✦ ───── ✧ Déjà Vu ✧ ───── ✦

Azriel

Rhysand had lectured Azriel for a couple of minutes in the training ring before they had decided to transfer into Rhysand's office where his tone had immediately softened. Soon after he had begun to lecture Azriel not as a member of his Inner Circle, but as his brother, the pressure of keeping up a mask in public gone. Rhysand even tried to give him brotherly advice, something that utterly surprised Azriel and which he hadn't seen in centuries.

Azriel carefully shut the door to Rhysand's study, thinking back on what he had heard from Velaria before he and Rhysand had winnowed away.

Azriel was sweet, and he opened up for me. That was before the world broke him so utterly.

He clutched his head, his heart pounding at the sympathy within her words. Velaria was the person who truly knew him best, his best friend and mate, even after all these centuries apart.

After learning that he was a shadowsinger, the High Lord of Night,
Velaria and Rhysand's father, had taken Azriel under his wing and sent him to do his dirty work. Torture, capture, and killing that Azriel would never forget. The nightmares used to plague him every night, haunting him with glimpses of every fae he had ever hurt, every fae that he had ever killed or tortured?

And Velaria–

Velaria had been the one to break his cycle of neverending nightmares, had sat with him every night until her presence gradually chased the nightmares away.

And they had never come back.

Azriel walked out of the river house and down to the streets of Velaris, trying to clear his head. He hadn't been able to think properly since the day that Velaria had returned.

He passed by Feyre's painting studio and Emerie's story, waving hello to them both as he walked past.

He walked the entirety of the Sidra, but still he could not make up his mind, no matter how much deliberation he did.

Elain Archeron was kind, and sweet. She was so impossibly sweet after the hell she had been through. She was docile on the outside but misunderstood. Her two sisters were mates with his two brothers. They fit like an untold prophecy. The three made sisters with the three brothers of power.

Gwyn, on the other hand, had Elain's kindness to a greater degree, but she had a fire within her with a desire to be stronger than she believed herself to be. She was strong, fierce, graceful.

And then there was Velaria. Fiery, amicable, loving Velaria. His mate, his best friend. He had loved her for so long, had tried to conceal it for so long for fear of ruining their friendship, until the night they kissed for the first time.

The night at the rocks. He had taken her to the meteor shower. Their laughs had echoed into the night as they watched the bright stars shoot across the inky sky.

At the end of it, he had finally given in to his angry heart's wishes, leaned over, and kissed her.

Azriel groaned, collapsing onto a random bench. This was an impossible decision, and a decision with which he had forced himself into a corner. Each female was amazing and strong in their own right, and didn't deserve any of this. Relationships went two ways, but he had three females in front of him he had to choose from.

Was this even a decision?

Velaria was his mate, his best friend. He had spent the first century after she died searching for any sign of her in secret until Rhysand had discovered him and ordered him to stop.

And yet he couldn't bring himself to stop imagining a future with Gwyn or Elain...he just needed to spend time with Velaria.

And Gwyn–

Azriel shot off into the sky towards the House of Wind, navigating his way through the sky until he reached it. He opened the door and strolled through the empty hallways until he reached the library.

"Clotho," he said, addressing the librarian at the front desk. "Can you please tell me where Gwyn is?"

The librarian carefully wrote something down for him, her scarred hands never faltering. Gwyn is on the third level.

"Thank you," he said. He was about ready to leave when Clotho tapped the paper again, pointing to the very bottom.

Tread carefully, Shadowsinger, the paper read.

Azriel looked at the librarian, but she only tilted her head at him. He sighed, nodding. "I will, I promise." It was the same thing that Rhysand had told him, and Cassian and Amren the day before. They were right. He didn't want to break anyone's hearts.

Azriel walked down to the third level, surveying the peaceful bustle of the library. Rhysand had taken Velaria on a tour of Velaris and the House of Wind, and this had been her favorite spot. When Rhysand had revealed its true purpose, Velaria had almost cried and ran straight to hug her brother, thanking him profusely for creating the space.

Azriel searched the rows and columns of bookshelves until he caught a glimpse of red hair underneath a hood. "Gwyn," he said quietly, as to not startle her.

She turned around, her ocean blue eyes settling on him. "Azriel," she said, sounding distant. She cleared her throat and went back to sorting books. "What can I do for you?"

"I would like to talk to you about everything that has been happening lately," he said. "I...wanted to see how you were feeling."

"Oh." Gwyn turned away from him. "I feel fine. Thank you for checking in."

"Velaria is my mate and best friend. Now that she is here, I wanted to see how you were feeling about you and me," Azriel clarified.

"I heard about this from Velaria," Gwyn said, turning back to him. "Azriel. She is your mate. I hope to find my mate someday, and...I would never want to be with a mated male. Certainly not one as enamored by his mate as yourself."

Azriel fought the heat that rose up his cheeks. "I guess that settles that, then," he said. "In another lifetime, I would have–"

Gwyn laughed, cutting him off. "Do me a favor and spare me the sympathies, Azriel," she said, smiling. "You're a good friend. Nothing more."

Azriel nodded, his own smile bigger than he expected it to be. "Thank you, Gwyn," he said. "You're a good friend also."

Gwyn gave him one last nod. "See you, Az."

And so Azriel took off back to the streets of Velaris.

✿ ↬ - - - ↫ ✿

A couple of days later, Azriel sat at the dinner table in the House of Wind for the Inner Circle's weekly meeting. Although most of their dinners were typically light, this one carried an extra weight with Velaria's return.

Rhysand cleared his throat as soon as everyone had been seated. "Welcome, everyone," he said. "Apologies for the formalities, but I have a bit of an announcement. I have decided to make Velaria my personal spy." Azriel did his best to swallow his surprise as Rhysand turned to him. "Azriel, you will still be my spymaster, and Velaria will have her own missions, but you two will work together on some missions."

When Azriel tried to catch her gaze, Velaria stared straight ahead, her gaze darting around as she tried to figure out what Rhysand was trying to achieve by pairing them together.

Conversation resumed soon after, but Azriel tuned it out and so did Velaria as they both took in the news and absorbed their own shock. A familiar memory took a hold of him, consuming him as soon as he closed his eyes, taking him away from the House of Wind.

"I have an announcement to make," the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand and Velaria's father, said.

The room was tense, as the dinners of the royal family of the Night Court always were. The High Lord sat at the head of the table, Rhysand at the other. The Lady of the Night Court sat to his left, and Velaria to her left. The seat to his right was purposefully left open.

Azriel and Cassian were standing guard at the dinner as part of their training, which included acting as bodyguards for the High Lord for a week. Today, they had been ordered to stand guard at the family dinner.

"Oh?" The Lady of the Night Court placed her fork neatly back onto her purple embroidered napkin, immediately at attention towards her husband.

"Velaria will begin training in the Valkyrie camps starting next week," the High Lord said gruffly, taking a sip of his rich, mulberry wine.

"I am?" Velaria blurted, dropping her spoon. She hastily picked it up, hoping no one would notice, but Azriel noticed. He always noticed everything that she did, no matter how subtle.

"She is?" Rhysand asked at the same time, eyes widening.

"She is?" the Lady of the Night Court echoed.

Cassian nudged Azriel, utterly bewildered. Azriel ignored him, monitoring everything in the room carefully, just as he and Cassian were supposed to do.

"Yes. Velaria will be attending until she finally has skills fit for a princess of the Night Court," the High Lord said, his tone sneering but bored at the same time. He turned to Velaria, dark gaze focusing on her. "Velaria."

"Yes, Father?"

"You will not associate with those below you. You will be guarded at every second until you are able to protect yourself. You will uphold my reputation and the reputation of this court. You will not fight with anyone, and you will be the image of utter perfection." He narrowed his eyes. "Do I make myself clear."

It wasn't a question. Velaria swallowed and looked down. "Yes, Father. You are very clear."

The High Lord's eyes were ablaze with rage. "Look at me when you're speaking to me," he demanded angrily.

Velaria was trembling slightly as she brought her gaze to meet his. "Yes, Father. You are very clear."

The High Lord fumed, slamming his fork down onto the table. It jumped back into the air and flew across the room, Rhysand ducking to avoid it. "I hope you learn some decorum in Valkyrie training." He stood up, his chair scraping against the floor, and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

After the meal was over and Azriel was officially allowed to leave his post, he rushed up to Velaria and grabbed her arm. "Vel, why don't you cry as soon as he is gone?" he asked. "You're clearly upset."

Velaria swallowed. "I don't cry because everyone in this gods-damned palace reports to him," she said, voice slowly steadying. "If I cry, then someone tells, and Rhys gets hurt, or Mother gets hurt. Someone always gets hurt if I cry. So I don't."

Azriel, shocked, dropped her arm.

She had swept away that night, and he had realized just how little he understood the politics of court.

She had swept away that night, just like she had the day she had returned.

Did he truly understand anything in this court?

✿ ↬ - - - ↫ ✿

Their first joint assignment had come a week later, when Rhysand had theatrically summoned them both into his office one by one It wasn't truly a joint assignment, as it turned out, mainly because they were going on separate missions, but, as Rhysand had explained, they were working for the same goal and were expected to share information with each other need be.

Azriel leaned against the wall, thinking about his own mission. Rhysand had instructed him to go to the Summer Court to talk with Tarquin about a disturbance he had reported. Rhysand and Tarquin had an unspoken alliance since the end of the recent war, and they reported to each other quite frequently to keep ties between them strong.

Velaria emerged from Rhysand's study, the door shutting with a click. She took a step and almost ran right into Azriel before stopping herself. "Hey, Azriel," she said. She began to walk down the hall and gestured for Azriel to walk with her.

He obliged, falling into step with her. "What was your assignment, if I may?" he asked.

"I am to investigate a disturbance in the Spring Court." Velaria looked down, picking at her nails. "Simple spying. I'll be in and out as soon as I get enough information."

"Spring Court." Azriel's eyebrows raised slightly. "I wasn't aware that Tamlin was reporting to Rhysand."

"He's not," Velaria said, glancing at her mate. "Our spies are reporting to Rhysand."

They walked in silence for a minute before Velaria said, "How are you doing with all of this, Azriel?"

Azriel sighed with relief, glad that she had broken the tension. "Not well," he admitted. "I'm having a hard time, Velaria."

Velaria eyed him at his use of her full name, but shuddered and stopped to stand still. "You are?"

"Yes," he said, taking an ever so cautious step towards her, aware of the emotion growing within his tone, his eyes. "It shouldn't be hard. And yet it is. If you asked me this question four centuries ago, I would have said you. But you've been gone. Disappeared for centuries. We all thought you were dead."

Velaria said nothing.

"It makes it a lot harder when Elain won't even look at me, and you seem to be strutting around as if you are better than me," Azriel said.

Velaria frowned. "I don't think that I'm better than you, Azriel," she said quietly. "I'm just...waiting for you to make a decision."

"And this is the heaviest decision of my life, deciding between you and Elain."

Velaria inhaled sharply. "It's not deciding between us, Azriel. It's...deciding who you want to be with for the rest of your life. Or, it's not even that. It's a tricky decision that I don't think that I would be able to make."

Before Azriel could interrupt and reassure her, she continued, "You are my best friend, and on top of that, my mate, Azriel. The night that the bond snapped into place was the happiest night of my life. I spent the first decades of my life getting to know you, learning to love you. Only to have it all stripped away by one fatal night." She closed her eyes. "I spent the last few centuries planning a way to get back to you. I was planning every single second that I got, trying to find my way out, in order to get back to where I hoped you were waiting.

"I knew. I knew that Osric had illusioned the snapping of the bond, and yet I convinced myself that your shadows would tell you that I was alive, or the spies under your command would. I know why you moved on, and I know that it was the right thing for you to do." Silver lined the corners of Velaria's eyes. "And it is quite likely the mating bond speaking, but I can't help but feel betrayed that you didn't do everything in your power to rip the world apart for me, to make sure that I was truly dead.

"I am aware that you thought I was dead. I don't think that I would have ripped the world apart to find someone I knew had no hope of surviving. I just get so sad and so confused thinking about this predicament and I wanted to voice my concerns," Velaria said. "What I'm trying to say, and what I believe I'm failing at conveying, is that you have a very hard decision to make, and I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. I had my own shit to think about, but just know that I'm here for you the same as I was four centuries ago. Whatever you need, I'm here."

"That means so much to me, Velaria," Azriel said. "You deserve a male whose mind isn't split between two people. You deserve so much better."

The last bit of his sentence went unsaid, but by the growing sadness in his mate's eyes, he knew that she knew what he was going to say. You deserve so much better than me.

"Az..." Velaria swallowed before opening her mouth to speak again. "I trust you. I trust that once you make a decision, you will stick to it. You're a good male, Az. I know you, and I trust you."

"Thank you, Vel." Azriel embraced her, and she melted into his touch. He had forgotten how familiar she felt in his arms. "Good luck on your mission," he said as he released her.

She began to walk out the door. "I won't need it," she threw over her shoulder.

Azriel watched her walk away before stepping into the shadows and transporting him to the Summer Court.