I sit by the stream and just reflect on everything. It all makes sense he was always trying to keep it a secret. We would meet up away from camp and just talk. I thought he didn't want to have people gossiping but now it just makes sense. I open my journal and write the following:

John Marston is a lowlife and a coward! He doesn't deserve happiness he deserves to be alone for breaking my heart!

I slam the journal shut and put it in my bag. "I can't go back..." I take off my roll bed and the packed away tent on my horse. I set up for the night and just stay there. When I laid back I heard horses galloping in the distance. "Miss. (L/n)! Is that you in the tent?" I get up and poke my head out and it was Dutch. "Yes.. I'm sorry but I just found out some news and I don't feel like going back to camp." I go back in and I silently start to cry, I shake my head no to shake it off. "Yeah I know Miss. (l/n) but I would like for you to come back. We can deal with this in the morning." I get out of my tent and stand up, "I didn't know I swear. I don't take husbands Mr. van der Linde!"
"Miss. (L/n) I am very tired and I just want to go back to my bed." I pack my stuff and put it on my horse. "We'll meet y'all there, I just want to talk to Miss. (l/n)." Arthur tells Dutch and Charles. "You have a way of putting yourself in some light you know that right?" I get on my horse and we trot our way back. When I arrived I was just too tired so I sat near a big rock and just fell asleep.

"Wake up! There's no time for rest Miss. (l/n) we have things to do." Miss. Grimshaw said in my face. "Sorry Miss. Grimshaw, what needs to be attended?" She points to Pearson, "Mr. Pearson needs help with the food. I need to make a run into town so make sure he gets a head start on the food." I nod my head, "Yes ma'am, right away." After she dismisses herself I head straight to Pearson. "Miss. Grimshaw said that you need a head start on the food." Pearson gets some chickens and gives me a knife. "Cut the heads off and take off the feathers. After that we'll boil them." I grab the chicken by the neck and I pin it on the cutting board. I take the knife and cut down in a angle, which cuts off the head. There was so much blood, "Drain the blood here and hang them by their feet." I had 3 more to do and by the last one I had an itch on my face, so I rubbed it but some blood got on my face. "Hello (y/n) I got a flower for you." I turn to see Jack with a white daisy in his hand. "Aww thank you Jack, you made my day." I take the flower and put it behind my ear. "I picked it because it's beautiful just like you." Jack made me smile so hard and in return I said, "I want to take you into town one day and get you a book. Sounds great?" Jack nods his head then says bye for now.

I drained all the blood from the chickens so I put them in the boiling water. "Alright you can go clean up now and take a break. Be back in 10 minutes I'll need help with everything else." I go to the bucket of water and wash my face off.

'What to do while I'm waiting'

"Hey (y/n) could I talk to you?" I turn around and see Sadie. "Sure." We go into the woods but not too far away from camp. "Is it true?"
"Is what true?" She leans in and whispers, "That you're foolin' around with Marston?"
"What?! How do you know?! And we just kissed nothing more." I shout and she covers my mouth. "That is not what I was told. I ain't goin' to say nothin' but you need to tell Abigail." I sigh and try to stay calm, "I'm going to tell her but I'm just nervous. What if she starts trouble?" Sadie stays quiet. "Who told you?"
"Dutch told Molly and Molly told me." I bite my tongue, "I wonder if Molly told anyone else." I start heading back to camp and heading to Abigails tent.

"Can I talk to you? Alone?" Abigail tells Jack to go play. I couldn't tell if she knew but I needed to say it anyways. "Abigail I'm pretty sure you know but I just want to say I'm sorry." She looks at me confused. "Sorry for?" I close my eyes and hope she understands, "John and I were-" Before I could say anything else she raised her hand to silence me. "I'm goin' to make your life a livin' hell."

'Great. Just what I need.'

"I can leave and just pretend I never met any of you." She ignored me and I just groaned with annoyance. I returned to Pearson and he was cutting up potatoes. "Cut the potatoes and the carrots. Then throw these spices and stir the soup." After getting dinner served we put it out on the fire and let it stay. There was a line of people and when I made eye contact with Abigail it was my biggest mistake. "Hey look everyone is the whore of the camp! She's trying to fool around with all the men in the camp so make sure you take your chance!" She uncovered Jacks ears and all of the men started mumbling under their breath. I grit my teeth and start walking away to my tent that was behind Arthur's wagon. I get my journal out of my satchel then I start to cry.

I don't want to be here any more everyone thinks that I was fooling around with John. He was messing around with me first and I didn't know he was with someone. I'm going to raise money for myself and the gang then I'm going to leave. I can't stay here if I'm going to be treated like this.

I close my journal and turn off the lantern. I close my tent up and get under the blankets.

'I need money fast.'