Song Of The Day: 7 Things by Miley Cyrus.

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T w e n t y

Overthinking. A very bad habit. One of the few bad habits I had. And don't even get me started on how did I actually get that habit, or should I say get from my mother. She too, like me, had a very bad habit of overthinking. And it seemed that I totally got it from her. It was weird that when she was alive and fine, I didn't find that many similarities between the two of us. And now that she was dead, it was like the similarities came from within.

It was like I couldn't comprehend what happened in the evening between me and Nolan. It was like I didn't want to comprehend. It was all still in a damned daze. It was like my mind was shut down. It couldn't process, it couldn't understand anything at all, resulting in me constantly zoning out. No it wasn't the fact that Nolan wanted to kiss me, that scared me. It was the fact that I almost wanted to. That's the part of it, that scared me way too much. The part where I, Cadence Ian Brown, who hadn't ever thought about a guy before, was now thinking about kissing one. At least no guy real. Fictional ones don't count.

And I didn't know whether to share this stuff with Hailey or anyone. A part of me wanted to tell her everything considering she was my best friend. But another part of me just wanted it to be confidential and a moment meant to be between me and Nolan. And the latter one made me feel guilty. I mean Hailey told me everything, at least I hope she did. But why couldn't I?

My mind was haywire with everything going on right now. I was fighting a battle. An internal battle. The one where you constantly fight your own opines. The one where you just want to kill a part of you because it isn't agreeing with you. That was the type of battle I was fighting. And it seemed like I was winning for the first time and not my inner self. My inner self didn't want to tell Hailey or anyone about the almost kiss but I did. I truly wanted to tell, badly,
as the guilt of hiding something from her was gnawing at my stomach like some parasitic fungi.

"Tell me what's wrong," Hailey said, when she seemed to have had enough as she turned off the television of her room and faced me. I instantly shrunk back, my inner battle still working inside me.

"Nothing's wrong," I mumbled, and if she hadn't already figured out something was wrong, my tone of voice definitely did the honors.

"Really? Your voice doesn't say so, neither do your eyes," She replied, narrowing her eyes at me and I found myself shrinking back even more into her comfortable duvet, if that was even possible.

"What gave it away?" I asked sighing, knowing I didn't have a way out of this.

"The fact that you are being awfully quiet and also for the past fifteen minutes or so, you are not watching Orange Is The New Black, but rather are staring at the windowpane like it is the most amazing thing you've seen," She said, shrugging her shoulders, adding a nonchalant effect. Wow, she really was observant.

"I'll tell you, but, at a few conditions. Number one, no squealing or clapping or jumping up and down, at all. Number two, you'll listen to the whole scene first and then say something. Don't interject me, at all. And last one, no weird ship names and stuff," I said sternly as I counted down the conditions on my fingers. Rules were pretty necessary to form when it came to Hailey.

"God, you make stricter rules than the ones 'The League Of Nations' made for Germany after the First World War," She grumbled with a smile on her face. Without thinking, I smiled back a little and then rubbed my hands as I got myself even more comfortable for story telling.

"Come on, start. My hair strands are turning grey with anticipation and waiting for some new gossip," she said, as her face brightened with the word 'gossip.' God, Hailey loved gossiping.

"No way Hailey!" I exclaimed, exasperated," This isn't some gossip you can spread around. It isn't some gossip about who is hooking up with who. It's about me."

"I am sorry. You know you can count on me. I won't," she said, quieting down again.

"Wait! Let's call Harriet and Taylor. Then we can talk about this together," I said, trying to fish out as many opinions as I could. Hailey's expression went sour at the mention of Taylor. She still hadn't learn to get used to her. She still thought there was something fishy about her.

"Come on, she isn't all that bad. Stop being so uptight about her," I tried cheering her but she just scowled and reached for her phone, probably to text them to come over.

--

A few minutes later, Harriet and Taylor arrived. Together. Maybe Taylor picked Harriet on her way. Both dressed in pajamas. Well who wouldn't be dressed in pajamas at ten at night?

"What is it?" Asked Taylor, while Harriet searched for something around the house. I looked at her funny.

"Cadence here, is having boy troubles," muttered Hailey while shooting me an accusing glare, probably because she had to bear with Taylor. I ignored her. Simple.

"What are you searching for Harriet?" I asked, still confused as her eyes danced around the house in wonder.

"The kitchen. I want to eat something. Some leftover pizza could do. You know my grandpa never allows me to eat something as unhealthy and greasy as pizza. I had to tolerate his thick, gross mushroom soup today at dinner. I just ate two bowls. Still hungry," She said, as her eyes widened when she sighted the elegant kitchen of the Lewis'. Two bowls? And still hungry? I really think her parents should have named her 'hungry girl,' instead of Harriet. She was always hungry.

We three just looked at her with weird expressions and then glanced at her body. The perfect body with curves at the right places. How come she didn't gain weight was beyond all of us.

She snapped her fingers in front of Hailey and asked her, "No leftover pizza?"

"Yeah, there's some pepperoni pizza we ordered for dinner today," replied Hailey as she slipped out of her daze.

Without saying anything, Harriet sprinted to the kitchen and a few moments later came out with a large pizza box in one of her hands and the other already holding one large slice. She stuck the slice in her mouth and moaned loudly. All the time, while speaking something gibberish that sounded like 'by mae,' that could actually be, 'my bae.'

"I think I am going to the washroom," Taylor said, shaking her head, probably grossed out by her friend's weird antics. She left the living room, after asking Hailey for the directions to the washroom.

I and Hailey looked at each other, shook our heads and started heading upstairs to her room or maybe mine. Depending on our moods, we would decide in whose room to sit.

--

"Start," Said Taylor as she plopped down on my bed, where an ever hungry Harriet and a scowling Hailey were already sitting or snuggling to my wine colored duvet.

And I did. I told them everything. Even Harriet who was forever hungry, stopped eating to pay attention to what I was saying. The atmosphere turned from confused to cheerful to again confused. They too were confused as to what I should do. Whether I should ask Nolan about our almost kiss or should I wait for him to talk to me about it and pretend it never happened? A small frown was etched on our faces, as we thought about the alternatives. Then Hailey asked me a question that blew me away.

"Do you like him?"

I froze. I didn't have an answer to that question. Sure he was amazing, amazingly good looking and smart. He was fun loving and loved taking risks. He was someone I would never imagine myself with. He had a different life. A life that involved way too many risks, that I maybe, wasn't that willing to take. His life was different. Way too different from mine. I didn't want to admit this, but he wasn't the one for me. Sure he understood me, he too was a studious person like me, but I didn't know him. Or better yet, I didn't know anything about him- anything about his family, his personal life.

"I don't know," I responded meekly, saying the truth. I truly didn't know.

"Then you need to," Said Harriet softly, surprising all three of us. This was the first time, she was saying something that wasn't related to food.

"Can you do that? Realize whether you truly like him or not? Take your time. Get to know him. Ignore what the rumors say about him. Don't trust them. Just see what he really is. Then maybe you'll know if he's worth your time or not," replied Harriet.

"Yes, Harriet's right. She's absolutely right. Just see whether he's truly worth your tears or not." This time it was Hailey.

"But he's bad boy?" I replied, unsure of what else to say.

"He might be a badboy. But I think he isn't all that bad. Not all of them are. Just some of them are," Taylor chimed in bitterly, as if unable to stop herself from commenting. We looked at her, wide eyed. Even Hailey didn't look hostile towards her. Her statement told us something. Taylor was speaking from some experience.I remember my mother telling me Taylor had been through a lot during the beginning of her high school. But she didn't tell me what. I clearly remember that day. It went something like this-

"Mom! Why is Taylor rude to me? What have I ever done to her?"I asked through tears, as I sobbed in her arms, her shirt probably soaking. But I didn't care at the moment. All I cared about at that moment was why Taylor did what she did.

"What did she do this time sweetie?" Asked my mom sighing, as she rubbed circles on my back to comfort me.

"Sh-she br-broke my favorite pair of glasses and because of her, everyone started kic-kicking it," I choked out. I heard her sharp intake of breath and she pulled away, her hands still around me shoulders in a firm grip, but not too firm to leave a bruise.

"You are my strongest child. I am going to talk to Taylor to not do this again. But please don't ever hurt her, no matter how much ever she has hurt you. Don't push her around, even in my absence. I know you must be thinking 'why is my mother taking her side?' The answer is because she's gone through so much that she's hurt. I can't tell you what happened to her. You'll have to ask her yourself. But don't ever hurt her. Do you get that? And if you do, there won't be a difference between both of you. You have to be the bigger person and let it go. Support her when she needs it. I don't truly expect Taylor to be the bigger person and not hurt you. But I will still talk to her," said mother as she looked at me, with tears in her eyes. My fifteen year old self didn't quite understand what was so bad that happened to Taylor. She was very famous and popular. Why would someone ever hurt her?

"What happened to her, mom?" I asked, confused.

"You'll have to ask her yourself and hope she'll answer," she answered.

"But why is she hell bent upon making my life hell?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

"She's just jealous of you. Remember in life, if someone every bullies you, it's because they are jealous of you. They think you are better than them and no doubt you are. They just want to drag you down to their sides. Don't ever think that they are bullying you because they think they are better than you. They think they are inferior,'"my mother ended and I realized what she was trying to say.

"What happened to you?" I asked Taylor softly. She closed her eyes for moment as if expecting this question and opened them again. But this time, with tears in them.

"Promise me you won't judge me out of this. Whatever happened, I really had no control over it," she mumbled softly. We all looked at her, our faces showing just how concerned we really were. A hand was placed on her shoulder as a sign of encouragement, but this time, it wasn't me or Harriet, but rather, it was Hailey. If this would have been a different situation, I would have smiled at Hailey's gesture. But right now, things were too tense to crack a smile.

"It happened when I was fifteen. It was our second year of high school and I had made some popular, new friends, Zoey and Cathy. They were on the cheerleading team even back then. They thought they were better than everyone around them. They took me under their wings because they thought I had way too much potential to become popular and a cheerleader. I was happy. I got the fame, the popularity, the guys everything. It was like I was transformed into someone I wasn't. But I wasn't complaining. I mean I was gaining popularity. But I still hadn't become complete reckless. I still had common sense in me about what was right and what wasn't," she said, her blue eyes now brimming with tears.

"They used to force me to go to college frat parties. I never agreed with them. I knew my age and I knew I was way too small to go to a college party. Until one day. I was tired of their tactics. You know they always used to fuss about how I wasn't living my life and I really needed to start acting like a true teenager. To escape their insulting and nosy rants, I went to a college party. They had me all dolled up in what they found was classy but I looked like a stripper. We all did. Parties weren't my scene. I realized that when we reached the host's place. It was nothing else but an illegal crime scene to say the least. The only thing that wasn't illegal there was snogging and grinding or as people there called it 'dancing.'"

"Soon Cathy and Zoey left after meeting some cute college guys. I was alone. And bored shitless. It was weird, seeing a girl all dressed as a stripper standing in a corner, her arms crossed, glaring at everyone who gave her a second glance. That girl was me. The dress that I was wearing or was rather forced to wear was short, like very short and easily got all ridden up. It was ridiculous, I was constantly pulling it down and flipping the bird at anyone who was making some inappropriate comment about me," she said chuckling and we all flashed a smile. But her humor filled eyes soon were replaced by hatred filled ones.

"But then he came. Stumbling down the stairs, drunk as shit and a flask in his hand that definitely wasn't pumpkin juice. The reason I was the way I was until Aunt's death. He was a college student in his late teens. He was everything a girl saw in a guy. He was a bad boy and that was a big turn on. Calling him handsome would be an understatement. He was the epitome of good looks. Really. Every girl at the party, drunk or not kept stealing glances at him. And he had to run into me spilling his not so pumpkin juicey drink on my blue colored dress. Drunk or not, he kept on apologizing. He felt guilty that I was now soaking wet in late October weather. He was sweet and kept talking gibberish in his not so pure state," chuckled Taylor.

"I couldn't find Cathy or Zoey anywhere. I texted them saying I was leaving and decided to help him seeing how intoxicated he was. Stupid. I was stupid. I took him to my place, sneaked him in my house and took every possible risks I could take for a guy I didn't know the name of. The next morning he was hungover but still sweet. He was very thankful I took care of him and not let him rot in that stinky excuse of a party. He was perfect. He had his flaws and was still imperfectly perfect. He was just someone who understood me the perfect way. He too started liking me and everything was perfect. He told me about his family how he had a younger brother and sister who were twins and how his parents were the epitome of workaholics. His college was here in London. He used to stay here with his father and his mother and younger siblings used to stay back in the States. He was everything I could ask for. And amazing friend and an even amazing boyfriend," She said, her tears streaming down her face and this time she didn't try and hide them.

"I lost my virginity to him. And no, he wasn't that typical bad boy who wanted to just get in my pants. We were in love. Young love. Love that not many people understood. Not many people deciphered. Everything was perfect and I couldn't have asked for a better first," She sighed.

"But then something happened in his family. Something extremely terrible. Something he couldn't even share with me. Something as big as death maybe. He never clarified. And then he left leaving a note for me. In the note, he mentioned about how would I hate him and curse his existence but he said he would always love me. He had to leave for States. I don't know if he ever returned after that," Said Taylor as she broke down in sobs and even my eyes were filled with hints of tears. Hailey started patting her back gently and comfortingly. I held her as she cried and Harriet just rubbed her back as Taylor's sobs turned to hiccups.

"Do you still love him?" I asked her. Taylor looked at me and then down to her lap.

"A lot. I still wish he could come back to me. We had this amazing bonding. He then left me heartbroken. Hanging there. That was the reason I was this cold towards everyone but Aunt Pat. She was the first to know about it. I am sorry about everything I have ever done to you and told you. You never really deserved any of that. It was just a way to channel out my anger, my sadness. I was pretty much rude and a meanie to you. I am really sorry," she said genuinely as she reached for hand and held it. I enclosed her hand with mine and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"What was his name? We can kick him in his groin hard," muttered a very violent and hostile Hailey. We all chuckled. Even Taylor chuckled through her tears. A weird sound I tell you.

"Yes, what was his name? I don't think I got it," said Harriet.

"Caleb. Caleb Moore."