You stood outside Jungkook's house, having your heart beating fast in your chest. You tried to hide your smile and rang the bell. The boy opened the door and you were more than excited.

You were trying to avoid romance in your life, but this time you were sure you were safe around him, safe and sure he'd make your life better. You entered the house for the first time without Yoongi's or Namjoon's company.

It was Christmas holidays so you could finally relax a bit. It was the first time you saw Jungkook after everything that happened with Hoseok and the hospital and you could finally let your mind and feelings be at peace for a while. You had also delivered the project you had with your team, and also Suho's one. Looking at Jungkook's figure and feeling your heart like this, you told yourself that you deserved allowing yourself to feel that kind of happiness.

He led you to the living room, in front of the TV which was playing a music channel. You sat there and he wanted to offer you to drink, but after that party a few nights ago, your organs were against it, so water was enough. He put some wine for himself though.

"I need courage" he said laughing, as he was filling his glass

"For what?" you asked

He started drinking and came closer to you. Even with simpler clothes, he was breathtaking, and you couldn't actually believe such a boy was interested in you. He sat next to you, his one hand  leaning on the back of the couch, behind your back.

"I have never confessed" he said and his eyes were examining your face carefully, as if  you were the most beautiful human alive "I don't wanna mess up my first time"

You eyes travelled from his black hair to his earrings, his lips, collarbones, chest, hands, jaw, eyes, lips.

Even though you had relationships in the past, you realized you'd never wanted to be devoured by someone so much in your life. Lust filled your whole body and you had to find inner strength to stop yourself from actually attacking this boy to kiss him. Your state of body and mind were at the point you'd let him do anything he wanted to you.

"You don't have to confess" you told him "Just show it"

He didn't even wait for it. The hand he had behind you brought you to his embrace, and at the same time he let the glass to the table and leaned his whole body to kiss you. You immediately put your hand behind his neck and pulled him more, wanting to become one with his body.

The kiss was from the beginning passionate. You opened your mouth and let his tongue get inside of you, connect with yours. His other hand was now on your waist, slowly feeling your body and you did the same, moving your hands from his back to his chest, his muscles and neck. He was feeling amazing and you wanted more of him.

But suddenly a bunch of voices crossed your mind, all of them saying one word; whore.

When you realized Jungkook was also in the mood to take this further, you stopped him and smiled.

"You wouldn't think I'll give you all of me from the first night, right?" you said teasingly and he smiled, trying to breathe from your kisses.

"Oh come on, you were as willing as I was" he said and you couldn't agree more.

You hated how you couldn't bring yourself to do something you really wanted, just because of your inner fear someone would find out and your rumors would never end. You knew this was paranoid, but insecurities took the better of you and you didn't want to make Jungkook aware of it. 

You took his wine from the table, drank some and winked at him

"C'mon, show me how good you are, Mr. Gamer"

---

5 months passed having a relationship with Jungkook, and it was more than good. You were having much fun together, he was romantic and caring and he always took every chance he had to show it you. You appreciated what you had and wanted to protect it no matter what. 

You had also come closer to Taehyung. Along with Yoongi and Namjoon, they were the guy friends closer to you, even if Jungkook always seemed to have a problem with him in one way or another, but of course he didn't ever tell you not to hang out with him or something. You realized he was kind of jealous of Taehyung, and you were sometimes enjoying this little jealousy of his and how he was trying every time to be present when you were with the other boy. 

Hoseok experienced one more episode with alcohol when he lost three tennis matches in raw. Jimin and Namjoon were with him at that time and they managed to save him before the problem became too severe like the other time. But besides that, he was now feeling much better.

Yoongi had changed countless jobs, and his financial problems weren't really getting better.

As it was your last year at school, Namjoon was missing from your hang outs many times to study. He had trusted to you and Yoongi that his parents were really strict with this matter, but he didn't explain more and you didn't ask.

Of course, school wasn't going fine for you. Apparently, making Suho's project spread around the students, and you started getting threats to carry out other duties too. Your life got more tiring than ever and your grades dropped so much in the most important school year. Your family, friends and Jungkook were the only ones to bring happiness to your life, that's why you'd do anything to help them stay away from this dark side of your life.

There were times you were looking at Jungkook's eyes and you felt so much happiness and importance, that you were telling yourself that as long as you had him you'd be fine.

You were doing everything to protect them and not to worry them, but sometimes there are things like your grades and tiredness that couldn't be hidden.

---

That kind of life was almost normal for you. But there are some excessive actions that could lead your mentality to permanent damage.

That night, you had just finished your bath and walked to your room naked, looking at your wardrobe to find something to wear. You dressed yourself when you heard a sound outside your window that scared you and you turned your head to see what it was.

A boy of your age was right there. In the beginning he didn't see that you saw him, because his face had the expression of extremely ecstasy, and a scary thought crossed your mind, cause you weren't a novice to these kind of expressions. Your knees betrayed you and you fell to the floor, making a loud sound that the boy opened his eyes and saw you. He ran away immediately, having a guilty look in his face, as if that would make you better.

It took you lots of time to realize what had happened. You stood there on the ground trying to process what you saw. You didn't know that guy. You had no idea who he was. But you had an idea what he was doing, and even though you hated what you were about to do, you got out of the house to make sure.

You went to your window looked at the wall underneath it.

You couldn't help it and vomited, right there, in front of the white liquid.

---

After calling him, Taehyung was in 10 minutes in front of your house. Your parents let him in, they knew all of your friends already so it didn't seem weird to them that he visited. He came to your room where the both of you stayed on your bed. He didn't pressure you to say stuff, he was just there, ready to listen. During these five months, you'd learnt how to treat each other in the way you needed to get treated. You'd never treated him unfairly since then and he'd never tried to get closer to your dark personal life, except the times you'd do it by your will.

"I'm sorry I called you like this" you said with tears in your eyes "But Yoongi is working and Namjoon is studying, I didn't wanna bother them with the problems of mine..."

Taehyung was smart enough to assume what it was about.

"But you didn't call Jungkook either. You thought of calling the people who were familiar with a certain something matter of yours... Y/N, don't tell me it's about what I think it is..."

"Taehyung... a while ago I saw..."

You had a hard time explaining to him, because your tears and breaths wouldn't let you do so. You had to stop at times because you couldn't see, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't bring yourself to say the words.

Taehyung was only listening, but you could see his jaw tightening, as well as his hands, his eyes were looking at the window's direction and all you could see about his feelings were disgust and hatred. 

After you were done, he took you in his arms and he let you cry for one hour straight, that in the end there were no more tears to cry. You were feeling so sick and dizzy and all of this felt so unreal. You wished it was just a bad dream you had seen and tightened your grip in Taehyung's shirt.

You laid down to your bed with Taehyung, whom you wouldn't let go of. You were feeling like if he was gone, something bad would happen at you.

During the night you experience a severe panic attack. Taehyung was doing everything to calm you down, to convince you there was no one around to hurt her, that he was here, that he would always be. But even when you were trying to sleep, you'd wake up a minute later about to scream and wet from sweat. 

In the end, he gave you a pill to reduce your heartbeats and stress. It calmed you down in a while and you were about to sleep. Taehyung still had you in his arms, stroking your cheek and kissing your forehead. Just by being there, you were feeling that even in this situation, there was hope.

"Sleep, love" he whispered to you "No one's gonna hurt you. I'm here. I love you so much. They're gonna pay for what they did" he took a deep breath "Sleep now, love, I'm not gonna leave you"

---

A/N: I'm sorry for this