I woke up the next morning cradled in Mark's arms, and I slid out of bed without waking him up. I grabbed my robe and headed out to the balcony that was on the side of my room. I leaned on the railing and put my head in my hands, and I just cried for a moment, feeling the heavy weight of inevitability on my chest. Eventually, I would have to go back to that town one way or another, eventually, I would have to tell Mark what happened if we got any closer, if we fell in love. He would break me, he wouldn't believe a word I said and in turn, I guessed I would break him.

It was a funny thing, to feel as though you could trust one person more than anyone else in the world and yet you were still afraid to tell them certain things because you're so afraid that one word, one sentence, one mistake, could make them hate you for the rest of eternity....and eternity is such a long time. I still said most things, because, in the end if this worked out, I wanted him to fall in love with me for who I was, not for some made up girl he thought I would be and I kept telling myself that I would be okay if he decided to walk away, as the minutes passed by I told myself it hasn't even been that long that we've known each other; I told myself that I shouldn't care. I told myself that I was putting too much thought into it all. But even though we'd only just met again, a few days were quickly beginning to feel like a lifetime. He had seen me at one of my darkest moments and that had brought him closer to my heart than I had ever meant for anyone to be. I kept telling myself it wouldn't hurt me if he decided to walk away, that it would be his choice and I would easily let him go, but deep down, I knew that was a lie.

But lying to myself in that moment was so much easier than facing the truth, it was so much easier to lie to myself than to admit how afraid I was. How worried I was every time I spoke that I would say the wrong thing. How often I had already rethought over our conversations and wonder if he hated me already for the things I had said to him. I kept trying to lie to myself because it was easier than telling him that even though I knew that if he left it would tear me apart, I would also be able to understand why he did completely because I didn't know how he could ever love me, how anyone could ever love the real me, when I couldn't even find it in my heart to love myself.

I could believe it if he were just using me, I'd seen people in my life get used before. By shameless people who cared only for themselves. I was easier to think that I was something temporary, to tell myself that he didn't need me, that it was just a foolish hope of mine so I shouldn't worry about what he thought because either way, he would still leave me in the end. It was easier to make it seem as though there was so much wrong with me that I could never be loved than to know that there was a chance and I ruined it all in my mind by overthinking, or by being the ditz that I could be at times...or by telling him my darkest secrets. I was so afraid to open myself up to him truly because as long as he didn't see the worst sides of me, I could lie to myself and say it wasn't my fault when he left, I could lie and say it would hurt less. I could tell myself that it would be so much easier to let him go that way, to just turn and run rather than stay and let people see the mess I could be, the absolutely broken mess.

"What are you thinking about?" I heard him say from behind me, arms ever-so-gently going around my waist. I shook my head and smiled, turning and hugging him close to me.

"Oh nothing." I sighed, he pulled back slightly and looked at me.

"You aren't going to get away with it that easily." He grinned. "What's on your mind."

"Everything." I conceded. "Everything and nothing, losing myself and finding who I am. I'm thinking about everything."

"That's a lot to think about." he finally said after a bit.

"It really is." I agreed, pulling away from him finally to go get a drink. "So what are we doing now?"

"What do you mean?" He followed behind me, I set my drink down after taking a sip and looked him in the eye.

"I mean, what are we doing Mark," I answered. "It's as simple as that, your actions have proven that you want to be with me. But is that really the case? Or are you just wasting both our time?"

"Shit, you really got to the point there." He sighed.

"If you need time to think about what you want, by all means," I pointed to the door. "Please take your time to think but I'll ask you not to kiss me or really hold me until you've figured that out and I will do you the same kindness in return."

"That's a kindness?" He scoffed.

"I don't like being led on, and I gather you probably wouldn't appreciate it either so, yes, I do consider that a kindness." I raised an eyebrow.

"You seem so calculating." He said quietly after a few moments, I smiled, taking another sip from my drink.

"I do believe we agreed that we both changed in the time that has passed since you and I had last seen each other," I responded. "I want to be careful with this. If I seem calculating it's because I'm trying to understand you more; well understand how you'll react, that is."

"Well you pretty much got my answer yesterday, did you not?" He said.

"I got two versions, you saying friends when you walked into my apartment and then you kissing me so which would you have? A companion or a partner?" I asked.

"I can't have both in a way?" He asked, "I can't have for us to be friends and be together? That's really the only way good relationships work out, that and honesty, loyalty, and trust."

"You can be loyal?" I asked in mock surprise, he put a hand to his chest and acted as though he were legitimately hurt.

"I am always loyal." He said.

"Tell that to the girl who had her tongue down your throat yesterday morning," I said and he glanced away from me. "Look I'm over it really, as long as it doesn't happen once you've said you want to be with me."

"It won't happen again, Michelle." He stared into my eyes and I nodded.

"Good, then we're on the same page here," I said and finished off my drink before throwing it into the trash. "I'm going to go change then." I went to my room and let out a deep breath once I had closed the door, my heart was pounding so loud in my ears. I grinned to myself and went to get dressed for the day.

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Hey there! I'm still alive! I just hit some major writers block lately, but here is the next chapter for Broken Silence, hopefully, more chapters for other stories will be coming out soon.

Tell me what you think! Comment and Vote, please!

Love y'all!

Roxy96