I've learned to enjoy these little trips to Astoria. Teddy boy always liked the Goonies. I'm sure he's enjoying his new life down here. It won't last but, he's content. But, at some point, Teddy will wise up that he isn't built to be happy without me.

His pretty new boyfriend is a complete idiot, but I can't move against him yet. His pack would be all over me, but until then, I'll make my presence known in different ways.

Speak of the devil the idiot's coming close. I can smell him, but he can't smell me. I made sure of it for these up-close ventures.

****
Theo-

"God! Riker shut up," I shout as I toss my book to the foot of the bed.

He's been barking a lot again, and Mrs. Carson isn't home right now. I saw her leave earlier. I roll over to look at the beautiful dumb dog.

I spot Danny in the grassy pathway between our houses. I open the window with a fumble. I'm still not used to this cast after three weeks, "hey!!! What are you doing here?" I ask quickly with a smile. His family was supposed to be down the coast for the weekend.

He gives a sly shrug, "I told Dad that it's my first non-sport weekend all year, and I wanted to hang out with my boys."

"Oh...well, Bryce is downstairs playing Madden, I think," I say back and pull my head back in.

He's quick to climb up the lattice, "shut up. I said BOYSSSSS. You're my main boy. You, me, and Bryce are gonna head to town and be bros, and then you and I are gonna make out HARD."

"Mmmm, I could use a make-out session," I say back with a grin. "Ok. Head to the front, I'll tell Bryce."

"Give me a kiss," he says back and flashes that smile that I can't resist.

I lean in and kiss him, "now go. I have to make sure this window gets closed; otherwise, I'll get yelled at."

He cocks his head, but I close the window on him. I don't know how or why, but I keep leaving it open, and Uncle Mason is over it.

I really don't know why it keeps happening, I check it every time I leave the room now, and I still come back to find it open sometimes. Uncle Mason really only got mad when it was snowing, and my bed was wet. I double and triple-check the windows when I hear the doorbell ring.

"I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!" Shouts Mandy running in from the living room. As I come down the stairs, I hear the door open, "hi, Danny!!!! Theo!!!!!!!!! BRYCE!!! Your boyfriend's here."

"I'm coming!!!! Stop shouting," I yell back.

As I hit the landing, Bryce comes out of the living room. He takes one look at Danny and then me before he shakes his head, "I'm good. I don't wanna be the third wheel."

Danny answers before I can, "Mandy. Jackson!" He shouts into the living. When Jackson pokes his head out, he continues, "come to the carnival with us."

Uncle Mason comes out with a smile, "y'all can go if you're homework's done. You've got a couple of weeks of school to go."

We all nod that it's done and scurry around the house getting our shoes and jackets. Danny just talks to Uncle Mason about the state final last week. I tune them out. They won state this year without me... so that hurts. They won the tournament without me... it also hurts. I didn't want them to lose, but still.

When I come back ready to leave, Danny seems to sense my jealousy about the conversation and pulls me in for a hug and kiss on the forehead. Almost like he didn't just see me upstairs.

"You two can hang out here when you get back," says Uncle Mason. "Theo? Did you double-check your windows?"

I nod, "triple checked them both. So it won't happen again?"

Danny gives me the cocked eyebrow look again, and this time I answer, "I keep leaving my windows open on accident, and Uncle Mason is tired of it."

He shakes his head, "I'm not "tired." It's just ...I'm the sheriff I can't have an unsecured house, kiddo."

Mandy slams into my side before I can answer and gives me a "sorry, not sorry" smile. She's still mad about me stealing her chance with Danny.

"Be nice," scolds her Dad. I shrug it off like always. He turns to the four of us and hands us each 20 bucks. "Ok. Have fun. Remember the rules."

"Don't get kidnapped," says Bryce on cue.

Mandy follows with, "look both ways before crossing the street."

"Don't do drugs," says Jackson and then looks at me.

"Always wash your hands when you use the bathroom," I say with a smile.

Danny looks stunned at the quick-fire wit.

Aunt Tasha starts laughing from the living room, and Uncle Mason just smiles and says, "bingo. Now go have fun. Danny, you're ok driving, right?"

He nods, and we all head out to his jeep. It'll be a tight squeeze, but Bryce takes the front seat cause he's taller, and I pile in with Mandy and Jackson.

When Danny starts the car, Bryce asks the question that's been on his mind probably since the plan started. "We gonna play some madden when we get back?"

"Hell yeah, bro," says Danny with a grin. "Theo and I talked it out."

I just smile as the bro's fist bump, and Danny drives us to the carnival.

*******

"Are you gonna forgive me now?" I ask Mandy with a smile.

She rolls her eyes and holds up her new goldfish. "Yes, I can forgive you. Thank you for my fish."

I put my arm around her, and she smiles at me, "I have a few skills, and one of them is winning carnival games."

Bryce swings up from behind, "do you think Dad'll let us get a dog?"

"Maybe let him get use to a fish first," says Jackson with a head shake and smile at Danny. "He's not the biggest fan of dogs anyways. You know that story, right?"

I shake my head, "I know he doesn't love dogs, but I didn't know there was a real story."

"Dad was chased by a pack of wolves or something when he was a kid," says Mandy. "Him and your Mom."

"Shit. Really?" I say quietly. Danny and Bryce give each other a weird look, but it's probably a bro moment.

Jackson nods, and we all head over to the food stands. "They went on a hike, and a wolf popped out and started to growl and stuff, and then a pack of them came out." He adds quickly, "they ran, but I guess it really freaked them both out."

"Huh. Well, I'm sure that the fish will be a gateway pet," I say with a grin. Danny gives me a smile, and I feel my heart leap a bit.

Danny makes a loud sound as he breathes in and then says, "damn, I'm hungry. I wanna hot dog...and a pretzel....and funnel cake."

"Let's eat," says Bryce. "Danny and I'll get the hot dogs and pretzels. Mandy. Jackson. Get a table. Theo's on funnel cake duty."

"And break," says Mandy with a hand clap.

Danny gives me a heartfelt smile and shrug....maybe he wanted us to get the food together. We break up, and I head towards the funnel cakes...I assume everyone wants one.

The carnival isn't all that big. About 10 rides, food stalls. Games. Little shops. It's taking up all of Main Street. Even though it's not that huge, I'd say half of the town is here right now. Which explains why I'm snaking my way through groups and crowds to get to the deep-fried dessert.

Once I finally get to the start of the line, I can breathe a little bit.

That is...until I hear a name I haven't heard in a long time. "Teddy?" I turn towards the voice. A little shocked to see him here. "Oh shit, it is you."

The gap between us closes in 3 seconds, and he pulls me into a hug. I'm still shocked, but I manage to speak. "Hey...Chris. What are you doing here?"

He gestures over his shoulder to no one in particular, "came down with some friends. They wanted to see those Goonies rocks. Then we stopped here." I peer around him, but his friends are gone. He looks over his shoulder, "I'll catch up. What are you doing here?"

"I live here," I say and gesture around.

"What? really?" He says with a smile. Not like Danny's. His is eviler....but it still has an effect on me. "I thought your Mom lived in like Utah or something. That's what your Dad said anyways."

"Oh, I live with my Uncle. My cousins are back that way getting more food," I say and point down the road.

He noticed my cast as I was pointing, "did he do that?"

"No," I say with a blush, "hockey."

The anger on his face shifts back to happy, "ok good...I'm sorry about your Dad and stuff. I wish I had done more to protect you."

"Don't worry about it," I say quietly and move up another spot. "You did enough."

"I don't think so, but ok. So what's small-town Teddy like?" Asks Chris as I move up again.

"He's good. Top of my class like always. Broken arm...in therapy," I say with a smile. "I'm good."

"Any little boyfriends I should be jealous of? Or are you not out?" He asks in a whisper.

I know I blush, and he smiles a bit, " I'm out. Seeing someone who isn't out."

"Mmmm, ok," says Chris in a disappointed tone.

"Don't tell me you've been pining for me all this time?" I say with a laugh.

He shrugs, "kind of...but no. Didn't know where you were, so I moved on. Plus, you broke up with me."

"Then what's with the face," I ask.

He sighs out before he answers, " you deserve a real relationship Teddy-boy. You weren't out when we dated, and I knew it wasn't real for you."

Before I can respond, he adds, "maybe it's different with your guy....but that's how it was with you."

"I'm....sorry," I say out of habit.

I move down the line, and he follows, "it's ok...I wasn't the best boyfriend. I get that, but ..... never mind. I'm happy I saw you."

"'Me too, Chris," I say quietly.

"Maybe I'll come down again in the summer...or if you go up to Seattle, hit me up. My number's the same," he says quickly and pulls me into a hug. "I miss you, Tedward."

I groan, "I hated that nickname. Besides...I go by Theo now. Officially. Not just at school like before."

"Ok...Theo. I'll see you around," he says and then gives me a sad smile. "Remember what I said....you deserve something real."

I watch him disappear into the crowd, and it's not until the guy next to me clears his throat that I realize how screwed I am.

"Fuck," I say to myself and then order the funnel cakes.

When I get back to the table, Everyone is waiting, and Danny pulls me down to sit next to him. He winks as he hands me the hot dog, and I feel his hand on my leg. I take it, and he gives me a squeeze.

I want him to kiss me. To hold my hand in the open... but he won't. He has his reasons, from his friends...to the people in town....to colleges not taking him seriously. I get it. I hate it, but I get it. I just keep thinking about what Chris said, "you deserve something real."

*******

"Dude. That's not fair you're cheating," snaps Bryce, and he shoves Danny.

Danny laughs at him and continues to crush him as he plays Mario Kart.

Just two bros having fun together.

I, however, am bored. Uncle Mason and Aunt Tasha went upstairs twenty minutes ago. Mandy and Jackson are spending the night with friends. I was hoping Bryce would take the hint, but no.

As the race comes to an end, I yawn without meaning to. Danny looks over and asks, "you sleepy?"

I nod, "yeah. I'm gonna head to bed. You two have fun."

Danny pauses the game before the next race starts. "I'll come up after this one, and we can hang out before I go home."

I just nod and stifle another yawn.

I'm quietly walking back from the bathroom with freshly brushed teeth when I see Danny tip-toeing over to me. Bryce passes us both and heads to his room.

It's also that this moment that I see Uncle Mason's door is a jar, and I can hear them arguing.

They don't argue a lot, so that catches my attention, but what keeps it is Aunt Tasha saying, "you need to tell him you found her. He needs to know."

I freeze cause I know she's talking about Mom. Danny freezes and looks at me awkwardly.

"He's too fragile right now. That social worker's coming next Friday. I don't want him going over the edge before then," snaps Uncle Mason.

"Oh, he's not going to act out," says Aunt Tasha in a harsh whisper. "Theo's smarter than that. He knows she's not perfect. Mason, you've heard what he says when she comes up."

He sighs, "what he says to us and what he says to Dr. Grant are very different."

"What do you mean," pushes Aunt Tasha. of course, I'm curious, too, seeing as that's my therapist.

Danny pulls my arm to get me to my room, but I jerk-free and step closer.

"He misses her. A lot. He wants to know where she is, and if she's better, he wants to see her," says Uncle Mason. "He's made so much progress I don't want Jenny fucking it up. I love her....but Theo has a chance."

She groans and says, "I don't think you're being fair to her. She's been in Vegas for what...2 years? Good. And your buddy told you she's been clean, and she even has a job?" He must've nodded his head cause she adds. "Maybe she wants to see him too. Did you think about that? Theo can visit her, and they can have a relationship with him staying here."

"I talked her damn it," snaps Uncle Mason. Louder than he planned. Bryce opens his door quietly and sees we're still here. Danny still pulling on me.

".....I talked to her today....," he says with tears in his voice.

"Is that why you've been so pissy today?" Asks Aunt Tasha. "'Macy, you should've told me."

I don't wait for his answer. I've heard enough. I walk off to my room with Danny in the lead. I close the door harder than I would've usually, but I don't care.

"Are you...." Says Danny quietly.

"I'm fine. I'm unwanted by both of my parents," I snap.

"Hey....it's not," he starts, but a knock on my door interrupts him this time.

Uncle Mason opens the door, "Hey, Danny. It's late. I think you need to head home."

He looks at me for a second, "ok. Can I come over tomorrow? Theo was gonna help me with my Math."

I wasn't, but ok.

"Of course," says Uncle Mason as he partly closes the door.

"Sweet dreams, T," whispers Danny with a kiss. "I'll call you when I get home...I wanna talk about all this."

I pull him back into a hug, "I'm going to bed. I don't wanna talk tonight."

He just nods and gives me a gentle kiss, "ok..... sweet dreams, babe.

I just nod. He closes the door and heads home.

I change and fall into bed. My head is spinning.

Seeing Chris messed me up.

What Chris said messed me up.

Uncle Mason messed me up.

Danny messed me up.

Mom messed me up.

I'm messed up.

I'm the problem. I'm the problem. I'm the problem.

I'll always be the problem.

Riker's barking starts up but then quickly turns into crying as he runs back inside.

Something big starts to howl out in the woods, but I don't notice.

I just cry myself to sleep.....cause I'm the problem.