When imagining planning and going to your best friend's wedding you always thought you'd be smiling as bright as you could while watching them about to start their life with their significant other. Hearing them exchange vows would make you tear up because of pure happiness and when it came to you making a small speech for them or simply proposing and congratulating them you'd be able to share their own bliss. You'd feel a small pang at having to say a small goodbye but you knew it wouldn't be the end so it would all be more sweet than bitter. But then again you had never imagined that said best friend would be the love of your life, had you?

And so this day, which you had imagined sometimes, was completely different for you.

You had seen it coming, you had practically seen him fall in love with her and you had tried to keep the smile on your face mostly for him. You had endured it plenty of times before, with both the serious and non-serious relationships of his. You were the best friend, the wing-woman, it was bound to happen, much like you falling in love with Bill, but you had never thought it would turn out to be so hard for you. Just like your feelings for him. He always said you were the most important woman of all to him, the one he would never abandon and you were partially glad about it because he not once had made you feel replaced. But the thing was that your heart no longer ached to be just a friend to him, and watching him feel things for other women that he didn't for you was a nightmare coming true.

To say it felt like a ton of bricks had been dumped on you would be a huge understatement when Bill, said best friend and love of your life, had not only said he proposed to his girlfriend but she had also said yes. Of course she had, you would have as well in her place, but for a completely different reason. You knew Bill in ways she didn't and you loved him for more reasons that weren't this obvious and were more true, but she once more obviously had no idea about. You loved him for him, all of him. And that was the only reason why you made yourself endure this as well, it wasn't as if you could change it. He was happy, you couldn't take that away from him when that's what you always wished for him.

"Everything looks so great, (Y/n), my brother is so lucky to have you in his life." Alexander breathed out as he took a look around him "He's be so lost without you."

"Thank you so much Alex." you breathed out, looking up at the tall man with a mostly sad smile "It was hard organizing an entire wedding but- It's nice to know at least somebody appreciates me." you whispered and his smile fell. He was probably the only person that ever knew about what you felt for his younger brother.

"You are appreciated, (Y/n), more than you can even comprehend. Trust me, Bill values you a lot as well. It's just-" he stopped himself, pursing his lips.

"Not in the way I'd wish to be valued." you breathed out, completing his sentence with a bitter smile "Yeah I know that very well, I think about it every second of my life. Kinda hard to forget it when I know I will never be able to love another man like this after all of this." you shrugged numbly and he sighed, shaking his head.

"He's a total idiot." he said through gritted teeth "I should have had a talk with him, should have made him see-"

"No" you breathed out, cutting him off by placing a hand on his clenched fist "No, Alexander it's not your fault. You did as I asked you, just like a good friend should. If Bill couldn't notice it then, it's better this way. It means it was never supposed to happen and it now never will."

"He asked you to organize his wedding with his future wife, (Y/n), for the love of!" he exclaimed, unable to hold himself back as a few guests gave you weird looks so he lowered his voice "He's a freaking idiot if he couldn't see how much this was hurting you! Having you meet all of his girlfriends is one thing but now this?! And let you be the bridesmaid? He needs to have some sense talked into him, you shouldn't have stopped me in the first place. Hell-" he laughed bitterly and angrily "I should have punched some sense into him. He's missing out on the true woman of his life, the best one he could ever find, for all those other ones and he's doing all of this in top of it? It's a torture for you (Y/n), he should know that."

"And what's the point now Alex?" you hissed, tears welling up in your eyes and his anger slowly started to face, his shoulders falling as he noticed how hurt you were "What's the point of even thinking of trying to talk to him about it? It's too late." you ended up whispering, looking away from him and trying to fight the tears.

"You're really going to leave, aren't you?" he whispered back and you shrugged numbly.

"There's nothing to hold me here anymore, Alex. Your brother's gonna be happy, maybe happier than he was with me here. I'm just doing it for him."

"But that's the problem. You should for once do something for your own self (Y/n)." he breathed out "And Bill- he'll never be really happy without you but when he sees what he's lost he will regret it real bad. And he won't be able to undo it." he said with a deep frown, squeezing your hand as you gave him a sad smile with glistening eyes.

"If he ever notices." you sighed, in the end shaking your head "It doesn't matter now, Alexander. Just- I'll focus on this job and once the wedding is over I'll make sure to leave before he can see it. Once I'm sure I've arrived where I want to I- I am going to call you to let you know I'm alright."

"I'm not going to ask where, I'll respect your decision." he breathed out "But I really hope I can get another call after that too."

"If, and I hope, I can get over this fast then yes probably. But I highly doubt it and- it's better if I lose contact with everybody for some time." you sighed, letting your hand slip away from his grasp "It's alright, Alex, it's not your fault. And if you still feel a little bad, promise me you'll let me have the first dance with you tonight and we'll be even."

"Absolutely." he breathed out without hesitation "I'm no fool like my brother, you'll be the most beautiful one tonight even more than the bride and I know it already." he added with a sincere smile and you tried to grin at him, failing somewhat in the end, because it still wasn't the man you wanted to say these words but rather his brother.

"I'll go check on him, he needs to get in his place before the bride comes and he's taking his sweet time." you said and he nodded his head, leaning down to kiss your cheek before he let you go.

You couldn't deny you had wished it would end at some point they way it did with every other woman but now there was no going back, you had after helped plan all of this, you could put up a final act, right? You would pretend you were happy for him and that was going to be your last play, before you finally disappeared from his life for good. It hurt you to think about it but as long as he was smiling it could probably be easier for you.

If only he was.

"Unless you're planning on attending a funeral after this you might wanna change the look on your face. Doesn't go with everything else you're wearing, groom." you said with a soft smirk, leaning against the doorframe casually. You had become so used to this that you could probably be a great actress one day.

"Who knows, I might be." he shrugged just slightly, eyes focused on his suit so that he had not seen you yet.

"And whose exactly?" you chuckled, a perplexed smile on your face.

"Mine as it seems." he muttered and your smile fell as you frowned.

"Bill" you approached him, closing the door behind you "Why could you be saying this? This day is supposed to be the happiest of your life as well and you certainly... don't look like that." you ended up whispering, arms wrapped around yourself.

"Yeah supposed to. But it doesn't feel like that anymore." he sighed, a deep frown on his face "And the thought of standing at the altar and waiting for her to show up is not... making me feel the way it was always supposed to."

"Pardon?" you blinked, eyebrow shooting up at the small confession. You had probably been to caught up with the preparations – busying yourself in purpose to try and forget the fact that the man you loved was getting married and it was not your own wedding with him – to notice he had started changing. But now it was too obvious to ignore.

"Bill-" you shook your head with a sigh "Your family is waiting out there for you to take your place, and so should I. I am the bridesmaid and she could be here any minute. You can't expect the bride to just walk the aisle down to nobody while you are-"

"You don't get it." he breathed out, laughing bitterly "It's not... the same for you. You don't know how..." he trailed off as he looked up at the mirror in front of him and actually took a look at your reflection. You tilted your head to the side when you saw his eyes widen slightly, his eyebrows raised and lips parted before he slowly turned around to face you. His eyes roamed your figure and you felt your entire body temperature rise up. Your hair and makeup had been doneperfectly for the wedding, not something over the top, just the way you liked it and with a slightly different dress you could probably pass as the bride.

Too bad you weren't for Bill.

"You look..." he trailed off, his intense gaze making you shift uncomfortably in your place as you bit your lower lip. The awe in his face and the way his chest puffed out as he held his breath, looking over at you completely stunned.

"What?" you whispered, feeling your heart leap to your throat when you saw his eyes glisten the more he took in your looks "Bill?"

"Like you could be the bride." he breathed out in the end, his sparkling eyes finally meeting yours and your own eyes widened even more.

You blinked, tearing your eyes painfully so away from his "Well, your future wife insisted it would be nice if my dress was the closest to color to hers but still doesn't mean I'm her."

"I never said I wanted that either." he said firmly, and you frowned as you looked at him "I wouldn't want you to be her... more like the other way round but it never happened after all." he ended up mumbled bitterly, running his fingers through his hair.

"Bill" you sighed, taking hold of his arm and pulling it away as you smoothed his hair with your other hand desperately trying to ignore what had just left his lips "You're gonna mess things up, come on the groom needs to look as good as the bride."

"Right, of course I do." he gritted his teeth, rolling his eyes and you pulled away.

"What is that supposed to mean?" you blinked, pulling away from him as he looked down at you fully in the eyes, taking a deep breath before bringing a hand up and cupping your cheek.

"I was wrong, princess, I was so wrong." he choked out and only then you could see how much he was struggling and hurting.

"Wrong about what?" you breathed out "Bill, come on. This- it's just the nerves talking. I assure you, once you come there with us and see her walk down the aisle you're going to forget about everything. You'll be so happy to see your future wife and so will she about you. You-" you chuckled to lighten the mood smoothing his suit "You look amazing, she'll realize how blessed she is to have the chance to spend the rest of her life with you. And when the time for the first dance as a married couple comes, you'll-"

"Regret every single fucking choice I've made since I met her." he growled, shaking his head in frustration and your eyes widened as you took a step back from him.

"What?"

"This is the wrong decision. Asking her to marry me, hell even being with her in the first place was so wrong." he choked out, running a hand down his face "I should have never done any of this, I just jumped at the opportunity and- and wished so bad I could fool myself into believing she was like you but- God, she's not."

"She- what?" you blinked "Bill what the hell are you talking about?" you whispered in disbelief but he wouldn't face nor hear you "Bill, look at me!" you grabbed his arm and made him face you "What are you talking about?! What the hell do I have to do with this?"

"She changed, (Y/n)." he whispered, glossy eyes looking back and forth at you "She- in all this time that she's been planning the wedding, she's changed. I- I tried to attribute it to all the work you two had but you- you didn't change one bit, (Y/n). You remained the ever-caring and loving person I always knew you t be. You- you still cared and thought about me but she didn't. All these months she just... proved to me in every way how she could never be you, and that I had been lying to myself about it in vain."

"Lying to... yourself?" you stared at him with wide eyes "Why would you-" you stopped yourself when he looked at you with a sad smile and weak shrug.

"No" you breathed out, shaking your head "No, Bill you-" you raised your hands "You're about to get married. You're about to get married to a really nice woman and I am going to be the bridesmaid. You'll be waiting for her to walk down the aisle and- and she'll be the one you'll be dancing with for the rest of the night and- and you'll go on honeymoon too!" you refused to let your hopes get up at the possibility of him wanting and thinking she could be like you so much he would be willing to get married to her – another version of you... because he couldn't have the real you?

"But I don't want it anymore." he whispered and you looked at him in utter shock.

"Not anymore? Are you serious Bill?" you hissed "It's your wedding day! You can't say you regret it, because- because-"

"I'm in love with you?" he whispered, giving you a sad smile as you felt your knees shake at his words "I think I actually am entitled to."

"No" you mumbled, shaking your head "No, you're not- you can't- Bill this is some sick joke here, and I'm not in the mood! I'm too fucking tired of running around planning the perfect wedding for you and another womanwhile hearing her talk non-stop about you and everything you are and want when she really has no idea about you, and then running to my house to pack luggages and tie loose ends before-" you cut yourself off abruptly, pursing your lips angrily and turning around, fisting your dress in your hands as you took breaths in.

"Luggages?" he whispered with a frown "What do you mean (Y/n)? (Y/n)? What are you going to do?"

"What do you think?" you breathed out shakily "Leave for fucking good of course."

"Me?" the moment you turned to face him and saw the look on his face that seemed as if he had been stabbed in the chest "Are you going to be leaving me? For good? And not say a thing (Y/n)!?"

"What was I supposed to do?" you whispered, your voice cracking "You were- you are getting married."

"Would be." he corrected, pursing his lips.

You shook your head "I had no choice, Bill. I've suffered enough, I had to do this, and I've shed enough tears. I can't be there to watch you have kids too, for the love of! I- I need to do this... for all of us."

"Then do one last thing." he said in a grave voice as with two long strides he was directly in front of you, only a couple inches away "For all of us too." he took hold of your hands, even if you struggled to pull away from him.

"Bill, stop this. You need to go at the al-"

"Run away with me!" he cut you off, saying loudly enough so that you could hear him. And you really did as you stopped struggling and wiggling to free yourself from his grasp.

"Wh-what?" you felt tears pool up in your eyes as you put your hands on his chest; wanting to push him away but not having the strength to. Or more like will.

"Leave this place, and everybody else yes, but with me." he whispered, his face coming closer to you as a tear rolled down his cheek "Just the two of us."

And you had no idea how to answer to that now.