TW: this chapter has some mentions of ED and body shaming

Enid's POV:

I take a deep breath as I look over at one of my "friends", who's sitting across from me. She comments on every person who walks by, her words dripping with envy and contempt. "I bet she's insecure about her thighs", she whispers, her eyes narrowing in judgement. "Her nose looks weird," she adds as she looks away, already onto the next victim.

 I don't think she realizes that comments like this can be so damaging to a person. Growing up, my mother would comment on my body all the time, and it made me feel terrible about myself. I still remember the feeling of inadequacy and self-hatred that it caused. I was always trying to change my body to fit her standards and it never felt like I was good enough.

 I want to tell her that her words are hurtful, but instead I just sit there, feeling my stomach turn inside out. I don't want to be the one to point out how wrong her comments are, but I can't help but feel like somebody should. She's so quick to judge other people, yet she probably doesn't realize the impact her words have.

As I watched her send out the remarks, I couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity. When she pointed out someone having big legs, I found myself looking down at my own legs which were unfortunately the same size. I felt a pang of guilt for feeling the way I did about myself but was also reminded of the toll her comments were taking on the victim. Then when she pointed out someone being overweight, I was reminded of my own body shape. I wanted her to realize that her words were not only affecting the victim but also the people around them-- like me. I wished she could understand that words have the potential to make people feel ashamed and embarrassed of themselves.

 I wanted her to take a step back and think before she spoke because her words had the power to make someone feel inferior and ashamed. I wished she could understand that her words had consequences and that it was important to be mindful of them. Instead of tearing someone down, why not try to build them up?

I'm too scared to tell her that she is hurting people so I get walk away. 

"I have to head back."

"Oh okay, it was nice seeing you again." She replied, kind of dissapointed.

"Yep, you too."

Yoko picks me up and we start heading back. 

"You okay? You seems upset."

I looks up, I didn't realize I was showing it. "Yeah, I'm fine. What's up with you, you seem happy."

She looks at me with a huge smile. "I'm going to ask someone out."

"Really? Omg who?" I say perking up. 

"Divina." Se says blushing. 

"Omg really?"

"Yeah, we've been talking and I think she likes me back."

"Good for you." I say happily. 

When we get back to the dorms I am still happy for Yoko. I can't believe she might finally have someone. But that happiness fades the moment I step out of the car. I look down at my stomach and all the insecurity rushes back into me. I walk with my head down back to the dorm. When I open the door I call Wednesday's name to see if she was there. When there is no answer I remember she had a therapy session. This is the first session with her new therapist. 

I walk to my side of the room and look in the mirror. I put my hand on my stomach and then on my thigh. My eyes tear up. I go to the bathroom and stand over the toilet. I use two fingers to make myself gag. I continue this several times until I finally throw up. I throw up all the food in my system then flush. I stand in front of the sink and look in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, I hate what I see. After I moved in with Wednesday, I got better with my self-esteem. I started to love myself again. But now... I'm back in the same state I was before. Who knew one person could impact one's mind so much. I agreed with myself that I would never hang out with that girl again.

I hear the door open. I wipe the tears from my eyes and open the door. 

"Hey, I thought you were in Jericho." Wednesday said, surprised to see me. 

"I left early, I didn't actually enjoy seeing her again."

"Oh, okay. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said for the hundredth time today. I feel like I say it all the time, I just don't see the point in telling anyone how I really feel, especially Wednesday, she is dealing with her own shit and I doubt she wants to hear about my problems. "How was your new therapist."

"No any worse than Kinbott."

"Good."

We did our own things for the next few hours. 

Wednesday's POV:

I heard Enid's phone buzz followed by a loud squeal. 

"OMG!"

"What?" I asked, turning around. 

"Divina and Yoko are together!" She yelled from across the room. 

"Oh, I thought it was going to be something big." I say disappointed.

"This is big."

"Enid, even I knew that they were going to get together someday soon, they've been exchanging looks all hour in English."

"That's true."

----------

Me and Enid went out to get dinner and I noticed that Enid barely ate anything. 

"Did you not like the food? You barely ate anything?"

"No it was good I just wasn't that hungry."

I nodded and we headed back to the dorm. When we get back she goes straight to the bathroom. I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. When she comes out she puts a peppermint in her mouth and comes over to me. I look at her confused, for she rarely eats peppermints. 

"My breath smells like garlic from dinner." she said soothing the confusion in my eyes. 

I nod and go back to looking at the ceiling. Enid put these small glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and we made our own constellations with them. In the left corner there is one in the shape of a heart. In another corner there is a cat, resembling "The Black Cats" from the Poe cup. We have several others resembling points in our lives together. I listen as Enid makes her way over to me. 

"Tired?" She asks as she lays down next to me. 

"Yeah, it's been a long day."

She nods then curls up next to me. I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. She soon falls asleep, leaving me wide awake, staring at the ceiling. I thought the further we got into the semester, the less I would get flashbacks from that night, but turns out, it is quite the opposite. 

Although Enid sleeping in my bed helps, I still get nightmares sometimes. When we drive along the road, I never look out the window. Because when I do and I see the woods, I remember when we both almost died. I can't imagine my life without Enid. Before, she was just an annoying roommate that played loud, ear piercing music. But now, she is one of the most important people in my life. I would rather spend time with her than anyone else. I eventually doze off.

---------

I hear my alarm go off and I look over at the clock. I reach for it but, with Enid's arms wrapped around me, I can't reach it. I slowly slide out of Enid's grasp and turn off my alarm. It's amazing how Enid can sleep through so much. 

I walk back over to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Enid. We have to get ready for school."

She groans and rolls out of bed. She stumbles to the bathroom and turns on the shower. 

"How'd you sleep?" She mumbles as she waits for the water to warm up. 

"I slept fine. How about you?"

"Pretty good. But I had a... somewhat disturbing dream."

"What was it about?" I ask in concern. I have done quite a bit of research on dreams and it has been tested multiple times that some dreams can predict something that will happen. 

"I dreamed that I died. I don't know, it was weird."

I was a little concerned but not very. Normally only 8% of dreams come true so I guess I'll just have to hope this dream falls under the other 92%.  

"It's probably nothing." I respond. 

We finish getting ready and she goes to the door to leave. 

"Are you going to eat something before you go?" I ask as she opens the door. 

"No, I'm okay."

"Okay, goodbye."

"Bye."

I finish getting ready and head to school. 

------- (a month later)

Enid's POV:

I decided to start jogging to school to try to burn calories. I'm trying to work out any chance I get. I've been measuring my stomach and thighs every day and weighing myself every morning. Sometimes I don't even notice how little I eat. I know I need food, but I just don't think it's worth it. As long as I am drinking water I should be fine, right?

When I get home from school, Wednesday is already at the dorm. 

"Hey, what are you doing home early?"

"The teacher didn't show up to my last class."

"Really? Who was it?"

"It was Mr. Mayfield."

"Oh, I heard from someone she was missing, no one has seen her all weekend."

She thinks for a moment then goes back to writing. I walk to the bathroom and close the door. I look at myself in the mirror and pull my oversize hoodie tight around my waist.  Although I have lost weight, I still hate the sight of myself. Every time I look in the mirror nothing but hate stares back at me. I turn the sink on and lift the toilet seat up. I use two fingers to activate my gag reflex and I throw up the sandwich I had earlier in the day. I flush the toilet and turn the sink off. I put gum in my mouth then walk out of the bathroom. 

Wednesday is standing at her desk when I walk out.

"You okay? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine." I walk past her with my head down. 

"You don't seem fine." 

"I'm fine Wednesday." I say in a firmer voice. 

She lightly grabs my wrist. "Enid you don't-" She stops, realizing how small my wrist has gotten. "Enid."

I pull my hand away. 

"Enid, have you been eating?"

I put my head down and tears develop in my eyes. "I just want to be able to look at myself and like what I see."

"You are beautiful already, you don't need to starve yourself."

"No, I'm not."

"Enid, you are breathtaking and I am sure anyone you ask would agree."

Tears start falling and I hug her. 

"How long has this been happening?"

"About a month."

"I'm sorry. I should've noticed sooner."

"It's not your fault."

She hugs me tighter and rests her head on my shoulder. 

"I love you and you couldn't be any more perfect."