-

"I'd been holding on to you for so long,

but now I must let go.

There's nothing I can do for you.

It's the only way to make you happy,

so I let go."

-

Taeyong's cold body laid limp in your arms as you burst into tears. Chan ran up to you, checking for a pulse in your friend's corpse. After finding no sign of a heartbeat, he pulled you in an embrace, stroking your hair softly as you cried on his strong shoulder. You've never felt this broken before, and the feeling was beyond painful. 

It was hell. 

After a few minutes, your body calmed down from the shock of the events. In your peripheral vision, you saw a large group of allied mafia members exit the mansion... with two bodies. You stopped breathing a bit, your mind racing with thoughts. 

No, it can't be.

When Chan called out for a stretcher so Taeyong's corpse could be carried into an open van, you hauled up the hems of your blood-stained wedding dress and ran in your heels to the group holding the other two bodies. Your eyes desperately searched for the faces, and your heart broke a second time--maybe a bit less painful than the first. 

The lifeless bodies of Lucas and Ryujin were laid in stretchers as well. You observed the several bullet wounds that were on their corpses, the final outcome of their decisions. You noticed that they were holding hands, as if they knew it would be their last time together on this earth. To you, it was like a Shakespearean play was happening before your very eyes. Lucas as a lying, deceiving Romeo and Ryujin as a cunning, serpentine Juliet. However, you refused to make any more judgments  about them. The two were already dead--during their young adult years as well. What a waste of two otherwise potential souls. 

Though Taeyong's death marked a loss for you and your suicide squad, there was one thing that was certain:

The tide of war seemed to have finally turned. 

-

> > 3 .  m o n t h s  .  l a t e r > >

It was a beautiful day. The sky was a soft, baby blue color. A few white cumulus clouds floated up above, the sun radiating a pleasant warmth. A crisp, cool breeze swept through the freshly-cut, green blades of grass, continuing to rustle the leaves of the several Eastern redbuds, Wisteria, and Maple trees. The fragrant scent of roses and tulips and carnations flooded the air of the cemetery grounds, as you held three different bouquets in your arms. 

Just a few moments ago, when you stumbled onto the burial site with the flowers, Chan had snickered at your attempt to carry all three of them at the same time. Your face was completely covered by the floras, and you were on the verge of having a sneezing fit. Your husband (and yes, husband now. the wedding continued the day after the entire "avenging you" event. it took place in a small chapel since nearly everyone was paranoid, but you didn't really care, because now you were married to the hottest guy in the world) took two of the bouquets from you, allowing some oxygen to fill your lungs. You patted him on the shoulder in gratitude as you regained your breath. He was biting his lip to stifle a laugh. 

> 

Alas, it was time for the burial. 

Weirdly, you didn't feel any tears forming. Perhaps it was because you accepted the fact that they were in a better place now. Okay, maybe just Taeyong, because the other two probably had the worse sentence during judgement day, but whatever. As you took a quick look around the mass of people, you realized that most people were actually quite calm. Then, you remembered what Ten and Johnny had said to you days before:

-

You were a mess. 

Clad in Chan's oversized hoodie and refusing to leave your bedroom in the SKZ manor, the "suicide squad" had come to a conclusion that enough was enough. Ten and Johnny, the two closest to Taeyong, knocked on your door. In a cracked voice, you exclaimed, "Come in."

The two entered, and Ten almost fainted at the sight of your room. Pillows and empty water bottles and tissues damp from tears were strewn everywhere. Johnny, on the other hand, simply stepped around the mess and sat next to you on your bed. He was probably used to a messy bedroom. Ten did the same, thought a lot slower, because he was practically tippy toeing to your location. 

Johnny sighed at your pitiful figure. You were underneath your bed covers, your hood pulled low over your head. The young man pulled down the sheet and helped you sit up. Ten smoothed your hair away from your face, his expression softening at how sad you looked. Johnny spoke up, "(Y/N), I know it's been hard for you--heck, for all of us. But Taeyong was a good brother and mafia member. And if there's one thing I learned from him, it's that he hates it when people cry because of him. He always sought to make people happy and smile." 

Ten nodded in agreement. "Yeah, so what we're saying is: turn that frown upside down. Unless you want Taeyong to come down from heaven and smack you." 

You hit him in the arm. 

But then you smiled. 

And then you laughed at seeing Ten in mock-pain. 

The whole room started to fill with laughter. 

And things were okay again, because those two were right. 

Taeyong would hate to see you sad.

 -

Before they lowered the caskets into the grave, the funeral priest allowed people to bring up memorabilia. Chan handed you back the other two bouquets and gently nudged you up to the front. Your eyes landed on the three portraits of the newly deceased. Then, inhaling deeply, you took a step forward and laid the three separate flowers for the three different people on top of their final resting places. 

Dahlias for Ryujin, because she was elegant and beautiful and strong. 

Buttercups for Lucas, because no matter what he did, he would always remain a child at heart.

Gardenias for Taeyong, because you admired his bravery and natural goodness. 

Your took a step backward, pausing to look at the caskets one last time before they were lowered into the earth. Chan took your hand in his, squeezing it, reassuring you that everything would be okay. 

And everything was. 

-

> > 1 .  m o n t h  .  a f t e r > > 

"You guys seriously need to have a honeymoon," Minho scoffed. He was painting your nails a pretty, lilac color, as the two of you had a "best bitches convo" (he called it that). Your face flushed as you awkwardly snorted. The young man raised an eyebrow and proceeded to say, "It's obvious that y'all need to fuck." 

"Minho!" 

Your face was now a bright red. Sure, it had been a couple of months since the wedding, but honeymoons don't necessarily need to be rushed. Right? 

"(Y/N)," Minho said with sarcasm. "Literally everyone can sense the sexual tension between you and Chan. Just bone already."

"Bone?!" (a/n: if you understood this from brooklyn nine-nine, you a real one)

Almost immediately, Jisung walked inside your bedroom, holding a carton of the drinks you asked for. Felix trailed behind, sipping his lychee milk tea. He looked surprised as he made his way to your bed. "Who's boning? (Y/N) and Channie hyung?" 

Shooting a deadly gaze at the Fortnite-obsessed young man, you responded, "We are not boning. End of discussion." Jisung handed his boyfriend his drink and said, "Well, I'm opening the discussion again. All in favor of planning out their honeymoon, say aye!"

The three SKZ members raised their hands in the air while screaming a strong "aye!" in unison. The sudden movements on your bed caused the bottle of lilac nail polish to fall. The four of you froze as you watched the liquid slowly stain your sheets. You looked up at Minho, annoyed. 

"I'll get you a new mattress."

"I wanted you to get me another bottle of the same color because that one was my favorite, but that works too."

-

You were laying on Chan's bed, ready to sleep. Except for the fact that you were pretty sure you wouldn't be able to sleep. Ever since Minho brought up the "honeymoon" talk, you became
self-conscious and nervous every time Chan got too close to you. The hugs, cuddles, kisses--everything made you think, it's going to happen today, isn't it?

Much to your dismay, your husband wasn't an idiot. He knew something was wrong ever since he saw you walk out of your bedroom, nails painted a cute, millennial pink, your expression fuming. He assumed that it was probably just "that time of the month" again, but he noticed that you weren't eating your favorite period foods. 

Attempting to find out the cause of your bad mood, he asked, "What's wrong, babygirl?" Your heart skipped a beat. He hadn't called you that in a while. You turned your head to face him, maybe a bit too quickly, and responded, "N-Nothing. I'm fine. Minho just soiled my bed sheets with nail polish. He raised an eyebrow in suspicion and climbed in bed next to you. Chan heard your breath hitch in your throat. Huh, he thought. She usually wouldn't let such a petty problem ruin her day. Especially since she sleeps in my room now. (Y/N)'s bedroom is pretty much her  hangout den. 

Then it hit him. 

Minho. 

Only a few days prior to, the young man had come up to SKZ's leader and nonchalantly started a conversation about you. More specifically, about your honeymoon with Chan. The two young men sorted it out quite well. However, Chan knew that Minho probably brought up the conversation a bit rougher with you, since he liked to tease you. According to his exact words, "She's just so cute when she's mad. Stop looking at me like that, hyung, i'm still gay."

He observed as you laid down, pulled the covers to your chin, and turned to the opposite side of him. But you have never before slept facing the opposite side of your husband. 

"(Y/N), if you don't want to have a honeymoon yet, it's okay." 

Your cheeks flushed rapidly, and you returned to your other side to face him. You sat up rapidly, questioning, "Did he talk to you about it too?"

Chan nodded, smiling now. He found your sheepishness and innocence adorable. You bit the inside of your cheek before saying, "I-If that's okay with you. I mean--it is going to be my first time." He grinned, laying down on his pillow, pulling you down with him and into his arms. "Look, I don't want to rush you in any way. I'll wait until you're ready."

Your embarrassment faded away at his reassuring words. 

You snuggled into his chest as you thanked the heavens above that you were blessed with such an understanding and patient spouse. 

"Thank you for waiting, Chan."

-

You felt a finger tap your back lightly. Opening your eyes reluctantly, you pulled your face a bit away from Chan, and spoke into the darkness of the room, "W-Who's there?"

Someone flipped the switch of the lamp that was on the nightstand table. The alarm clock read 2:37. You were met with Woojin's frantic face. His eyes were shockingly rounded with alarm. His expression woke you up instantly. "What's wrong?" you asked quickly. Chan groaned and sat up, looking for the source of sudden noise. He rubbed his eyes, but instantly dropped his hands from his face, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as he looked at Woojin. 

The SKZ member helped the two of you out of bed as he exclaimed, "We have a--uh situation, Chan."  

Your husband draped a nightgown over your shoulders as the two of you walked beside Woojin. While you put your arms through the sleeves of the clothing, you realized that he was walking you guys to the meeting room, its door open. You could hear a multitude of loud voices talking simultaneously. But, they sounded nervous and angry and fearful. There was definitely something wrong. 

When the three of you stepped foot inside the room, all talking ceased. 

You could see all the SKZ members standing or sitting around the meeting table, papers and pens in their hands, computers with complicated-looking screens in front of them. Chan saw his second-in-command, Changbin, with his head in his hands. You realized that even more people were in the room--just on monitors. 

You saw some other recognizable faces that were apparently facetiming with SKZ. Well, just the representatives of each mafia that SKZ was allied with. (a/n: get ready for a long list cuz y'all are going to have to know the allied syndicates):

Johnny and Mark from BTS (they were disowned from NCT. you took them into your own mafia. Beomgyu begged you to let them into TXT, but you refused because "BTS is just full of henchmen now, i need a board of people")

Hwall and Younghoon from BOY-Z

Sungjin and Wonpil from DAY6

Jaebum and Jinyoung from GOT7

Jun and Chan from A.C.E.

Soobin and Yeonjun from TXT

San and Mingi from ATEEZ

Soyeon and Soojin from (G)-IDLE

S.Coups and Woozi from SVT

Bobby and Junhoe from iKON (a/n: i would've put bobby and b.i. but y'all already know why i didn't)

Your eyes widened at the pandemonium of the room, even if the different mafias were in their respectful headquarters and they were communicating through screens. Chan's presence halted everyone else from doing anything. You looked at him, but his expression was unreadable. 

"Bin," he said with authority in his tone. "What the hell is happening?"

Changbin raised his head from his hands. You could now see his face--dull and wrought with worry. He was usually calm and composed, but based from the expression on his face, the worst must have arrived. 

"They're coming for us."

-

i am spoiling y'all way too much, with all these new chapters getting published. maybe i should take away those privileges--. i'm trying to finish this fic and then move on to my next one, which is gon be a lot lighter, in terms of plot. 

oh yeah uh, comment your irl name and who your favorite character is from the story (e.g. jane; minho) in these brackets if you wanna get a chapter (six ppl per chapter) dedicated to ya :D   : 

~       [                     ]        ~

your username(s) will be mentioned at the top of each chapter.

alexa, play "letting go" by day6

- erica