[ 15 October, 2018, 8:54PM ]

jaehyun panicked. he didnt know what to do. yes, he did forget the dinner- and her birthday. but it wasnt like it was intentional. he spent all night trying to fit every formula, every chemical equation, every theory into his head just so he could spend the entire day with aeri. he didnt think he would knock out at 2am and then sleep for the entire day.

jaehyun sat up right, his hands rummaging through his hair, he gritted his teeth and groaned in frustration. he fucked up. "what the fuck was that jae? you couldnt even say something?" he groaned, then throwing his pillow onto the study table, which honestly caused a mess.

his apartment door suddenly shot open, which revealed a very happy jungwoo standing at the door. his eyes fixated on his phone, he didnt even notice jaehyun was mad, "hey! just sent aeri a birthday text. i was out the entire day studying at the library and then my phone died so i couldnt send her an awesome selfie of me. also, i bought you a-" his eyes shot up.

he saw the apartment was a mess and then he stopped talking. he slowly closed the door behind him and put the coffee on the kitchen counter and made his way to grab a chair to sit right infront of jaehyun who was sitting at the edge of his bed, his hands covering his face.

"um, are you okay? i know you're anxious with finals here but you shouldnt overwork yourself jae. it's just finals," jungwoo tried to lighten the mood and trying to encourage jaehyun, who seemed very stressed out right now. jaehyun finally looked up at jungwoo and they made eye contact. the atmosphere in the room was tense.

"i fucked up, woo. and i fucked up badly this time," jaehyun frustratedly exclaimed, standing up and walked around his apartment in circles. "let me guess, you forgot to turn off the stove?" jungwoo tried to guess. but jaehyun aggressively shook his head. "i forgot today was aeri's fucking birthday!"

jungwoo gasped. he was genuinely in shock. "and- and! and we made plans and guess where she is right now? at dinner! waiting for me!" jaehyun added. "and you're here... which means you-" jaehyun interrupted jungwoo, "-yes woo! i stood her up! fuck!" he raised his voice, kicking his chair in frustration because he was genuinely mad at himself.

"dude, how could you forget?" jungwoo asked. "do you know how much of a dick you look like to her now? you stood her up on your birthday, and now on hers?" he just made the situation worse. "should i go see her and apologize right now?" jaehyun asked, scratching his head.

"well uh, yeah! what the fuck kind of question is that? she might be on the way home right now so go wait for her outside her house!" jungwoo hurried him. jaehyun grabbed his keys and burst straight through the door but jungwoo yelled, "dude! take a fucking shower first, god!" from inside the room. jaehyun sheepishly smiled before coming back into his apartment, and taking a quick shower.

-
[ 10:21PM ]

jaehyun sat on the front porch of aeri's house. he has been waiting for almost an hour and a half now. and still no sign of the girl. he texted aeri all night and got no reply. he tried calling her but his calls always went to voicemail. jaehyun felt so bad and he wanted to make it up to her.

at 10:23pm, the door opened. he thought it would be aeri, maybe she was stuck at home after dinner. but it was aeri's mother. both of them jumped when they saw each other. her mother didnt expect company, especially at this timing. jaehyun just adjusted his stance and bowed to her mother, apologizing.

"jaehyun, right? jung jaehyun?" aeri's mother spoke, trying to double confirm if it was the right boy she had in her mind. jaehyun smiled and nodded. "yes! um- mrs kang, is aeri home by any chance?" he asked her, nervously. her mother shook her head, a frown came upon her face. "why? she told me she would be out with you tonight," she said.

then she realized, that the only possibility was that she got stood up. her daughter was alone, waiting for a boy at the restaurant. or- maybe she lied to her mother about dinner when in reality she had other plans. but the first one seemed much more plausible.

jaehyun just kept silent. it was his first time practically ever talking to her mother and he hated that it had to be because he stood her daughter up on her birthday. if she wanted to throw hot water at him, jaehyun would let her. he was mad at himself too. "oh god, what happened? come inside!" mrs kang beckoned him in, she was worried for her daughter.

their father was still at work, so it was good to not have him around. she let jaehyun sit on the couch at the living room, served him some tea and sat right next to him. jaehyun explained everything to her. why he was such an asshole. she listened and listened and listened.

"i know you're mad, as you should be. i deserve it!" jaehyun sighed. he was frustrated. it has been hours and aeri still hasnt gone home. "how can i stand her up on my birthday and hers in a year, mrs kang? am i that evil? is this god's way of telling me im not good enough for her?" jaehyun complained. aeri's mother just gave him a pat in the back, comforting him.

"i know you're having a tough time, jaehyun. especially since you've got finals. i know you're a good person and you dont ever have intentions of hurting my daughter," she said. jaehyun just listened. "everybody makes genuine mistakes, okay? aeri will be mad but she's also a very understanding girl," she continued. jaehyun looked at her, and smiled.

"now i know where aeri got her kindness from," he joked, trying to lighten up the mood. and it sure did. they both chuckled. mrs kang was a very nice person, just as nice as her own daughter. jaehyun just couldnt stop thinking about what to say to aeri when she got back home. no words can describe how bad he felt.

at 11:45pm, the door opened. aeri greeted - im home, without looking up at her surroundings. she turned around to bid someone goodbye and then she slammed the door shut. and before the door fully closed, jaehyun got to get a tiny glimpse of who she was talking to, na jaemin.

the truth was, when aeri got stood up, she called for jaemin first. the moment she hung up the phone with jaehyun, she dialed jaemin's number. jaemin was playing video games at home but he stopped playing and ran out to see her still. they're bestfriends after all, right?

"i know it hurts, aeri. and i know it hurts twice as much because you have feelings for him. so im not even gonna bother giving you advice to soothe your aching heart. just let it all out," jaemin said, letting her in his embrace, allowing her to cry, it made his hoodie wet but he didnt even care. they spent quite some time sitting there alone. bestfriends, after all.

when she took off her shoes, she looked up and finally realized sitting on the living room couch was jaehyun, and her mother. her heart dropped, her smile changed into a frown and it seemed like she was about to cry again. jaehyun immediately stood up from the couch, her mother softly saying, "i'll get ready for bed, you guys talk it out, okay?" before leaving the two alone.

aeri just walked past jaehyun, ignoring him. "aeri, please wait," he said, following her to her room. but she just acted like he was invisible. like he wasnt there. of course, she was angry. but deep down inside of her, she felt bad for feeling this way. she knew it was an accident but all she could think of was jaemin going - being busy doesnt give you the right to be a shitty friend.

her feelings were validated, right?

"aeri, please just talk to me. i want to apologize for tonight," jaehyun tried to speak to her to get her attention but nothing he said or did could get her to talk or even spare a look at him. she just took off her earrings, jewellery while jaehyun was trying to speak. "look i know, i shouldve called, or check my calendar or something," he tried to explain.

"it's all my fault and i'll take full responsibility for tonight!" he begged her to look at him. as she was about to walk away, out of her room, jaehyun pulled her hand, trying to get her to face him. "please just talk to me!" he cried. aeri slammed her bedroom door shut and then finally faced him, looking him in the eye.

she wasnt angry. she was just - sad. "i understand, jae. i really do," she started off. "you're busy. finals is coming next week and you want to pass. you study your ass off everynight and i respect you for that," jaehyun knew she was going to yell at him but he prepared himself for it already. he just stood there and decided to take it all in. "i understand you doze off and lost track of time. everybody does that," aeri could feel her voice cracking soon and throat swelling up.

"but what i dont understand is why you couldnt even say anything when i called you," there it was. the tears. "you just sat there and listened to me go on and on and on and not one im sorry or even the slightest bit of explanation," jaehyun felt like an ass, he was seeing her cry and he didnt know what to do to make it up for everything.

"i waited for you at the place you wanted to meet and you didnt even show up. i looked like an idiot sitting there doing nothing. people turned to look at me and then whisper about me saying how sad i looked being all alone!" she frustratedly groaned. "i let every single mistake of yours go, jae. and i know that this one was a genuine mistake but - but for some reason it-" aeri couldnt even find the proper words to let out.

jaehyun stood there, looking at her struggling to speak and he could feel his heart breaking into tiny bits and pieces. it's been a long time since he felt this way. the last time his heart shattered like this was when chungha left him. now it's like hes reliving this feeling, but with aeri.

without thinking, jaehyun just pulled aeri into a hug. he pulled her close to him. at first, aeri was shocked, she didnt know why he did that. was it to shut her up? "aeri please listen to me," jaehyun softly begged, now it was his turn- his voice stuttering, he actually held back tears. "i know i hurt you deeply tonight and theres nothing i can do to change the fact that i did,"

"but i promise you i'll never hurt you like this ever again. your next birthday i'll treat you to dinner. and then the next, and the next, and forever from then on," he apologized again. aeri just stood there, letting him wrap her in his arms. all she could do was listen. "i promise you, okay, aeri? you have my word, right here, right now, i wont hurt you again,"

jaehyun just had this weird feeling in his chest. but he ignored it and he just brushed it off, thinking it was just another 'brotherly instinct'. but when he hurt her, he could feel his heart rip into two and that feeling hurt him more than anything ever could. but what kind of brotherly love is that? he thought to himself. it was definitely something more, right? he shook it off his head.

as jaehyun wrapped her in his arms, he felt stronger. he felt stronger with her, than he did alone. this feeling. this moment. he couldnt explain it but it was there, and it weirded him out because it was all very new to him. but he liked it. he liked the feeling of it all at the moment.

so he tried to let her go. thinking it was weird and awkward. but aeri stopped him. "can we just stay like this for a while, please?" she softly asked, digging her face into his chest, he finally hugged him back. and then- there it was. the weird feeling again, tingling all over jaehyun.

what was this feeling?

"im sorry for overreacting," aeri apologized. jaehyun scoffed and then rolled his eyes. "dont. if i were you, i'd be mad too. you didnt deserve any of that, aeri. i dont deserve you," he sighed, slowly swaying her back and forth. aeri looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed, she said, "you're wrong. i think we deserve each other, actually," then smiled.

it was true. they did deserve each other.