I know that I shouldn't look. Because if I look, then it's over. I won't be able to stop myself.

I don't even want to like her. She drives me crazy, makes me want to scream, but at the same time I've never wanted to just simply be in the presence of anyone else.

Her annoying presence is something that I look forward to. But I keep myself away for both of our own goods. It's a bad idea. I'm not over Evangeline. Maybe I won't ever be.

That's not fair to her. She deserves more.

Not that would even feel the same way about me. She's so caught up in guys who don't even give her the respect she deserves. She just doesn't understand what she's worth.

I don't understand how much she's worth, but I know it's more than I can give.

Seeing her flirt with the bloody prick from the bar tonight enraged me. I wanted to slam his head into the cooler and watch the beer bottles break around his skull.

That stupid oversized jumper made her look so adorable.

I've been lying in bed thinking about it since I got back. I've found her on Instagram and I just want to see her face again.

Fuck it.

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emersonelizabeth back at school, so here's a gloomy pic to represent how gloomy my dorm feels.
samuellarson you're back and didn't text me? fake friend

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emersonelizabeth genuinely laughing at lex trying to be serious
sixela it made for a cute pic 🤷🏻‍♀️

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emersonelizabeth live life in warm yellows

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emersonelizabeth wishing this art study class was over so that i could be under the sun. so ready for summer time.
sixela i'm ready for you to come home :(

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emersonelizabeth maybe my new favorite spot in laguna?
samuellarson youre welcome for taking you
emersonelizabeth luv you @samuellarson

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emersonelizabeth i couldn't do this again if i tried @sixela
sixela yeah there's no way.
emersonelizabeth @sixela too many baked potato soups

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emersonelizabeth my hair is already growing back and i'm sad. but my coffee is cute and my outfit is decent. dare i say i'm thriving?
sixela damn does your mom let you date?

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emersonelizabeth I chopped the flow and I think I'm vibing with the Californian's now.

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emersonelizabeth I leave for California in a week and I'm stressed. :)

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emersonelizabeth this was the only picture we took at prom. can you tell how spiked the punch was?

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emersonelizabeth Alexis said I needed an instagram. Here we are.
sixela Finally!!!

I locked my phone and dropped it on my chest as I shut my eyes.

All I could see was her laying in Sam's bed when I got home. Her giant hair was all over the place with her mouth opened slightly. She looked so peaceful. I was jealous at his words, even though I had no reason to be. She didn't even like him.

"She's so beautiful. She has no idea."

He was right. She really had no idea that her beauty was beyond her time. She made me want to kill dickheads like Max, and I didn't even know the whole story, only the snippet that she had given me. The bartender seemed like he was no better.

God, why can't I stop thinking about her?

Why is she the only thing that's ever on my mind lately? I should be focusing on my studies. Focusing on healing. Processing how drastically my life has changed in the last year. But instead I'm picturing how it would change with her in it.

I need to stop.