▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Tasha, hey, it's me, Jake Peralta. This is like the 200th message I've left you, without a response. So, if you're trying to tell me something, I do not know what it is because you won't call me back," Jake let out a dejected sigh after leaving yet another voicemail.

Rosa and Charles joined him at the table in the kitchenette.

He shoved his phone in their faces as he let out a depressed whine. "Here's my lady at the zoo. Here's my lady at the pancake house eating a short stack. Here's my lady screaming at me to stop taking pictures of her short stack."

Rosa grimaced. "Jake, what are you doing?"

"That's what she said when I took the picture," He cried, "Why did I let her go? Don't look at me!" He yelled as he stood up and stormed off towards the evidence locker.

Rosa sighed. "Terry, you're up."

Jake had been on a downward spiral for weeks now. After their breakup, Natasha seemed to have just disappeared. The 99 weren't worried because they knew she wasn't in danger since Holt wasn't worried and Rich wasn't in a frenzy trying to find her. Those were all good signs.

But Jake was not doing good. At all.

"Hey, Jake..." Terry trailed off when he saw Jake curled up in the corner of the evidence locker.

"My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups," He tried to lie awkwardly.

"That seems like a lie."

"No, I'm trying to stay fit after the breakup," He insisted, "I've been eating salads, yeah, no dressing, mostly just the protein."

Terry raised a brow. "What kind of salad have you been eating?"

"The little chopped pieces of ham."

He frowned in confusion. "Just the ham?"

"Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't like the lettuce. I think it's gross to eat stuff on earth that's green."

Terry decided to pick his battles and forced a smile. "Well, look, you know baby steps."

Jake shook his head. "Not baby steps, there were some pretty big pieces of ham."

Before they could discuss Jake's 'salad' consumption further, Rich poked his head in. "Squad meeting, now."

"Why are there bagels?" Jaked asked with furrowed brows and gasped, "And not just plain bagels, I see cream cheese! You're celebrating. What are we celebrating?"

Captain Holt nodded. "Good catch, Peralta. Cream cheese bagels are only for celebrations and today we are celebrating. Squad, please welcome back Detective Zapata, She has been undercover for the last two months and helped bring down a notorious crime ring."

The squad froze in shock when Natasha walked into the briefing room before quickly bursting out into cheers as they rushed towards her.

"Move, peasants! Move!" Rich yelled as he pushed past everyone to get to her first, "I cannot believe you didn't tell me! I understand lying to them but me? I'm your best friend!"

Natasha let out a chuckle and decided to let him have his moment for once. "I missed you, Rich," She admitted.

Rich's eyes widened before a grin broke out on his face as he turned to the rest of the squad. "You hear that, losers? I am better than all of you! Hug, now?" He asked her hopefully.

She sighed before reluctantly nodding. "...You have four to five seconds."

"45 seconds?!" He exclaimed happily and threw his arms around her gleefully.

After prying Rich off of Natasha, the rest of the squad greeted her. Well, except for Jake.

"Nat, hey," He smiled nervously as he walked over to her.

"All right, I'm taking bets," Rich whispered to the rest of the squad, "Who has she punches him?"

"$20," Rosa whispered.

"$50 they kiss and make up," Charles said hopefully.

"$20 he's our next homicide victim," Adam bet.

"Terry wants in on that action," Terry nodded to Adam.

"$30 she doesn't say anything," Amy decided to join in for once.

"Come on Amy!" Rich frowned, clearly not impressed.

"Yeah, Santiago," Rosa huffed, "Step it up."

"I mean it is Tasha we're talking about, babe," Adam shrugged.

They turned back to Natasha and Jake, watching intently. And to their surprise, she really did just walk away.

"Indifference is the best revenge," She said as she walked past the group.

"Ha!" Amy yelled and started her victory dance, "In your faces!"

"Amy," Rich gasped, "Can't you see how upset your friend is."

She froze, turning to Jake with an awkward smile.

"Jake's your friend too, Rich," Terry reminded him with furrowed brows.

"Not after what he did to my little pastelitos," Rich muttered with a scowl.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"I recognize your expression from my emotion flashcards," Holt said bluntly as he approached Natasha's desk, "You are clearly hungry. Have another plain bagel."

Rich let out a disgruntled huff. "She is obviously sad. And you know what's sadder? A plain bagel. Now, shoo so I can nurse my best friend back to her angry,

"Not your best friend," Natasha corrected.

"You're right," He smiled, "We're family. Now, please call in sick tomorrow and take to the bed," He begged, "Whenever I used to get depressed, I'd take to the bed. One time, I took to the bed for a week."

She rolled her eyes. "Listen, unlike you, Jane Austen, I will never take to the bed. Giving into feelings is for rich people and losers. Regular people just have to get up, get drunk, and go do their jobs."

"Tasha, take to the bed," Rich insisted, "I had one installed in vent 21."

"You numbered the vents?" She asked incredulously before she sighed, "Of course, you numbered the vents, you basically live in them like a mole rat."

"I don't like your tone," He scoffed, "I'll have you know the naked mole rat from Kim Possible was the real hero! And you know how he was the hero? By using the vents," He snapped.

Natasha rolled her eyes and brushed him off. "Look, this is my pattern, okay? I fall for the wrong guy, I find out they're with a girl, a bottle, or a needle, and I move on. And sometimes I use a bottle to help me do it... Or a needle or a girl," She chuckled.

"But your break up with Jake wasn't for any of those reasons," Rich reminded her, "Although, I would like to hear about those previous breakups. And any addresses you have would be helpful but not necessary."

"Whatever," She huffed, "The point is when I'm done, I'm done."

"That's it? You're just over it?" He said in disbelief, "Wow. I'm still sad because Kyle Enright didn't invite me on his private jet to Mykonos for his 12th birthday."

"Well, not me," She smiled, "Just flip a switch and those feelings are gone. I only have two switches in my life– one turns off my emotions, the other makes a car bounce."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Did you talk to Tasha?" Charles asked his best friend desperately, "Don't crush my dreams, Jake! Zapalta is the only thing I have to look forward to!"

"...What about Nikolaj?" Jake asked with furrowed brows.

"Nikolaj," Charles corrected without missing a beat.

Jake rolled his eyes and decided to ignore that. "Thing is, it's so hard to talk at work because there's no privacy. The roof is freezing, the holding cell is full of perps, and their romantic advice is not great. It's always to tell Tasha, 'bitch, get your life right!' I tried it. She did not like it."

Charles' eyes widened. "She let you live after that?"

"I know. I'm still shocked about it too," Jake breathed out fearfully, "And scared."

Charles nodded. "You should be."

Before they could discuss all the ways Natasha might get back at him, Terry called Jake over.

Charles smiled as Natasha walked into the break room. "How's it going, Tasha?"

"I have this headache that comes and goes," She shrugged as she poured a cup of coffee.

"Hey guys," Jake greeted as he walked in.

She grimaced. "There it is again."

Charles frowned sympathetically at Jake as he walked out of the break room but motioned for his best friend to try talking to her again. Jake tried blocking him from leaving but Charles was surprisingly nimble. As soon as he left, Charles was peeking into the breakroom through the window and Rich quickly joined him.

Jake cleared his throat nervously. "Hey, uh, can I bother you for a second?"

"You always bother me but go ahead," She deadpanned.

"I present to you a serial arson case. And the fires seem to be connected to the horror movie Dancing Flames. Two different buildings, both locations from the movie, and an anagram left at each crime, and a note was sent to the author of the book the movie was based on; Mr. Eugene Fitzherbert," He grinned excitedly, knowing how much she loved his work.

Natasha's eyes widened. "Eugene Fitzherbert? He's the best horror writer there is. His last book was so scary someone's head exploded while he was reading it! He did have a brain aneurysm but that's not important."

Jake smiled, rarely if ever seeing Natasha get so gleefully excited like a child.

"Well, he's coming in to help us with the case!" He exclaimed.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Hey, hey dum-dum," Charles snapped angrily as he sat in the perp chair by Jake's desk, "What are you thinking? Introducing Tasha to her celebrity crush? Are you insane?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "Relax, Charles. It's not a crush, it's her nerdy horror-writing hero. I mean, the guy's got to be a massive dork. His name is Eugene Fitzherbert, for God's sake."

Meanwhile, the elevator dinged and the doors opened to a man being escorted in by a uniformed officer. And lucky for them, Natasha happened to be walking by.

"Oh, Tasha," The uniformed officer called, "This is the author that's helping on the arson case."

She nodded and smiled thankfully. "Thanks, Schneider."

Schneider paused before leaving. "Hey, are you working the case with Peralta?"

She frowned in confusion, wondering why he cared. "Yeah."

"Isn't that, uh, y'know a little weird?" He asked as though forgetting he was talking to the woman who didn't like when people so much as asked about her day, "Y'know, since you guys were dating then he proposed and you said no but then you stayed together, and then broke up a couple of weeks later."

"Schneider," Natasha bit out with narrowed eyes, "Do you really want to piss me off when I have a loaded weapon on me?"

He gulped, taking a step back. "You always have a loaded weapon on you!"

"So never piss me off," She deadpanned, "Unless, you want to have to use a straw to eat for the rest of your life, Shawn."

He opened his mouth to correct her but she was already leading Eugene away.

"I thought his name was Schneider?" Eugene asked.

"When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them," She explained causally.

He chuckled. "That's awful. And hilarious. But that is my favorite combination, so I like it."

Before Natasha could say anything else, Rich jumped between them with a grin. "Rich Dotcom. Very big fan."

Rich was too busy rambling on and on about how much he loved Eguene's work to realize the man wasn't paying him any attention. In fact, he was obviously trying to look around him to see Natasha.

She rolled her eyes. "Rich, go to vent 69."

He turned to her with a look of awe. "You read my vent map!" He exclaimed happily before he paused and frowned, "Wait, but vent 69 is a trash duct."

"Exactly," She gave him a sickly sweet smile.

"Mean," Rich mumbled before he smirked, "I love it."

"So, is this Jake?" Eugene asked before Natasha could strangle him.

Rich and Natasha burst out laughing.

"No, no. Jake only wishes he could look this good," Rich scoffed, "Anyway, Eugene, I was thinking for your next book you could do a memoir on the world's greatest criminal-turned-hero."

"Rich," Adam called from his desk, "Community service time."

Rich frowned and let out an exaggerated sigh. "He always knows how to ruin a good time. I wonder how what's-her-name-"

"You know her name is Amy," Natasha sighed pointedly.

Rich had a certain type of relationship with everyone at the precinct. He respected Holt, he crushed on Terry, Gina was his best friend/work wife, Charles was his co-captain of the Jatasha ship, he crushed on Rosa too, he saw Jake as a pet, and he teased Amy by pretending not to know her name. Adam was his favorite pastime– he loved pissing him off and Natasha was his best friend whether she admitted it or not.

"Can't hear you!" He called as he walked towards Adam, "Being a better person than all of you by giving back to the community!"

"You're only doing community service to make up for the things you did to the community," Adam corrected, "And you always try to get out of it."

"Can't hear you either!" He waved him off, "Too busy being a model citizen!"

Natasha rolled her eyes and turned to Eugene, who was clearly amused by all of this. "I'm sorry about him. Jake, he's here. Come meet Eugene."

"Hey, my name's actually Flynn Ryder. Eugene's just a pen name," He smiled.

Jake's face fell when he noticed the handsome man. "...But, where is nerd?" He mumbled softly.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Okay, so here are your anagrams from the days the arsonist set the fire," Natasha motioned to the board she'd set up in the briefing room prior to Eguene's arrival.

In preparation for the release of the Dancing Fires sequel, Ryder had started leaving clues in anagrams every day leading up to the launch of his new book.

"This is really good, Tasha," He breathed out in awe and smiled at her, "Thanks."

"Hey, so Ryder, just curious. Would you say you have the typical physique of an author, or?" Jake trailed off as he wrung his hands out anxiously, trying to play it cool but failing miserably.

"Well, actually, when I finally agreed to start doing book tours and there was finally a face to the name– I got a couple of modeling gigs. Mostly swimwear," He shrugged casually.

"Yeah, I hear that. I could do that too, but I make pretty good money here, so I don't really need to," Jake mumbled coolly, "Anyways, let's talk about the case."

"So here's the letter that the arsonist sent to Ryder. 'Your clues I discombobulate to teach you to conjugate, the fool who fails to validate will watch as I conflagrate.'" Natasha read.

"It seems like he's using puzzles to tell me something like they do in the book," Ryder said.

"Maybe we should look at anagrams of the answers to the puzzles in the book," She suggested

"Hi," Amy burst out awkwardly as she joined them, "I'm a really big fan."

Natasha looked down to hide her smile. Awkward Amy was her favorite, she was endearing like a tiny puppy. Which was why she didn't kick her out like she had with Rich.

"Could you maybe sign my book," She blabbered out at the end of her rant about how much she loved Ryder's work. She'd been nervous to read his books but Natasha convinced her to and while she hadn't been able to sleep for a week after it, she did love the anagrams and puzzles.

"This is Amy Santiago," Natasha introduced, "She cracked every anagram in your book alone."

Ryder smiled as he signed the book. "That's amazing, 'o nasty amiga!'"

"He rearranged the letters of 'Amy Santiago.'" She squealed as she punched Jake's arm excitedly, "He anagrammed me, Jake! Ooh, do 'Jake Peralta'.

Jake rolled his eyes and brushed her off. "I doubt that's even possible."

"Eat a jerk, pal," Ryder answered immediately.

"What?" Jake scoffed and crossed his arms with a frown, "No one's ever said that phrase."

A book attached to a rope slowly lowered down in front of Ryder. "Sign this too, please."

"Rich, get out of the vents!" Natasha snapped, "You have community service to do."

Ryder looked up with furrowed brows and Rich waved at him gleefully. He signed the book and it was quickly pulled back up to the vent and Rich could be heard clambering through the vent.

"...Anyway, I really think this anagram approach makes a lot of sense," Ryder smiled.

They shared a smile while Jake looked between them with a deep frown.

"Let's do it. I'll take even pages, you take odds," Natasha decided quickly as she looked away from him almost shyly

"Great, and I will take everyone's coffee order," Jake sighed, knowing he would be useless with the puzzles and anagrams. He was regretting his stupid idea so much.

He'd thought working a case with Natasha, especially with her favorite author, would be a chance for him to get back in her good graces. Not for her to find a new, incredibly hot boyfriend.

"That's equally helpful," Amy nodded encouragingly as she grabbed her book to leave, she knew all about Jake's plan and she felt bad for her friend. But she also felt bad for Natasha for what he'd put her through, so she didn't give him much sympathy trying to balance it out. It was really hard trying to balance out sympathy points between the two but she was trying.

"I don't drink coffee," Ryder said as he scribbled down notes, "But I'd love a kombucha."

Jake's fake smile fell. "Great, I'll just... walk to the kombucha store."

"Everything okay?" Charles asked knowingly when Jake stormed out of the briefing room.

"Yeah, of course," Jake shrugged but his gaze was trained on the window into the briefing room, "No, no, no. Don't roll up the sleeves of your shirt," He whined, "Nat loves that."

Charles smirked, loving the feeling of being right. "Feeling jealous, buddy?"

"No," He scoffed, "Not at all. I mean, I am a little surprised that somebody supposed to be named Eugene is actually named Ryder and is so bodacious, but I feel that jealousy is an ugly emotion."

"That you are feeling," Charles added slyly.

"And I'm just glad that Natasha is spending some time with her hero," Jake corrected.

"Who is super hot."

Jake let out an irritated groan. "Charles, let it go."

"And smart."

"I'm serious, stop," He snapped.

"And hilarious," He said as they heard Natasha laugh.

"Eat a jerk, pal!" Jake huffed as he stormed off to find a kombucha store.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"So, how's it going in here? Ryder, I see your shirt is losing more and more buttons," Jake laughed stiffly, glaring at the author.

"I run hot, like a wolf," He explained with a shrug.

Jake let out a strained sound and nodded. "Oh, I see."

"I wonder if the word 'conjugate' in the arsonist's letter means we should focus on the verb answers," Natasha wondered out loud.

"Great catch, Nat," Ryder smiled as he underlined the word on the board.

Jake's eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. That was his nickname for Natasha. He immediately turned to Natasha, hoping she would say something but his heart twisted painfully when she just gave Ryder a small smile and returned to the case files.

"Yeah, words are cool," He chuckled, his voice strained, "But maybe we should switch gears a bit, and get back to some good old-fashioned police work."

"What are you thinking?" Natasha asked bluntly.

She was still furious with Jake but she knew how to remain professional, especially during a case. She could daydream about ripping his head off later when she was doing paperwork.

"Well, whoever's setting these fires is clearly trying to humiliate Ryder," He said, "You know, make a puzzle he can't solve. So maybe we should focus on people that don't like you."

"Jake has a point about motive. Maybe another author wants to take you down. Or even a fan."

"I have a book signing at the Phoenix tonight," Ryder suggested, "Maybe you could stake it out."

"Oh, I've always wanted to go there," Natasha grinned, "It used to be this burned-down building that Rosa and I would use as a smash room for girl's night."

"That's why I thought it was the perfect place to promote Twin Flames," Ryder explained.

Jake sighed, hating how well the two were bonding, and decided to cut in. "All right, so we'll go undercover, chat some people up, and see if we can't find our arsonist."

Natasha nodded stiffly, her attitude a drastic change with him. "Good idea," She said reluctantly.

"Oh, Tasha likes my plan," He smiled proudly, "Great, so Ryder, why don't we just get this coat back on you, and I'll help you get out of the door, here. And we'll see you tonight, okay, bye!"

"Jake," Natasha said sternly, stopping him, "We still have work to do until then."

"But do you really need Ryder here for that?" He asked hopefully.

"Do I really need you here, Jake?" She countered with an arched a brow.

"Yes, you do!" He insisted like a hurt child, "Who else is going to..." He looked around the board trying to find something he would be able to crack before he sighed in defeat, "Get you coffee the way you like."

"Charles," She answered without missing a beat, "or Rich."

Just as she said that a coffee cup slowly lowered down in front of her. "See. Thank you."

"Jake, the files you wanted are on your desk," Gina called as she passed by the briefing room.

"Why didn't you bring them?" He frowned.

"That is not my job," She scoffed.

"It is literally in your job description," He complained before going to get them himself.

He almost tripped over himself in his rush to get them, not wanting to leave Ryder and Natasha alone for too long. He was worried what little tiny feelings she still had for him would be crushed by the author's stupid muscles and handsome face.

"What did you want to be when you were a kid?" Ryder asked as they went through one of the puzzles with the same question.

Natasha shrugged. "Well, I grew up around the police."

"Oh, was your dad a cop?"

"No. Criminal," She answered causally and smiled, "But the officers that tried booking him always took real good care of me."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"All right, we should probably start talking to people in line," Jake said as he and Natasha waited for their turn to get into the bar, "What do you think of Eugene Fitzherbert?"

The woman he asked scoffed and grinned. "Uh, you mean my future husband?"

"Oh, so you like his books?"

"And his face, body, and brain... and body. Honestly, Flynn makes all other men seem really stupid and ugly."

Jake frowned. "Okay, well, thank you for your very candid and hurtful input."

"You must solve one of Ryder's anagrams to enter," The bouncer told them, "Rearrange the letters of this phrase to reveal a place in the world. "Meet a brainier stud, a."

"Oh, come on, there's no place with that many letters in it," Jake scoffed, "I mean, most places are, like, four letters. You know, park, mall, dump..."

He was cut off by Natasha, "United Arab Emirates."

The bouncer smiled and opened the door. "You may enter," He stopped Jake before he could follow her, "Uh, you must each answer a puzzle."

"Oh..." His face fell and he gulped nervously, "Great."

"Unscramble the letters in this phrase to reveal the name of a film based on a classic novel. "Sad anus loser, I go in.""

"You know, I feel like these puzzles are actually very pointed," He frowned, clearly feeling offended, "Forget it, I got this. Uh, A, R, uh..."

Jake ended up sneaking in through the bathroom window, knowing he would never guess it.

"Puzzle solved," He smirked proudly, "Who's the anus loser now? It's still me," He sighed when he jumped in through the window only for his leg to fall right into the toilet.

"Charles, I need your help," He said as soon as he answered the phone, "What's the best way to dry out a pant leg that's... been soaked in toilet water?"

"Wait 28 minutes," Charles answered immediately, "Trust me, that's how long it takes for toilet pants to dry."

"Well, I can't just be standing around for half an hour while Nat chats it up with Flynn."

The smile could be heard in his voice. "Ah, so it's not toilet water. You're drenched in jealousy."

"I told you before, jealousy is an ugly emotion that I don't feel," He snapped, "Besides, Tasha picked my plan to come here. Why would I be jealous of Flynn?"

"Because of his body, and face, and brain... and body."

"Why does everybody say "body" twice?" Jake huffed, "I gotta go. I can't leave Ryder alone with Tasha, who knows what that face and body will do to her."

"Probably get her to fall in love with him and make beautiful and scary babies," This time Rich's voice came through the speaker.

"Don't say that!" Jake huffed with a pout, "I thought you were team Jatasha."

"I'm team Natasha," Rich corrected, "And she has obviously kicked you off her team. So you now mean nothing to me."

"Hurtful," Jake whined, "Whatever, I need to go stop the love of my life from replacing me!"

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Why do they keep sending over ice cream?" Natasha frowned as yet another sundae was placed at their table.

"I did an interview once where I said I liked ice cream," Ryder sighed, "And fans took that running."

"Well, I'm sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood," She scowled.

Ryder's brows furrowed. "You didn't have a happy childhood?"

"My favorite toy was a hammer," She smiled sarcastically, "You finish the puzzle."

"I love cows!" Jake blurted out as he joined them, trying to weasel his way into the conversation.

"Why? Because they're the one animal you can run faster than?" Natasha said coldly.

He didn't know how to answer that. Sure he was embarrassed but he was also incredibly attracted to her right now and all the time really. "Uh... I-I figured out who the arsonist is! It's this guy named Sam. He's a puzzle maker. And Ryder took his job."

"Sam Jepson? Oh, he's not the arsonist. He's been out of town for weeks. And he's one of my closest friends. He let me stay on his couch when Anna Kournikova and I broke up."

"So, you're single?" Natasha asked slyly.

Jake glared at him and jumped in before he could answer. "All right, fine, if I'm so wrong, what did you guys find?"

"Both fires were located at the intersection of numbered streets. If you match those intersections with the same intersections of the numbered clues in the puzzles, you get the letters "MA"."

"We think the arsonist is spelling his name," Natasha continued, "We can build a puzzle around that, and catch him setting his next fire."

Jake frowned. "But we have a suspect with a crystal clear motive. I think we need to solve this like cops, not book people," He sighed, looking at Natasha earnestly.

"I just really don't think Sam has anything to do with this, we'd just be wasting time," Ryder countered softly, not wanting to step on any toes.

All right, you know what? Tasha, it's your last case, you decide. Should we go with Flynn's wacky little plan, or should we go with Sam Jepson, my exceptionally solid lead?

"I see where you're coming from, Jake, but this is Ryder's world, and I think we should go with his strategy. Okay?"

He faltered visibly but sighed and nodded stiffly. "Yeah. Yeah, sounds great."

"Okay, great," Ryder smiled at her warmly, "Let's go."

Natasha returned the smile as he draped her jacket over her shoulders. "Yeah, let's go."

"Oh, no," Jake breathed out as he followed after them, "Ugly emotion."

As they walked towards the door, one of Ryder's fans approached them, glaring at Natasha. She was the same woman they'd spoken to outside the bar and she did not look happy.

Ryder and Jake both stepped in front of Natasha and Jake turned to glare at the author about to say something about him being the cop before the woman started on an angry rant.

"You're skinny like all the crops failed on your family's farm!" She yelled, clearly jealous at how close Natasha and Ryder had been all night.

"That is the lamest thing I didn't understand a word of," She frowned, "Not one word. Is that really all that you can come up with? You seriously think that you can out-insult me? I was raised on insults. It's how my mother put me to sleep at night, and she is not a nice lady. You know, she tried to sell me once? And it wasn't till I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn't 'Garbage Face.'"

"You really don't want to make her angry," Jake agreed, "She's not afraid of prison or anything."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Someone, I won't say who, is being an idiot," Natasha snapped as she walked into the briefing room.

Jake sighed. "I'm the only one in here, Tasha."

"I can't believe you left your post," She glowered at him, "What, the plan wasn't yours, so you didn't think it was worth following? Well, because of you doing what you do best; being a dumbass, the NYFD is currently hosing down another building!"

"My gut told me that Sam Jepson was setting the fires. Although I now realize his actual life is much sadder than that of a serial arsonist," He grimaced, having seen the man's lonely night.

"But we agreed to do Flynn's plan," She reminded him coldly.

"So what?" He scoffed, "Flynn is not a cop. Why do you keep siding with him instead of me? Oh, let me guess because he was right, and the building was on fire, and he's perfect?"

She let out an annoyed breath as she glared at him. "You might just be the most annoying person I know."

"Might be?" He gasped, offended, "What do you mean 'might be' is there someone else?"

Her brows furrowed. "Wait, are you jealous of Flynn? Jake?" She insisted when he didn't answer.

All right, I didn't want to say anything because it's a gross emotion, but yes, I am a little bit jealous of the super smart supermodel. I mean, you and him have been joined at the hip. Or in his case, that super sexy V muscle that I don't understand how to tone!" He huffed.

"He told me, it's a lot of bicycle crunches."

"Crunches on a bicycle?" Jake frowned, "That's crazy, you would just fall right off."

"Jake, look, you have no reason to be jealous of Flynn."

Jake perked up at that, a smile just beginning to form on his face. "Really?"

She sighed, knowing what she was about to say was going to make him make that stupid kicked-puppy look. Sure she was mad at him but as much as she liked to pretend she could just turn off her emotions, she couldn't. She still cared about him even if she refused to show it.

But she also wanted to hurt him the way he'd hurt her.

"Yeah," She nodded, forcing a blank stare on her face as she looked at him, "You have nothing to be jealous about because we broke up."

His face fell and he let out a defeated sigh. "Nat... Look, I know I hurt you but-"

"But nothing," She snapped, glaring at him, "You hurt me. I used to think of you as someone who would never hurt me. I trusted you and you hurt me."

"What, so you don't love me anymore?" His voice broke.

"No," She admitted softly, "I just stopped showing it. There's a difference. I can't trust you anymore."

"Nat, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," He breathed out desperately, "I screwed up. I screwed everything up but I want to fix it, please. Please let me fix it. I love you. It scares me how much I love you because I've never been so serious about anyone before. I mean that's why I want to marry you..."

The two froze, his words striking a cord in the both of them.

"Marry me," They repeated in unison, they just cracked the case.

"Oh, my God, look. The arsonist spelled MAR, but they were going to spell M-A-R-R-Y!" He exclaimed as he pointed to the evidence board.

"Or... Conjugate," She connected the dots and noticed his confused look, "Conjugate means marry!"

"Yes, and who wants to marry Flynn?"

"The lady from the bar!" They realized.

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"I'm fine," Natasha waved away the worried squad, "No broken bones, which is surprising because when I was kid, we couldn't afford milk. Actually the only time my mother bought milk was when my face was on the side of the carton."

A chase ensued when she and Jake went to get their perp, they'd brought Ryder along to act as bait. Natasha had been forced to physically take her down when she tried to run.

"It was so badass how you just took her down," Ryder breathed out in awe.

"It was bad for my ass," She chuckled.

"Hi, Flynn, I love you!" Their perp called as she was escorted to lock up, "Did you see my fires?"

"Turned out, she was writing something," Jake explained to the author once they got back to the precinct, "Specifically, "marry me, or else I will kill you. Yours forever, Helen Gorbelson.""

Ryder's eyes widened. "Wow, that's so many fires."

"So many fires," Jake nodded with a grimace.

"Thank you for catching her," He smiled gratefully at them both.

"I just need to take an official statement and then you're free to go," Natasha told him and led him to her desk.

"I really like the whole good cop, bad cop thing you guys have going on," Ryder nodded to Jake.

"It's not an act. I'm just mean and Jake isn't."

"Well, either way, that's the kind of relationship I'm going for in my next book. This whole thing gave me inspiration for mystery murder. But I've never written about cops before and I always pride myself on first-hand research. So, I was thinking maybe you could help me out a bit, y'know, over dinner. My treat," He smiled charmingly.

"Depends. Is this you trying to ask me on a date? Because if it is, you're going to need to man up and ask me straight if you want a yes," She smiled coyly.

Ryder chuckled. "Will you go on a date with me?"

"I'll think about it," She teased, "Pick me up at 5," She demanded in a very Natasha manner.

"I'll see you at 5," He nodded as he stood up.

Natasha had never wanted to finish paperwork before like she did right now.

As Ryder walked off towards the elevator he turned and smiled at her. She couldn't help but smile back before her signature scowl was back once he was out of sight. She turned to go back to her desk to get started on her paperwork only to come face to face with Charles.

"You can't go on a date with him!" Charles blurted out, "He's a murderer."

Natasha's eyes widened. "What?!"

"He-he's not a murderer," He admitted reluctantly, "But I really don't like him."

"You can't just be going around throwing 'murderer' on people," She huffed incredulously.

"It's just you and Jake belong together!" He cried, "You two are perfect together."

"Yeah," She admitted, "Until he ruined everything."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Well, I got my answer," Jake sighed dejectedly as he sat in the perp chair by Amy's desk, "About Tasha. She hates me. Yeah. And she got a boyfriend, I guess. So what do I do?"

"Okay. Well, when your back's against the wall and odds are stacked against you, you just... You... You swing the hardest, damn it. You go big or you go home. And you don't seem like the kind of guy who goes home," She tried encouraging him.

"I'm not," He agreed, "I don't even really have a home. After the breakup, I moved out but I was too depressed to look for a new place so I've been crashing with Boyle."

"And I am loving every second of it!" Charles exclaimed happily as he walked past them.

Amy sighed. "Go get her, Jake," She cheered him on.

He nodded and smiled confidently. "Okay! Okay, thanks, Ames."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Yeah, that sounds great. What?" She frowned as his voice came through the speaker muffled, "I can't hear you, sorry I'm in a dead spot."

She stopped a few steps from her desk when she noticed it was covered in flower bouquets.

"Hello, Tasha," Jake smiled as he  joined her, "Do you like the flowers? I painted them black."

"What are you doing?" She sighed, "Ryder, give me a second."

Jake leaned closer to the phone. "All due respect, Eugene. You seem like a great guy. But I love Tasha. And I'm coming after her with everything I've got. So, do you want to go out with me?"

"No," She said bluntly.

"I thought you were going to say yes. But that's okay," He smiled, "Because I'll be back tomorrow to ask you again. And again the next day. And the next day. Not Friday. I have to go visit my cousin. But I will be back after that to ask you again."

"What's going on?" Ryder's voice finally came through clearly.

"el pensando en convertirse en mujer y quiere mi consejo," She explained as she put him on speaker.

"You should do it. Follow your dream," Ryder said earnestly.

Jake's brows furrowed and he laughed. "Oh, my God. Really? That's awesome. I'll see you tomorrow."

He didn't know what Natasha had told Ryder that he wanted to become a woman and was asking for her advice.

Jake thought he was making progress since Natasha hadn't sworn at him or threatened him. Which was why there was a spring in his step as he walked back into the bullpen after signing in the arson case evidence.

His cheerful step quickly fell when he saw all the bouquets of flowers on Natasha's desk were on fire and Terry was rushing to put them out before the sprinklers went off.

But he figured she might have done that just because there was a bug in one of the bouquets.

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〚𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄〛

So, it's been forever since I updated but I hope this extra-long chapter made up for it. And I promise you guys can expect regular updates from now on!

Since I took such a long unplanned hiatus, here's a mini spoiler; don't worry, Ryder won't be here for long, Jake and Natasha will be getting back together soon. I just wanted to change up the plot a little so it wasn't exactly like the Peraltiago plotline.

Anyway, what did you guys think? I hope you liked it

Please don't forget to vote and comment!

Have a great day and stay safe ♥♥