There was a light knocking at the door and she gradually opened her eyes. They felt dry and sore as her lashes brushed against the silk fabric clinging to her knees. How long she had been sitting there exactly was a mystery, but her back was stiff and her neck muscles felt rigid. Lifting her head up to listen better, the gentle knocking sounded again and she heard shuffling from the other side of the door.
"Can I get you anything?" Lee asked quietly. He sounded incredibly downcast and it made her heart ache. Breathing in a shuddering breath, she leant the back of her head against the door and closed her eyes tightly, a growing pain in her temples suddenly made aware to her senses.
"If you need anything, let me know okay?” he announced through the panelling, voice caring and sincere. She couldn't stay in the bathroom all day, but facing him again when her emotions were still raw felt like a dangerous move. She would have to face him at some point, they were stuck together on a ridiculously small escape pod, it wasn't like she could go anywhere else to run off and cry to.
Picking herself up off the floor, she smoothed out her silk dress and re-tied her robe. Nausea threatened within her abdomen but she wouldn't be shaken. Facing the door, she unlocked it and gracefully it slid open.

Lee was standing just outside the door, his head hung low so his hair fell over his forehead in long thick strands. His eyes were sore too as he turned surprised to see her standing there next to him. Chewing the inside of her mouth, she glanced up at him cautiously, not wanting to speak unless there was something reasonable to say. He had made her angry and he had also broken her heart. Voyager was her home, their home. Giving up on it had never even occurred to her until now, and even then it burned a big gaping hole through her chest like a phaser set to kill.

He stood back to let her enter the room and as she did, she grimaced in agony. There was such a turmoil going on inside her head that she felt like someone was squeezing her temples to breaking point. It didn't help that the florescent lights were burning brightly into her retinas either. Frowning, she walked over to the bench by the replicator and went to sit down. Dizziness rocked her off balance and she sat down hard, finding herself leaning forward over her knees.
"Wow," she mumbled, any sudden movements making her migraine worse.
"You don't look well," Lee worried as he paced over to her, crouching down onto his heels infront of her.
"It's just a headache," she whispered, closing her eyes tightly to shut out the florescent lights blaring down on her vision, hands cupped over her brow. She heard him breathing heavily, his warm hands unexpectedly encasing hers felt like they were shaking against her skin.
"Computer, set lights to five percent," he announced. Just then, she sensed the bright lights draining away above her and groaning quietly, opening her eyes with great effort to squint at his dark silhouette.

Looking around, the room was smothered in a deep blue hue, the only light coming from the helm terminal and the small replicator on the wall. It brought a sensation of calm over her body, and the low thrumming of the impulse engines created a soothing ambience throughout the vessel. The tension on her temples had reduced a little, although she still felt like she had undergone some form of mental torture.
In that moment of silence, Lee had let go of her hands and had gone to retrieve the medical kit from the bathroom. She watched his determined strides, his silk shirt flowing around his torso as he returned, stopping to kneel down and rummage through the box. Working silently, he set up a dose of painkillers in a hypospray then getting up onto the bench beside her, he lifted the instrument with one hand and went to move her hair with the other. His hand froze in mid air.
"It's alright," she whispered back to his obvious concerns, and he gently took the long waves of hair between his fingers and combed them away from her neck. She shivered as the hypospray hissed against her skin, a momentary sting of pain quickly subsiding along with the pulsating tension in her head.

Minutes passed and her headache began to subside, all the while Lee sat there with the hypospray resting in his open palm, looking at it thoughtfully. He hadn't said a word since the lights went down and she had had the time to reconsider their argument. Her conclusion; it wasn't just herself who was finding it difficult to abandon their mission. She suddenly felt terribly selfish for only thinking about herself, and even though she still felt incredibly angry about the whole situation, it wasn't enough to justify judging him so harshly for it.

Closing her eyes again, she remembered back to what he had told her about his time on Voyager.
Before they had entered Krenim space, Ensign Lee was at the top of his class, a dedicated officer who would have been ready for a promotion within the next month, if they were in the vicinity of Federation HQ that is. The Vulcan Head of Security had become great friends with the Ensign, although he wouldn't have admitted that out loud, and the chances of becoming a Lieutenant were increasingly positive. This of course never occurred due to the attacks from the Krenim warships, and with Lieutenant Tuvok being badly wounded, it's a wonder Ensign Lee found the courage to carry on as he did.

The young engineer felt tears lining her eyes at the realisation and lowered her head in shame; Lee felt the same about Tuvok as she did about Neelix. They were family and she had wrongly accused him of being cold and detached. The order to let go must be breaking him apart piece by piece, and I never even stopped to ask if he was okay. Her lip quivered as tears she didn't know she still had trickled slowly down her cheeks, and she glanced down at his open hands resting on his knees. She inhaled sharply, sobs trapped inside her chest.
Spontaneously, she took a hold of his empty hand and slid her fingers between his, grasping on tightly just in case he pulled away... but he didn't. Lee dropped the hypospray onto the floor and turned to face her, his free hand then combing her stray tresses away from her wet eyes. Then he ran his fingers over her cheek to wipe away the tears and she rested her head against his palm. As he gazed at her in the dark, she could make out the troublesome emotions playing on his features. He seemed anxious, afraid of something that she couldn't identify as he stared back at her wordlessly.

"I'm sorry for not considering how you felt about leaving them behind," she muttered sadly, her chest aching to the point of collapse. Lee shook his head slowly, his fingers running along the strands of her hair,
“Please, you don't need to apologise-"
"But I do!” she replied, her throat sore from crying too much, “I shouldn’t have been so harsh, I know you miss them too.” He gulped down his emotions that were fighting to escape his chest, tensing his jaw as he listened to her speak quieter now.
“Truthfully, I’m not ready to stop searching. They’re the only family I have left and I owe them my life for what they’ve done. However, I understand that you were given orders to move on after a month and if that is what we have been ordered to do...” She stopped and bit her tongue, suddenly coming to the conclusion that stopping the search was the only sensible option. They had to move on and try to live again. She clenched her free hand into a fist and felt her nails dig into her skin, the subtle pain only a glimpse of what she was feeling deep inside.
“So, as of today, we'll begin our journey back to the Alpha Quadrant,” she finished her speech and sighed softly, tiredness pressing on her eyelids. Lee’s hand relaxed against her face, his thumb pressed softly on her cheekbone as he nodded in reply. Why won’t you speak to me? she asked with her eyes but he didn’t reply to that either.
“I'm,” he muttered to her surprise and her eyes widened a little at his low voice breaking the silence, “I’m so sorry you got dragged into this. If you had gone in a different escape pod you could've been ship jumping further towards the Alpha Quadrant by now. I wish things had been  different,” he looked up at her, eyes searching intently.
“I'd rather have spent time searching for help here than floating along waiting to abandon ship out there," she admitted glancing towards the view screen briefly before looking back at him.
"Lee, if there's anything you need please tell me. I'm right here,” she tried to smile, placing a hand gently on his arm to comfort him. His deeply mysterious eyes searched over her features, stopping at her lips briefly before meeting her own teary eyes again. His lips parted and he breathed out a short breath. She gulped, waiting nervously as his hand stroked her cheek once more. The young ensign felt her stomach flip. Wait, are we going to...?

He frowned somewhat bewilderdly, pulling back to sit straight and retrieving his hand from her cheek leaving a sudden coldness between them. The engineer stiffened in her seat and her mouth dropped open, her expression dumbfounded as he got to his feet hurriedly. His chest was rising and falling heavily and he seemed to be out of sorts. Had she done or said something wrong? Words betrayed him as she waited for him to say something, anything to put her mind at ease at what had just happened. Then, looking down at her worrisome features, he exhaled with some effort and stood up tall.
“I’ll take on an extra few hours of watch so you can rest fully, it's best that you take time to recover from this,” he spoke in the voice he'd used when he was an officer on board Voyager. Professional, clear and precise. He glanced at her momentarily and she caught his eye, along with the regret that came with it. She didn’t have the strength to argue or complain, to be honest she hadn’t a clue on how to respond normally anymore. That same numbness she had experienced earlier came over her like a waterfall of soundless water and she found herself nodding in reply. Without another word, Ensign Lee walked up to the helm and slouched over the terminal, fingers working over the screen.

The engineer stood up in a daze, lifting the padded bench lid to retrieve a blanket and small pillow. Lowering the lid, she sat and slowly lifted her legs to lie down, bring the blanket up around her shoulders. As her head touched the pillow she felt the remaining dull ache of her migraine fighting for it’s place in her head, but after all that had just occurred, she found her mind spiralling down into a black hole of confusion. Nothing felt right. Not anymore. What was his deal? They had become really good friends since their first unplanned meeting during a Krenim surge almost five months ago, and since then she had grown to feel for him in ways even she didn’t understand. It looked like he was trying to tell her something important but... why didn't he? No longer able to question herself, she let her eyes shut heavily and it was a mere couple of seconds before she fell into a long, empty sleep.

~~

The smell of burning metal and leaking plasma made her cough heavily, her vision blurred at the sides as she ran on and on down the endless hallway that never seemed to end. Her feet felt light as she ran, as if she were floating on air. Someone was walking just ahead of her almost out of sight, and when she went to call out, her voice no longer existed. She cried out again. Nothing. Running faster, the hallway grew darker and she found herself surrounded by billows of grey smoke and debris. Suddenly the person stopped in front of her and they turned around slowly. It was Neelix. She smiled and went to reach him but he stepped away from her, his eyes distant and cold as she suddenly noticed that he had no pulse, no heart beat. "Why didn't you save us? We needed you," he said, his voice muffled as if he were hidden behind a screen. She cried out to tell him she was sorry, but he walked away into the smoke, disappearing with it as she screamed after him-

"NO!" she sat up, gasping for air as her surroundings slowly became apparent. She was back on the escape pod and Ensign Lee was standing beside her, hands grasping her shoulders. He must've shaken her out of the dream and she was incredibly grateful for it. Catching her breath, she rubbed her eyes and sighed out heavily.
"Nightmares again?" Lee asked, letting go of her shoulders and crouching down beside the bench.
"Uh huh," she mumbled, trying to wipe the vivid images from her mind with a grimace. Ever since they stopped searching for people to help Voyager, the guilt that was gnawing at her soul was getting worse, mainly in the form of unwelcome dreams.

Standing up to his full height, Lee reached out his hand and a thin smile spread over his lips.
"Come, I've got something to show you."
Squinting up at him, she frowned in curiosity and took his hand without a second thought, bringing the blanket with her to keep whatever comfort was left of her nights rest. He lead her up to the helm and motioned for her to sit down in the pilot's chair. As she did, she drew the blanket around her shoulders and yawned into the fabric. She heard him chuckle lightly and she glanced up wearily to see him stand over the terminal screen. He was pointing at something blue lit up on the shiny black glass and as her eyes slowly adjusted, she felt the air in her lungs suddenly escape her mouth all at once. Leaping out of the chair, she leaned over the terminal and read the data on the screen.
"Is-" she tried to speak but she was too overwhelmed, "Is it real?" she breathed out.
"Yes, it's real."
"Have we been able to contact them?" she asked looking up at him, the weariness she'd felt quickly turning into adrenaline fuelled excitement.
"It was actually them who contacted us. The computer picked up their distress call about three hours ago. They are expecting us to arrive within the hour."
The young engineer leant against the helm desk and shook her head in disbelief.
"When we get into range of their transporters, we'll beam aboard and help them with repairs," Lee explained the plan before looking down at his boots thoughtfully, "(Y/n), I was thinking that maybe, if things go well, that they might form an alliance with us."
She stared at him in even more shock, not convinced she had heard right as she stepped closer to him, "You're- you're going to ask them to help Voyager?" she asked quietly, her body shaking from adrenaline and the cold soft breeze coming from the air con brushing against her face.
"There can be no harm in trying," Lee nodded encouragingly and she couldn't help laughing into her hands.
"Thank you, thank you!" she leapt into him and embraced him wholesomely, the blanket drifting off her shoulders onto the floor unnoticed. He chuckled at her gleeful gesture, wrapping his arms around her comfortingly. The Ensign snuggled her face into his chest and sighed. This was the best news she had heard for weeks and it was almost too much to bare. She felt his large hand gently pat her on the head and she gazed up at him happily, eyes twinkling with newfound purpose. He seemed to understand her perfectly, his eyes reading the same feeling; this was the chance they had been waiting for.
Staring at each other with broad smiles on their faces, the comforting embrace, the low humming of the impulse engines, his gentle stroke of her hair...

Clearing his throat he let her go and stepped back, inhaling deeply through his nose before announcing, "As we'll be there within the hour, why not go and get ready and I'll replicate a breakfast feast to remember. What do you say?"
She grinned at his bashful countenance and picked the blanket up off the floor,
"As long as there's coffee and pancakes, you'll never disappoint me!" she laughed, hurrying towards the bathroom to change into her uniform and finally prepare herself for potentially the most important first contact of her life. She didn't even consider them saying no to their pleas. She had to help Voyager even if it was the last thing she would ever do.