warning / note : as we commence into the war, from this chapter onwards there will be no more individual warnings. the chapters following this one would contain abuse, dark themes of the wizarding war, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and death. please proceed with caution.

Walburga Black was in a fight with her husband and despite how unaware Barty Crouch Jr. was of the situation, the two Black children were painfully conscious of it and were doing everything in their power to keep it from their houseguest. It definitely didn't help how they were blatantly glaring at each other from across the dining table.

"We've got dinner with the Rosiers today. You, me and Astraea," She had spoken up, trying to remain civil in front of the young man, the very person the dark lord had advised to invite to stay with the Blacks for Christmas break.

"I'm aware," Orion Black snapped at her and the woman across the table tightened the hold on her knife.

Astraea Black stared at the two with wide eyes, her eyes flickering to Barty as Regulus asked him if he had tried the mushrooms. The rest of breakfast was a quiet and quick affair, It seemed that Walburga and Orion Black simply could not wait to be rid of each other's presence and only wished to leave the room as soon as possible.

"Do you know what's wrong?" Regulus asked the next morning when the same thing happened once again as the two siblings made their way up the stairs.

Astraea, already pissed from the dinner the night before where every person in that room had the nerve to think that they were in control of how she got to live her own life had scowled at the boy as she snapped at him, "How would I know?"

Well, to be completely truthful, technically she did not know the full story, only that it had something to do with a half-blood named Tom who her mother was with during her time at school, which had baffled the eighteen-year-old so badly that she completely refused to accept it. And there was something about her mother worshipping the ground the dark lord walked on and her father doing the complete opposite. This, also baffled her deeply because in the entire time Astraea had known him, all her father had ever done was do everything in his power to engrave the values of blood superiority in his children so what was so wrong with the dark lord that made Orion Black not like him at all?

Those thoughts immediately went to waste and were replaced by as she noticed the flash of hurt which had come across her brother's face for a slight second before it disappeared completely.

"Alright then, I'll see you this evening," With that Regulus Black turned around and walked straight into his room where the raven-haired girl could swear that she saw Barty lounging on his bed.

"Reg, wait—" She started, letting out a sigh but the boy had already closed the door and Astraea went into her room, slamming the door behind her before she lay on the bed and screamed into her pillow. She didn't mean to be rude towards him, rage had been burning inside of her since the tea she had with her parents and the dinner with Evan's parents had only fueled it more. So, at that very moment, the raven-haired girl was just ready to explode at the tiniest things which irked her.

Her eyes fell on the ugliest lamp she had ever seen in her life and once she noticed the Black family crest on it, her anger had taken control over her and the next thing she knew that she was standing on the floor staring at a broken lamp. She let out a groan of frustration, her thoughts plaguing her more than anything ever did and sat down on the ground and began to collect the shard of glass which had shattered on the ground.

Astraea hated the position she was in. The funny thing was, she didn't blame the marriage for it was something she had expected her whole life. It's what she was born to do, as her father had said when she was only eight, be a good daughter now, be a good student at Hogwarts, work to be worthy of the Black family name and then once you're of age, get married into a respectable pureblood family and then be a good wife. No, that's not where the complications arose. How could anything complicated arise from something which Astraea was so familiar with?

It had started the second that wretched hat had yelled out "Gryffindor!" while it was on her twin brother's head, and she had watched him walk towards the table which suddenly felt so out of reach. Sirius had been getting himself into trouble, it had been happening since the moment he could walk but it was supposed to be okay, because they were supposed to go through Hogwarts together and they were supposed to stay together, silently defying everything their parents had stood for. But that moment had changed everything, and while the bond between the two remained intact, the closeness didn't for they were on two different worlds now. Sirius openly flew in the face of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black while Astraea still cowered behind the walls.

She was envious of him, she quietly admitted to herself in her fourth year as she watched his carefree self laugh among his friends and then shook it off and turned to her own group of friends. It could've been worse, she could never have met Isabella Fawley and then would've been stuck with Evan Rosier for the rest of her life, not that it wasn't happening anyway. But it was fine because it still could've been worse, she wasn't marrying Rabastan Lestrange— oh imagine the horror, and she was going to have to marry someone who she considered one of her best friends. Everything was fine.

Except everything was not because Marlene McKinnon was never supposed to be in the picture and there was never supposed to be a war.

She has always wondered if Dumbledore would have still asked her to be a spy if Sirius was never sorted into Gryffindor. Because then, even her small acts of defiance to protect her disgraced brother would never have happened and she would never have let herself associate with a Gryffindor half-blood girl. There were the three things her parents hated the most, and she could only imagine what their reactions would be if they ever found out the truth. They would faint, probably. Or die out of shock. That wouldn't be too bad, would it?

In her third year, during a game of spin the bottle, she had to kiss a girl named Florence who was a year above her and after she was done, she realised that it was way better than the one she had with Avery. But that hadn't mattered either, because nothing about what she felt wouldn't have ever mattered to her parents.

But suddenly, it did matter because everything her parents stood for was everything she stood against and every conflict which was never supposed to happen had come up and hit her in the face and suddenly the biggest war she was in was not the one going on outside, but the one between her heart and her head.

"Oh, Salazar— What are you doing on the floor?" Walburga Black shrieked as if that was the biggest atrocity ever and brought the girl back to her room from her thoughts. "And what have you done to your room— Are you bleeding?"

The woman seemed more furious than concerned at the condition and the raven-haired girl frowned as she looked at her right hand which was now hurting way more than it did, a few minutes ago. She winced as she saw the shard of her glass resting on the palm of her hand which was covered in blood. She looked up at her mother, the emotions in her eyes on display for anyone to see, her voice cracking slightly. "Could you heal it?"

Walburga didn't look very pleased with the question but she took out her wand and healed the wound anyway before she called for Kreacher and commanded him to clean up the room which he began to do so immediately. She looked at the girl with narrowed eyes, "What are you looking at? Get up."

Astraea did so, brushing off anything on her skirt as her mother walked into the room and practically threw three black dresses on her bed, "Pick one of these for the gala tonight. Now don't just stand there looking like a fool, move to that chair. We have to get you ready for tonight, in case you haven't heard, we're officially announcing your marriage."

Hooray, the girl silently huffed as she moved to sit on the chair in front of the vanity table and not soon after her mother was attacking her with a hairbrush. She held back a yelp as Walburga pulled her entire head backwards. Was she trying to untangle her hair or rip it all out?

"Close the door behind you Kreacher," The woman said, not giving the house elf a second glance as the door shut behind them. She continued the torture on her daughter's hair for a while before she set the hairbrush down on the table and worked her way through Astraea's hair. She suddenly paused as she looked into the mirror. "Were you crying?"

The raven-haired girl pressed down the urge to smash her own head against the table and shook her head and her mother scoffed as she resumed the work on her hair. "Don't be ridiculous, I can easily tell. I suppose it is because of the marriage?"

The girl supposed it would only be better to just agree with whatever her mother was saying and simply nodded. Walburga hummed, "It is hard, but it is duty and it is your utmost honour to be marrying Evan. I suppose you are lucky though, considering that you and him had the idea in mind before anyone else could even think of it. You do make a wonderful pair. I was never that lucky."

Astraea pushed away the urge to roll her eyes as her mother made another situation all about her. "I never wanted to marry your father, but did anyways for it was what my parents expected of me. It was my duty to keep our family's blood pure and so I did it, for my parents. I had thr— two children with him so that our line could be continued and that's what mattered. Duty and responsibility, that's all that matters."

"You are already a step ahead, Astraea," She put her wand back in the pocket of her robe and turned the girl towards her, scrutinising her before she turned her back to face the mirror and opened one of the drawers which held all the makeup as the raven-haired girl looked at herself in the mirror, the upper half of her hair twisted into an elegant knot at the back of her head while the rest cascaded down her back. She turned sideways and noticed a clip sitting on top of the knot, decorated with jewel flowers

"You should know that you're making your family proud."

There were those magic words that did it for the raven-haired girl. If she did something which finally made her parents proud of her, something which she had been aiming for as long as she could remember, why would all the damage left in the wake matter?

So she sat there in the chair as her mother subtly insulted the face she herself gave her while applying makeup at the same time. When her mother was finally done and had left the room to go get ready herself and the raven-haired girl mustered up the energy to not burst into tears right then in order to preserve the current beauty of her face as she looked at the three dresses on her bed, wondering which one to pick.

In the end, after staring at the three for Merlin knows how long, she chose the gown made of layers of black silk and tulle, the off-the-shoulder bodice having a sweetheart neckline. The skirt reached the floor covering the leather boots she was wearing. They belonged to her twin brother but she had stolen them and hid her wand in the right one because even though the dress was extremely elegant, it did not have pockets.

She had put on long black gloves made up of satin which successfully covered the dark mark on her forearm, a painful reminder of the situation she had put herself in. It was currently hurting more than ever and the girl sighed. A year ago, she had first met with the dark lord and this time it would be her younger brother, she couldn't hate it more.

She put the bracelet with the blackbird dangling from it in a drawer and closed it, no risks today because he would be there and though Astraea would never say it to anyone's face, the dark lord scared her to death. She looked at herself in the mirror, her fingers going to the crescent moon pendant, a small smile coming on her face as the one who gave it once again invaded her thoughts.

The door opened behind her, and she turned around, pushing her thoughts away and putting up a wall around her mind and looked at her younger brother who grinned at her, "Time to go."

He was about to close the door behind him as he walked out but Astraea was quicker as she gripped the door before it shut and pushed it open, "Reg— wait. I'm really sorry about this morning."

His expression softened and he gave a smile to his sister, "Don't worry, I didn't take it to heart."

•

Astraea Black was determined to keep her younger brother far away from the dark lord for as long as possible, hopefully, the entire time, since the second she had laid eyes on him in a conversation with Yaxley when the family had arrived at the Gala.

"You won't be able to do it for too long," Evan had whispered to her, noticing immediately what she was trying to do and all he had gotten in response was a glare as she asked her younger brother if he wanted a cauldron cake and dragging him off to the counter which was literally on the other side of the ballroom, which was very large. Evan was right of course, but she wouldn't admit it and would continue to push the meeting she dreaded as far as possible.

The younger boy had given her a bewildered look as she once again, made them move from the position he was just beginning to get comfortable in, but followed her nevertheless after shooting Evan a questioning look and received a nonchalant shrug in return as he followed the two siblings, muttering something under his breath.

"Are you crazy?" The blond frowned at her and she looked at the dance going on, her eyes flickering towards her brother a few steps away from her. Evan scoffed, "If he finds out what you're up to, you're dead."

"Do you think what I'm doing is wrong?" Astraea raised an eyebrow at him and he stepped back.

"What? No, of course not! But you need to think all the insane decisions going in your head through a little more sensibly—"

"Fancy seeing you here."

The two almost jumped at the sudden interruption and looked towards the direction where the sound came from. Evan grinned immediately as he noticed Tiberius Nott standing in front of them and Astraea scowled at him, her best friend's face when they had talked about him flashing in her head.

"Thought you'd be a little happy to see—"

"You—" The raven-haired girl sneered at him, taking a step forward to jab her finger in his chest but was stopped by Evan who gripped her shoulder and held her in her place.

"Not here—"

"You shut up," she snapped at him and he backed off, raising his hands in surrender as he sent an apologetic glance towards his best friend who winced. "Now you— what gives you the right to treat Izzy like that? You absolute piece of—"

"Hey, you guys!" Nathaniel Avery came up to them and the raven-haired girl immediately stepped back and gave him a smile as he grinned at the two. "Congratulations, Astraea and Evan, of course. I always knew you were going to end up together."

"Thank you," Astraea internally grimaced but gave him another smile, leaning into the blond next to her who now had an arm around her which was pulled away the second he left, allowing the raven-haired girl to round up on the Nott heir. "Now, back to where I was, you can't just go prancing around acting all that— I would have punched you right in the face if we weren't here— What? What's so funny about this?"

"Nothing at all," Tiberius mused, amusement flashing in his eyes. "You're right of course, and just so you know, I've already talked to her and cleared things out."

"Oh," She blinked, slightly disappointed that she couldn't finish her great speech about insults and the proper way you're supposed to treat your girlfriend. "You have?"

Evan let out a laugh as Tiberius nodded, giving her a small smile. "That's good," She hummed, eyes flickering towards where Regulus was standing a few moments ago. She turned immediately, panic flooding inside her as she noticed the very empty spot beside her, her eyes scanning the room for her brother and brain cursing her for letting herself get distracted. Unfortunately or fortunately, she had no idea, she did not have enough time to fade into a panicking mess it was time to open the dance and the next thing she knew was that Evan was leading her to the dance floor.

"Relax, sweetheart," He whispered in her ear, noticing the very strong grip she had on his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere, and Regulus is right there with his boyfriend, quite far from the dark lord."

Astraea loosened her grip, whispering a sorry as she blew out a sigh of relief. Evan frowned at her before he twirled her around as others joined the dance floor for the waltz, "You do know you can't stop it from happening. The only way to stop it was for him to be disowned before this gala."

"I know," She sighed, "I just can't help but worry about him."

"You worry too much, it'll eat you alive."

She let out a laugh, "You think that?"

"I know that," Evan grinned at her, pulling her slightly closer. "You get to spend the entirety of your life with me, what's so bad about that?"

"Everything."

"Harsh, Black," He scoffed, but his eyes still held that spark of mischief, "Here comes the partner switch. Good for me, I'll have time to recover from this extreme disappointment— see you in a while."

"I'm sure you'll survive," She rolled her eyes as he twirled her around and suddenly she was looking into deep black eyes which felt like they were reading into her soul.

"If it isn't the soon-to-be bride," Rabastan Lestrange gave her a smirk as he placed a hand on her back and the other intertwined with her own, "Miss Black, or should I say, Mrs Rosier?"

Astraea tried her very best to not scowl and she simply chose to not give him a response as the two of them danced to the song the live band was playing. But clearly, the younger Lestrange had different ideas as he pressed his hand into her painfully, pulling her closer. She looked over his shoulder towards the crowd as he talked, "You look stunning, as usual. I must admit, I was disappointed when I heard the news. Evan got lucky, I would have loved to have you as my wife."

She grit her teeth, adamant about ignoring him as he continued to speak, clearly not getting the hint, his hand going lower, "I get the feeling that you don't like me very much."

"Congratulations on the discovery, Rabastan," She snapped, "Now, get your hand off my arse."

"And if I don't?"

Astraea opened her mouth but then closed it again, realising that there was truly nothing that she could do at the moment unless she wanted to face the fury of her parents and perhaps even the dark lord. The dark-haired boy gave her a sickening smirk as he gave no signs of shutting up, "You always have thought you were above everyone else. Does it feel good, to finally realise where you belong? Ah well, we're about to switch again— back to your husband you go."

Nothing could explain the great relief she felt as she felt his hands get off her body and she was back in Evan's arms. The blond grinned at her and she gave him a dirty look. She didn't hate the boy, of course not, it was just the fact that her blood was boiling because it had not even been an hour since the arrangement had been announced, and she still had almost half a year before her marriage but still, her current last name had already been forgotten and all she was reduced to was a man's wife.

"You're back! Thank god— Parkinson's breath stinks— what's with the face?"

"I had the pleasure of dancing with Rabastan Lestrange," She scowled and Evan frowned, his mood shifting immediately, his grip on her waist tightening slightly.

"Did he say something?"

"When does he not?"

The blond's eyes narrowed as he looked at something or someone behind her and Astraea let out a short, mirthless laugh, "Quite the husband, aren't you? Off to protect the wife, the poor damsel in distress always needs a man to protect her."

Evan looked at her with confusion clear in his eyes, "I am well aware that you can protect yourself Astraea, quit being an airhead. Future wife or not, you're still my best friend and Rabastan Lestrange is a dick."

"Right," she mumbled, thanking whichever gods resided above because the music had finally stopped. She gave the young man in front of her a curtsy as he bowed, "Do you wanna stay here for another dance, or are you done?"

"I'm very much done," She said, her voice firm before she walked off the dance floor, Evan Rosier following after her.

"Are you okay? Is it because of Regulus or because of Rabastan," He thanked his comparatively longer legs as he easily crossed and then stood in front of her, crossing his arms. "Hey— What's wrong? You know you can tell me, right?"

"Everything's alright Evan, just leave—"

"Trouble in paradise?"

The two turned immediately, recovering from their initial shock at the interruption and falling into an even deeper shock once they met with a pair of bloodshot red eyes. Astraea immediately thickened the walls which guarded the thoughts inside of her as she bowed her head, well, at least he wasn't with Regulus.

"I believe congratulations are in order," He looked at the two who shared a look with each other before they turned to the dark lord with an incredibly convincing smile and gave their thanks. He nodded in acknowledgement and fixed them with a stare for what felt like forever, "Evan, why don't you go check on the younger Black and make sure the Crouch boy isn't eating his head with his words while I chat with Astraea, here."

He fixed the raven-haired girl with such an intense stare that she simply had to look away and fix her gaze on the ground below. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Evan give her a wary look.

"Right now, Mr. Rosier."

"I've yet to talk to your brother, Miss Black," He hummed as the blond walked away and she tried her best to not show any sign of relief on her face. "I suppose I've got you to thank for that, keeping him away at all times the whole night."

Astraea's eyes snapped towards him, her heart beating loudly against her chest as a burning feeling began to prick at her left forearm, "Not at all, my lord. I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding."

"I'm sure," He nodded and the girl gave everything in her to not give a reaction as the dark mark on her hand felt like it was on fire. "I went to visit Miss Malfoy yesterday, and she had quite a lot to say."

"Did she?" Astraea felt a bead of sweat trickle down the side of her face, why was it getting so hot?

"She asked me to be careful with you, said there was a chance you might betray us."

"It isn't true," Despite the incredible burning sensation, she managed to speak up in a firm and convincing tone, her voice not wavering even once. Her eyes flickered to behind the dark lord's shoulder where Evan, Regulus and Barty were standing, all of them holding a glass of wine.

"I believe that," He stated, his voice eerily calm, "I have always had a feeling that Miss Malfoy has been jealous of you, and there is no surprise in that. You've got the skills, the charm and incredible beauty."

Astraea felt weird, this man was almost her father's age and he almost sounded greedy, like he perhaps wanted more than that. As if she could give him more than just her allegiance to his cause. She let out a low hiss of pain as the pain finally became unbearable, her right hand immediately going to grip her left wrist, as she tried not to collapse on the floor. She looked up, ready to apologise but stopped as soon as she saw the smirk on the man's face.

"It hurts doesn't it?" His eye twitched slightly and she opened her mouth to give a response but nothing came out of her mouth. She felt her heart drop as the fire on her arm grew stronger and his smirk grew wider. "There's a reason I asked your parents to stop with their preferred ways of discipline, I wish for you to be safe because you, Miss Black, possess power greater than I have ever known. Miss Malfoy and many more would have collapsed already, but you're still standing, that kind of power— I wouldn't want it to be damaged. But do not, for even a second think that I would hesitate to do anything in my power to keep you in line."

The burning stopped all of a sudden but the pain remained. She looked at him, trying to control her breathing as his eyes bore into hers, "There is another thing I have observed about you. This, any harm caused to you doesn't affect you at all, you're quite resilient in your ways, Miss Black, and I admire that. I would truly hate to have to dispose of you. So here's the thing—"

Astraea gasped as Regulus' hands shot up to his head, his face scrunching up in pain, both the boys next to him looking towards him in concern. Evan's head immediately snapped towards where she was standing and looked at her with wide eyes and an expression that mirrored her own. She turned towards the dark lord but he only shook his head, "Keep looking."

And so she did, she moved her eyes towards her brother who was in pain and she stood there, doing nothing to help him as the man in front of her talked as if nothing was happening, "I have a job for you, forget about trying to get close to Dumbledore and the little army he's creating, I've got my eye on someone else. Miss Malfoy and Mr Avery are trying to find a way into Hogwarts without alerting anyone else or find a way to get rid of the enchantments which bar apparition, and you will ensure that they succeed by the end of May. Is that clear?"

"Yes," She breathed out, her wide eyes on Regulus who was now holding on to the boys next to him for support. She breathed out a sigh of relief once she saw her brother stand up straight, all signs of pain fading away from his face.

"That's a good girl," He gave a nod with approving eyes, that sickening smile still on her face. "I trust you not to be an obstacle in my way again. As I said, I would truly hate to have to be rid of you. Have a good night, Miss Black."

He left, not giving the shaking girl who was on the brink of tears another glance and she stood there, feeling all alone in that stupid ballroom as the Dark Lord made his way towards where her mother was standing. Guilt racked her entire body, how could she have let her brother get hurt due to the thing she had done to prevent the situation from occurring? How could she have been so foolish?

She saw Evan making his way towards her as Tiberius took over for him with Regulus but there was someone else who reached the raven-haired girl first.

"What are you doing all alone?" Her father's voice reached her ears as he rested his hand on her left shoulder and she involuntarily flinched, the pain in her arm was still there. She looked at the floor, the voices in her head getting louder and louder with every second.

However, she didn't need to give a response because her father spoke once more, but it was not directed towards her. "I think you two are done for the night. Evan, why don't you take her upstairs? She can spend the night here, but I do expect her home tomorrow for breakfast."

"Of course, Mr Black," He nodded and began to walk out of the ballroom, the raven-haired girl following behind, never been more full of joy to leave a gala.

•

It had been two hours since Evan and Astraea had left the gala which was still happening, down below. Two hours of the blond boy looking warily at the raven-haired girl who sat on the edge of his bed, her right hand enclosed around her left arm, eyes fixated on the ground below, not uttering a single word.

"Rea?" He asked softly, "Are you ready to talk now?"

"Talk about what?" She snapped at him, her voice cracking slightly, "That he hurt Reg because of me and then threatened me? Or that my stupid arm won't stop hurting."

Evan was relieved, at least she had spoken up, but the worry inside of him outgrew the little relief as he went and sat down next to her. "Let me see that arm."

He began to remove the glove she was wearing and gasped out loud and the raven-haired girl looked towards him and then towards the arm, eyes widening as her eyes fell on her arm which was now red and covered with blisters. "He burnt it," She let out a breath, "He actually fucking burnt it— Merlin, I'm so stupid."

"No, you're not," Evan shook his head. "You care about Regulus, he's your brother for Salazar's sake and you tried to protect him. What's stupid about that?"

"It didn't work, did it? He hurt him to punish me."

"He's fine, Rea. And you'll be fine too, a healing cream will fix this up by the morning."

"I suppose," She mumbled, staring at her gloved left hand, scared to take it off. Luckily for her, she didn't need to because at that very moment, the door had slammed open and the raven-haired girl suppressed a cry of pain as she lifted her glove and covered the burn on her left arm. She stood up and frowned as she noticed Regulus enter the room, fury flashing in his eyes. "Not a good time, Reg—"

"You know him!" He scowled, pointing a finger at her as Barty Crouch Jr. entered the room, breathless. She opened her mouth, wondering what the hell this kid was on about but was cut off before she could even begin, "You've known him for what— a year now! And, you're one of them— that's why your arms are always covered. Because you carry the mark."

Astraea closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as Evan took a step towards her younger brother, "Reg, trust me, you can have this conversation, but not now, alright— this is really not a good time."

"Piss off, Rosier," The blue-eyed boy sneered at him, "This is between me and my sister who has been apparently lying to me for an entire year. You said that you'll tell me, did you not?"

The raven-haired girl sighed, "I did, but I just— I didn't want you to be involved in it. Come on, you're a kid Reg, you're sixteen."

"I'm old enough to make my decisions for myself, thank you very much." Regulus snapped at her. "You go around, telling me that you don't believe in this shit— you do things that make me believe you don't but then you have the dark mark on you this whole bloody time. Do you know what this makes you look like? Like you wanted this the whole time."

"Regulus—"

"Take off your gloves Astraea," He looked at her, his eyes cold and devoid of emotion as he crossed his arms.

"What?"

"Reg, don't you think—"

"Shut up Barty," He scowled at the boy next to him before he turned back to his sister, "I want to see it, I want to see what you've been lying to me about this entire bloody year."

Her mouth opened, but once again no sound escaped her mouth because what would she show? Her arm which was full of blisters, yeah that would be a lovely sight. Evan stepped in front of her, looking at her younger brother with intense eyes. "As much as I love a good sibling fight, I think you need to back off, mate."

"I thought I told you to piss off—"

"And I'm telling you to back off."

"Reg," Astraea sighed as her younger brother took a step back, his eyes fixed on Evan. "I just wanted to protect you, you know that right?"

He looked at her with a glare which could rival their mothers before he walked away and slammed the door behind him. "Yeah well, you're doing a hell of a job."