream parlour.

"yeah, i don't know..." the ten-year old shrugged, looking up at the tiny vent.

"you don't know if you can fit?"

"oh, i can fit." erica hummed. "i just don't know if i want to."

"are you claustrophobic?"

"i don't have phobias."

"okay, well, what's the problem?"

the youngest sinclair scoffed. "the problem is: i still haven't heard what's in this for erica!"

･ ｡ﾟ☆

erica hummed, sliding the ice cream sundae away from her, across the table, and towards steve, a look of dissatisfaction on her face. "more fudge, please." steve sighed, grabbing the bowl and heading behind the counter to add more fudge. erica nodded to dustin, robin and lola. "go on."

"alright." robin got ready to explain, unfolding the blueprints and holding them up so the girl could see them. "you see this? this is the route you're gonna take. then we just wait till the last delivery goes out tonight, then you knock out the grate, jump down, and open the door."

"then you find out what's in those boxes?"

"exactly."

"and you say this guard is armed?"

"yes, but he won't be there." dustin stepped in quickly.

"and what about booby traps?"

"booby traps?"

"lasers, spikes in the wall?"

"what..?" lola chuckled incredulously. "listen, i think you're getting a little ahead of yourself here, erica-"

"-no," erica interrupted. "you listen to me. you know what this half-baked plan of yours sounds like to me? child endangerment."

"we'll be in radio contact with you the whole time-"

"-child endangerment!"

"erica? hi," dustin intervented. "we think these russians want to do harm to our country. great harm. don't you love your country?"

"you can't spell america without erica." the girl shrugged, stirring her milkshake.

"uh, yeah.. yeah. oddly, that's totally true... so- so don't do this for us. do it for your country. do it for your fellow man. do this for america... erica."

"ooh, i just got the chills." erica beamed sarcastically, clasping her hands together. "oh, yeah, from this shake, not your stupid speech." she rolled her eyes, leaving dustin flabbergasted. "do you know what i love most about this country? capitalism. do you know what capitalism is?"

"yeah." dustin, robin and lola nodded in unison.

"it means this is a free market system. which means people get paid for their services, depending on how valuable their contributions are."

"who is this kid...?" lola murmured in disbelief at her condescending tone.

"and it seems to me, my ability to fit into that little vent is very, very valuable to you all. so, you want my help? then this uss butterscotch better be the first of many. and i'm talking free ice cream for life."

･ ｡ﾟ☆

"erica, do you copy?" robin asked erica over the radio. she, steve, dustin and lola sat on the roof of starcourt mall, watching over the warehouse with their binoculars. it was way past nine, and all the stores were closed, the group being the only ones left at the mall.

"mhm, i copy. you nerds in position or what?" the ten-year old's sassy voice came through the radio.

"yeah, we're in position. it seems to be all quiet here, so you've got the green light."

"green light, roger that. commence operation child endangerment."

"... can we maybe not call it that?"

erica scoffed. "see you on the other side, nerds."

after a few minutes had passed, erica seemed to have reached the desired location, and a thumping sound buzzed through the radio as she jumped down from the vents. "alright, nerds. i'm here."

"do you... do you see anything?"

"yeah, i see those boring boxes you're so excited about."

"any guards?"

"negative."

"booby traps?"

"if i could see them, they'd be pretty shit traps, wouldn't they?" lola could almost hear erica roll her eyes through the radio.

the group watched from the roof as the garage-like door slowly opened up, revealing the sinclair girl on the other side, a smug look on her face.

"free ice cream for life!" erica shouted up at them, a hand on her hip.

once they headed down to the warehouse, they followed erica, hurrying inside the now open door. they were greeted with tens of cardboard boxes of what was disguised to be kaufman shoes and imperial panda dried goods.

"well, here goes nothing." steve said, using a razor blade to open one of the boxes. inside was a metal case, protecting four large glass cylinders. "that's definitely not chinese food." he reached out to pull out one of the cylinders, stopping himself and looking up. "uh, maybe you guys should, you know, stand back."

lola, robin and erica shrugged, happily standing back.

"no." dustin shook his head.

"just..." steve pushed him back. "just step back."

"no."

"step back. seriously-"

"no! if you die, i die." the henderson boy proclaimed.

"freaks." the three girls mumbled in unison.

"...uh, okay." steve eventually shrugged, continuing to pull out the glass cylinder. it was filled with a strange, green bubbling liquid. "-what the hell?"

"what is that..?"

suddenly, the room shook - not enough to knock them off their feet - but enough for all of them to feel.

"uh, was that just me, or did the room move?"

"booby traps..." erica whispered.

"okay, you know what?" robin snatched the cylinder out of steve's hands. "let's just grab that and go."

dustin hurried over to the control panel next to the door, pressing the button that said 'open door'. nothing happened, and he sighed. "which one do i press, erica?"

"just press the damn button, nerd."

"which one? i'm pressing the button, okay?"

"press open door!"

"i'm pressing open door!"

"oh my god," steve huffed. "just open the- press the other button." he began to press all of tue buttons, and dustin nudged him away.

"would you stop?"

"i'm trying to-"

"would you let me just do it!"

"would you stop?"

"just open the fucking door!" lola yelled.

there was another sudden clang, and a barrier slid down over the door, trapping them inside.

"oh, shit."

the room began shaking again, even more vigorously this time, and the lights above flashed on and off as they felt themselves sink into the ground. the group erupted into terrified screams, and the room dropped down floor by floor at an alarming rate.

･ ｡ﾟ☆