Been a victim and a fool before
But it was like a fairytale next to you

I've gone through this so often already. Too often! I don't know why but I'm not able to get away from you.
Now I'm sitting in this bar again. I don't notice anything of what is going on around me. I'm in deep thoughts. Why I ask myself. Why are you doing this? Why am I still doing this? Why can't I just say No? All those questions shoot through my head but I can't find an answer to any of them.
The beer in front of me is nearly empty once more. How many have I had already? I can't say. All I know is that it hasn't had the effect I hoped for and so I order something stronger. Jack Daniels. For a moment I smile as a song lyric comes to my mind. But it's not a smile of joy. It's that smile of desperation.
"A thousand people love me then leave
Lady JD, now it's just you and me"

I can't remember where those song passages come from but it just says everything I feel at the moment in two lines. No one would know how much truth was in those words if I were to tell them to anyone. No one but you! But you don't seem to care anymore. How can you claim to care for me when all you do is hurt me again and again?
Just when the barkeeper brings me my second glass of Whiskey, you of all people enter the bar. I know exactly why you're here. You only ever enter this bar out of one reason. You turn your head and look for something. When you've finally found what you were looking for - me - you smile and make your way over to me. I can see in your eyes what you want from me, before you even said anything

And the words are on your lips
'Let's go back to mine...'
And you don't think twice
No, you don't think twice

You don't care what you do to me with those words. All you care about is you and your needs. There's nothing left from the caring, considerate, affectionate Ant you once were. Fame went to your head after all. Our friendship is a matter of the past and only seemingly kept alive for the press. Of all the 'important' people you take home with you every night, I'm the consolation prize. The one who's always there, when you can't find anything better.

I don't wanna go back to yours
Be just another movie star
'Cause I know if I go back to yours
Shame and loathing hit me hard

I didn't plan on giving in again. It had happened too often already. Too often had you given me the cold shoulder afterwards. All those scars - not physical but mental - you caused me with your demeanour can't even heal before a new one is added. With every time I hate myself a little more and with every time I feel ashamed of myself. Still I don't seem to have yet learned enough - to have suffered enough.

But I don't wanna be alone, no
So you gotta take me home...
And I said I had enough before
But my head has lost again to my heart
So I down another drink and say
'Let's go back, to yours...'

Now I've done it again, nonetheless. I've agreed. You're like a drug. I know how bad you are for me but I can't get away from you. So many times before have I told myself that it was enough. That I would stop following you home. But today, my heart was once again stronger than my heart and I know already that I will hate myself for it tomorrow. Like I always do.
I empty my glass of Whiskey in one go and follow you out of the bar. It's better this way, I tell myself. Better than sitting at alone at home, in a nearly empty house. Like this I can at least for a few hours pretend that I'm loved. That YOU love me, the way I love you. In this moment I'm willing to forget everything you have done just to be close to you once more.

And I don't think twice
No I don't think twice
Now I wanna go back to yours
Be just another movie star
'Cause I know if I go back to yours
Shame and loathing hit me hard
But I don't wanna be alone, no
So you gotta take me home...

When I wake up the next morning, you have gone. No note, nothing! Just gone. So you've done it again. I give you my heart but you've had enough. My heart is as insignificant as all these people you take home for the night. I'm nothing more than a toy for you. A toy you can throw away once you're done playing with it.
Since I don't want to be alone in your house, I stand up. As if programmed I put on my clothes and leave.

When the morning comes
I'm just another movie star
Once again I've fallen in love
But you've had enough
I don't wanna be alone, no
So I just get up and go.