Shawn's P.O.V.

The very same night, the clock struck 11:15 as Shawn and his friend, Kyle Ramsay, were drinking beers in his small Los Angeles apartment. Shawn's bag full of clothes for a few nights were beside the couch they sat on. However, he often brought that bag to the homes of the girls he slept with when he wasn't at Kyle's.

"I really don't want to go home, dude." Shawn groaned.

"Then don't, man. You can crash here for a few nights." Kyle replied.

"No, I told Ramona I'd be home today. I've already got beef with her."

"Maybe you shouldn't sleep around so much, then, man."

Shawn looked at him, lowering the beer from his mouth before he was going to take a drink. He raised his eyebrows, "You defending her?"

"No, but what if you knocked up some chick? Then you'd be in some real deep shit."

Shawn looked away, relaxing and taking a large drink of his beer. He nodded, "I know. Besides, Ramona knows about my cheating now. If I wanna keep her around then I've got to be there sometimes."

Kyle looked deeply at him.

"Do you still love her?"

"Sometimes I think I do, and I think about what it used to be like, but other times, I think of it as a way to make me feel like the man of the house."

There was a pause. Kyle still questioned Shawn, seemingly in thought about Shawn's situation.

"Why do you wanna keep her around?"

Shawn thought about this a while. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer. He doesn't tell anyone this. He hardly ever thinks about it. But he's known Kyle for years. Surely this is something that he can know.

"Because I miss what it was like."

And that was not a lie.

Shawn does not enjoy hitting her. Not when he thinks about it at night, when he really remembers Ramona falling to the floor all those times, seeing all of the bruises on her skin. But when he hits her, however, it's a different kind of Shawn. He gets too angry, and he knows this, angry enough that he can't take it out on anyone but her. But he can't help it.

Shawn also does not enjoy sleeping with other women, not as much as he should. But Ramona doesn't give him the same love. Especially since his emotions of his mother dying overwhelmed him and he hit her---she became distant after that. Shawn doesn't blame her. Besides, she's been more defensive lately, she's been talking to that Ryan. Sleeping with other women distracts him from his problems.

However, as much as Shawn knows this, there's no going back. He remembers how it was and it brings Shawn happiness. But those are merely thoughts. Ramona believes that they can have a relationship just like the happy one they had only months ago, before Diana Murphy, Shawn's flesh and blood, passed away due to a stroke.

"Do you really?" Kyle asked. Shawn looked at him. His face had softened as actual remorse filled him.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I was happy."

"Because of her?"

"Are you doubting it?"

Shawn became a little heated again. His friend had offended him.

"I don't know, dude, you just seem uncertain!" Kyle put his hands up. Shawn set his beer down on the coffee table. He peered at his friend.

"It was nice back then, Kyle. I do miss it. But the thing is, I finally have this...power now. I've never had that before. I guess that's why I do the things I do with Ramona. And...there are other reasons, I suppose."

Kyle didn't speak for a few moments. Shawn looked at him again.

"Are you sure you still love her?" Kyle asked.

Shawn looked away. He felt something odd within him, something that he hadn't felt in a while. He thought of Ramona and he remembered that recent kiss he had with her on their front porch. That was nice. That was just a bit of how it was.

But then he remembered the times he'd strike her on the face and she'd cry out and fall, and the times they were screaming at each other as if it were a competition to see who was louder. He remembered how she'd always sob at him and beg him to stay.

Shawn's familiar feelings were anger and lust, not love or pain or longing. But his breath had shortened as he ached for that feeling again, when Ramona wasn't so seemingly scared of him. Could he go home tonight without hurting her again? Or would she raise the fury within him as usual?

"No." Shawn answered. Then he got up and grabbed his bag, heading for the door as he also slipped his shoes on and searched for his keys.

"Maybe you shouldn't sleep with so many women, though. For your own good. Don't knock anyone up."

"Yeah. Your advice was already noted." Shawn replied, still looking for his keys.

"So will you?"

"I don't know, Kyle."

Then Shawn spotted his keys on the counter of the very small kitchen. He walked over and snatched them up as Kyle then chuckled, "Well, you think you can get me one of those chicks?"

Shawn looked up, "They're not that hard to find. Do it yourself."

Then he headed for the door and opened it, almost heading out. He heard Kyle then nervously laugh, "Hey, man, chill. Lighten up or something."

Shawn stopped and glared a bit at him. Kyle put his hands up again at the look. Shawn shook his head and walked outside, closing the door behind him. As the apartment was on the eighth floor, Shawn headed straight for the elevator. He got in when it opened and saw one other person---a hooker.

He noticed she was leaning on the left wall of the elevator (he made sure to stay on the right side), wearing a tiny red dress that probably only covered one eighth of her body, and very chunky gold jewelry. The huge bangles on her arms surprisingly didn't weigh her whole body down---she seemed to be made of only bones and spray-tanned skin. On top of that, she had thin brown hair, too much makeup, and heels she seemed to have trouble even standing in.

She eyed Shawn up and down.

"Hey, baby." She slyly flirted, baring yellow-ish teeth. Shawn merely glanced her way, but didn't reply. He shoved his left hand in his jeans pocket, his right hand wrapped around the strap of his duffel bag.

"You looking to fuck tonight?" The streetwalker added.

"Not tonight." Shawn gruffly muttered, looking down. Then the elevator reached the ground floor.

Shawn headed for the opening doors, but the scrawny woman gave him a slip of paper without a word. As Shawn walked outside and to his car, he looked at it. It was her number, underneath curly letters spelling out the name Monica.

Shawn hesitated, but ultimately decided to rip the paper and throw it to the ground. He got in his car and began to drive back home.

When he was about halfway there, his phone rang from his back pocket and Shawn moved around to reach it. It was his boss, Riccardo or Ricky, a muscular Italian man with a thick accent. Shawn answered it, wondering why he had called him so late.

"Hey." Shawn said.

"Ay! Where 'ave you been? I 'ave been calling you all day and no answer!"

"Ricky, sorry. I've just been busy lately." Shawn began to explain. Though Ricky cut him off, "Oh, you 'ave been busy! With what, I ask you?"

Shawn opened his mouth to speak, but Ricky again stopped him.

"No matter, you 'ave not been at work for the past week."

"Ricky, just let me---"

"No, no, you are fired, Mr. Murphy. Return your uniform tomorrow."

"Ricky, don't---"

"I don't want to hear it, any excuses you 'ave. I can tolerate it so much, but then you don't show up for a week! You are fired! I am done! Return uniform tomorrow. Ciao, Mr. Murphy."

Then Ricky hung up and Shawn threw his phone to the passenger seat. It hit the top of his bag with a thud and Shawn was filled with an anger that was not foreign to him. I was just laid off and am now losing money. Fucking fantastic.

It was at this point that he regretted all the hookers more for how much money they cost him. His job hadn't paid much, but it was just enough. And Ramona is unemployed. If either of them don't find a job soon, they may not be able to afford the house for more than six months from now, maybe less.

Shawn slammed his fists on his steering wheel, shouting out. His fury caused him to speed along the highways and streets on the way to his house. What made it even worse is what he saw as he pulled into his driveway.

Of all people, it was Ryan Tedder walking down the front steps. An upset looking Ramona had just gone inside and hadn't seen Shawn pull in. But Ryan did.

He slowed down at the bottom step the moment he looked up and saw Shawn's Volvo now parked beside his own expensive car. Shawn snarled, grabbed his phone, bag, and keys, and got out.

Ryan and Shawn made intense eye contact, the only illumination the lights from the house beside them, making just enough visible.

"Well look who's finally back." Ryan stated, glaring.

Shawn clenched his jaw, "Fuck off, Tedder. And stay away from my fiancee from now on. I don't want to see you around here again."

Something clearly flared up within Ryan. He simply said, "Good luck with that."

And then Ryan got in his car without another word, scowling at Shawn, and drove off. Shawn headed inside, the anger from both being fired and Ryan being there pumping through him fiercely. When he got in the living room, he took his shoes off and dropped all of his things on the couch.

"Ramona!" Shawn called.

"Up here!" Ramona replied from upstairs. Shawn headed up to their room, where she was. She looked pleasant as she had just walked out of the closet, wearing an over-sized tee, before he snapped, "What the hell was he doing here again?"

Any happiness from Shawn simply being there faded away.

"We just had an argument, is all. We're not really talking anymore, though, so---"

"Argument about what?" Shawn stepped forward. Ramona gulped and stepped back. Shawn almost registered her fear, but was too angry to do anything about it but yell and force the information from her.

"You." She squeaked.

Shawn sighed in frustration and got closer to her. She went against the frame of the walk-in closet's door as he was really close to her.

"What about me?" He growled.

"He doesn't like you." Ramona answered in a small voice. Shawn rested his left hand above her head on the door frame. She pursed her lips, and Shawn put his own beside her ear.

"And do you agree with him?"

Shawn heard Ramona take a sharp breath.

"Of course not."

Shawn backed away and went in the closet to get pajamas on. He took his shirt off, but just after he did so, he looked back again. Ramona was still against the door frame and was looking down at the floor, twiddling her thumbs.

"Ramona." Shawn addressed. Ramona looked up at him, eyes alert.

"What is it?" He asked her. Ramona shrugged. Shawn had an idea of what she was thinking about.

"You're not thinking about him, are you?" Shawn inquired. Ramona still did not speak, but she shook her head silently. Shawn dropped his shirt and went towards her. Ramona perked up and began to move back as usual.

"I get laid off and then I come home to this?!" He snapped. Ramona clearly swallowed hard and put her hands up as Shawn rapidly got closer to her. He towered over her as her frail hands touched his bare chest, trying to keep him from getting so close.

"Shawn, I wasn't---"

"Bullshit!" He spat. Ramona cringed. He grabbed her by the upper arms and got closer, her hands leaving his chest as she kept her arms close to her, looking away from him.

"You stop talking to him from now on, do you hear me?!"

Ramona vigorously nodded, her eyes already getting teary. Shawn didn't get a real answer, so he repeated himself, "Do you hear me?!"

"Yes!" Ramona told him. However, her tone was forceful, she raised her voice. Shawn didn't like that. His anger rose to a boil.

Then he found himself throwing his left fist forward. It struck her right in the face and Ramona fell against the bed with a loud cry of anguish.

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I'm trying to make you guys realize that Shawn isn't entirely a bad person, but he's not good either. However, the little good left in him, the little bit that's left of the "old Shawn," is just so minuscule. His mother dying was the very thing that triggered the transformation, that's what I want you all to understand. Anyways, I hope I did good (especially since Shawn's P.O.V. is just challenging in general). The next chapter isn't so good though. So you'll all hate me...so much. I'll probably hate me. In fact, I think I already do. I've foreshadowed it, as well, about what will happen. It's one of the major events of the story. *gives you as many hints as possibly because I'm cool like that*

Also, quick side note, I'm not sure anyone will care enough to do this, but I'm going to be reflecting the story in my profile on here. It's a very different and subtle way to hint to fans about what is happening or what is going to happen very soon in the story. For the remainder of the book, my profile picture will most likely be Emma Watson (who portrays Ramona). Depending on how Ramona feels in the book, Emma may look happy or sad in my photo, and the picture of flowers/roses in the background will also reflect the current mood of the whole story. Just a quick little thing, if you want to pay attention to that throughout the weeks in between updates. :)