Ready for some drama? As usual, I've been away for a while... now time to stir things up. Be prepared. Maybe grab some tissues? ;) 

READ ALL THE WAY THROUGH OR YOU WON'T GET TO THE DRAMA !!!!

We are still on Amberly's Selection!! I missed writing so much, I hope this chapter makes up for my absence. (I know I say that every time. Are you really surprised anymore?)

-

Five months later.

-

Dear mother,

Things are going well at the palace. I miss you like crazy. I can't wait for you to return for the New Year... we are going to celebrate more than any other year. I'll be engaged to a suitor by then, and our family will be together in the first time in forever.

Here are some updates in my selection over the past five months, since you asked.

There was a fight between a couple of the suitors. I was caught in the crossfire, but though that punch hurt at the time, it actually turned out to be something great.

That "great thing" is named Xander. I think I love him, Mom. Many of the other suitors are nice, but I don't feel the same with them the way I feel with Xander. There's just something about him- I can't explain it. Everyone else likes him, too. He saved my life in a rebel attack, actually. God, Mom, I have to tell you about him when you get back.

Here's the problem. I can't choose him. He has this heart condition that makes him weak and could, I guess, potentially kill him. And I know it wouldn't be wise to choose a king who could die at any time. That breaks my heart, but I guess I have to choose someone else for the sake of my country. Right?

Anyway, I've been on dates with all of the other suitors. Some of them obviously won't be going any further in the selection process, but a few of them would make good kings. And good husbands, I suppose. I think I could see myself loving them eventually. 

I actually connect well with Nathaniel Holmes. He was my favorite before I fell for Xander, actually. He would make an excellent king. And Grayson Vogel- we've had so many laughs together this past half a year. 

That's basically it. I can't wait to see you, Gerad, Gwen, Logan, Ashlyn, and the twins! Counting down the seconds.

Love,
Amberly 

I put down my pen in despair. So many people have been missing from my life throughout this entire selection. I've gotten used to the awkward silences where Logan or Gerad would make a joke, the calmness where Gwen's twins would create chaos, the lack of late-night talks that my mom and I would have. 

But that doesn't mean I like it.

And on top of it all, the man I might possibly love could die at any moment. I've been trying to distance myself from him, as my father suggested I do, but it's been too hard for me. We sneak around after-hours, talking about life and random things that just make sense with him. 

Deep down, I think he knows that I can't pick him. Maybe we both know it and we're just choosing to pretend that's not how it has to be. 

Either way, his heart condition is getting worse. Since the rebel attack, he's been extra strained; seeing the doctor more, socializing with the other suitors less... living his life less. He told me not to worry, but can he really expect me not to?

"Life goes on," he said to me once. "Shit happens. No one said it's fair, but it happens. And this is happening to me. But no matter what happens, life goes on."

And though he's right... I want my life to go on with him.

-

Two weeks later.

-

I barely even hear the knock at the door before Paige runs to answer it. Being absorbed in the book I'm reading, I don't look up to see who's there. That is, not until I hear the voice that speaks.

"Amberly?"

My head flies up and the book falls out of my hands. "Mom?" I run towards the door and jump into her arms, burying my face in her neck. "Oh my god, Mom. I missed you so much," I cry as I pull back.

"I missed you too, my dear. Trust me. Too much to handle, sometimes." She brushed her thumb across my cheek, smiling sadly at me. "You already look older. Like a real queen."

"Oh, goodness," I say, blushing. Before I can say another word, Gwen approaches from behind my mother, looking stunning as always.

"Speaking of a queen, it's the Queen of England!" I laugh, curtseying as a joke before embracing her. 

"Amberly, you look absolutely lovely. I missed you so much." She kissed my forehead as the twins suddenly ran around her ankles and grabbed onto my legs. 

Gasping, I fall to the floor and pull the two toddlers close to me. "Look at how big you've gotten since I saw you last!" I exclaim, raising my eyebrows. As quickly as they came, they ran away giggling, only to be replaced with both Gerad and Logan. And then finally, my emotions got the better of me.

I cover my mouth with both of my hands, unable to keep the tears from falling. My sobs are muffled as they wrap their arms around me, and as I cry into their chests, I let out all the bottled emotions I've been keeping inside of me since they left.

As they pull away, I take their appearances in for a moment. Gerad had grown a beard, Logan had grown what seems like a foot taller. They both look like my father, and since they've been gone, they've changed more than I imagined they would.

"You guys..." I find myself speechless. But I don't need to say anything for them to know what I'm thinking. 

My father walks up behind and puts an arm around my mother, who holds his free hand with hers.

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. And seeing my family here, together, for the first time in what seems like forever, I know that statement couldn't be more true.

-

The days after the arrival of my family are filled with love, laughter, and happiness. The choice I have to make between the suitors seems to melt away for the time being. Though I know I have to face that decision sometime soon, I now have my entire family to help me. And I know they will- my father, mother, brother, and sister and law have all been through it already. And, Logan... well, he can be the comic relief in the whole process.

Some of the selected even get involved in the lives of the other royals. Especially Gerad and Logan. Sometimes I see them in the Men's Room when I walk past it, laughing and talking with the suitors. So far, my mother has done her job to keep the boys in check. Whenever she walks into a room, their posture straightens, smiles brighten, and manners improve. Now that everyone's back home, my father has been more involved in the process as well, making sure the suitors have good intentions. 

One morning, Gerad and I happen to run into each other in the hallway. Finally, I can get him alone. I pull him into an empty room, sit him down, and take a deep breath.

"Okay, listen," I say, biting my lip.

He tilts his head. "What's up? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. No. I mean-" I sigh, sitting down next to him. "I'm going to propose."

Gerard's eyes fly wide open. "Amberly, what? This is HUGE! Who else knows?"

"Just you," I admit, shrugging. "I wanted to ask for your advice. Since you've been through this. And you won't be weird about it, like dad."

A slight grin on his face helps me relax a bit.

"Of course. You can always talk to me, you know that." He squeezes my shoulder comfortingly. "What do you need help with?"

"I'm not in love with this guy," I say, furrowing my eyebrows, preparing to explain. "I respect him. I care about him. I get along with him and understand him. And I know that he will make a great king. I actually liked him the best based on first impressions. Everything about him says pick him."

He nods along with my words. "But you don't love him."

"Exactly!" I exclaim, throwing my hands up in defeat.

"Do you love one of them?"

Running a hand through my messy hair, I murmur, "Yes. His name is Xander Blake. And he could die at any second from a heart condition. He would make a great king too, I know that. But a dead king can't rule a country as effectively as a live one could."

"You have a point there," he said, taking in a deep breath. "I really wish I could help you, sis, but even I don't know the answer to this one. Logic points one way, love points the other. I mean... in my selection, I chose love. But then again, Gwen was healthy, and royalty already, so she was a pretty obvious choice." He laughed softly, looking away from me for a moment. "But you're the smartest girl I know, okay? Whatever your gut tells you to do is the right choice. Just remember, you do have a responsibility to this country first. And we all make sacrifices for our position. It's not fair, but it's the way it goes. But if you think Xander is worth all that- then so be it. Do what your heart tells you to do."

Before I can open my mouth, a maid enters the room, and with a short curtsey, says, "Prince Gerad? Sorry to disturb, but your father wants to see you in his office."

"Alright, I'll be right there." He turns back toward me, kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. But I know you'll make the right choice. I love you, sis."

"Love you too," I echo, lost in thought.

You do have a responsibility to this country first. And we all make sacrifices for our position.

And once again, I guess my mind was made for me. Later that night at dinner, I decide to make my decision public. My family might as well know what my plans are.

"I have an announcement to make," I say, standing up at the dinner table before everyone starts eating. I make eye contact with Gerad before I open my mouth again, and he nods reassuringly. I take a deep, composing breath.

"I'm going to propose tomorrow," I declare. Multiple gasps from around the table lead to quite murmuring between the people in front of me. "To Nathaniel Holmes. A very respectable man, who has shown his ability to lead and will make an intelligent, thoughtful, and powerful king when the time comes."

No one speaks for a moment. I've become a good actress over the years, but I don't think I did a very good job hiding the fact that this isn't the man I want to marry. But being royalty, they all understand that I need to.

"Congratulations, honey," my mother finally says, breaking the silence. Everyone else follows her, showering me with many different forms of "I'm so happy for you" and "That's great news" that somehow don't make me feel any better.

I sit down once again, beginning to eat my dinner.

-

"Miss Amberly," a voice shrieks, accompanied by a pair of hands shaking my shoulders. "Miss Amberly, God, please wake up. Something's happened."

My eyes wide, I stare at the woman in front of me- Paige. "Paige? What the hell- what's going on? What time is it?"

"Three twenty-six a.m., miss. It's Xander. He- He had a heart attack. He's unconscious, in the hospital wing." She swallows nervously. "His state is unclear at the moment. We thought it best if you went to visit him now..."

"What, in case he dies?" I cry, frantically grabbing the first pair of shoes I can find and rushing towards the door. "Alert everyone, Paige. Everyone, please, soon."

As fast as my legs will carry me, I sprint to the hospital wing and burst open the door. To my horror, I see doctor's swarming all over the place, even one on top of Xander, performing CPR. 

Not knowing what to do, I stand in the doorway, frozen. Nothing seems real and everything seems real at the same time. I knew this was coming. I knew it would happen, and still, I can't believe it. 

Snapping back into reality, I rush to Xander's side. A doctor shouts, "I have a heartbeat!" and the doctor giving him CPR climbs off his chest. I grab his hand, and whisper to both him and myself, "Make it through this. Make it through. Come back to me. Please. Come back to me." Tears start to pool in my eyes, and I let them fall freely. 

This family has suffered too many damn losses. 

My father lost his parents and a baby girl- Gerad's twin.

My mother lost her parents, a brother and a baby.

My brother lost the first love he ever had.

Now it's my turn, I suppose.

Gerad runs into the room, freezing in his tracks when his eyes find mine. All the pain he had endured during his selection floods back into his eyes, and a single tear falls from his eye. The death of Breanne is obviously still haunting him to this day, and this must bring back those horrid memories of him watching his own love die. Gwendolyn isn't far behind him, and when she enters, it doesn't take her long to let out a sob. Over the past five months, since our first date and the rebel attack where he saved my life, he had become a favorite of everyone in the palace. Even those who just returned from England love him- he does know how to make a good first impression.

I don't know how long I sit there, holding his hand. I stay until my hand gets numb, along with the rest of my body. Until my feelings go numb.

I can feel Gerad's arms around me, I can hear his voice in my ear. I know he's there, but I don't register his presence. All I can see is Xander's closed eyes, his slow heartbeat, barely even there anymore.

A day passes, I think. And probably another day. People file in and out of the hospital wing, hugging me, squeezing Xander's hands, giving their wishes to us.

But what gets me isn't any of my family feeling bad for me. It's one of the other suitors sitting on the other side of Xander's bed, holding his other hand. Jayce Ambers, his name is. I never saw him as anything special. He was just another one of the people trying to get the crown. But as he sits there, with tears in his eyes, I see that he's not no one. None of them are. They mean something to others. They mean something to each other.

-

The beeping.

The beeping is so damn loud.

And fast. Concerning, apparently, because the doctors all run to check his monitor. "He's in VFib," one of them says rapidly, preparing the paddles to shock him.

The world is silent, almost. I hear people talking, but I don't listen.

I take a step back from the bed, blinking a few times, slowly.

They shock him.

He bolts upward.

And suddenly, the world is alive again.

"Oh my god." I breathe in all the air my lungs can hold. "Oh my god." I leap into Xander's arms, holding him tighter than I ever had before. My lips find his shortly after, and I kiss him. I kiss him, not just any kiss- but a kiss that makes up for the time I spent unable to kiss him. 

Suddenly, I don't care about anything else in the world but him and me being together. "Marry me," I whisper, grabbing his hands with my own. "Marry me, Xander. I'm in love with you. So, so, in love with you." Tears stream down my face, but I don't care. "I love you, please, God, please marry me."

"Amberly," he whispered, his voice coarse. "My heart. You can't pick me."

"Screw your heart. Screw the rules. Screw everything, Xander, I love you. And that's all that matters to me, damn it, because I almost lost you. And in these two days that you've been gone, I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that you wouldn't be here with me forever. And I couldn't bare it. And I can't bare the idea of you leaving this palace and not being my husband." I put a hand over his heart gently, looking into his eyes- his beautiful eyes.

His eyes glistening, he leans toward me as much as he can, and nods slowly. "Of course I'll marry you. And hey, Amberly?"

"Yes?" I say, sniffing with an idiotic smile on my face.

"I love you too. And I think I have since that rebel pointed his gun at you. Because just like you," he murmured, brushing my hair out of my face, "I couldn't see myself not being able to get to know you any more. My heart broke in half just thinking about it." He paused, half a smile on his face. "Pun kind of intended."

"Too soon," I whisper, burying him in an embrace once more. "Too soon."

-

So, enough drama for you?

I decided to let him live this time. (Key word: this time.)

NEXT UPDATE WILL BE THE END OF AMBERLY'S SELECTION! STAY TUNED!

I'm on holiday break... so hopefully I'll be able to update before I go back to school? Maybe! 

After I finish Amberly's Selection, I'll be going back to America and Maxon's story until it's over. (Actually crying thinking about ending this story. I love them too much.)

Hope you all had and are having amazing holidays. Love you all so much! <3