when jaehyun woke up, you were already gone.

though he expected the worst to happen, he still couldn't face the reality.

you weren't here to stay forever.

jaehyun pushed himself off his bed and walked to jeno's room, wanting to check on his younger brother.

jeno was gone, too.

but it wasn't like when jeno would go out and get wasted.

all of the items on jeno's desk had been smashed and thrown to the ground as if a tornado had taken place there.

the closet was open and there was only half of what used to be there.

jaehyun stood there in shock for all that he had just seen.

this was a whole different set of reality he could not process.

jeno ran away and jaehyun didn't know where to.

immediately he wanted to contact jaemin.

he wanted to yell and scream, shout at the boy who hurt his brother.

but he had no way of communication to jaemin.

instead, he pulled out his phone and dialed his mother.

he had tried to explain the situation but didn't know how to because he wasn't jeno.

jaehyun didn't know what was going on in jeno's mind.

how could he just reveal such opinions when it wasn't even his own conflict to spur up?

how could he find jeno when he was not jaemin?

• • •

i got a voicemail from jaehyun.

"call me back when you hear this."

he had said.

but i've contacted him too much to count this afternoon.

after sending him four calls and five messages, he still hasn't responded.

should i be worried?

there isn't anything to be worried about, right?

but the way his voice shook with every word, he was anxious.

what was happening?

so i showed up at his house and no one was home.

there were no cars, no lights in the house to indicate anyone's presence.

what did that mean for me?

and why am i suddenly here?

"y/n?"

i turn around quickly to be face-to-face with taeyong.

he's smiling but his smile drops when he sees the panic on my face.

there's too much running in my head to even make sense of the reality.

i might be going crazy right here in front of jaehyun's house and he could be completely fine, who knows?

"what are you doing here?"

taeyong questions, and in reaction, i back away from him.

from the last time i've encountered him, my mind couldn't control its own thoughts.

taeyong was so persuading i may give in to him any minute.

i didn't want that for jiyeon because of my own stupid memories.

"i could ask you the same question."

i respond, and he only chuckles.

"you're here for jaehyun, right?"

he points to the house and i nod, waiting for something, anything to happen so i'm not alone with him anymore.

"he left a long time ago. didn't you know? jeno ran away."

as soon as the words leave his lips, all the concern in me shifted to jaehyun.

and i hate myself for it because jeno should be the one that's on my mind.

"what do you mean?"

i ask, legs too numb to even stand as my knees grow weak.

all i want to know is how jaehyun was doing.

i want to know how i could help him.

i want to know if he needs me.

if i could do anything to see him again with those beautiful eyes that told stories of his heart even if he didn't whisper a word.

"jaehyun's long gone."

taeyong repeats and i begin to worry more as i walk off.

"you don't plan on walking back to the dorm, right?"

he retorts but i ignore his presence.

i didn't want to deal with him right now.

"you're not serious.. do you know how dangerous that is? come back, i'll take you home."

taeyong shouts after me with running footsteps.

he catches up quickly and i'm too wasted of energy to even try to pick up my pace.

so then after everything that's happened, i'm in taeyong's car.

i just wanted to get home quicker.

he looks at me and gives me a smile when i buckle myself.

"do you want to find them? i'll help you."

• • •

jaemin paced back and forth in front of jeno's house.

did he want to talk to jeno?

yes, so much.

but more than anything in the world, he wanted to hear jeno's voice.

it was so fucked up to do that to jeno.

he didn't want to leave the boy but with everything happening, he didn't know what else to do.

jaemin thought about his parents and when he told them how he felt.

"so you're gay? jaemin, i don't have time to deal with this when your mother won't let me contact her in any way."

his father had said, unbothered with the feelings jaemin had explained.

"what do you think y/n will say when you say you like boys? she'll avoid you like your mother is doing to me."

jaemin knew he was right.

you were avoiding him now.

nothing has gotten better.

"jaemin, i want a daughter-in-law to give me grandchildren before i'm dead, how will that happen if you keep going on about liking boys?"

he remembered his mother's words so clearly.

everything has gone to shit because jeno loved him.

and jaemin couldn't deny it when his heart told him he wasn't afraid of jeno's love, but of his own heart.