Don't be so unhappy, life has just begun,

Don't be so unhappy, there're wars that can't be won...

With a bitter taste in her mouth Catarina found out that if she would glance one more time at the beautiful guitar with a long narrow fingerboard and a catholic cross on its belt, she would surely crash it. But she couldn't do it! This was the only thing Teddy left her. Besides, she couldn't blame the guitar for their parting. She could not blame anybody.

"If this will make you happy, you should go!" – she told him and only God knew what soul forces the girl had to gather to say these simple words. But she couldn't act the other way. Her love to that stubborn boy was too strong...

...Teddy liked very much that his new girl-friend never was a "The Reily family" fan and couldn't hum any of his songs. Catarina was not an expert in modern music at all. And she had no idea about the great number of the girls crying on Teddy's concerts stretching their hands to him in vain. They would give anything to take Catarina's place who unexpectedly for herself began dating with "cutie-pie, lady-killer and heart-breaker" (as the press called him) Teddy Reily.

Teddy hasn't been a lady-killer for quite a long time already but the journalists still preferred to call him this name (probably they just could not find a new hero whose face would draw the same attention). And he had never been a heart-breaker but how could he fight mass-media? Would they believe if he'd have told that he'd become a deeply faithful person looking not for short affaires but for simple human warmth? Catarina was very different from all the others because she had seen it at once and that was amazing. Teddy never met such girls.

She often thought then what would be if she hadn't come to her favorite book shop searching for something new. This must had been fate and although Catarina always told she never believed in this foolish stuff, there was something in it. Something that had made her come to that very shop in that very time when Teddy was there.

Usually she didn't pay attention to other customers, but this time everything was different. Near the shelf there stood a guy with such a long hair that any girl would die of jealousy. Catarina evaluated its beauty as well as the patience of its owner who must had never had his hair cut. His glance was jumping from one book back to another and the guy looked confused like a person needing an advice. But Catarina wasn't used to give advices to strangers. She has made her choice but reaching out she understood that the guy had chosen the same book - and their hands suddenly met. There was no electric current that could run between the young people and make them fall in love with each other immediately (how novelists describe it). The guy was just embarrassed and two crimson spots appeared on his cheeks and Catarina laughed.

- I hope it's not the last copy, - said the guy, taking his hand away.

But the book was the only one. Physically feeling the stranger's desire to add something Catarina raised her eyes.

- May be you could give it to me... after you finish reading, - he asked, so charming in his confusion. His eyes of extra ordinary color just fascinated the girl. At first she thought that they were deepest brown but having looked closely she saw them as saturated blue; they seemed to change their color and it was amazing. What was more - these eyes were surprisingly clear and full of a warm light. This light has heated Catarina who was desperately longing for warmth and she felt very good and easy.

- Don't you think that this is my way to get acquainted with you! – he added in a hurry. – I really wanted to read Whitman...

Catarina could send him to the shop near by, where for sure the unsold copies were laid on the shelves, but she wanted so much to see this long-haired stranger again that she would take any ground. So the book perfectly fitted.

- Leave me your number? – she said. – I'll call and let you know if it's worth reading at all...

- Okay, - from the pocket of his wide pants the guy fished out a piece of paper and scribbled something. Then he presented the girl a charmingly open and sunny smile and turned to the door. Two very strong fellows with impenetrable faces followed him and Catarina was surprised to see that one of them opened the door of a fancy limousine before the long-haired.

Trying not to think who her new friend might be and why other people in the shop were staring and whispering, the girl opened the book that has helped their acquaintance. It was Walt Whitman's volume and the very first poem, that Catarina read, made her fall for his poetry immediately.

"Surely, whoever speaks to me in the right voice,

Him or her I shall follow,

As the water follows the moon,

Silently, with fluid steps, anywhere around the globe..."

Was this voice right? It seemed to her that it surely was...

...She understood that she had met an unusual guy and the fact that his voice really got under her skin and made each part of her body vibrate was the one of many reasons. This young man was different from everyone she knew before. Not only had he an attractive appearance and an awesome mane of hair (that he soon shed to a greatest Catarina's discontent). He had a big and beautiful soul. He loved people and believed in them.

Catarina liked Teddy's positive influence on her. She has changed her life style - dropped smoking, stopped wasting her time with shady friends and looked at the world with different eyes. She used to be proud of being cynic and pessimistic but suddenly she understood that there was nothing good about it. Teddy taught her to feel joy and be happy again. He was not only her lover but her best friend – the most understanding and faithful.

He treated her tenderly and respectfully like no other man. They were so happy together but still apparently something was missing, because deep down these dark-blue eyes there always some sadness could be seen. So even widely-smiling Teddy seemed to Catarina mourning and her heart ached. The sixth sense whispered to her that her happiness with that man wouldn't last long. But even knowing this, she couldn't find the strength to give up some time that fate gave them.

Suffering from misgivings tightening her chest Catarina noticed that she was no longer feeling joy. She began spending more time alone, thinking about the consequences of her romance with the "star-boy Teddy Reily", listening to his songs addressed to the Lord and Jesus and secretly crying. (Like any woman in love she desired songs and poems devoted to her, but finally Teddy devoted to her the only one song. It was called "Don't be so unhappy" and Catarina couldn't listen to it at all, because the pain in her heart was taking over covering all the other feelings).

She already knew what he missed in their perfect, as it seemed, relationship, but she couldn't give it to him. Though Teddy told her he loved her, but he never belonged to her. She couldn't and she didn't dare to compete with his love to God.

And one day happened what she'd been so scared of and had seen in her dreams waking up in tears, - Teddy went away. He didn't even hold her for good bye – didn't dare to touch her. He hasn't been doing this for a long time. She knew it was for better. She only had to stop remembering how his hands used to wind around her waist. It would not do any good.

She comforted herself thinking that if she hadn't told him to leave, he would have stayed with her. Surely it was just a nice lie. Teddy would never stay and if he did, she'd become a burden to him. Perhaps that was the meaning of their meeting, - she has been chosen by the Heaven to help him make a very hard decision. Understanding that she could not change anything, Catarina resigned herself, accepted her destiny and let her beloved to go away. Yes, it caused a terrible pain which blinded her eyes and made her want to die, but Catarina knew that thus Teddy would keep good memories of her. If he would ever be remembering her in that distant French monastery of his...

Catarina often thought if she could leave everything she had and go from the noisy mundane life to the quiet and peaceful monk solitude. Perhaps, she could, she decided after long and uneasy thinking. But if she were Teddy and somebody loved her so strongly and selflessly as Catarina loved him, she could hardly leave such love. She was strong enough to let go the one she loved, but she could not leave him herself. Teddy was a thousand, no, million times stronger than her! He had much more belief. And, probably, he had not enough love for her.

Catarina hated herself for these thoughts but she could not help herself. She only hoped that in the future it will be easier and this pain won't be cutting her with rusty knives...

...Out of time there came a memory about Catarina observing Teddy who thought that he was all alone in the room. He looked pensively somewhere running his fingers over the guitar strings and then he sang. She had never heard anything so beautiful. The melody fascinated her from the very first note and tender but very strong Teddy's voice just paralyzed Catarina. The man she loved sang about his love to Blessed Mary so sincerely that tears shed upon her cheeks. When he stopped singing and saw Catarina he smiled at her kindly and asked her to come closer but she could not move. Then Teddy came over, held her and the girl hid her face on his chest, concealing her tears.

- So you overheard my new song, – with a playful reproach he said. – And I wasn't gonna show it to you until it's done! I need to correct the lyrics and the ending....

- No! – Catarina cried with heat, raising her face and looking deeply into Teddy's eyes - dark with emotions. – Do not change anything, it's perfect!

- Is it? – he asked with a surprise. - Then why are you crying?

- Because you're a genius and I love you, - she whispered and Teddy held her firmer. She liked very much when he held her this way, - as if he was trying to protect her from the whole world.

- I love you too! – he said kissing her crown. – I love you very, very much...

They were together almost one year – the happiest and the unhappiest year in Catarina's life. She was so used to be with Teddy that she could not even imagine her life without him. When he was gone, she found herself not able to do anything. She just sat and looked at his guitar for hours throwing away bitter-sweet memories.

Catarina's friends who had been jealous secretly before now were full of malicious joy openly. She could not find a place to herself. Everything in the city reminded her of Teddy and she decided to go away for some time.

She threw some things in the bag and shut the door. Going away, she left the Whitman's volume lying on her table, guitar with a beautiful belt - on her bed and didn't even load Teddy Reily's songs in her ipod...